[Iron Gauntlet 2017] Index Traitoris: The Violent Gods

[bloodhound23]

LySiMachus-

 

Thanks for your suggestions and I do agree with you that I need the first encounter to be more ominous somehow, which I'll have to sit and work on.

 

I do intend for the logs to read as a ghost story, with the reader being left to assume that either the Captain is eliminated, or perhaps impersonated. Either version would be open to the reader as equally plausible if I do what you suggest and leave some sort of hint that we ought not trust the last log.

 

As for the name, I lifted it from a friend who has a band by the same name out of Charlotte, NC. I doubt he even knows. Inspired by your project as I have been (and, not to blow smoke, but it is a lot of inspiration) I didn't even think of the name of your Iron Gods when I settled on it, and now I feel a bit silly. I was thinking of my friend's band and how it was a sort of overly literal version of "Angels of Death". In fact, I even sort of conceived of the culture at Enneardia around having no real way to conceptualize the arrival of Astartes, and would likely just come up with some name just like that one.  And it is for that reason that I almost *like* that the name is not catchy, as they didn't come up with it themselves. But I am open to changing it, I just have been set on it for a while.

 

Thanks for you comments and I'll make some edits.

[Badass_Spaz]

So I'm happy to finally read the finish product you started a little while ago. You've taken the right direction creating a Traitor Chapter- I honestly wouldn't doubt an actual index would be shot down in a heart beat by loyalist fanatics. Your choice of index format, written from an outside perspective other then the Traitors own, is a fun twist I'll probably read again tomorrow.
Your choice of words is a beautiful demonstration of your own vocabulary which adds a professional presence to the index, as a whole. This reads like an official report from an Administratum clerk or one of those office busy bodies.

I'd rather not poke or prod any question nor attempt to poke any possible holes. Though I can't see know holes after the first read, it's probably best to keep certain facts ambiguous to the reader. How or where they get their resources should be a topic for speculation. I'm personally assuming they cannibalize as much equipment, buildings, ships, anything and everything to fuel their warmongering ways.

Overall, this was a treat pleasant treat, something different from the dozen index's we have posted.

Will you be making any further updates in the future or is this the finished product?

[bloodhound23]

Hey Spaz-

 

Thanks and I'm happy to hear that it was enjoyable read. I'm hoping it was very immersive, even if tedious (as an investigative report) at times.

 

Your assumption is correct. They take what they can get, although I'd also like to somehow give some hints that they might be well-connected enough to not have to get all their resources directly through Good Ol' Fashioned space piracy- an idea I'd like to incorporate in further edits.

 

I need to do a final run-through for grammar mistakes, which I have noticed a few of since I last edited. I'll also need to do proper IA format, including a photo, which I actually have, although there's another program (that I can't think of the name of) that people have used for making IA-type photos, but it's Windows only, and I"m on a Mac. I'd like to get a nice photo from that but don't feasibly have a way to boot in Windows to do it.

 

I also want to take LySiMachus' suggestions and fill out those. I think that at this point, I just need to do a few couple of re-reads with an eye towards everything (content+grammar) in general, but also what I've omitted- i.e., what have I failed to emphasize that needs being said, or what aspect have I taken for granted the reader will already know, etc.

Edited April 23, 2017 by bloodhound23

[NovemberIX]

Pulling this from the first page, but it's a good line of questioning ;)

 

 

 

1. Is it plausible? I'm gonna say yes, it fits the danger the Silver Skulls Prognosticators present and face, the build up of tension hits all the right marks too. The chaplains fall to chaos is "natural" as is their actions afterwards.

 

2. Is it full enough? Or, is it too full in places? It's very evenly paced and it conveys the necessary information with out overloading the reader, in fact I can honestly say I want to read more. I'd say you've hit close to the right balance.

 

3. Is it internally consistent? It's both internally and externally consistent

 

4. Is it fun? I'm enjoying it, there's actually a bit of gothic horror in reading about events after the fact.

 

5. Is it interesting? Once again, yep, because it fits so well with the established setting that it does feel like there's a connection to the Silver Skulls that doesn't feel forced. But more so, the Violent Gods have piqued my interest, the haruspicy that Jaruk performs has especially caught my attention in a Se7en sorta way.

 

Interestingly I get the feeling of film noir mixed with horror, maybe we need a "detective" who's viewpoint we are looking from, the scary elements could be how as he's tracking the Violent Gods, they are tracking him as well.

 

 

[Daimyo-Phaeron Lenoch]

What is the latin phrase supposed to translate to? The Stars order but we do not obey? Is there any significance to this, or where it was found? Also, if it refers to the emperor, Princeps is the best latin word to use.

 

Out of curiosity, why the Silver Skulls? Was it the reverence of the Librarius?

