Ace Debonair Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 I'm kicking myself now for not having this idea earlier so it could get into the votes. If Mortarion was raised on Chogoris in the same manner as the Khan, I'd totally have an excuse to write a story justifying use of the nickname 'The Pale Rider'. I'm picturing a relentless, oppression-hating combat monster with a scythe and a wicked-awesome bike of one sort or another. Probably savage enough to stand out as leader of an obvious 'Pick Me' legion to Khorne. Death Guard as a fast-attack legion with bikes and extra-speedy tanks like the BA. Keep Morty's no-frills attitude and replace any damaged bits of their ceramite-grey armour with bits looted from loyalists. I'd write the story up right now, but I am crazy tired. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conn Eremon Posted September 30, 2013 Author Share Posted September 30, 2013 Mortarion is one I foresee as possibly needing further submissions by the end of all this, so I'd write it up. You could potentially use the pale rider theme for other worlds as well, though. Caliban, Colchis, Fenris, Medusa, Macragge, Nostramo . . . These are just the worlds immediately off the top of my head that you could potentially do a Horseman Mortarion without much trouble, even Chogoris is the most obvious choice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adra'Melek Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 Mortarion is one I foresee as possibly needing further submissions by the end of all this, so I'd write it up. You could potentially use the pale rider theme for other worlds as well, though. Caliban, Colchis, Fenris, Medusa, Macragge, Nostramo . . . These are just the worlds immediately off the top of my head that you could potentially do a Horseman Mortarion without much trouble, even Chogoris is the most obvious choice. Cheers :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
no I'm alpharius Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 I'm kicking myself now for not having this idea earlier so it could get into the votes. If Mortarion was raised on Chogoris in the same manner as the Khan, I'd totally have an excuse to write a story justifying use of the nickname 'The Pale Rider'. I'm picturing a relentless, oppression-hating combat monster with a scythe and a wicked-awesome bike of one sort or another. Probably savage enough to stand out as leader of an obvious 'Pick Me' legion to Khorne. Death Guard as a fast-attack legion with bikes and extra-speedy tanks like the BA. Keep Morty's no-frills attitude and replace any damaged bits of their ceramite-grey armour with bits looted from loyalists. I'd write the story up right now, but I am crazy tired. I'm seeing Hells Angels. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conn Eremon Posted September 30, 2013 Author Share Posted September 30, 2013 Mortarion is one I foresee as possibly needing further submissions by the end of all this, so I'd write it up. You could potentially use the pale rider theme for other worlds as well, though. Caliban, Colchis, Fenris, Medusa, Macragge, Nostramo . . . These are just the worlds immediately off the top of my head that you could potentially do a Horseman Mortarion without much trouble, even Chogoris is the most obvious choice. Cheers Yours winning happens to be the only way I can see it not going to submissions. The other Mortarions have to contest with Macraggion Angron, Olympian Twins and Nostraman Dorn. Whereas Nocturne only had yours, the Lion and Curze. Since the Lion and Curze have been put elsewhere, you have no real competition. But if you don't, probably submissions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adra'Melek Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 Mortarion is one I foresee as possibly needing further submissions by the end of all this, so I'd write it up. You could potentially use the pale rider theme for other worlds as well, though. Caliban, Colchis, Fenris, Medusa, Macragge, Nostramo . . . These are just the worlds immediately off the top of my head that you could potentially do a Horseman Mortarion without much trouble, even Chogoris is the most obvious choice. Cheers Yours winning happens to be the only way I can see it not going to submissions. The other Mortarions have to contest with Macraggion Angron, Olympian Twins and Nostraman Dorn. Whereas Nocturne only had yours, the Lion and Curze. Since the Lion and Curze have been put elsewhere, you have no real competition. But if you don't, probably submissions. I know. It was all part of the master plan. Mwah ha ha haa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wade Garrett Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 Well. Now I have to make a Legion to go with my xenos hating Butcher's Nails Ferrous Mordax. Â My first idea is that where the canon X Legion maintained a mostly human appearance with their bionics, the Nucerian Devourers would make a monstrous form part of their arsenal. Â Just for starters I imagine Doctor Octopus style spinal attachments ending in chainblades being issued to everybody along with the Butcher's Nails. And the augmentations get more weirder from there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conn Eremon Posted October 1, 2013 Author Share Posted October 1, 2013 Oblitzerkers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wade Garrett Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 Destroyer Squads given the appearance of phosphex breathing winged gargoyles. Dreadnaughts that resemble Brass Scorpions. Â The flesh is weak, susceptible to the wiles of the alien. Why bother retaining the semblance of the fleshy form? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
