Wraiths of Darkness

[ChaplainMathreyn]

Your safest, most secure, 100% guaranteed bet is to probably Not go messing aorund with the official timeline...

 

Plus, how exactly has Abaddon failed?... He has gone on numerous crusades, has caused millions, upon billions of casualties to the Gods, sacrificed entire worlds, adn caused/wreaked havoc throughout the most hated Imperium of the Corpse God... ... ... ... ... Let the Galaxy Burn... And whenever th egreat Chaos fleet emerges forth from the Eye, it. Burns.

[Pcm979]

Even I can tell this is the wrong place for an Abbadon discussion.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Your safest, most secure, 100% guaranteed bet is to probably Not go messing aorund with the official timeline...

 

Plus, how exactly has Abaddon failed?... He has gone on numerous crusades, has caused millions, upon billions of casualties to the Gods, sacrificed entire worlds, adn caused/wreaked havoc throughout the most hated Imperium of the Corpse God... ... ... ... ... Let the Galaxy Burn... And whenever th egreat Chaos fleet emerges forth from the Eye, it. Burns.

Do the Chaos Marines think that? Talos is a perfect example of why most Chaos Marines think he has failed - most assume his goal is to kick the crap out of Terra, which is still sitting around.

 

All they are doing for now is the gathering of resources and coercing smaller warbands.

[Pcm979]

Well, if the thread starter is fine with it...

 

Abbadon's problem is that he's set an impossibly high standard for himself. He explicitly said he'd do what Horus could not and utterly destroy the Imperium, something it took Horus 7 years to literally come one swipe away from accomplishing. 10,000 years later, Abbadon has... Half of Cadia. Now you might say comparing the Heresy and the Black Crusades is unfair, and on certain aspects I'd agree with you, but Abbadon himself invited these comparisons.

 

Bottom line: If Horus was a weak fool, then what does that make Abbadon?

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Even I can tell this is the wrong place for an Abbadon discussion.

He said it pretty well, although the above post on impossibly high standards is indeed correct.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Posting this because I don't wnt to keep on going back to page four. Added small 'relations' paragraph.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Apostle my friend, you're wildly swerving away from the focus of the IT with the whole back and forth on a possible 'nother black crusade, relations to other legions and suchlike.

 

You need to reduce or remove that stuff. While it can add to a chapter I'd advise having the essence, the core of your chapter well defined and explained. Who are they and why do they do what they do? Why did they turn to chaos? What are their goals if not simply the glory of the chaos gods? How do they fight and why?

 

It seems like you're getting ideas left right and center and just jamming them in because you like them. While they may not all, or any of them really be bad ideas the more you stuff into your IT the less focused it will become and begin to detract from just who the Wraith's actually are.

 

Don't get sucked into ancillary issues when the core of your chapter is still under construction. It's like installing a hot-tub in the scaffolding of what is to be your house. Sure a hot tub is great, but it won't be very well supported without the rest of the bloody house will it?

Edited June 8, 2010 by Grey Hunter Ydalir

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Apostle my friend, you're wildly swerving away from the focus of the IT with the whole back and forth on a possible 'nother black crusade, relations to other legions and suchlike.

 

You need to reduce or remove that stuff. While it can add to a chapter I'd advise having the essence, the core of your chapter well defined and explained. Who are they and why do they do what they do? Why did they turn to chaos? What are their goals if not simply the glory of the chaos gods? How do they fight and why?

 

It seems like you're getting ideas left right and center and just jamming them in because you like them. While they may not all, or any of them really be bad ideas the more you stuff into your IT the less focused it will become and begin to detract from just who the Wraith's actually are.

 

Don't get sucked into ancillary issues when the core of your chapter is still under construction. It's like installing a hot-tub in the scaffolding of what is to be your house. Sure a hot tub is great, but it won't be very well supported without the rest of the bloody house will it?

'sighs'

 

So, your saying I need another rewrite?