 

What is the significance of northerners vs southerners? Is this something mentioned in specific Silver Skull fluff or something you made up (I quite like it, mainly somewhat curious)?

 

One thing I like is your Imperial view of the warband. Lends quite the air of mystique to them.

 

I may come back later, depends if my mind can drag anything else up. Apologies for being so blunt.

[TheBlindPrimarch]

I've got to say, that was a good read.

 

Question time!

 

-Are the Violent Gods true Chaos or renegade? If Chaos, which god do they serve or are they undivided. If renegade, are they a independent force or do they serve the interests of a yet unknown warlord?

 

-If they are renegade, what is their objective? Survival? Profit? Power?Etc.

 

-As mysterious as they are, from the perspective of the author of the report, do they have a rival? An Imperial force tasked with bring them to task? It would be interesting in seeing this force from the perspective of a rival bent on bringing them to justice.

 

Again, it was a good read. Best of luck in the Gauntlet.

Edited May 14, 2017 by TheBlindPrimarch

[bloodhound23]

Pulling this from the first page, but it's a good line of questioning

 

 

 

 

1. Is it plausible? I'm gonna say yes, it fits the danger the Silver Skulls Prognosticators present and face, the build up of tension hits all the right marks too. The chaplains fall to chaos is "natural" as is their actions afterwards.

 

2. Is it full enough? Or, is it too full in places? It's very evenly paced and it conveys the necessary information with out overloading the reader, in fact I can honestly say I want to read more. I'd say you've hit close to the right balance.

 

3. Is it internally consistent? It's both internally and externally consistent

 

4. Is it fun? I'm enjoying it, there's actually a bit of gothic horror in reading about events after the fact.

 

5. Is it interesting? Once again, yep, because it fits so well with the established setting that it does feel like there's a connection to the Silver Skulls that doesn't feel forced. But more so, the Violent Gods have piqued my interest, the haruspicy that Jaruk performs has especially caught my attention in a Se7en sorta way.

 

Interestingly I get the feeling of film noir mixed with horror, maybe we need a "detective" who's viewpoint we are looking from, the scary elements could be how as he's tracking the Violent Gods, they are tracking him as well.

 

I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for answering the questions. Others have done so indirectly, but I appreciate you doing it this way. Immersion was my goal, and you've confirmed that I hit the mark in a number of ways, which I am pleased about.

 

I'll have to check out Se7en again maybe for inspiration. Thanks for pointing that out.

 

I agree I need someone who's actually following up with what is communicated in this report, and your suggestion sounds like a good way to get that off the ground.

 

 

What is the latin phrase supposed to translate to? The Stars order but we do not obey? Is there any significance to this, or where it was found? Also, if it refers to the emperor, Princeps is the best latin word to use.

 

Out of curiosity, why the Silver Skulls? Was it the reverence of the Librarius?

 

What is the significance of northerners vs southerners? Is this something mentioned in specific Silver Skull fluff or something you made up (I quite like it, mainly somewhat curious)?

 

One thing I like is your Imperial view of the warband. Lends quite the air of mystique to them.

 

I may come back later, depends if my mind can drag anything else up. Apologies for being so blunt.

 

The phrase means "The stars oblige us, but do not bind us", which I just found stumbling around lists of Latin phrases. It works, because of their interest in divination as a tool. I also think of Jaruk as a particularly hubristic scholar who gets caught up in some esotericism and tries something that works a little too well. Of course he doubts he could summon any real daemonic presence (or maybe he doesn't, as I haven't yet decided), so it's a little instance of pointing at the idea that they believe they are in control their heretical methods.

 

So, that being said, yes- it is precisely their curious reverence of their Librarius that makes them the ideal candidates for this sort of fall-from-grace story. The Silver Skulls essentially give their Prognosticators carte blanche when it comes to decision-making authority, so they are ideal for the story where they start making some desperate moves when they are stuck out in space and the runes and the Tarot won't work. Jaruk, I take it, gets frustrated and tries something new. He gets clarity, but he's now in criminally unorthodox territory. The men, of course, trust him, as they would any Prognosticator. Some get word of what methods he really used and are fine with it, whereas others find out way too late in the game. Some (at least Captain Kehan) won't stand for it, and Jaruk's trusted inner circle gets rid of him/them.

 

This sort of story might work with the large number of southern Varsavian recruits, who are supposed to be much more like the tribes of Fenris, for example, than their allegedly more civilized northern counterparts. In Portents, Sarah Cawkwell insinuates via a rivalry between two Silver Skulls that that much is the case, though she doesn't get into the particularities of the distinction too much. I have always thought of my Violent Gods as being animistic trophy-takers (even before I thought of the Silver Skulls backstory), so this works out rather well.  But yes, I took it from a distinction made by Cawkwell in Portents and ran with it a bit. More primitive cultures-just generally speaking, at least in our world- tend towards animism, pantheism, and a distinction between expert and lay knowledge and are much more likely fine with secrets among experts, thus making them ripe candidates to be manipulated. 

