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The dull purple IS a distinct scheme, compared to camouflage (dull by necessity) and the "Shoot me! I'm right here!" bright colors that Games Workshop keeps using. Is it meant to represent flowers presented as funeral offerings?

Purple is a funeral mourning color and I figured dull fit the theme of that better than bright.

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 The Heralds of Ash are a Loyalist Space Marine Chapter of the Adeptus Astartes created during the 6th Founding, which occurred sometime during the latter years of M33. Suspected of being created from the lineage of the heroic Blood Angels, the Heralds of Ash were one of several Chapter founded in the wake of the notable event known as 'The Year of Ghosts', when the Imperium was beset by extreme Warp activity and daemonic incursions. Only when the honoured dead rose up from their graves to drive back the terrors of the warp that the heart of the Imperium just barely managed to survive. Following this event the High Lords of Terra authorised the raising of a new Founding to help bring about stability and law back to those imperilled worlds that still suffered in the iron-grip of those who followed the Dark Gods.

If they are suspected to be of Blood Angel stock, is there a reason why the Blood Angels have not contacted them to see if they are and (if they are BA successors*) initiated them in the sons of Sanguinius’ secrets?

* instead of just having something that’s similar to the Black Rage and another thing that would have the same rules outcome as the Red Thirst but is something different.

 

 

 

The Heralds of Ash during the Plague of Unbelief (Unknown.M36) sent out several companies tracking down and eliminating the many false prophets that appeared throughout the anarchic Age of Apostasy, some little more than madmen leading rebel armies, others spiritual demagogues who commanded worlds and armies.

Suggest changing to "During the Plague of Unbelief did the Heralds of Ash send out several companies..."

 

Also, you should probably have some things from M40 and M41 if you are mentioning dates, since those things are more in available memory than things before that.

 

 

 

The narrow alleys and passages were steep and cobbled, leading up to the crowning monument -- the heart of the main hive city in both a physical and spiritual sense -- the Memorial Mausoleum. Nestled at the heart of the devotional architecture and adorning the metropolis like a crown was the enormous roof-dome of the sacred vault that dominated the city skyline. A colossal archway-barbican decorated the entrance to the memorial mausoleum. The pillars of the stately sepulchre were thick and tall, and the darkness of the threshold beckoned Imperial pilgrim and cleric alike.

Suggest having the hive city being the only hive on the planet and calling it a "crematory-hive".

 

Also your tempus (think that's the right word) here and on some other placese indicate that the things you describe has been lost/destroyed

 

 

 

Cremation happens often and the kind of wood used important. The poorest dead are just thrown into gas crematories while those that have paid a bit more get burned with wood, while the richest get buried for a time unless they were significant enough to get one of the Imperial Organizations to pay. Notable parts of Accusation are plantation forests that are grown only to create good funeral wood. Bones that are still there after cremation is considered blessed and are used to create lesser relics.

Suggest changing to: “Those who are not rich or important enough to be buried are cremated. The poorest dead are just thrown into gas crematories while those that have paid a bit more get incinerated with wood, and the kind of wood used are considered of importance, the more you pay the finer the wood used. Notable parts of Accusation are plantation forests that are grown only to create good funeral wood. Bones that are still there after cremation is considered blessed and are used to create lesser relics. While the richest get buried they don’t stay in their graves forever, unless they were significant enough to get one of the Imperial Organizations to pay.”

Think it would flow easier.

 

 

 

Will make some more comments later 

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If they are suspected to be of Blood Angel stock, is there a reason why the Blood Angels have not contacted them to see if they are and (if they are BA successors*) initiated them in the sons of Sanguinius’ secrets?

* instead of just having something that’s similar to the Black Rage and another thing that would have the same rules outcome as the Red Thirst but is something different.

Good point! It's foolish to riddle an IA with J. J. Abrams-style "mystery boxes."

Suggest having the hive city being the only hive on the planet and calling it a "crematory-hive".

