MikhalLeNoir Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 For the split persona: i woukd distingiush between travier and Sagittarius who fullfilled heroiic deeds etc and maybe later it is said that they are both one and the same. Like in fight club Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/331712-botl-monthly-fluff-challenge/page/14/#findComment-4874506 Share on other sites More sharing options...
simison Posted September 2, 2017 Share Posted September 2, 2017 "The Eagle Warriors might preach redemption for those who submitted to the Imperial yoke, those who resisted were crushed a severity which often strayed beyond necessity." [This sentence lacks a good transition signal between the two independent clauses. Or, a semi-colon may serve better than a comma.] "...they encountered[,] and catalogue all..." "... esoteric theories[,] and embraced it..." "...in 963[.]M30, far..." "...the Emperor[,] and damn his..." "...little inhibition[,] and might..." ~~~ Note, you do not put a comma in front of 'and' if 'and' is not dividing two independent clauses. Take that last example, it's essentially 'brawl' as the subject with two verbs on both sides of 'and'. These combo verbs do not require comma. The superscripts are also a problem, but I'll take care of that when I eventually submit this to Grifft for Emancipation. Personally, I love the work, especially how you obscure how exactly the Emperor 'cures' his son. My biggest concerns are that this fits in with AO's canon. Last I remember, Travier initially rejoices upon the Emperor's arrival before being abducted instead of fighting against him. And the session with the Emperor left a hollow man. That said, I'd be glad to be mistaken because I much prefer your revisions. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/331712-botl-monthly-fluff-challenge/page/14/#findComment-4875128 Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluntblade Posted September 2, 2017 Share Posted September 2, 2017 A lot of the changes are ones that AO and I discussed, in particular Travier not being a husk after the procedure (the Emperor needed His sons to be more than figurehead, and I suspect He was also ruthless enough to terminate a Primarch if it was clear that reunion would leave the Legion worse off. For comparison, Angron's first capaigns netted a Forge World and saw a hitherto untouched area of space rendered fit for colonisation). As for Mexicatii, my reasoning is that once the truth was revealed Travier would react violently to this atheist in front of him. Given that the theocracy is so vile, I'm uncomfortable with Travier being cast as the victim in the encounter. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/331712-botl-monthly-fluff-challenge/page/14/#findComment-4875156 Share on other sites More sharing options...
simison Posted September 2, 2017 Share Posted September 2, 2017 A lot of the changes are ones that AO and I discussed, in particular Travier not being a husk after the procedure (the Emperor needed His sons to be more than figurehead, and I suspect He was also ruthless enough to terminate a Primarch if it was clear that reunion would leave the Legion worse off. For comparison, Angron's first capaigns netted a Forge World and saw a hitherto untouched area of space rendered fit for colonisation). As for Mexicatii, my reasoning is that once the truth was revealed Travier would react violently to this atheist in front of him. Given that the theocracy is so vile, I'm uncomfortable with Travier being cast as the victim in the encounter. Duly noted. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/331712-botl-monthly-fluff-challenge/page/14/#findComment-4875170 Share on other sites More sharing options...
simison Posted September 4, 2017 Share Posted September 4, 2017 So, for my first submission, I aim to develop one of the thirteen Aztekis deities and then hint at which Chaos god it corresponds to. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/331712-botl-monthly-fluff-challenge/page/14/#findComment-4876935 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sigismund229 Posted September 4, 2017 Share Posted September 4, 2017 So, for my first submission, I aim to develop one of the thirteen Aztekis deities and then hint at which Chaos god it corresponds to. I would like to point out regarding the 13 Aztekis gods that my idea when I suggested it to AO was that there would be 3 facets of each gods plus the god of undivided. So for example, for Khorne there would be the gods of Battle, Honour and Strength(or some such combination). Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/331712-botl-monthly-fluff-challenge/page/14/#findComment-4877020 Share on other sites More sharing options...
simison Posted September 4, 2017 Share Posted September 4, 2017 I had a similar idea, except one temple was unwittingly for Malal. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/331712-botl-monthly-fluff-challenge/page/14/#findComment-4877023 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sigismund229 Posted September 4, 2017 Share Posted September 4, 2017 I had a similar idea, except one temple was unwittingly for Malal. I actually thought that Malal wouldn't be included in the pantheon of Aztekis gods and would instead be a Lucifer figure, if you'll forgive the crude analogy Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/331712-botl-monthly-fluff-challenge/page/14/#findComment-4877031 Share on other sites More sharing options...
simison Posted September 4, 2017 Share Posted September 4, 2017 It's fitting and a better representation of the Chaos cosmology than mine. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/331712-botl-monthly-fluff-challenge/page/14/#findComment-4877036 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelborn Posted September 4, 2017 Author Share Posted September 4, 2017 Then who will be the 13th? God of undivided maybe to be revealed as the Emperor? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/331712-botl-monthly-fluff-challenge/page/14/#findComment-4877055 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sigismund229 Posted September 4, 2017 Share Posted September 4, 2017 Then who will be the 13th? God of undivided maybe to be revealed as the Emperor? Like I wrote above, the idea is that the 13th is Undivided :) Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/331712-botl-monthly-fluff-challenge/page/14/#findComment-4877057 Share on other sites More sharing options...