no I'm alpharius Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 Well. Now I have to make a Legion to go with my xenos hating Butcher's Nails Ferrous Mordax.  My first idea is that where the canon X Legion maintained a mostly human appearance with their bionics, the Nucerian Devourers would make a monstrous form part of their arsenal.  Just for starters I imagine Doctor Octopus style spinal attachments ending in chainblades being issued to everybody along with the Butcher's Nails. And the augmentations get more weirder from there.  That's pretty much what I imagined for my version of him (in fact, it was like the overlap in a Venn diagram between the other two options :( )  I had almost fully cybernetic stormtroopers, lots of servitors manning wierd and wonderful guns - think 1950s ray guns in design. And MANY cybernetic tentacles. Assault squads with four hand weapons. That kind of thing.  Apparently, I've got CaliguKhan on the same planet ...   Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
no I'm alpharius Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 With Khan, I've got as far as a retinue of ex-gladiators that he felt brotherhood with and mounted scout troops (as hinted at briefly in the story).   Brotherhood   The knife found the point where the old scar tissue ended and dug in, A small droplet of blood pooled around the tip. Slowly, slowly but surely the knife cut through the skin. When the job was done, the gladiator took a cloth to it, wiping away the blood from the new wound on the left side of his chest. The scar ran back over his shoulder, curved across his shoulders, across the top of his abdomen, around his lower back and to the first, oldest wound just above his waist.  Jagad stood up from the seat and threw the cloth into a pot at the other end of the room. He was taller than the other four men in the room, although one of them was slumped in the corner nursing several broken ribs, wider across the chest but carried the mass with a supernatural ease. His white armour was pooled around him, coated in a thin red sheen. A pair of scimitars were embedded in the dirt.  One of the other gladiators, a broad man with a fierce stare under long black hair, walked over and slapped him on the back.  "Nine, I would not believe it,"  The other three cheered. Jagad could not quite hide his disappointment.  "I do not know why you cheer. One day, I will end up facing you."  "It will be a glorious death," the eldest, standing Reenlander said, looking up from polishing his serrated blade.  "I promise I will make it so."  ---- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conn Eremon Posted October 7, 2013 Author Share Posted October 7, 2013 The three Nucerians have come to an agreement. Corax of Nuceria and Ferrus Manus of Nuceria will remain. Â Jaghatai Khan will be opened back up for submissions. I am putting actual limits on this go around. No submissions will be accepted that have two Primarchs already. That takes away Nuceria and Cthonia. All submissions must take into account the other eighteen Primarchs. So my Medusan Khan may once more be voted on, but ONLY if it takes into account that a Medusan Fulgrim already exists. If any author states that he doesn't want his Primarch to share a world, that world is added to the list alongside Cthonia and Nuceria. So if Ace wants his Medusan Fulgrim to be the only Medusan, my Medusan Khan is automatically out. Which means the safest bet is to submit origins for the Khan on Inwit or Olympia, currently unused worlds. Â I will put the stories to vote in one week. Everything from page 1 to that cut off point on the 14th will be considered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ace Debonair Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 I dunno. I'm ok with Khan on Medusa but since his very presence would involve changing my Fulgrim's story, that Khan'd have to be INCREDIBLE to make me vote for him. Or I could rewrite Fulgrim or go to votes on what to do with him or something if needs be, I guess. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. That said, If anyone wants to go for Deliverance (or maybe the planet below, Kiavahr?) then feel free - I'm sure Lupercal's story could easily accommodate a Brother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conn Eremon Posted October 7, 2013 Author Share Posted October 7, 2013 I am more than fine with adding worlds to the Nuh Uh List. I just used Medusa as an easy example because I have my own Khan story there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ace Debonair Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 I am more than fine with adding worlds to the Nuh Uh List. I just used Medusa as an easy example because I have my own Khan story there.  