If there's only one hive, where do the general public- from which the Chapter recruits- live?

 

Limiting the Chapter planet to a single hive, limits the Chapter in turn. From where will the Chapter get precision instruments, e.g., auspex, vox, engines and generators for its vehicles, the tools to calibrate those instruments and ensure they're functional, the tools to repair those instruments if they're not functional, etc.? Many of them must be made in a manufactory, which require large numbers of workers to make the instruments in sufficient quantities for a Space Marine Chapter, and those workers need a city to live in.

 

If you accept the limitations and find alternative sources- say the Chapter operates star forts with onboard manufactories, or has a pact with a forge world that provides the materiel it needs- then I can accept your proposal. If not, then you should reconsider it.

 

Notable parts of Accusation are plantation forests that are grown only to create good funeral wood. Bones that are still there after cremation is considered blessed and are used to create lesser relics.

Suggest changing to: “Those who are not rich or important enough to be buried are cremated. The poorest dead are just thrown into gas crematories while those that have paid a bit more get incinerated with wood, and the kind of wood used are considered of importance, the more you pay the finer the wood used.
Funeral wood? Don't you mean "cremation wood"? Or is the wood also used for the coffins in which VIPs are buried?

 

And if the "plantation forests" are so important, then the planet must not be a place that easily sustains life, i.e., trees cannot be planted outside the plantations, meaning it shouldn't be limited to only one hive.

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I was thinking only one living Hive that is the major star port and several smaller communities that live in or around say the woods or ruins, graves what not. Remember I have describe one living city and one that is in ruins but people live outside of around the chapter’s base. The trees are mostly in plantations because so much of the planet is given to graves and the dead there just isn’t that much space. And yes in some cases VIPs can be buried in the wood. I will incorporate some of the word changes as I like them. And my tenses probably do need work.
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So the Chapter planet has many smaller cities, which the fortress-monastery (the sole hive) dwarfs over? Fair enough.

 

Are the smaller cities built around graves, which the city inhabitants maintain in exchange for money from the organizations that own the cemetaries, i.e., the Astra Militarum pays inhabitants of "Loyal Guardsmen's Rest" (a city built atop its designated plots) to maintain its officers' graves (low-ranking guardsmen are simply cremated), the Ecclesiarchy pays inhabitants of "Field of the Faithful" (a city built atop its designated plots) to maintain the priests' graves, etc.? If a paperwork error leads to a failure to pay, do the city inhabitants then rob the graves, or may they appeal to the Chapter for alms (food, water, blankets, bandages, etc.), which the Marines provide to minimize incidents of grave robbing?

 

Do city-cemetaries wage war against one another, as hives do in the Gaunt's Ghosts series? That will provide great opportunities for the Chapter planet's people to gain combat experience and prove themselves worthy of becoming Space Marines, but it may also cause destruction and desecration to the graves, which will be intolerable to the organizations which own them. Is battle limited to designated "combat zones" outside the city-cemetaries, with the Chapter enforcing this limit on pain of death (via poison gas, so the graves wouldn't be desecrated), to avoid disturbing the dead?

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Cities produce death cults basically and the living are open season but the dead are off limits. The hive is not where the chapter is, they lurk over the ruins of a hive that people gather outside of in hopes of seeing the angels of the Emperor, few ever make it, those that do gather in the once a decade gathering of the Angels to help the holy Chaplains clear some area or another, which is a ruse to see if they are worthy becoming marines.

 

Edit: I do see the smaller cities dedicated to a particular set of plots or organization’s dead.

Edited by TechCaptain
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Ash is considered sacred by the Chapter, and when Heralds of Ash Battle-Brothers are called to go to a distant war they perform one last act before leave-taking, a ceremony known as the Rite of Ash Claiming. This ash is carried in a flask by every member of the Chapter, to anoint every planet that they step foot on in a ritual ceremony called the Rite of the Ash Giving.

