Index Astartes: Denizens of the Deep

[Minigiant]

I just replaced the Space Wolves specific traits (Acute Senses) with those appropriate for the Legions my Pioneers (renamed Wolf Scouts) are descendants of- Chapter Tactics (Iron Hands) for the Steel Crusaders, Furious Charge for the Iron-hearted Angels (Blood Angels descendants).

 

Background wise I dont mind changing their story but rules wise it is a no go. A rules legal codex

[Minigiant]

Inner Circle

 

After their founding, the new senior members of the Chapter assembled in a secret conclave. They decreed the knowledge of the Vault must remain undisclosed for all time; that no outsider must ever learn of what it contains. Should this dreadful truth ever become known they feared, the Inquiliana Abyssi would be reviled as Traitors and the fate of not just the Imperium, and their God-Emperor would be at stake but also the entire universe. An Inner Circle of the Chapter’s most senior officers was formed to forever guard this dangerous knowledge and each swore oaths of unspeakable binding.

 

The Chapter’s Techmarines had been inducted into the Inner Circle, and their finding determined that that the containment protocols will hold for eternity. The Captains greeted this news with mixed emotion. On one hand, they feared that while the contents lived, they might be considered for excommunication. On the other hand, it was their sacred duty to defend it and the galaxy from it.

 

As the decades turned into centuries, the Inner Circle took shape. It grew from a shadowy, ad-hoc conclave to a formal, if still clandestine, organisation. A new generation of Denizens arose, their elders instructed to keep them ignorant. The truth of what is contained within the Vault was withheld, known only to the increasingly small number of Brethren who were there at the beginning.  

 

Where many Space Marine Chapters openly celebrate their achievements, the Denizens of the Deep came to despise telling their story. Much of the Inquiliana Abyssi’s teaching to their Brethren became couched in allegory and myth, the same essential truths told and retold, in one form after another.

 

And so it was that the Inner Circle turned its back and hid its true face even from its own, choosing to keep newly recruited Denizens of the Deep entirely ignorant of the Chapter’s darkest secret. Only on his ascension to the highest ranks within the Chapter, would a battle brother begin to learn of the truth. Rising through the intricate and convoluted ranks of the Inner Circle, he would learn more and more, the secrets one by on unveiled as his Captains’ trust in him increased. Only upon ascension to the rank of Captain would the truth be revealed, and even then, it is likely that there remain revelations known only to the holder of the title of Fleet Master; the Chapter Master of the Inquiliana Abyssi.

 

Only the most trusted of Brethren are considered for membership of the Inner Circle. These are observed from afar, sometimes finding themselves inexplicably shadowed for many years by the diminutive and mysteries Watchers in the Dark. It may be decades before the individual is approached. Only warriors who have fought through the ranks for many years and have proved their loyalty to the Chapter time and time again are allowed to progress. When worthy Void Stalkers will silently lead them before the Inner Circle for judgeent and soon they are either welcomed, or they disappear forever.

 

Each company of the Inquiliana Abyssi is led by a Captain, who has passed through the ranks and is privy to a great deal of knowledge regarding the Vault. Many of the Chapter’s supernumerary officers – its Void Stalkers; Chaplains of the Denizens of the Deep, and Techmarines – are inducted into its ranks, learned not only in their own speciality, but in the secrets of their chapter also. Notably, the Librarians except one are not members of the Inner Circle, for their psychic link is too great a risk for those within the Inner Circle.

[Minigiant]

Question time:

 

Is the term 'Inner Circle' appropriately fitting for the chapter?

 

The Asseverations I have two they share with the Black Templar vows. I need two more suitable Lovecraftian ones. Here is everything I have written down

 

"Trust in the Emperor at the hour of battle.

Trust to him to intercede, and protect his warriors true as they deal death on alien soil.
Turn their seas to red with the blood of their slain.
Crush their hopes, their dreams
And turn their songs into cries of lamentation."
- "Uphold the honour of the Emperor",

 

"The deepest levels of the unconscious mind

where the Emperor dwells

must inevitably surface for all to see."