 

That's fine, I just get kinda tired of seeing my ideas scrapped... again... and again... and again...

[Ferrus Manus]

Thirst, before you go and do another edit let me give you some advice :)

 

I think your main issue is that you've got about a hundred ideas but seem to be struggling to get them written down cohesively. I suggest looking at the sort of sections other ITs have and think about what would define your chapter under each section. Either go with the Origins>Heresy>Homeworld>Combat Doctrine>Organisation>Beliefs structure that some people use. However, this can get slightly boring an tedious if not done well. Or, your other option is pretty much what Strike Captain Lysimachus did with his Iron Gods. It's up to you to decide which is best for your Chapter.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Thirst, before you go and do another edit let me give you some advice :)

 

I think your main issue is that you've got about a hundred ideas but seem to be struggling to get them written down cohesively. I suggest looking at the sort of sections other ITs have and think about what would define your chapter under each section. Either go with the Origins>Heresy>Homeworld>Combat Doctrine>Organisation>Beliefs structure that some people use. However, this can get slightly boring an tedious if not done well. Or, your other option is pretty much what Strike Captain Lysimachus did with his Iron Gods. It's up to you to decide which is best for your Chapter.

And I thought I was lacking ideas.

 

Mercaneries... must keep central... Mercenaneries...

[Ferrus Manus]

And I thought I was lacking ideas.

Well, I was drawn to this thread after I read a certain short fan fic in a certain Rift Lord's thread. Like I said, I don't think your lacking ideas in creativity... just being unable to tie them all together into something cohesive.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

And I thought I was lacking ideas.

Well, I was drawn to this thread after I read a certain short fan fic in a certain Rift Lord's thread. Like I said, I don't think your lacking ideas in creativity... just being unable to tie them all together into something cohesive.

'Smiles'

 

I like the idea of people being drawn to the Wraiths... Alright, beginning new draft sometime soon. Don't know when, but it'll get done.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

The beginning of the Wraiths is up!

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

And added a little bit more... comments and criticism welcome.

[Ace Debonair]

Well, I was drawn to this thread after I read a certain short fan fic in a certain Rift Lord's thread. Like I said, I don't think your lacking ideas in creativity... just being unable to tie them all together into something cohesive.

The Rift Lords are getting very good at manipulating thoughts, considering their IT isn't even up yet. :)

 

Right. Let's get to work!

 

When the Wraiths were first noted in Imperial records was during a raid against a minor forgeworld on 123.M39. There was a vox intercept in which the two commanders were overheard, and the Imperium put another warband on their list - the Wraiths of Darkness, who were identifiable by their symbol of jagged, black knife.

Does the badge look like a lightning bolt with a handle?

This isn't a criticism, I'm just curious.

From there on out, the Wraiths slowly became more seen and recognized by Imperials. The strangeness of this was the fact that their seemed to be no fixed area where they were located; one could not determine where they would be found next. It was theorized that they came from the Emperor's Wraiths, once they became a large enough threat that some Imperial scholars chose to study them.

Very nice.

To the forces of Chaos they had been there much longer, and were much more potent. The Wraiths had fought a long existence to earn their reputation, and had become known as mercenaries and assassins who could be found anywhere. They had outposts in the Eye of Terror, the Shroud Stars, the Eastern Fringe and several other hives of Chaotic activity. If one had the resources, they could buy any size of a force to do any job. There was only one exception to this, and that was th Legions themselves.

Perhaps this should read "If a leader had the resources, they could buy any number of Wraiths to do any job." For a minute I thought you wanted the Wraiths to buy other people, which puzzled me. :huh:

 

The Wraiths of Darkness have records of the Emperor's Wraiths, which they once were. This is not considered their history, but is held their all the same so that they might learn from their own mistakes. Their history began when they fled to the Eye of Terror after the betrayal of an Inquisitorial force, and made their home amongst the other warbands. They started earning their name after they assassinated one of the larger warband's leader and demanded a reward from his successor. The successor refused and duly killed as well. The next leader of the warband paid the Wraiths of Darkness, and they soon had others requesting their service.