I know you're taking inspiration from what the Iron Snakes did with their Chapter planet's waters, in Dan Abnett's Brothers of the Snake, but the names are too on-the-nose, and you risk being seen as a copycat. I advise new names- maybe "Shouldering the Burden" (taking inspiration from the legend of Saint Christopher, when he carried Jesus Christ across a river, and literally felt the weight of the world upon him) for ash claiming, and "Sharing the Burden" for ash giving- alternatively, "Rite of Consecration" (taking direct inspiration for the rite in which Abraham Van Helsing used sacramental bread to over-consecrate the consecrated ground on which Dracula must sleep during the day, denying the vampire rest, in Bram Stoker's classic novel).

In M33, the newfound Heralds of Ash Chapter was ordered to claim their own Chapter planet, after being initially fleet-based. During their search for an unclaimed planet within the Imperium, a charismatic Rogue Trader convinced the Chapter Master to aid in his search for a long-lost relic on behalf of the Ecclesiarchy in exchange for exclusive rights to trade on a lucrative pilgrimage passage, which the Trader believes is on Accusation. A deal was made; the Rogue Trader received the relic to return to the Ecclesiarchial Cardinal of the sector, the Astartes would the planet.

Inquisitional Archive: Noted Artifact discovered by Heralds of Ash on world now designated Accusation has markings of Xenos and possibly other origins. The artifact seems to be indestructible, pursuant of artifact now deceased. Family of the pursuant warned never to claim artifact under Inquisitional authority. Archivists will be dispatched to study artifact under the care of the Heralds of Ash. Cardinal who dispatched pursuant, eliminated. Sizable compensation that was to be awarded upon retrieval has been forwarded to the family but now they are marked as worthy of observation evermore.

The Rogue Trader, and the relic he sought, should be named. (The Cardinal may be identified as "Cardinal [Redacted]", as the Inquisition may declare him damnatio memoriae as punishment for playing with tainted artifacts.) My proposals: "Charles Septimus Valois" for the Rogue Trader (after King Charles VII, whom Joan of Arc fought for), and the "Philosopher's Stone" for the relic- one I used myself in a fanfic.

In my story, the "Philosopher's Stones" (also referred to as "Purifiers") were Necron artifacts with anti-Warp properties, with which Chaos sorcerers hoped to cure the mutations they suffered.

As you described the relic as "xeno" and "indestructible," I thought a link could be made.

 

If the Cardinal must be named, may I suggest "Pierre Beauvais", after the bishop who ordered the execution of Joan of Arc, and was posthumously excommunicated for his role? Say he thought to use the Philosopher's Stone to purge his domain of the Warp's corruptive influence- which would've cut it off from astropathic communications and, in theory, allow him to be Bucharis II (the real reason the Inquisitor ordered his death).

Edited by Bjorn Firewalker
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 a ceremony known as the Rite of Ash Claiming. This ash is carried in a flask by every member of the Chapter, to anoint every planet that they step foot on in a ritual ceremony called the Rite of the Ash Giving.

You explain what they do with the ash after the ceremony but not really what the "Rite of Ash Claiming" is or involves.

 

For the Ashen Heralds, knowledge is salvation, the means to controlling the psychic legacy of their Primarch's gene.

Do this mean that they know which Primarch is their gene-sire, or at least think they know?

 

Heralds make use of fire in many of their rituals and ceremonies and believe that they must be cleansed by the pain of fire before every major undertaking or initiative.

Suggest adding some of the ways they use fire to cleanse or mortify themself

 

They hold a firm belief in isolationism, the tenet that only through spiritual meditation and exploration performed alone and in isolation from others can a person gain a true understanding of both themselves and how they can best serve the will of the Emperor.

Do you mean personal isolation, or the Chapter's isolation from others?

 

The Heralds, when possible, treat all the dead on the battle field with proper burials/cremation and death rituals.

Suggest adding what this usually involves

 

Dead battle-brother's remains are used to enhance the arms and armor the fallen use to have.

Don't think you have really explained how the Heralds treat their fallen, maybe do that before this part?