- "Unknown"

 

"Lead us from death to victory, from falsehood to truth.
Lead us from despair to hope, from faith to slaughter.
Lead us to His strength and an eternity of war.
Let His wrath fill our hearts.
Death, war, and blood;
in vengeance serve the Emperor!"
- "Suffer not the Unclean to live"

 

"Gone but not forgotten
Emperor sleep at Terra
Promising Death to One and all
- “Dead of Night”

 

"He sleeps and then acts.
We send out prayers to thee,
Answer us!
- “Beneath the Throne”

 

They dont fit side by side very well in terms of style

[Bjorn Firewalker]

Why do the Denizens worship Cthulhu instead of the Emperor? Are they draining the Dark God's powers when they pray, weakening him so he is unable to awake, or to threaten the Imperium? (I'm drawing inspiration from 'Rat Queens Volume 3: Demons', where a cult's High Priests are privy to the fact they worship a monster, whos powers they must drain via prayer, in order to prevent the monster from destroying the world.)

As for the name of the Dark Angels Inner Circle equivalent, I thought of the alternate names "Black Circle" (from the Conan the Barbarian story 'The People of the Black Circle'), the "Old Gentry" (describing the background of students attending Miskatonic University, in the Wikipedia article) or "Senior Class" (another school reference), the "Deep Ones" (in universe, you can say the title refers to the depths of the Denizens veterans' knowledge and wisdom, instead of the monsters the Esoteric Order of Dagon worships), and Privy Council. Given more time, I'm sure we can think up names that distance your Chapter from the Dark Angels, making your ideas more original.

[Bjorn Firewalker]

Suggested prayer:

 

"God-Emperor, hear my prayer! Grant me the strength to crush this obstacle to Your Great Plan, to destroy the one who opposes Your will!"

[Minigiant]

Why do the Denizens worship Cthulhu instead of the Emperor? Are they draining the Dark God's powers when they pray, weakening him so he is unable to awake, or to threaten the Imperium? (I'm drawing inspiration from 'Rat Queens Volume 3: Demons', where a cult's High Priests are privy to the fact they worship a monster, whos powers they must drain via prayer, in order to prevent the monster from destroying the world.)

 

From their perspective, it has come from the absorption of the Nahmunian belief system, that the manifestation in the sea are an extension of the Emperors will. They pray to it as they see it as a conduit to the Emperor. In 'reality' it is either

 

a) Giving Cthulhu power

b) Transferring Power from Cthulhu to the Emperor

 

 

As for the name of the Dark Angels Inner Circle equivalent, I thought of the alternate names "Black Circle" (from the Conan the Barbarian story 'The People of the Black Circle'), the "Old Gentry" (describing the background of students attending Miskatonic University, in the Wikipedia article) or "Senior Class" (another school reference), the "Deep Ones" (in universe, you can say the title refers to the depths of the Denizens veterans' knowledge and wisdom, instead of the monsters the Esoteric Order of Dagon worships), and Privy Council. Given more time, I'm sure we can think up names that distance your Chapter from the Dark Angels, making your ideas more original.

 

Thank you, these are all far better than Inner Circle

 

Suggested prayer:

 

"God-Emperor, hear my prayer! Grant me the strength to crush this obstacle to Your Great Plan, to destroy the one who opposes Your will!"

 

Nice, does this prayer have a name?

[Minigiant]

A main component to a codex is great artwork, well I want to add a Denizens of the Deep piece in the following vein. I am looking for suggestions. That said, if you are an artist and want to get involved please reach out

 

[Bjorn Firewalker]

 

Suggested prayer:

 

"God-Emperor, hear my prayer! Grant me the strength to crush this obstacle to Your Great Plan, to destroy the one who opposes Your will!"

Nice, does this prayer have a name?

I didn't think of one when I wrote it, but how about "Incantation to Incarnate the Emperor's Wrath".

[Minigiant]

 

 

Suggested prayer:

 

"God-Emperor, hear my prayer! Grant me the strength to crush this obstacle to Your Great Plan, to destroy the one who opposes Your will!"