"They started making a name for themselves when they assasinated the leader of a warband, followed by prompt payment from the man who became his successor. The tale travelled quickly, causing several other warband leaders to become more wary, and an equal number of lieutenants to plot their rise to power."

The Wraiths used the resources that they were paid to build up their forces. Smaller warbands were absorbed. Other mercenaries were killed. Outposts were set up. Their fame and power grew, until the Black Legion took notice and offered them a chance to join the Black Legion. The Wraiths refused and were attacked, nearly destroyed before they escaped into the Shroud Stars. From there they left, were not seen again for five centuries.

Ooh, nice. The Rift Lords aren't big fans of the Black Legion either, since they betrayed the legacy of their primarch, the noble Horus. Was that intentional or just coincidence?

Either way, I imagine denying the Black Legion this triumph brought Lord Maluk considerable satisfaction. :)

When they were, it was in full force. Nine hundred Wraiths in a battle barge and four strike cruisers appeared in the Eye of Terror, and vanished again - something the Black Legion did not claim credit for, as they were still available via their representitives soon found all over the galaxy. They were nearly wiped out again several times when the Wraiths overextended their forces and their leader was killed, and so developed a system of two leaders. One would watch and control the flow of Wraiths as well as take care of the other administrative duties, while the other would be the leader on the field as well as the master assassin.

This is a bit of a complicated paragraph. The first bit should read "When they were seen again, the Wraiths were in full force", as it just sits better as a sentence.

The next bit could be re-worded as:

"Nine hundred Wraiths in a battle barge and four strike cruisers appeared in the Eye of Terror, and vanished again - something the Black Legion did not claim credit for. It soon became apparent the Wraiths were still existant, and back in their role as mercenaries - their representitives could be found by aspiring warbands all over the galaxy."

 

This initially led to confusion amongst the Wraiths themselves, as both were refered to as the Spectre of Death. So the master, the one who controlled the deployments of the Wraiths renamed himself as the Phantom Lord. However, this was merely among the Wraiths, as none outside of them even knew of his existence. Thus were many of the major changes to the Wraiths, unseen by those who were not among the warband itself.

Why would a warband ever adopt a system that confused themselves? :) I'd drop that bit, personally.

The Orginization of the Summonings in 49.M38, the Purging of the Deserters in 756.M40, and several other momentous events are held only in the records of the Wraiths, kept a secret to all others. The Wraiths of Darkness must keep their reputation simple but powerful - that of mercenaries and assassins who always get the job done. Millions of astartes have died to protect and project that image of potentcy.

Alright. I hope there's going to be more about the organisation of the Summonings later on.

I'm curious, though - do the Wraiths ever fight for their own benefit?

 

That's looking pretty good, all in all.

A good base to work from, in my estimation. :P

Keep it up!

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

When the Wraiths were first noted in Imperial records was during a raid against a minor forgeworld on 123.M39. There was a vox intercept in which the two commanders were overheard, and the Imperium put another warband on their list - the Wraiths of Darkness, who were identifiable by their symbol of jagged, black knife.

Does the badge look like a lightning bolt with a handle?

This isn't a criticism, I'm just curious.

 

No, it's a normal (black) knife but the edge was jagged. At least it was, what you suggested is considerable more potent and fitting.

 

From there on out, the Wraiths slowly became more seen and recognized by Imperials. The strangeness of this was the fact that their seemed to be no fixed area where they were located; one could not determine where they would be found next. It was theorized that they came from the Emperor's Wraiths, once they became a large enough threat that some Imperial scholars chose to study them.

Very nice.