 

 

 

More comments later

 

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

 

Suggest having the hive city being the only hive on the planet and calling it a "crematory-hive".

If there's only one hive, where do the general public- from which the Chapter recruits- live?

 

Limiting the Chapter planet to a single hive, limits the Chapter in turn. From where will the Chapter get precision instruments, e.g., auspex, vox, engines and generators for its vehicles, the tools to calibrate those instruments and ensure they're functional, the tools to repair those instruments if they're not functional, etc.? Many of them must be made in a manufactory, which require large numbers of workers to make the instruments in sufficient quantities for a Space Marine Chapter, and those workers need a city to live in. 

Don't seem to be a problem for most Chapters that use Death, Feral, or Feudal Worlds as recuitment and/or home world.

 

Also You have to remember that a hive city can cover less ground than Germany and have a population of at least all of North America. 

 

And if the "plantation forests" are so important, then the planet must not be a place that easily sustains life, i.e., trees cannot be planted outside the plantations, meaning it shouldn't be limited to only one hive.

My reading was more that the most of the area is used for graveyards and mausoleums, leaving little place for tree plantations.

 

 

 

Ash is considered sacred by the Chapter, and when Heralds of Ash Battle-Brothers are called to go to a distant war they perform one last act before leave-taking, a ceremony known as the Rite of Ash Claiming. This ash is carried in a flask by every member of the Chapter, to anoint every planet that they step foot on in a ritual ceremony called the Rite of the Ash Giving.

I know you're taking inspiration from what the Iron Snakes did with their Chapter planet's waters, in Dan Abnett's Brothers of the Snake, but the names are too on-the-nose, and you risk being seen as a copycat.  

Copycating has a long and proud tradition within Warhammer. I see no problem with that.

 

but the names are too on-the-nose, 

Or be seen as a in-cultural reference to death. Creamation is the most usuall way to take care of the dead in their homeworld, which makes ash likely something very associated with death and the dead.

 

The Rogue Trader, and the relic he sought, should be named. (The Cardinal may be identified as "Cardinal [Redacted]", as the Inquisition may declare him damnatio memoriae as punishment for playing with tainted artifacts.) My proposals: "Charles Septimus Valois" for the Rogue Trader (after King Charles VII, whom Joan of Arc fought for), and the "Philosopher's Stone" for the relic- one I used myself in a fanfic.

Spoiler 
 

As you described the relic as "xeno" and "indestructible," I thought a link could be made.

 

If the Cardinal must be named, may I suggest "Pierre Beauvais", after the bishop who ordered the execution of Joan of Arc, and was posthumously excommunicated for his role? Say he thought to use the Philosopher's Stone to purge his domain of the Warp's corruptive influence- which would've cut it off from astropathic communications and, in theory, allow him to be Bucharis II (the real reason the Inquisitor ordered his death).

Just want to point out that that part of their history took place over 6000 years ago, it's very possible that all the names have been lost to time or censure.

Edited by Gamiel
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Against the xenos, no such quarter was given,

Do they give quarter to non-xenos? If so, do I think you have not mentioned that. If not do I suggest that you change the text into just "no quarter is given"

 

hold a position in the same disciplined way as the Ultramarines or Dark Angels,

Suggest changing Dark Angels into Imperial Fists since the later is known for their ability to hold their position

 

 Once done groups of Heralds charge forth in Berserk fury 

No need to have Berserk with a capital B

 

The unshakable belief of the Heralds of Ash, that they alone can save the galaxy.

That feel a bit arrogant if you mean "they" as the Chapter alone, instead of the Space Marines as a group. Could affect their interaction with other Chapters and non-transhuman imperial forces

 

A small, but significant percentage are prone to physical mutation.

Is the "A tendency for skin pigmentation to permanently darken and appear Ashen often adopting an unnatural granite-like or ash quality" the physical mutation you referring to here, or is that a different physical mutation that affects most of the Chapter? If the later, what kind of physical mutations are they prone of suffering? Is it the same kind of mutation (maybe in some variations) that appear among all brothers that develop physical mutations, a group of returning mutations, or something more or less new each time?