simison Posted September 4, 2017 Share Posted September 4, 2017 Sig, AO says you have the names for all 13 of the Aztekis gods. Mind sharing them? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/331712-botl-monthly-fluff-challenge/page/14/#findComment-4877086 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sigismund229 Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 (edited) Mixcoatl: Khorne - Ahuiateteo: war - Tlazolteotl: justice&honour - Patechli: strength(?) Chalchiutotlin: Nurgle - Ometeotl: Life, rebirth - Patecatl: decay - Huehuecoyotl: tradition Calacoyanti: Slaanesh - Ometochtli: carnality - Ehecatl: freedom -Xochipilli: love Tlaloc: Tzeentch - Yacatecutli: change&progress - Malinalxochitl: trickster - Xalcoatl: learning Tezcatlipoca: Undivided I didn't have names for all of their aspects, so I coopted some Aztec gods names on the spot. And Nahuatl names and words more generally have made me positively grateful for the relative simplicity of gaelic Edited September 5, 2017 by Sigismund229 Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/331712-botl-monthly-fluff-challenge/page/14/#findComment-4877136 Share on other sites More sharing options...
simison Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 "...a sure sign of Huitzilopochtli's favour..." "...shortly after the festival of Kupayotl, God of death..." *compares names* I thought something was different. Have the two deities above been retconned out? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/331712-botl-monthly-fluff-challenge/page/14/#findComment-4877669 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sigismund229 Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 "...a sure sign of Huitzilopochtli's favour..." "...shortly after the festival of Kupayotl, God of death..." *compares names* I thought something was different. Have the two deities above been retconned out? Less retconned more their name's have changed. Huitzilopochtli was my old name for undivided I think until I found a more fitting one and Kupayotl was Nurgle, don't remember why I changed his name, I think it's because I also found a more appropriate god to coopt the name of Seeing as none of this is set, you can pretty much pick and choose the names you prefer Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/331712-botl-monthly-fluff-challenge/page/14/#findComment-4877686 Share on other sites More sharing options...
simison Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 (edited) The Winds of Freedom Of the thirteen Aztekis gods, Ehecatl claimed the domains of wind and air. Temples were to be constructed in circular domes instead of the more typical square pyramids. Ehecatl demanded that his followers emulate the wind in its utter disregard for structure. At the appointed times of worship, rituals dedicated to Ehecatl would see far less blood spilled compared to the other temples. Instead, typical mores and social conventions were casually thrown away in orgies of fleshly pleasure. In war, warriors dedicated to Ehecatl were infamous for their unorthodox tactics. A favored tactic was to apply camouflage to the warriors and then hide themselves in the trees. Enemies would then be lead into ambushes with these 'sky warriors' literally leaping on them from above, screaming as they landed on their targets. Since Ehecatl favored blood less than other deities, sky warriors would raid other villages to plunder treasure and women for their rituals. Against the world's indigenous predators, beasts with colorful coats or skins were sought, regardless of danger. Once the Eagle Warriors had cast aside their fealty to the Emperor, worship of Ehecatl would seep into various assault squads as they emulated the sky warriors of old. Although aware that Ehecatl was nothing more than an aspect of one of the Four, it would not be until midway through the Insurrection that Ehecatl's devotees could openly worship 'his' true self: Slaanesh. While some trappings of Ehecatl and the original rituals would persist, the new sky warriors would earn blessings of speed in war for appeasing the Chaos god with new atrocities and violations against society. Edited September 6, 2017 by simison Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/331712-botl-monthly-fluff-challenge/page/14/#findComment-4878732 Share on other sites More sharing options...