 

Thanks ^_^

 

To the forces of Chaos they had been there much longer, and were much more potent. The Wraiths had fought a long existence to earn their reputation, and had become known as mercenaries and assassins who could be found anywhere. They had outposts in the Eye of Terror, the Shroud Stars, the Eastern Fringe and several other hives of Chaotic activity. If one had the resources, they could buy any size of a force to do any job. There was only one exception to this, and that was th Legions themselves.

Perhaps this should read "If a leader had the resources, they could buy any number of Wraiths to do any job." For a minute I thought you wanted the Wraiths to buy other people, which puzzled me. :rolleyes:

 

Will reword.

 

That seems to be my biggest problem with IA/IT's - how I word things is usually poor.

 

The Wraiths of Darkness have records of the Emperor's Wraiths, which they once were. This is not considered their history, but is held their all the same so that they might learn from their own mistakes. Their history began when they fled to the Eye of Terror after the betrayal of an Inquisitorial force, and made their home amongst the other warbands. They started earning their name after they assassinated one of the larger warband's leader and demanded a reward from his successor. The successor refused and duly killed as well. The next leader of the warband paid the Wraiths of Darkness, and they soon had others requesting their service.

"They started making a name for themselves when they assasinated the leader of a warband, followed by prompt payment from the man who became his successor. The tale travelled quickly, causing several other warband leaders to become more wary, and an equal number of lieutenants to plot their rise to power."

 

Will reword.

 

The Wraiths used the resources that they were paid to build up their forces. Smaller warbands were absorbed. Other mercenaries were killed. Outposts were set up. Their fame and power grew, until the Black Legion took notice and offered them a chance to join the Black Legion. The Wraiths refused and were attacked, nearly destroyed before they escaped into the Shroud Stars. From there they left, were not seen again for five centuries.

Ooh, nice. The Rift Lords aren't big fans of the Black Legion either, since they betrayed the legacy of their primarch, the noble Horus. Was that intentional or just coincidence?

 

Either way, I imagine denying the Black Legion this triumph brought Lord Maluk considerable satisfaction. ^_^

 

The thing about the Wraiths is that they don't care. It was a setback. As to whether I intended it or not, it's coincidental.

 

When they were, it was in full force. Nine hundred Wraiths in a battle barge and four strike cruisers appeared in the Eye of Terror, and vanished again - something the Black Legion did not claim credit for, as they were still available via their representitives soon found all over the galaxy. They were nearly wiped out again several times when the Wraiths overextended their forces and their leader was killed, and so developed a system of two leaders. One would watch and control the flow of Wraiths as well as take care of the other administrative duties, while the other would be the leader on the field as well as the master assassin.

This is a bit of a complicated paragraph. The first bit should read "When they were seen again, the Wraiths were in full force", as it just sits better as a sentence.

The next bit could be re-worded as:

"Nine hundred Wraiths in a battle barge and four strike cruisers appeared in the Eye of Terror, and vanished again - something the Black Legion did not claim credit for. It soon became apparent the Wraiths were still existant, and back in their role as mercenaries - their representitives could be found by aspiring warbands all over the galaxy."

 

Will reword.

 

This initially led to confusion amongst the Wraiths themselves, as both were refered to as the Spectre of Death. So the master, the one who controlled the deployments of the Wraiths renamed himself as the Phantom Lord. However, this was merely among the Wraiths, as none outside of them even knew of his existence. Thus were many of the major changes to the Wraiths, unseen by those who were not among the warband itself.

Why would a warband ever adopt a system that confused themselves? :P I'd drop that bit, personally.

 

Because it really is in their history :D

 

The Orginization of the Summonings in 49.M38, the Purging of the Deserters in 756.M40, and several other momentous events are held only in the records of the Wraiths, kept a secret to all others. The Wraiths of Darkness must keep their reputation simple but powerful - that of mercenaries and assassins who always get the job done. Millions of astartes have died to protect and project that image of potentcy.

Alright. I hope there's going to be more about the organisation of the Summonings later on.