 

If you want suggestions do I have some.

 

Deep within the psyche of every Herald of Ash is a destructive yearning, a battle fury and hunger that must be held in abeyance in every waking moment. Few Battle-Brothers can hold this in check unceasingly -- it is far from unknown for Heralds of Ash to temporarily succumb to its lure at the height of battle.

If "The Craving for Battle" actually is the Red Thirst should you have some mention about Marines being so filled with bloodlust that they feast on the fallen after the battles end.

 

This craving is the Heralds of Ash darkest secret and greatest curse, but it is also their greatest salvation, for it brings with it a humility and understanding of their own failings which make them understand their connection to the Emperor as humanity's warriors.

Think you could expand on this part a bit more. How dose it "brings with it a humility and understanding of their own failings" (it's a nice sentence for a shorter description but since we are going a bit longer here do it feel that it could be explained more) and how is that "their greatest salvation"?

 

Accusation's society is full of death cults

Don't think you mentioned this earlier, should have a mention under homeworld since it feels like a notable part of the worlds culture.

Edited by Gamiel
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Okay I am reading this but this is going to take a minute to process lol. I am loving all the feedback. This is the second most feedback I have gotten on any of my Projects. I probably should do a Deathwatch squad of all my Chapters now I have five.
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 a ceremony known as the Rite of Ash Claiming. This ash is carried in a flask by every member of the Chapter, to anoint every planet that they step foot on in a ritual ceremony called the Rite of the Ash Giving.

You explain what they do with the ash after the ceremony but not really what the "Rite of Ash Claiming" is or involves.

I don't quite know what is involved in this yet. I originally was basing this on the Iron Snakes ritual with their water, but I am liking making this more specific to the Heralds

 

 

 

For the Ashen Heralds, knowledge is salvation, the means to controlling the psychic legacy of their Primarch's gene.

Do this mean that they know which Primarch is their gene-sire, or at least think they know?

They do not know which genesire they have, the belief their primarch is one of great psychic legacy carries with them and a love of knowledge they all share which to them must be a feature of their genes. Think Blood Ravens in that way.

 

 

 

Heralds make use of fire in many of their rituals and ceremonies and believe that they must be cleansed by the pain of fire before every major undertaking or initiative.

Suggest adding some of the ways they use fire to cleanse or mortify themself

More extreme but definitely that fits, I like this idea.

 

 

 

They hold a firm belief in isolationism, the tenet that only through spiritual meditation and exploration performed alone and in isolation from others can a person gain a true understanding of both themselves and how they can best serve the will of the Emperor.

Do you mean personal isolation, or the Chapter's isolation from others?

Personal Isolation, Think Tibetian Monks in a way. They are solitary meditative group, inner knowledge is as important as knowledge of the elements around them.

 

 

 

The Heralds, when possible, treat all the dead on the battle field with proper burials/cremation and death rituals.

Suggest adding what this usually involves

Good Point, The viking pyre tradition seems to fit best at the moment, though they probably do bury some or something.

 

 

 

Dead battle-brother's remains are used to enhance the arms and armor the fallen use to have.

Don't think you have really explained how the Heralds treat their fallen, maybe do that before this part?

Maybe? I figure it added a neat macabre element to the text.

 

 

 

More comments later

 

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

 

 

Suggest having the hive city being the only hive on the planet and calling it a "crematory-hive".

If there's only one hive, where do the general public- from which the Chapter recruits- live?

 

Limiting the Chapter planet to a single hive, limits the Chapter in turn. From where will the Chapter get precision instruments, e.g., auspex, vox, engines and generators for its vehicles, the tools to calibrate those instruments and ensure they're functional, the tools to repair those instruments if they're not functional, etc.? Many of them must be made in a manufactory, which require large numbers of workers to make the instruments in sufficient quantities for a Space Marine Chapter, and those workers need a city to live in.