Nice, does this prayer have a name?

I didn't think of one when I wrote it, but how about "Incantation to Incarnate the Emperor's Wrath".

 

Brilliant thank you, now just need one more asseveration. I want to paraphrase a Lovecraftian chant, all the ones I find are just a little short. I may need to actually rub some brain cells together and create my own composite one.

 

This is something to work off from, The Horror at Red Hook...

"O friend and companion of the night, thou who rejoicest in the baying of dogs and spilt blood, who wanderest in the midst of shades among the tombs, who longest for blood and bringest terror to mortals, Gorgo, Mormo, thousand-faced moon, look favourably on our sacrifices!"

I nearly have the first half of the first section of three all laid out, and all raw content created. I have some ideas for artwork I need to get onto someone about, and graphics (this part I am already having problems with.)

Edited September 30, 2017 by Minigiant

[Bjorn Firewalker]

"O lord and master of the night, thou who rejoicest in the baying of dogs and spilt blood, who leads the army of shades marching forth from their tombs, who longest for blood and bringest terror to sinners, God-Emperor, Master of Mankind, Light of the Astronomicon, look favourably on our valorous sacrifices!"

[Minigiant]

"O lord and master of the night, thou who rejoicest in the baying of dogs and spilt blood, who leads the army of shades marching forth from their tombs, who longest for blood and bringest terror to sinners, God-Emperor, Master of Mankind, Light of the Astronomicon, look favourably on our valorous sacrifices!"

 

And for name of prayer, what about "Instill the Emperor's Horror"?

Edited October 1, 2017 by Minigiant

[Bjorn Firewalker]

Or "Break the Enemy's Spirit upon the Rock of Your Faith".

[Bjorn Firewalker]

I thought the name "Instill the Emperor's Horror" may be confusing- instill that which horrifies the Emperor? But modifying the name for clarification- e.g., to "Instill Horror into Enemies of the Emperor"- should work for the following:

 

"Fear the Emperor, but dread naught, for the Emperor's spirit shall enter thee; His wrath shall empower thee, and thou shall be the very embodiment of the dread of thy enemies. Now go forth, kill thy enemies, and reap their souls as offerings to the Emperor!"

[Minigiant]

Or "Break the Enemy's Spirit upon the Rock of Your Faith".

 

 

I thought the name "Instill the Emperor's Horror" may be confusing- instill that which horrifies the Emperor? But modifying the name for clarification- e.g., to "Instill Horror into Enemies of the Emperor"- should work for the following:

 

"Fear the Emperor, but dread naught, for the Emperor's spirit shall enter thee; His wrath shall empower thee, and thou shall be the very embodiment of the dread of thy enemies. Now go forth, kill thy enemies, and reap their souls as offerings to the Emperor!"

 

As always you are great with names, consider them incorporated

 

Now due to page numbers I am having to expand my Successor Chapter section to 2 pages, from 2 chapters to 4. For that I need names, and have come up with these, what are peoples thoughts

 

Ash Horrors

Ghost Eaters

Shadow Dwellers

Howling Revenants

 

All still suitably Lovecraftian and Mythos?

[Bjorn Firewalker]

Yes.

 

Edit: Earlier, I proposed using "Ghost-Eaters" as a Chapter-specific term for Scouts- who, "having to journey far in search of the enemy's faintest shadow, sustaining themselves on those shadows (exercising their Omophagea) in the process." May my Denizens of the Deep successor continue using that term?

Edited October 1, 2017 by Bjorn Firewalker

[Minigiant]

Yes.

 

Edit: Earlier, I proposed using "Ghost-Eaters" as a Chapter-specific term for Scouts- who, "having to journey far in search of the enemy's faintest shadow, sustaining themselves on those shadows (exercising their Omophagea) in the process." May my Denizens of the Deep successor continue using that term?

