WIP Throne Wardens beliefs

[ThroneWarden]

I'm wondering if I can get some feedback on this WIP belief section. I think the premise will work within the framework of the universe.

 

I'm trying to convey the general info as concisely as possible. Is there to much unnecessary info or to little actually pertinent info?

 

Is the presentation ok? Grammar issues? Any C+C is welcome.

 

 

Beliefs

 

The trackless depths of the galaxy suit the Throne Wardens reclusive, monastic nature.

 

Over millennia, they have become a closed brotherhood, obsessed with maintaining their Chapters purity by denying outside influence. The empty black vastness between stars affords them the solitude they crave, for the odious influence of corruption can be pervasive and subtle. With ritual and custom, in meditation and study do the brethren armor themselves from its vile touch.

 

Ironic intolerance describes the Throne Wardens duty to humanity. The Chapter has witnessed the ease with which the mortals they are sworn to protect are swayed from the Emperors rule, and thus no mortal outsider is considered above the brotherhoods suspicion. One particular custom they adhere to is face to face dealings with mortals are conducted in full armor with helm donned, an attempt at creating a ritualistic degree of separation so to speak.

 

Veneration of the Emperor has gradually become the Throne Wardens singular devotion, as they feel He alone is pure in His duty. He is held as the exemplar of what can be achieved with the union of mind, body and spirit. Their doctrines and training revolve around the melding together of this trinity and striving to follow His example.

 

[Brother Laevex]

The idea of Loner Marines is a great one, I think. Space Marines are very monastic already, so it's basically an exaggeration of one aspect of them that works well in the general fluff.

 

I'm curious to find out why they have developed this disposition. Presumably you'll explain that when you outline their history. Were some of their members corrupted somehow? Or maybe some allies they fought with turn to Chaos? Or is it a mutation in their gene-seed that gives them a heightened sense of smell, making contact with other lifeforms repulsive?

 

I'm not sure what you mean by "ironic intolerance". Why is it ironic?

 

Space Marines already venerate the Emperor a lot. When not in battle, their main activities are training and prayer. Apologies if you meant to include it in another section, but it's probably worth detailing how they are more dedicated than other chapters.

 

Grammar-wise, you could do with a couple of apostrophes such as "the Throne Wardens' reclusive..." and "their chapter's purity..."

 

Also (this is being picky) face-to-face is a compound adjective and needs hyphenating like that.

[ThroneWarden]

Ok. Back to the drawing board. Thank you for your input.