Which brings me to ask: are you planning on rewriting your Medusan Khan at all? 'Cause as it is the Lightning Bearer sort of storms up (sorry) and steals Fulgrim's thunder (so, so sorry) by beating Asirnoth up so bad the Silver Wyrm runs away from him.  I don't really mind if that stays the case, to be fair, I'm just curious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conn Eremon Posted October 7, 2013 Author Share Posted October 7, 2013 You forgot the key part, where he's singing "I'm walking on sunshine!" the whole time. Â And yeah, maybe. Â Here's an idea. Fulgrim is the older brother, been trying this whole time, can't seem to do it. Khan lands and doesn't just wipe the floor with the Asirnoth while Fulgrim watches. Instead, Fulgrim takes the kid, raises him, sees in him a chance to finally get the advantage over the Dragon, and they tag-team the Dragon? That'd make the whole "OH GOD GET AWAY" response make sense, because the silver beast would have two Primarchs on him like a rainy cloud over the suicidal (Geez that's terrible). Â And we could have a set up for some bitter rivalry if it's the Khan who actually succeeds, in the same silvery vein of my original story. Maybe Fulgrim is knocked back and Khan uses his spear to finally end the beast? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ace Debonair Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 So... because Fulgrim's spear is the one covered in the silver metal the people still call him 'Dragonslayer', even though he protests he never earned the name? Cue CRIPPLING INFERIORITY MODE and Fulgrim working like a beast to overcome it for the rest of his life. I think I might have a bash at a Khan of my own for fun though. Just in case I can come up with literary gold by accident. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conn Eremon Posted October 7, 2013 Author Share Posted October 7, 2013 Even if I do make that Medusan Khan, I still intend to make an Olympian Khan of Nurgle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ace Debonair Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 Intriguing! I'm gonna put some more thought into what I can do to make the Khan awesome in our 30k before I commit to anything. Also I'm kinda hoping Alpharius just moves Jagad Tal to Inwit or Olympia somehow, regardless of how much or little sense it might make. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conn Eremon Posted October 8, 2013 Author Share Posted October 8, 2013 Alright, I'm going to go with Olympia for my Khan. I'm giving him the name Temuras, but I'm not attached to it. I chose it because it sounds like Temujin, the original name for Genghis, whose son Chagatai is where canon Khan gets his name, and because it's similarity to Temeritas, where we get the word 'temerity' from. I'm thinking of a Khan that fights through misdirection and speed. Though he certainly would be a master of siege warfare, it wouldn't be in the usual 'tear it down' or 'make it impenetrable' manner. This isn't really an origin, but more a piece ot introduce him. Â --- --- --- --- --- --- --- Â His men had asked that he remain behind with the supply train, but Dammekos would be damned if he wouldn't step into his new keep. He understood their logic, the danger involved with entering a bastion that had not yet been fully cleansed of the filth that had once occupied it. But it was his keep now. He had won it like he had won so many others, with fire and blood, the steel mask of Lochos raised high above the battlements. The keep was worthless to him now, as it was. Dammekos had ruined it in the taking of it. It's walls were breached, its defenses subverted. It'd take months of repair before it'd be formidable once more. Dammekos hadn't decided yet if he would bother. Â The courtyard was a mess, stone rubble scattered across scorched earth, details not readily visible in the darkness of the night. The dead were everywhere, blackened from the fires Dammekos had thrown upon them. Their armor, icons and cloth heraldries could be seen aplenty, but far too ruined to make out their images and symbols. The entrance to the inner keep lay before him. A crater now, mostly, but still provided a path to the citadel's inner works. Some fool boy was yelling from the walls, gesturing. Dammekos was quick to dismiss the runt from his thoughts, but for a reminder to have a word with his army's disciplinarians. He approached Caithus, one of his lieutenants. Â "Where is the bastard, Caithus?" Dammekos growled. "Tell me you've found his body." Â "We haven't, Tyrant," Caithus replied, careful as always in how he spoke to his liege. "We have actually found far fewer enemy than we were led to believe held this keep." Â "Do not tell me they found some way to escape, Caithus!" Dammekos roared, veins bulging on his temple. "Not again, damn his insufferable soul! Find him, Caithus, or it will be your corpse I cast from these shattered walls in his stead! AND WILL SOMEONE KILL THAT SCREAMING IDIOT UP ON THE RAMPARTS!" Â Caithus used the moment's distraction in his lord's wrath to slip