The Way of the Thunder Fist - A DIY Chapter Short Story

[That Guy Matt]

Hey, first, thank you to everyone who took the time to read my last story.

This ones a little different. It's somewhat of a concept piece covering an idea for a DIY Chapter I'm 
playing with. If it's well received it may become my new Marine army. Hope you enjoy it.

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 The wall caved in. The hulking mass of ceramite propelled with
enough force to crumble stone that had stood for millions of years.
Brother Sho's helmet systems went haywire as he fell forwards,
kicking up a spray of brackish water and thick mud. He pushed
himself up to his hands and knees as shook his head as his helmet
tried in vain to correct itself. Sho unlatched the damaged armour
and placed it down beside him, blinking as his natural eyes swiftly
adjusted to the gloom. He could see the tops of his hands piercing
the surface of the brown puddle he found himself in and a single
thought betrayed him. This was how it would end.

 

The Thunder Fists, young and proud sons of Guilliman were fighting

with all their souls to repel Abaddon and his 13^th Black
Crusade. The 3^rd Company had repelled a Warband of Warp
Ghosts from their attack on the hive world of Mesa Prime and tracked
them to the Death World designated DW623X. There the Thunder Fists
fleet had engaged the Warp Ghosts in orbit and crippling their
flagship, pursued them planet side.

 

The Warp Ghosts had gone to ground in a mountain range on the planets

main continent. The landscape was treacherous, the mountains steep
and craggy. Any slip could send even a Space Marine to his death on
the talon like rocks that clawed up at them from below. Perfect
ambush sites littered the area but Captain Hideki had driven them
onwards. The Warp Ghosts were broken and hiding for their lives, the
Thunder Fists would hunt them down and finish them here.

 

How wrong they had been. The 3^rd had made planet fall in

the foothills via drop pod and exited into the pounding rain and
blasting winds of a vicious electrical storm. They had wasted no
time making the ascent. As the paths narrowed, full squads were
broken down into manoeuvrable combat units. Brother Sho had taken
control of half of Squad Daichi and led them into a natural cave
complex. That was where they had been struck and it was clear it had
not just been them. The comm systems burst into life with reports of
ambushes across the battlefield. The heretics were on them before
they could react and Sho was cast through the cave wall.

 

Now here he was, on all fours like a dog waiting to be put down.

Ahead of him was his bolter, it's barrel bent and useless from the
traitors concussive blow. He was dazed and unarmed and for a moment
despair claimed him. Through the mud and filth though Sho could
still see the markings of his gauntlets. The honorific lightning
bolts that encased him from pauldrons to fingertips that marked him
as a Thunder Fist and weapon or no, a Thunder Fist was never unarmed.

 

Sho pushed himself to his feet and turned to find the Warp Ghosts

champion filling the expanse in the cave wall his body had forged.
Both Sho's obsidian and sky blue armour and the traitors grey-green
plate were coated in wet filth but their eyes were clear through
them. Sho steely blue eyes fixed the ominous red glow from the
traitors helm. No words were spoken, the traitor marine was arrogant
in the certainty of his victory and Sho would not converse with the
heretic. Without a word Sho clenched his fists and charged. The
Chaos Champion unlatched a vicious spiked power maul from his waist
and closed the distance.

 

The heretics first strike was predicable, an angry horizontal

forehand blow aimed at Sho's exposed head. The Thunder Fist ducked
under and rose, twisting into a brutal left hook that landed flush on
the right side of the traitors helm, them followed it with a straight
right punch landing on the same spot. Sho leapt back and swayed away
from the reverse blow and leaned back into an overhand right that
buckled the traitors helm below the right eye.

 

The traitors led out a an infuriated roar and clasped the maul in

both hands. He swung it straight down again and Sho slipped left,
snapping out a left jab, two fingers extended and struck him in the
eye. Sho could hear the low cracking sound as the lens snapped. The
traitor dropped his shoulder and barrelled into him knocking him back
but he managed to keep his footing, ducked another wild strike for
his head and spun away. The traitor turned on him and Sho began to
circle swiftly to his left. The traitor tried to keep with him and
tried to turn his own left side on to the noble Astartes. Sho was
fast though and darted left before swinging a wild left over the top
of the Warp Ghosts right pauldron. The heretic made no attempt to
defend it and snapped his head around sharply.

 

Sho's plan was working, he had damaged the right side of the traitors

helm, cutting his visual field in half. His stomped hard on the side
of the Warp Ghosts knee then dropped and tore at the soft connecting
armour behind the joint. There was a shower of sparks and black
lubricating fluid flowed down the traitors armour and mixed into dark
swirling patterns in the muddy water. The traitor lashed out with
his maul but Sho ducked and leant away and the blow did little more
then scrape into his unit markings. As the blow passed Sho turned
back and dropped a final horizontal elbow that knocked the
treacherous champion onto his back. Sho made to fall upon him but
was kicked back as the heretic tried desperately to defend himself.