 

Certainly

[Minigiant]

1. So I have a Twitter poll going on regarding best Lovecraftian chapter names to be a successor chapter: https://twitter.com/Minigiant_blog

 

2. I have began work on tidying up the History section, it has got very confusing with so many places of development as well as PM, I am blaming you @Bjorn Firewalker ;-)

 

3. Part of the codex is a 2 page spread of the 2nd company, exactly like page 26&27 of the Space Marine codex. Unfortunately it highlights one of my biggest weaknesses in all this; name creation. Below I will show you all the snippets of info, that I need help rewriting into my own chapter

 

 

Captain Kratos accompanied by the Company Veterans known as the [NAME}. Additional leadership elements include two Lieutenants (one a newly joined Primaris Marine) and a Chaplain. An Apothecary and Company and Company Ancient were also attached to the 2^nd Company’s command

 

1st Squad (Tactical) – This squad boasts the Company’s most experienced and honoured warriors. They are known as the [TITLE], or Squad [NAME] after their Veteran Sergeant.

 

2nd Squad (Tactical) – These warriors earned the appellation of New Crusaders, as the entire 2nd Squad was replaced after the first battles with the Death Guard.

 

3rd Squad (Intercessor) – This squad has not attained a moniker yet, but earned the respect of their 2nd Company brethren when they downed an entire swarm of Plague Drones.

 

4th Squad (Intercessor) – The Sons of Terra, led by Sergeant Athos, are eager to prove themselves before their more experienced brethren.

 

5th Squad (Tactical) – The Victors, led by Sergeant Vallern, are tasked with taking out the enemy’s most armoured formations.

 

6th Squad (Tactical) – The Lineholders, led by Veteran Sergeant Tallum, typically form the centre of any battle plan and are known for their marksmanship.

 

THE GUARDIANS OF THE TEMPLE

By tradition, the Ultramarines 2nd Company – the most honoured of the Chapter’s Battle Companies – bear the title of Guardians of the Temple. This is no mere honorific, but alludes to their long-held duty to protect the fabled Temple of Correction within their mighty fortress monastery upon Macragge – for there could once be found the shrine of Primarch Roboute Guilliman. With Guilliman’s reawakening, the Primarch suggested that the 2nd Company not only maintain its traditional title, but also add a new one. For their heroics during the battles of the Plague Wars, the battle-brothers of the 2nd Company were dubbed the Avengers of Ultramar.

 

7th Squad (Assault) – Macragge’s Avengers, led by Sergeant Laedrus, prefer to enter the battlefield by Thunderhawk in order to close with the foe as quickly as possible.

 

8th Squad (Inceptor) – Squad Gloccus has developed a friendly rivalry with Macragge’s Own, and both close support squads vie to accumulate the most honours upon the battlefield.

 

9th Squad (Devastator) – Commonly known as the Titan Slayers. Led by Sergeant Atavian, the 9th was awarded the Principex Maxima for their destruction of the renegade Warlord Titan Soulmauler.

 

10th Squad (Hellblaster) – Squad Dryden and their new weaponry gained much respect when they drove back an assault by plaguetoughened Death Guard Terminators.

 

11th Squad (Intercessor) – Originally from the 6th Company (Reserves), this squad is led by Veteran Telemachus, one of the first Primaris Marines to reach Macragge.

 

12th Squad (Assault) – Squad Skythunder from the 8th Company have been attached to Captain Acheran’s company in order to give his upcoming counter-offensive more hitting power.

 

Dreadnought Brother Ultracius – The interred warrior’s name is picked out on the sarcophagus. Numerals on the armour plating indicate that Brother Ultracius is the second Dreadnought attached to the 2nd Company.

 

Dreadnought Brother Agnathio – Having fallen in the line of duty at Chundrabad in 141.M36, Agnathio has spent much of his lifespan in cryostasis, but fights with as much fiery wrath as ever.