simison Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 (edited) [i have finished my first submission. Now for some narrative.] Alexandros sat in the strategium's lone throne, rereading the message brought to him by the Mechanicum for a third time. He was unsure which troubled him more: the information learned or the command signed by the Emperor himself. A green glow bathed the quiet room as it shown a planetary system. Various boxes of information hovered next to each planet, though little was actually said. So much unknown would be revealed, but it could not compare with what was already known. The door to the strategium opened. In stepped a lone officer. Lord Commander Jermanikus had not come into his position through a personal showing of great valor or winning renown by way of beautiful strategy. He had climbed through the ranks of the Halcyon Wardens via simple hard work and steadfastness. Among Alexandros' Legates, Jermanikus was often likened to Ruel, both commanders preferring to fall back on the basic yet effective premises of the Principia Bellicosa. Yet, whereas Ruel preferred to lead the most hazardous charges, demonstrating a tendency toward aggression and assault, Jerminkus typically commanded from afar where he could maintain an awareness of the campaign as a whole, more balanced than the previous Legion Master. Which was probably why he was standing before his Primarch. Jermanikus saluted, "Lord Commander Jermanikus, reporting as ordered, my lord!" "At ease," Alexandros replied with a nod. "You are here to receive new orders." To the marine's credit, his face didn't so much as twitch before he asked, "Permission to speak freely, my lord?" "Granted." "My lord, I am currently enmeshed with my responsibilities in the Lorn Campaign. I believe reassignment would be inadvisable at this time." "I am inclined to agree with you, my son, but these orders come directly from the Emperor himself." Only now, with his eyes growing a fraction larger, did Jermanikus react. "If that is the case, then I will go as my Emperor commands of me. What are the campaign's details?" Alexandros reached forward and placed a dataslate in front of his son. "That will continue all of the information you'll need. Regarding broad strokes, you are to assemble a new task force for a planetary subjugation campaign for the Mexicatii system. Highest difficulty, the natives will be hostile and there is a religious presence that must be eliminated. For your task force, you are to prioritize marines that are noted for reliability and ability to be clandestine. No information about this campaign will be made known to the greater Imperium, unless the Emperor wills it." Throughout Alexandros' explanation, Jermanikus had studied the information on the dataslate, the faintest signs of concern showing on his face. When Alexandros finished, there was an uncomfortable pause. "My lord, what situation requires such... unusual methods?" The Shield-Lord twitched. "I am not at liberty to say." Though he held his composure, Darshan could see shock radiating throughout Jermanikus' aura. Finally, the Lord Commander said, "As the Emperor wills." "The orders are to be immediately implemented. As such, you are dismissed." Jermanikus saluted before marching quickly out of the strategium. As the door closed, Alexandros sighed. 80 years into the Great Crusade and so many good brothers found, he thought to himself. Daer'dd, Pionus, Koschei, even Kozja has his virtues. Now it's broken. With a couple of buttons, the hologram of Morro appeared above the table. "And we'd privately hope you were going to be the worst one we found," Alexandros whispered to himself. "But now..." Another button shifted Morro out of the green light to be replaced by a stock image of a undefined body. Most of the data-boxes were empty or simply said, +Insufficient Data+. Only the name was clearly visible: Alexos Travier. Edited September 13, 2017 by simison Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/331712-botl-monthly-fluff-challenge/page/14/#findComment-4879856 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sigismund229 Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 Actually, question: how would the "original" form of the Aztekis gods affect the way in which the chaos legions worship the gods? Or would they stick with the four gods? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/331712-botl-monthly-fluff-challenge/page/14/#findComment-4879865 Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluntblade Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 I think they'd worship the Four, with the Thirteen explaining why the old religion of Mexicatii wasn't full-blown Chaos. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/331712-botl-monthly-fluff-challenge/page/14/#findComment-4879878 Share on other sites More sharing options...
simison Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 Actually, question: how would the "original" form of the Aztekis gods affect the way in which the chaos legions worship the gods? Or would they stick with the four gods? It's my assumption that they might keep some of the facades of the Aztekis rituals, but they will worship the Four directly. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/331712-botl-monthly-fluff-challenge/page/14/#findComment-4880925 Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluntblade Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 I know it's early, but for next month I'm leaning towards the Wardens of Light, Godslayers (if we didn't do them already) or Warbringers Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/331712-botl-monthly-fluff-challenge/page/14/#findComment-4882570 Share on other sites More sharing options...
simison Posted September 11, 2017 Share Posted September 11, 2017 I know it's early, but for next month I'm leaning towards the Wardens of Light, Godslayers (if we didn't do them already) or Warbringers September - Eagle Warriors August - Fire Keepers July - Warriors of Peace June - Grave Stalkers May - Void Eagles April - Dune Serpents March - Steel Legion Remaining Legions: I - Lightning Bearers/Harbingers III - Crimson Lions IV - Void Eagles V - Halcyon Wardens VI - Iron Bears VII - Berserkers of Uran VIII - Godslayers IX - Warbringers X - Fire Keepers XII - Wardens of Light XIII - Eagle Warriors XIV - Dune Serpents XV - Grave Stalkers XVI - The Drowned XVII - Warriors of Peace XVIII - Steel Legion XIX - Scions Hospitalier XX - Predators All three are available. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/331712-botl-monthly-fluff-challenge/page/14/#findComment-4883078 Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluntblade Posted September 11, 2017 Share Posted September 11, 2017 What I might actually do for some Legions is some campaign fluff, at least preamble stuff that can be built on. Particularly leaning toward that with the Scions, Halcyon Wardens and Bears. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/331712-botl-monthly-fluff-challenge/page/14/#findComment-4883443 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sigismund229 Posted September 11, 2017 Share Posted September 11, 2017 (edited) I'm still grinding on through the Steel Legion general history when I have time, so I'll probably be silent on this for a bit Edited September 11, 2017 by Sigismund229 Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/331712-botl-monthly-fluff-challenge/page/14/#findComment-4883449 Share on other sites More sharing options...
simison Posted September 12, 2017 Share Posted September 12, 2017 I'm completely blanking right now, but what's the 40k tablet called? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/331712-botl-monthly-fluff-challenge/page/14/#findComment-4884070 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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