EVENT - The Schism of Mars

[Beren]

The rewritten section has been added into the original post. It clocks in a t 1939 words.

[simison]

Are you going to do a round of cleaning or is the next step a more in-depth editing run?

[Beren]

More in depth. Not much point in cleaning what you're going to change anyway.

[Beren]

Is there anything specific that anyone thinks should be changed?

[Talonair]

Regarding the Abyssii assassination of the Knight house leader, I don't object to it in the slightest, I'd just like to know more about how and why

[simison]

Is there anything specific that anyone thinks should be changed?

 

I have nothing that needs addressing.

[Beren]

Next section at 1110 words. Once again waiting for feedback. Will edit the name of the Kaban machine once it has been decided. The actual scrapcode attack might need more coverage, in which case some things will be cut or shifted somewhere else. Also, would Talonairs list for the Abyssii disposition be suitable for a box.?

 

Robes and Chord-Claws

 

Ever since Mars was absorbed into the Imperium, it has been a seething hotbed of tensions and false faced diplomacy. Kelbor-Hal's gambit would ignite rivalries that were decades in the forging. Of the various Magi of the Red Planet there were two triumvirates who are particularly significant to any study of the Martian Schism. The first was led by Kelbor-Hal himself, ruler of Olympus Mons, the most extensive and prestigious forge on the entire planet, and thus by nature of Mars' reputation perhaps the most prized in the entirety of official records acknowledged by the Mechanicum. Ever since the Emperor set foot on Mars he had smarted at being forced to bend his knee to what he considered a petty warlord of the mongrel Terran barbarians. This discontent only festered over time as he saw yet more knowledge denied to him, and from his viewpoint, the subjugation of the Mechanicum into a subordinate role. His two most trusted followers were Lukas Chrom, a specialist in automata to the degree that he had amassed sufficient expertise to create Abominable Intelligences,and Urtzi Malevolus. The shared current between their three forges signified not only their common allegiance to one another, but to far darker goals than they would admit to others.

 

The opposing triumvirate was not bereft of political influence of their own. Adept Koriel Zeth was the unofficial leader of this faction. Being the custodian of Magma city, built within an active volcano, and the implementor of the nooesphere net meant that her unorthodox views were well known across Mars. Beside her were Ipluvien Maximal, whose expertise in plasma generators was responsible for the fueling of forges across the Martian soil, and the Fabricator-Locum Kane, second in command of Mars and one of the chief suppliers of power armour for the Legions of the Astartes. The rivalry between these had been present for an extended period of time, with Kelbor-Hal moving to suppress his opponents' influence where possible and stifling the proliferation of the Noosphere. In return it would be Maximal who first suspected of the Fabricators loyalty to Icarion, and linked the Raijin Engine to Chrom. Kane would, just briefly before the shattering of the temperamental peace that stretched thin across the forges of Mars, realise that additional supplies and resources had been directed to those Legions loyal to Anasen.

 

Mars was not under the sole purview of the Magi however. Away from the grindings of industry and amongst the red dunes, it was the Titan Legios and Knight Houses that held dominion. The divisions between separate loyalties of these warrior houses were revealed clearly at the council of Tharsis, held at the Tempestus fortress of Ascraeus Mons, called to address the generator attack. Normally Lord Commanders Verticorda and Caturix of House Taranis would be relied on to moderate at such gatherings, but upon the arrival of the Legio Mortis delegation Caturix openly accused Princeps Camulos of the attack upon Taranis holdings. The Mortis Princeps would leave only after making a statement that verged upon a declaration of war.

 

It is all too easy to forget when embroiled in the intricacies of Mars that it was part of a wider solar system. Alexandros’ position on Terra meant that the Halycon Wardens were in range to intervene in any struggle that was more than a brief conquest, let alone the Abysii war fleet docked at the Ring of Iron for repair and resupply. It is important to note that while Icarion had given up hopes of gaining Alexandros’ allegiance, this may not have been sufficiently communicated to his Martian allies. Furthermore, the Cognis and Eagle Warriors delegation sent to affirm Hal's loyalty had brought with them new experiments in data-warfare in order to eliminate the Abysii. Even limited by Icarion's reluctance to use means that might devastate Mars entirely, these were potent weapons. Had the Martian Schism gone as the Traitors had envisaged it, they would have seized a strong industrial base within striking distance of Terra and eliminated a major portion of the military threat posed by the Abyssii in the process. It is an unappreciated irony that for all this scheming, the most devastating blow of the entire war was caused seemingly by accident.