 

 

 

So many names (which I can slowly get through) but having most difficulty with Titles, and the snippets of backstory

[Minigiant]

Codex Front Cover Bad Mockup

 

 

I want to fill my codex with loads of great art as well as loads of little nods to the references I am drawing from. No better place than the front cover. This is a terrible mock up of what I am thinking (I have no photoshop skills, so if you are good with graphics I NEED YOU). ‘The Call of Cthulhu’ will be replaced with ‘CODEX INQUILIANA ABYSSI’ and Cthulhu will be replaced by a Space Marine in a similar artistic style

[Commissar Molotov]

I've read through your Chapter article. I fear that you've begun to put an unnecessary focus onto using the work of GW and your fellow frater with just a few changes - is this to try and ensure your work adheres to a GW style? Its has led to an article that feels a little patchy and inconsistent. If you're sticking to an Index Astartes format, perhaps it's important to think about the information you want a reader to be presented with - and the order in which it is done.

 

What are your key aims or goals with this Chapter? What, at the absolute core, is the theme of your Chapter (beyond 'Cthulhu Marines'?) 

[Bjorn Firewalker]

Minigiant's gave the Chapter an obsessive focus on "purity," and had them worship the "God-Emperor" the way the Ecclesiarchy does. My idea (for the successor Chapter he asked me to contribute to, at least) is certain factions in the Imperium- the Ecclesiarchy, the Inquisition, maybe even the Mechanicus- use the Chapter as a pawn- to make a certain planet's inhabitants adhere to the Ecclesiarch's dogma, to investigate xeno ruins and recover certain artifacts for the Mechanicus, to aid Radical Inquisitors who burned bridges between them and the Grey Knights- and the Chapter accepts this in exchange for certain forms of aid.

[Commissar Molotov]

It's clear from reading the constant back-and-forth in this thread that's become somewhat of a joint project between the two of you. My feeling, however, is that from an outsider's perspective, the Chapter itself doesn't hold up in a cohesive and complementary way. It's clear from reading that a lot of the ideas are stitched together from a myriad of different sources - even to the point of contradicting itself. For example, at different points in your original article you say that the Denizens 'have chosen to not adhere to the Codex Astartes' whilst then saying they '[honour the] Codex Astartes as if the holy hand of the Emperor' had written it.

 

I don't particularly see purity as being a theme riven through the Chapter. If it were me I'd consider the 'Deep' aspect of the Chapter - what are the depths to which this Chapter is willing to sink in order to complete its mission? How are the post-human Astartes challenged and changed by the apotheosis they undergo? How are they changed by the awful knowledge they wield, and the terrible things they must do in order to do their duties? You say that they dwell in the depths - but that's not something I see in here. What does it mean?

 

My point is that you should (as a thought exercise, if nothing more) reduce each section of your IA back to bullet points and see if the original concepts can withstand scrutiny. From that, build up your Chapter once more - stronger this time. I would also highly suggest that you try to build it without relying on the work of other writers - as it is harder to see your original voice. 

[Minigiant]

I've read through your Chapter article. I fear that you've begun to put an unnecessary focus onto using the work of GW and your fellow frater with just a few changes - is this to try and ensure your work adheres to a GW style? Its has led to an article that feels a little patchy and inconsistent. If you're sticking to an Index Astartes format, perhaps it's important to think about the information you want a reader to be presented with - and the order in which it is done.

 

What are your key aims or goals with this Chapter? What, at the absolute core, is the theme of your Chapter (beyond 'Cthulhu Marines'?) 

 

It has a GW style for two reasons I think, first being my fictional writing is not good enough for anything better, second because I am turning them into a codex.

 

The key aim for the chapter is to express that the Imperial Cults extremist religious ideology has practical guarantee of dark morbidness expressed in crime, perversion, and insanity.

 

It's clear from reading the constant back-and-forth in this thread that's become somewhat of a joint project between the two of you. My feeling, however, is that from an outsider's perspective, the Chapter itself doesn't hold up in a cohesive and complementary way. It's clear from reading that a lot of the ideas are stitched together from a myriad of different sources - even to the point of contradicting itself. For example, at different points in your original article you say that the Denizens 'have chosen to not adhere to the Codex Astartes' whilst then saying they '[honour the] Codex Astartes as if the holy hand of the Emperor' had written it.