Don't seem to be a problem for most Chapters that use Death, Feral, or Feudal Worlds as recuitment and/or home world.

 

Also You have to remember that a hive city can cover less ground than Germany and have a population of at least all of North America. 

 

 

And if the "plantation forests" are so important, then the planet must not be a place that easily sustains life, i.e., trees cannot be planted outside the plantations, meaning it shouldn't be limited to only one hive.

My reading was more that the most of the area is used for graveyards and mausoleums, leaving little place for tree plantations.

 

 

 

Ash is considered sacred by the Chapter, and when Heralds of Ash Battle-Brothers are called to go to a distant war they perform one last act before leave-taking, a ceremony known as the Rite of Ash Claiming. This ash is carried in a flask by every member of the Chapter, to anoint every planet that they step foot on in a ritual ceremony called the Rite of the Ash Giving.

I know you're taking inspiration from what the Iron Snakes did with their Chapter planet's waters, in Dan Abnett's Brothers of the Snake, but the names are too on-the-nose, and you risk being seen as a copycat.

Copycating has a long and proud tradition within Warhammer. I see no problem with that.

 

 

 

but the names are too on-the-nose, 

Or be seen as a in-cultural reference to death. Creamation is the most usuall way to take care of the dead in their homeworld, which makes ash likely something very associated with death and the dead.

 

 

The Rogue Trader, and the relic he sought, should be named. (The Cardinal may be identified as "Cardinal [Redacted]", as the Inquisition may declare him damnatio memoriae as punishment for playing with tainted artifacts.) My proposals: "Charles Septimus Valois" for the Rogue Trader (after King Charles VII, whom Joan of Arc fought for), and the "Philosopher's Stone" for the relic- one I used myself in a fanfic.

Spoiler 

 

 

 

As you described the relic as "xeno" and "indestructible," I thought a link could be made.

 

If the Cardinal must be named, may I suggest "Pierre Beauvais", after the bishop who ordered the execution of Joan of Arc, and was posthumously excommunicated for his role? Say he thought to use the Philosopher's Stone to purge his domain of the Warp's corruptive influence- which would've cut it off from astropathic communications and, in theory, allow him to be Bucharis II (the real reason the Inquisitor ordered his death).

Just want to point out that that part of their history took place over 6000 years ago, it's very possible that all the names have been lost to time or censure.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Heralds, when possible, treat all the dead on the battle field with proper burials/cremation and death rituals.
Suggest adding what this usually involves

Good Point, The viking pyre tradition seems to fit best at the moment, though they probably do bury some or something.

If I may suggest could it be that a ritualistic cremation of the fallen Imperials in a large funeral pyre, with heroes, high officers and marines receiving single pyres if there is time, preferably with a Chaplain leading the ritual, even if all Heralds can do it.  The dead gets stripped of their arms and armour so it can be used by others later and placed in proper positions. Marines and heroes (in the Harelds’ eyes) get cremated using the finest funeral wood if possible, but any fire will do if there is no time. The ashes and still there bones of the Marines are afterward gattered by the surviving battle-brothers to be taken home, if time.

 

If there is no time at all do the fallen get burned where they lay, without any real ritual beside the prayers of the marine/serf wielding the fire.

 

If there is time and possibility so are fallen marines’ corpses shipped back to their homeworld where they can have a full ceremony.

 

The enemies dead are just thrown in a heap and burned using whatever is available, with the Chaplain (if there is one) or highest ranking battle-brother (if there is not) chanting the proper prayers for the dead to not empower their gods or haunt their Imperial killers.

 

The dead are always cremated but there is not always time to stay for the ash and bone gathering – I can see a really dramatic picture of the Chapters survivors + fellow imperial forces moving forward with a giant funeral pyre at their backs.

 

Suggestions: If the Heralds are BA successors could the tradition of burning all dead have begun as a way for the Chaplains to prevent battle-brothers from being tempted by the deads blood and raw meat.