 

I do like the idea of the 40k setting having a particular point of view, and I'm happy that it does lend an air of mystique.

 

I didn't find your comments blunt at all. Rather, it was very helpful to have to think those aspects through again. Thanks for them.

 

 

I've got to say, that was a good read.

 

Question time!

 

-Are the Violent Gods true Chaos or renegade? If Chaos, which god do they serve or are they undivided. If renegade, are they a independent force or do they serve the interests of a yet unknown warlord?

 

-If they are renegade, what is their objective? Survival? Profit? Power?Etc.

 

-As mysterious as they are, from the perspective of the author of the report, do they have a rival? An Imperial force tasked with bring them to task? It would be interesting in seeing this force from the perspective of a rival bent on bringing them to justice.

 

Again, it was a good read. Best of luck in the Gauntlet.

 

I think at the time of writing, it's deliberately unclear as to whether or not they are renegades or true believers, or maybe they have accidentally made Faustian bargains and are now going to pay the ultimate price of corruption for them. I'd like to solidify that when it comes to actually building models. If he is a true believer, and the inner circle knows, I think I'd need a story (not unlike those of Lorgar/Magnus) that makes the Emperor (wait for it) just as divine as the universe itself, or, at least, only derivatively divine. The real divinity, Jaruk might argue, is the Immaterium, the Emperor being just one of a number of players in the great cosmic game, a game that predates the Emperor himself. Jaruk likely thinks he can get into that game, and he can probably convince a number of those who trust him to try the game out as well.

 

I like to think that they have benefactors. Perhaps other pirates, like Huron? Perhaps xenos, who are interested in delegitimizing Imperial power in Segmentum Pacificus, or any number of other powers. I'd like to fill out this direction as well.

 

Depending on what I make out of Jaruk's character, it will be power+survival. Some of the men, regardless of whether or not he's a true believer or a power-hungry cynic, are beyond going back to the Imperial fold and will cast their lots with Jaruk, perhaps for the chance at glory and bloodshed. If he is a true believer, I'll need a conversion story and a story about how those who wouldn't convert got culled.

 

As per NovemberIX's suggestion, I think this is absolutely spot-on. The rubber needs to meet the road, and this sounds like a great way for me to do it.

 

 

 

Thanks everyone for commenting! I have tons of ideas and could not have done it without you!

Edited May 16, 2017 by bloodhound23

[Legionare]

I like how you've written the article like it was written from the point of view of the inquisition. I can't even find anything that i could give critique about, so good work. Your IA was also highly enjoyable to read. I also hope that you continue in the Iron Gauntlet as a short story about the Violent Gods would be very very interesting to read. Edited May 17, 2017 by Legionare

[bloodhound23]

I like how you've written the article like it was written from the point of view of the inquisition. I can't even find anything that i could give critique about, so good work. Your IA was also highly enjoyable to read. I also hope that you continue in the Iron Gauntlet as a short story about the Violent Gods would be very very interesting to read.

 

Thanks very much for saying so. I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed it, and even while trying to read it with a critical eye! 

 

I would love to write a short story and do plan on vowing for the later editions of the Iron Gauntlet.

[bloodhound23]

Got a few models of Violent Gods built if anyone would like to see. 

 

Link to my WIP in my signature.

[bloodhound23]

Hi, All

 

Thanks for reading and contributing to this project thus far. 

 

I've taken a look back and noticed some spelling and general formatting errors, and I will go back and finally correct those. It ended up being a much longer project- now that I've had a few months away from it- than I thought I remembered. No excuse for careless editing, though, and those will be fixed ASAP.

 

 

 

Otherwise- I've been trying to work on finishing my vow in the final Iron Gauntlet challenge, which here means writing a 2000-ish word short piece that I wanted to do re: the Violent Gods. Upon re-reading, however, I've noticed (what I'm worried are kinks) in my conceptual armor, and I wanted to ask for some feedback before I moved on in my writing process. 

 

My essential hangup is this: Why would the two Ordo Hereticus Inquisitors notice this ship in the first place? Presumably, the Violent Gods would have had to have enough of a presence in their interactions with the Imperium such that someone (i.e. the authors of my Index Traitoris) would go inquiring into their origins, and an open unaccounted vessel case (that of the Aevum) might be too peculiar of a case to NOT see that it evolves into what the Violent Gods are. Regardless, I feel as if I haven't done enough to motivate the plausibility of that aspect of the story. So I was wondering if anyone had thoughts on that.

 

Cheers and thanks.