 

I don't particularly see purity as being a theme riven through the Chapter. If it were me I'd consider the 'Deep' aspect of the Chapter - what are the depths to which this Chapter is willing to sink in order to complete its mission? How are the post-human Astartes challenged and changed by the apotheosis they undergo? How are they changed by the awful knowledge they wield, and the terrible things they must do in order to do their duties? You say that they dwell in the depths - but that's not something I see in here. What does it mean?

 

My point is that you should (as a thought exercise, if nothing more) reduce each section of your IA back to bullet points and see if the original concepts can withstand scrutiny. From that, build up your Chapter once more - stronger this time. I would also highly suggest that you try to build it without relying on the work of other writers - as it is harder to see your original voice. 

 

First I have to say thank you for weighing in, your Castigators are such a great inspiration for me. At this IA start I used your template as a basis. Morphed a lot since then. I would love if you would get more involved into the Chapter, I am fully aware it needs a pair of 'experienced' hands. Right now I have a point in mind regarding content where I can consider it a separate section, and a first draft

 

Without the 'Old Guard' around these days, it is just as impossible to write a good IA.

 

It is interesting to see you have viewed the deep as a metaphorical aspect, where I thought I had expressed it as a physical aspect, in the terms that their fortress monastery is deep on the ocean floor and they come to the surface along with the myriad of other monsters.

Edited October 1, 2017 by Minigiant

[Commissar Molotov]

 

 

...first being my fictional writing is not good enough for anything better...

 

Well, if you don't try you will never get better! It's definitely something that can be improved upon once you've got something in place. 

 

 

 

...second because I am turning them into a codex[/url]

 

I understand what you mean; I similarly harbour plans to create a supplement of sorts for the Castigators. I do think it's important, however, to get the groundwork sorted and complete before you have to re-do a great deal of work. 

 

 

[quote[First I have to say thank you for weighing in, your Castigators are such a great inspiration for me. At this IA start I used your template as a basis. Morphed a lot since then. I would love if you would get more involved into the Chapter, I am fully aware it needs a pair of 'experienced' hands. Right now I have a point in mind regarding content where I can consider it a separate section, and a first draft

 

 

Without the 'Old Guard' around these days, it is just as impossible to write a good IA.

 

It is interesting to see you have viewed the deep as a metaphorical aspect, where I thought I had expressed it as a physical aspect, in the terms that their fortress monastery is deep on the ocean floor and they come to the surface along with the myriad of other monsters.

 

I think that a metaphorical approach is the best way to differentiate your Chapter from any number of other water-based Chapters. Waterworlds invariably seem rather uninspired unless they are done exceptionally well. And yet, your Chapter spends most of its time away from that world. 

 

As I said before - I think it is important to check which aspects of your Chapter are strong and resilient, and which are the ones that need to be strengthened. As of right now, I'm not convinced the links with the Ecclesiarchy particularly work well with the rest of the Chapter as it exists. It's up to you now - I look forward to seeing what you come up with! 

[Minigiant]

 

As I said before - I think it is important to check which aspects of your Chapter are strong and resilient, and which are the ones that need to be strengthened. As of right now, I'm not convinced the links with the Ecclesiarchy particularly work well with the rest of the Chapter as it exists. It's up to you now - I look forward to seeing what you come up with! 

 

 

You don't? I thought it was the only bit upon reflection that makes any sense

 

P.S You are unable to receive any new PM. I have a feeling your inbox is full

[Minigiant]

 

What are your key aims or goals with this Chapter?

 

What, at the absolute core, is the theme of your Chapter?

 

what are the depths to which this Chapter is willing to sink in order to complete its mission?

 

How are the post-human Astartes challenged and changed by the apotheosis they undergo?

 

How are they changed by the awful knowledge they wield, and the terrible things they must do in order to do their duties?

 

You say that they dwell in the depths - but that's not something I see in here. What does it mean?

 

How?

 

Why?

 - Imperial Cult + Cthulhu?

 

Which aspects of your Chapter are strong and resilient?

 

Which are the ones that need to be strengthened?

 

 

Honestly, I have sat for a couple of hours with these now, and I cannot answer any of them

Edited October 2, 2017 by Minigiant