 

The Death of Innocence

 

With the records from Olympus Mons devastated or corrupted, what we know of this incident has been gleamed solely from a set of communiqués between Icarion and Xander Travier, Arch-Magos of the Mechanicum Cognis. According to these, after presenting Kelbor Hal with gifts of technology plundered from the tomb of the Thunder King, a small portion of the delegation travelled without sanction into the depths of Olympus Mons. There they found the Vault of Moravec, a location Long denied to the Mechanicum by word of the Emperor. What truly occurred there is unknown, but Travier testified to the Stormborn that they had begun to create some of their prototype scrapcode variants upon the doors. The Vault opened. What happened next can never be forgotten.

 

The virulent scrapcode unleashed bypassed every safety emplaced at Olympus Mons, spreading into the wider data-net. It moved with some twisted parody of intelligence, overwriting and replicating itself everywhere it touched. Sinus Sabeaus, Tycho Brahe, the Schiaparelli Repository at Acidelia Planetia, Vastitis Borealis, Medusa Fossae. All names of facilities where databases were corrupted into unreadability, machines seizing up or malfunctioning in lethal ways. A thousand years of knowledge were lost in the space of hours. A lucky few disconnected their domains from the network before the damage became too severe. In particular the Zeth triumvirate had found that their noosphere networks shielded them from the worst damage. Nevertheless, all but the Fabricator-General's allies were thrown to disarray. Except for one , vital exception. Despite facing a threat immeasurably greater than that designed to destroy them the war fleet of the Mechanicum Abyssii may have been damaged, losing a ship and hundreds of adepts as they attempted to rein in the attack, but nothing more. A combination of extensive research into data warfare onboard the Ater research stations and the skill of Mhal, Mortera's machine touched master of automata, backed up the data presences of the majority of the Abyssii adepts present was able to fend of the attack. Even as they recovered the interdiction fleet, already in defensive position, began to power up weapons batteries and void shields. Below them Mars screamed out in pain, and the whole system heard it's cry.

[bluntblade]

*its cry. I dig

[Talonair]

I need to work on the Abyssii's force disposition a bit. And as for the Death of Innocence, the Abyssii do not escape totally unharmed. They lose at least one ship and hundreds of tech-priests die trying to contain and combat the virus

[Beren]

Edited the section pertaining to the Abyssii. Also just realised I've been spelling it wrong.

[Talonair]

Looks alright, needs some editing but I'm not great at that. The stuff I wrote regarding the Abyssii during the Death of Innocence goes over the damage they suffered in a little more detail, and also details the assassination attempt against Mortera

[simison]

Thoughts:

 

• I'd upgrade Kane to one of the 'chief' suppliers.
• Also, 'Fabricator-Locum', hyphens for these titles as I believe the standard is. 
• Titan 'Legio', Legion is strictly for the Astartes
• I believe we've already discussed renaming the Kaban Machine to something that links to Icarion. Has a name been chosen?
• "It is an unappreciated irony that for all this scheming the most devastating blow of the entire war was caused seemingly by accident." Just wanted to say that I like this line.
• Remember to capitalize all proper titles. I've seen a couple slip by you here and in the first post.
• I feel like the paragraph has too much of the Abyssii. The rest of the piece is careful to balance the spotlight on a big picture, with all of the factions getting equal weight until the last few lines. Instead, I'd shorten the Abyssii here, and we have a red box for the Abyssii's complete Martian forces that can serve as a better focus point. 

Overall, needs refinement but is a good start.

[Beren]

I believe Galahad suggested Raijin after a Japanese god of thunder and lightning . It fits pretty well. Also, are we giving the the preface a Mechanicum style signature?

[bluntblade]

That sentence is gold, but I'd like a comma after "scheming"

[Beren]

I now have Kelbor Hal's imaginary reaction running on rewind through my head.

[simison]

I now have Kelbor Hal's imaginary reaction running on rewind through my head.

 

I'd love to have a comic showing Kelbor-Hal reacting to the Death of Innocence, just so utterly confused while the Cognis reps are standing awkwardly in the background.

[Beren]

And a bunch of his supporters calling him to complain that that he destroyed the places they were supposed to attack.

 

Any opinion on Raijin for the Kaban replacement?

[simison]

And a bunch of his supporters calling him to complain that that he destroyed the places they were supposed to attack.

 

Any opinion on Raijin for the Kaban replacement?

 

I like it.

[Beren]

I'm not sure about how 'the Raijin Machine' sounds.

Alternatives are:

The Raijin Construct

The Raijin Weapon

The Raijin Device

Et cetera

[Talonair]

Raijin Engine?

[Nomus Sardauk]

The Raijin Instrument? Raijin Apparatus? Raijin Mechanism?

[simison]

I like the Raijin Engine.

[Beren]

Not sure about the second one half of both words sounding the same.

[simison]

I kinda like the rhyme. In the end, you pointed out the discrepancy, so go ahead and pick one. If it's terrible, we'll tell you. If not, all is good.

[bluntblade]

Dadaelan Engine could work if we want connotations with Icarion's name.