away, his hoarse throat issuing orders to his men to keep searching. Two soldiers were dragging the young soldier to Dammekos. He stalked towards them, hand held out for one of his men's blade, when the explosion up on the battlements caused everyone to stumble. The more experienced ducked for cover without thought, as those still green hesitated, staring at the sky in fear. More explosions rippled across the battlements. Dammekos, crouching under an arch, reached out to grab the uniform of a nearby vox-operator and jerked the lad to him. Â "Get Joson on the line right now. Tell him to cease firing the artillery, the damned keep is ours already. Then get his second in command on the line and tell him I order him to execute Joson immediately!" Â "Sir, I've been hailing him since the first shell hit! Nothing, it's just silence. No one's answering, the artillery, the supply train, base camp, nobody sir. I don't know what's going on," the young communications officer stammered. Â The boy who had been screaming had been shoved into the same cover by the soldiers who had escorted them. He was breathing heavily, and had blood over half his face. Shrapnel had probably struck his temple. It was bleeding profusely. Â "That's, that's what I was trying to get across to everyone," the trooper gasped. "I saw the lights at camp flicker strangely, so I got, I got my old man's oculars out and I looked. I don't know where they came from, but they were so fast. I saw fighting where the artillery pieces were, but all of a sudden it was everywhere else. They wore the white and they were fast, they were so fast." Â Dammekos didn't hear any of it. His eyes were fixated on a scrap of cloth that clung to one of the enemy dead. The forceful blasts of wind that followed each explosion had flipped it up so that he could see the symbol upon it. It was the iron bolt, the symbol taken by Dammekos' target as his personal heraldry, his former adopted son, Temuras. Dammekos was no fool. Now that the trap was sprung, he could see it for what it was. He had never been here, but he had made sure Dammekos thought he was. And now that he had ruined the keep's defensive capabilities in the act of taking it, he was now himself under siege. How long would Dammekos and his men last on their supplies, with these fortifications? A week? Â The wet sound of a body hitting the courtyard broke Dammekos from his reverie. It was not the body of a soldier, but a civilian, some trivial serf that had blackened burns upon him. The sound repeated itself as another hit nearby, droplets of the blood splattering upon Dammekos' mouth. He spit it out and peered more closely at this body. The black areas didn't look like burns, but appeared to be under the skin. More bodies were impacting the courtyard, tumbling from the battlements or striking the walls of the inner keep. One struck the stones that surrounding the well. Weakened already, they crumbled and the body fell into its pit. They all bore the same marks. With horror on his face and in his heart, Dammekos had to re-evaluate his assessment of his situation, as victims of the plague bombarded the castle he himself had ruined. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wade Garrett Posted October 8, 2013 Share Posted October 8, 2013 Damnekos's forces had already artillery barraged the entire keep to gravel BEFORE they noticed that it was flying the logos of one of their allied factions? Â That seems just a hair implausible, Cormac. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conn Eremon Posted October 8, 2013 Author Share Posted October 8, 2013 It's not nice to point out plot holes in other people's children, Wade! I am very attached to my work! Â Admittedly, the idea of it being another city-state was a spur of the moment idea when I got to it and I ran with it. I'm going to edit it out. Â Edit: And done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
no I'm alpharius Posted October 8, 2013 Share Posted October 8, 2013 Intriguing! I'm gonna put some more thought into what I can do to make the Khan awesome in our 30k before I commit to anything. Also I'm kinda hoping Alpharius just moves Jagad Tal to Inwit or Olympia somehow, regardless of how much or little sense it might make. I'm thinking my life might be easier if I don't get too involved with this. The Khan just posted shares some similarities with my idea. I don't think it I can make him truly awesome, but merely solid and reasonably in-character. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conn Eremon Posted October 8, 2013 Author Share Posted October 8, 2013 You still have that Olympian Khan piece you messaged me with that you can post to keep your Khan in the game, if you'd like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
no I'm alpharius Posted October 8, 2013 Share Posted October 8, 2013 It is being rewritten, trying to make it shorter and more focused. FWIW, drop the plague aspect and the one above is completely in character. Special Ops trolling and Dammekos as played by Jason Isaacs. i had more fun writing about Dammekos tbh... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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