TechCaptain Posted May 5, 2020 Author Share Posted May 5, 2020 (edited) Good gravy there is an absolute trove of detail here on your Chapter! But let's go on with the basics to start with. First off, a Dark Founding Chapter's always a fun and can be challenging write up to complete, befitting it's place within the Imperium's systems and such, the idea of having them out on the edges of the Eastern Fringe is a good idea, akin to the Death Spectres' duties out in the Ghoul Stars. A quick thing to note, with them guarding the Corridor way out there, what tactical purpose does/could it serve, as it is so far away form the majority of the Imperium's resources and consumers? As there is a lot of information to cover, I like that you've split it up a little into a few posts. It might be worth making the opening post more a detail on the "flavour" of the Bloodmoon Hunters as to their origins etc as you've done, but remove some of the battle honours etc and put them in s separate post (or possibly use the Spoiler tags) to prevent information overload for the reader whilst going through? I can spot a few past/present tense switches within the opening paragraphs, it can make the reading a little jarring, might be worth choosing a particular tense, whether something has happened or is currently happening, then stick with it for the article to help with the flow. With their doctrine of unorthodoxy and not following orders completely to the letter, but more within the guidelines, how does this affect the respect of the battle line Astartes to their commanders? Has this led to minor rebellions to commanders or possibly even some Bloodmoon Hunters going rogue? It'd make for an interesting addition to see how they keep that in check. I'll leave it there for the moment, got a bit more to read beyond the opening post, but I can see you've really worked hard on building up the backstory of this Chapter and major respect to you for that from a fellow dedicated DIY Chapter writer on their own army. Cambrius Thanks, it was less a tactical purpose and more that the emperor's tarot/prophecy said they needed to guard it. The reason loss to time mainly. What it practically does is, it is a stable corridor around a warp anomaly and now the great rift happened it is one of the few places to get around the rift, though it is still out of the way. How do you do spoiler tags? Yea I have grammar issues. give me numbers any day lol. If you guys can help me spot these tense errors I will gladly fix them. Awesome job on finding one of there worst flaws and yes rogue Bloodmoon Hunters is a problem. I have been working on their renegade version but honestly for me that writing is harder. But that is in the works. Edited May 5, 2020 by TechCaptain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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