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The dead are always cremated but there is not always time to stay for the ash and bone gathering – I can see a really dramatic picture of the Chapters survivors + fellow imperial forces moving forward with a giant funeral pyre at their backs.

Now I'm picturing the Marines deploying with a Land Raider-sized mobile crematory-manufactory with which to cremate dead bodies, recover carbon from the ashes, and then process the carbon into whatever they need, e.g., cremation diamonds with which to tip armor-piercing boltshells.

The enemies dead are just thrown in a heap and burned using whatever is available, with the Chaplain (if there is one) or highest ranking battle-brother (if there is not) chanting the proper prayers for the dead to not empower their gods or haunt their Imperial killers...

 

Suggestions: If the Heralds are BA successors could the tradition of burning all dead have begun as a way for the Chaplains to prevent battle-brothers from being tempted by the deads blood and raw meat.

Excellent ideas! Edited by Bjorn Firewalker
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  • 1 month later...
  • 2 months later...

Development stall. (Hiatus)

No please come back

 

You have to thank Bjorn Firewalker for bringing this Chapter to my attention. I think it is really cool, and it is really nice to see another Chapter that draws upon the imagery of the Year of the Ghosts, and does so on an entirely different way. It is a funny coincidence that we both use the word Herald though.

 

 

Homeworld

Accusation's surface is Ashen Wastes full of the graves of the dead and the structures to house them. With nearly every square metre of dirt on Accusation devoted to the dead, even the capital city was considered an extravagance. This world is full of feral Tribes who live outside the processing center cities. Mountains full of Cairns and Tombs fill the world while very large cities act as the points of contact with the greater Imperium.

 

The narrow alleys and passages were steep and cobbled, leading up to the crowning monument -- the heart of the main hive city in both a physical and spiritual sense -- the Memorial Mausoleum. Nestled at the heart of the devotional architecture and adorning the metropolis like a crown was the enormous roof-dome of the sacred vault that dominated the city skyline. A colossal archway-barbican decorated the entrance to the memorial mausoleum. The pillars of the stately sepulchre were thick and tall, and the darkness of the threshold beckoned Imperial pilgrim and cleric alike.

 

The funereal beauty of the Mausoleum was astounding: the intricate scrolling on the wall internments; the silver lettering adorning the floor slabs, recording the names of past pontiffs and cardinals of the Ecclesiarchy; loggia supports and fat sculpted pillars reaching up to the exquisite detail of the Mausoleums domed ceiling. Candles and incense burned from a thousand suspended sconces, and stern statues of Ecclesiarchs already elevated to sainthood by the Imperial Cult adorned the sepulchre space in a ring around a simple block-crypt of obsidian brick.

 

A silver-plated elevator was used to transport clerics and Adepta Sororitas guardians deep below the sepulchre to a small complex of condition-controlled crypt chambers residing behind a thick vault door. A circular gallery spiralled about the sepulchres exterior, made up of marble steps and landings, providing access to the wall-combs, vaultia and the upper stories of the Mausoleum.

 

Imperial mortuary lighters brought an unending supply of the Imperium's noble dead from necrofreighters down to the Accusation surface. The prestige of spending just a century in the precious earth drew cadavers from light years around. Senior officers of the Imperial Guard, the Imperial Navy, members of of Hive World noble houses, powerful merchant lords, Navigators, other planetary nobility and devoted members of the Ecclesiarchy itself were all buried in Accusations sacred topsoil. Coffins and sarcophagi are dug up for shipment back to the families following the expiration of their leases in an unending cycle of inhumation and exhumation on a planetary scale. Grave niches in the catacombs are reused. A body may lay there for a set amount of time and any more time the buried or relatives are willing to pay for, thereafter are the bones removed and placed in an ossuary or charnel house.