 

The Warp Ghost got back to his feet, angrily tore off his helmet and

tossed it aside, revealing a face of pure hatred. Eyes like coals
set in a sickly pale face bored into him. He snarled, revealing a
mouthful of jagged yellow teeth and gripped his maul in both hands.
He came forward like a berserker, swinging wildly. At the peak of
the weapons range it was all Sho could do to avoid being pulverised.
The heretic drove him back against the wall, Sho ducked another wild
swing but the traitor reversed his momentum and slammed the pommel of
the weapon into the loyalists face, Sho's head snapped back and
cracked against the wall behind him. Stunned, he was defenceless as
the Chaos champion crashed his maul into the aquila that adorned
Sho's chest. There was a shower of sparks as the weapons energy
field discharged, buckling Sho's breast plate but not breaking it.
The Thunder Fist's head swam as the air was forcibly ejected from his
lungs and it was all he could do to stay upright.

 

“Now you die, servant of the Corpse-Emperor.” The Warp Ghost

snarled and spat in his face. The acidic content hissed as it burned
into Sho's cheek. The heretic grinned wickedly as he raised his maul
overhead to deliver the killing blow. But Sho had not come this far
to lose.

 

The final blow never fell. Sho's hands shot up and caught the

traitor by the wrists, the maul inches from his face. The warriors
wrestled for control until, with one sharp wrench the weapon came
free and disappeared, clattering loudly as it landed deeper into the
darkness of the cavern. The traitor didn't miss a beat as he drew
the bolt pistol at his hip and brought it to bear. Sho blocked it
before the traitor could get it to his head. The weapon fired, the
bolt passing inches from Sho's head and detonating against the cave
wall, showering both Space Marines in a hail of fragmented rock. The
Warp Ghost tried the bring his side arm to bear again and this time
Sho punched hard into the weapon this time, knocking it from the
traitors grip. The next blow, a straight right punch drove the Chaos
Champion back. As the traitor stumbled back, Sho grasped him by the
gorget of his armour and pulled him into a hard knee that collapsed
the exposed power cables that crossed his armoured midriff and
doubled him over. The second knee drove through his face in
devastating fashion. The traitors nose shattered, his forehead
cracked and buckled inwards and both orbital bones fractured in
multiple places. His eyes rolled back in his head as his enhanced
physiology fought to cope with the horrific damage inflicted upon it.
 

Sho wrapped his arms around his waist and hoisted him up, servos

whirring loudly as his armour fought through the strain. The Thunder
Fist carried him back and slammed him down hard on an outcrop of
sharp rocks. The stone shattered under the force as the cave was
momentarily illuminated by a pale blue light like a lightning strike
as the traitors power pack ruptured and shut down. This time Sho
fell upon him, straddling him across the chest. The treacherous
Astartes was defenceless as Sho raised his lightning embellished
armoured gauntlets. His fists fell with every ounce of the Emperors
righteous fury. Flesh tore and bone crumbled under every blow until
Sho was striking nothing but blood soaked meat and the dusted remains
of the heretics skull.

 

An eerie calm fell over the cavern. In the adjoining cave the sounds

of battle still rang out but they seemed quiet and distant. Sho got
back to his feet and surveyed the cavern. He recovered his helm and
bolter and mag-locked them to his armour. A familiar cry of pain
broke him from his trance state. His Brothers fought on and they
needed his help.

 

The Warp Ghosts ambush had been excellent in it's execution, but they

had not accounted for one thing. They were fighting the Thunder
Fists and losing was not their way.   

[Welcheren]

Love the start: The wall cave in. Short, powerful sentence with action bubbling under the surface, given expression in what follows. The description of how Sho came to be where he is causes a lot of (exciting) tension. Honestly, my gut was in my throat most of the time. It was a thrilling read, and I would love to read more about the progression and end of the engagement. The Warp Ghosts are clearly cunning and insidious adversaries, and the battle promises to be exciting. Hopefully there will be more on the culture and identity of the Thunder Fists.

Minor grammatical errors, such as use of the apostrophe. Also, watch out for repeating The traitor at the sentence subject, especially in close proximity to each other.

Paragraphing is well spaced and paces the story nicely.

For a Space Marine despair should never last long - I was almost disapointed with Sho... but then he got his courage together, and by the end the Thunder Fists come across as a gritty army. Do you have any art available for this chapter? Perhaps you should consider explaining how Sho did not have his combat knife with him?

Seeing that you seem to have a good grasp of UM successors, perhaps you wouldn't mind taking a quick look at the chapter origin fluff I suggested for the Libators chapter .

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/topic/287161-libators-diy-development/

[That Guy Matt]

Hey, first of all thank you for reading and taking the time to give such concise feedback. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

 

No art for them unfortunately. I had been considering making them my new army but I have gone with Raven Guard instead.

 

The general premise was that the Thunder Fists were from a world that was once ruled my a tyrant who banned all but his own soldiers from bearing weapons. So, what happens is what has though out history, they learned to fight without them. The Chapter is raised from a tradition of unarmed combat, part of this means they don't bother to carry anything as simple as a knife because they're better off with their fists.

 

I'll endeavour to check out your thread in return.

[deathspectersgt7]

a Good read.

[Welcheren]

The idea of unarmed combat sounds a like a very fruitful tangent that has not been extensively explored yet. Would be interesting to see where you take it.