I'm curious, though - do the Wraiths ever fight for their own benefit?

 

That's looking pretty good, all in all.

A good base to work from, in my estimation. :D

Keep it up!

 

The orginization of the Summonings will be, somewhat predictably, in Orginization.

 

The Wraiths rarely need to. They generally don't get attacked, with 1) no-one knows where they are, 2) no-one knows exactly how powerful they are. They don't even know if it's worth attacking the Wraiths.

 

That sounds kinda overpowered, but it's balanced with the fact that the Wraiths are hiding specificlly so that they don't get attacked.

 

Thanks for the encouragement, Thirst

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Because it really is in their history :mellow:

 

It can't be a part of their history before you write their history. It especially can't be because the Wraiths don't actually exist. It's not as if it's a lesser known chapter or rumored bit of lost history of an already established historical organization or time. The Wraiths are a non-canon fan-created work of fiction inside a fictional universe.

 

Whatever you personally in your mind consider to be a part of their history is completely different to what you write and present to other people. I agree with Ace and it should be dropped for the simple reason that it adds nothing whatsoever to the Wraiths apart from making them seem rather stupid, to be blunt.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Because it really is in their history :D

 

It can't be a part of their history before you write their history. It especially can't be because the Wraiths don't actually exist. It's not as if it's a lesser known chapter or rumored bit of lost history of an already established historical organization or time. The Wraiths are a non-canon fan-created work of fiction inside a fictional universe.

 

Whatever you personally in your mind consider to be a part of their history is completely different to what you write and present to other people. I agree with Ace and it should be dropped for the simple reason that it adds nothing whatsoever to the Wraiths apart from making them seem rather stupid, to be blunt.

It was in the thread earlier... I actually made a joke about it, I was going to call the Phantom Lord the Phantom of the Opera.

 

But yes, I will drop it.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Eh, stupid question... Hold on... Edited June 11, 2010 by Dark Apostle Thirst

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/sm.php?b62c=@hFOz0_ho4BH@@@@@@@hjV8s@hpUJF@@__@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@huS9phoxL5@@@@@@@@@@@@@hrirQiakk7&

 

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/sm.php?b62c=@h33lm@@@@@@@i1bAf@hpUJF@@i2yz5hS7Qf@@@@@@@@@@@hYYEO@hURNm@@@@@@@@@@@huS9phoxL5@@@@@@@@@@@@@hrirQiakk7&

 

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/sm.php?b62c=@h33lm_hsBC9@@@@@@@i1bAf@hpUJF@@i2yz5hS7Qf@@@____@@@@__@@_____@@@@@huS9phoxL5________@____hrirQiakk7&

 

First three schemes...

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/sm.php?b62c=@h33lm_hsBC9@@@@___i1bAf@hpUJF__i2yz5hS7Qf_____@@__@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@huS9phoxL5________@@@@@hrirQiakk7&

 

Reversed

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/sm.php?b62c=@hsBC9_h33lm@@@@@__i1bAf_hpUJF__i2yz5hS7Qf_____@@__@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@huS9phoxL5___@_____@@@@hrirQiakk7&

 

 

So, which one?

[Ferrus Manus]

So, which one?

I'm guessing you mean for the Wraiths, and to be honest none of them. I always pictured these guys with a sort of rotting flesh green armour. Just a suggestion.

Edited June 11, 2010 by Ferrus Manus

[Ace Debonair]

EDIT: Pictures removed because they're not really needed at this point. :D Edited June 21, 2010 by Ace Debonair

[Heru]

Couple of ideas:

 

Necron Abyss based scheme

 

Fenris Grey based scheme

(This one seems more Wraithy)

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Part of me wants to go ":P?".

 

The rest of me, however, appreciates the donated schemes and Heru Talons first one seems to click more with the Wraiths, but will require edits.

 

I do have another question - what if I removed the golden/yellow chest symbol from my schemes and replaced it with something darker?