 

A Servo-skull Manuifactorum make up one of the great industries of the world along with a trade in pilgrimages. The tourist and pilgrim industry for people wanting to visit the mausoleums of famous people and saints is booming. Pilgrims have to pay to get to the areas where their mausoleums are, then have to pay to get close to the mausoleum, and then pay extra much to go in in the mausoleum. Many pilgrims dont think about how to get back home after having visited the holy sites and stranded pilgrims make up a notable underclass on Accusation. Mausoleums have to be paid for. Those that dont have any tourists or pilgrims paying for them, nor any founds or relatives paying upkeep are abandoned or reused.

 

Cremation happens often and the kind of wood used important. The poorest dead are just thrown into gas crematories while those that have paid a bit more get burned with wood, while the richest get buried for a time unless they were significant enough to get one of the Imperial Organizations to pay. Notable parts of Accusation are plantation forests that are grown only to create good funeral wood. Bones that are still there after cremation is considered blessed and are used to create lesser relics.

 

 

Your homeworld is very well done. I picture a 40k version of Solstheim, and really helps portray the image of a chapter of Chaplains.

 

My first read was on my mobile device and I saw some spelling and grammatical errors. If I can see them again I will let you know.

 

Edit: I found it:

 

 

 

A Servo-skull Manuifactorum make up one of the great industries of the world along with a trade in pilgrimages. The tourist and pilgrim industry for people wanting to visit the mausoleums of famous people and saints is booming. Pilgrims have to pay to get to the areas where their mausoleums are, then have to pay to get close to the mausoleum, and then pay extra much to go in in the mausoleum. Many pilgrims dont think about how to get back home after having visited the holy sites and stranded pilgrims make up a notable underclass on Accusation. Mausoleums have to be paid for. Those that dont have any tourists or pilgrims paying for them, nor any founds or relatives paying upkeep are abandoned or reused.

 

 

 

 

As for the name I think it is fine. I know I took a long time coming up with a name that distinguished between who they are, and what they are. That may be what you are going through with them

Edited by Minigiant
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  • 4 weeks later...

Artwork for the Heralds of Ash. Enjoy folks!

gallery_4536_17144_109640.png

Armorial of the Heralds of Ash with Chapter iconography.

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Heralds of Ash Chapter iconography.

gallery_4536_17144_478580.png

Heralds of Ash Battle-Brother of the 2nd Company, 4th Battleline Squad.

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You're a skilled artist, Algrim Whitefang.

gallery_4536_17144_109640.png

Armorial of the Heralds of Ash with Chapter iconography.

These details will be difficult to see from a distance, and near-impossible for a modeler to paint on a pauldron. I advise replacing the multiple little skulls burning in the brazier, with a single large skull, the brazier framing this skull like a helmet.
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These details will be difficult to see from a distance, and near-impossible for a modeler to paint on a pauldron. I advise replacing the multiple little skulls burning in the brazier, with a single large skull, the brazier framing this skull like a helmet.

I think the Heralds of Ash would require the same treatment as the Castigators; either custom decals or 3D printed shoulder pads

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I think the Heralds of Ash would require the same treatment as the Castigators; either custom decals or 3D printed shoulder pads

The Castigators Chapter symbol is far simpler; this simplicity prevents details from blurring into an unrecognisable mess when viewed from a distance, or when displayed at a small scale, as is the case with tabletop models.

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You're a skilled artist, Algrim Whitefang.

gallery_4536_17144_109640.png

Armorial of the Heralds of Ash with Chapter iconography.

These details will be difficult to see from a distance, and near-impossible for a modeler to paint on a pauldron. I advise replacing the multiple little skulls burning in the brazier, with a single large skull, the brazier framing this skull like a helmet.

Yea this one and the others of my make I am working on how to make them into models for a deathwatch team.

Edit: Alos I just realized I don't really have aa chapter Organization chart for these guys yet.

Edited by TechCaptain
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Edit: Alos I just realized I don't really have aa chapter Organization chart for these guys yet. 

Most of GW Index Astartes articles don't have Organization charts, so no unless the chart actually ad anything do I think that you don't need to creat one if you don't want to.

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