IA: The Blood Wraiths

[Bloodwraith]

I actually thought about the whole lickling lips and nervous twitching and the anxious pacing/stalking. I just could not word it right, but i like that. I also like both the high failure rate of neophytes which would explain the Blood tithe of 100 male children they take from every world they aid and the stigmata issue. I will make some adjustments to this tomorrow and may plagiarize a few of the things you wrote if you don't mind.

[Bloodwraith]

@Gamiel, I liked a lot of your ideas and i did directly use some of your phraseology. Thank you for the input! I will write up some more stuff about the Blood Wraiths in the current timeline, notable chapter members and artificer and relic items to round out the lore.

[Bloodwraith]

Anyone good with BB Coding to spruce up my I.A. with header bars, it would be appreciated. PM me or message here, id be willing to pay for your services. BB coding is beyond my capability and my numerous attempts have failed.

[Gamiel]

@Gamiel, I liked a lot of your ideas and i did directly use some of your phraseology. Thank you for the input! I will write up some more stuff about the Blood Wraiths in the current timeline, notable chapter members and artificer and relic items to round out the lore.

Glad to be of help :) 

[Bloodwraith]

Ok did some major BB code work so looking for opinions

[Gamiel]

 

 

An unforeseen side effect of the chimeric nature of the Chapters gene-seed is a higher-than-average failure rate of potential aspirants. Many recruits emerge from their transition and must be put down immediately.

Based on that the NL gene-seed was used to stabilize the Wraiths do I suggest changing this to something like "Even the now chimeric nature of the Chapters gene-seed stopped the degeneration, and even reversed it, do the Blood Wraiths suffer from a higher-than-average failure rate of potential aspirants. Many recruits emerge from their transition mad or missformed and must be put down immediately."

[Gamiel]

Suggestions on ways of showing the BW have problems:

+ Marks of shame for the brothers that have done something shameful – by just mention that they have shame marks for e.g. killing allies, hunting and eating serfs, torturing for fun, etcetera, do you show that they have some real problems.

+ mortifying rituals – whipping and wearing of cilice are classic, other possibilities are: spikes on the inside of their armour, barbwire whirred around their limbs, being chained so you can't move and used as a punchbag, 

+ brothers being drained of blood so they become lethargic when not on missions, to lower their aggressivity, or at least their ability to act upon that aggressivity. The blood gets pumped back when they are sent to fight.

[Bjorn Firewalker]

Suggestions on ways of showing the BW have problems:

+ Marks of shame for the brothers that have done something shameful – by just mention that they have shame marks for e.g. killing allies, hunting and eating serfs, torturing for fun, etcetera, do you show that they have some real problems.

+ mortifying rituals – whipping and wearing of cilice are classic, other possibilities are: spikes on the inside of their armour, barbwire whirred around their limbs,

Excellent ideas!

being chained so you can't move and used as a punchbag,

This MAY work as punishment that shames the punished one, i.e., "We chain you because we do not trust you to punish yourself, as a loyal Blood Wraith should." But in my opinion, battle-brother who must be restrained in this manner- not just handed a scourge and told to whip himself bloody- is better off dead, both for himself, and for the Chapter, as there will be no chance the shame will drive the punished one to the Chaos gods' embrace.

+ brothers being drained of blood so they become lethargic when not on missions, to lower their aggressivity, or at least their ability to act upon that aggressivity. The blood gets pumped back when they are sent to fight.

Overly complicated, liable to fail, and doesn't account for unpredictable incidents, e.g., Drukhari raiders attacking from undetected Webway portals on the Chapter planet or even under the fortress-monastery itself.

[Bloodwraith]

I like these ideas, Ill make changes this weekend.

[Gamiel]

 

being chained so you can't move and used as a punchbag,

This MAY work as punishment that shames the punished one, i.e., "We chain you because we do not trust you to punish yourself, as a loyal Blood Wraith should." But in my opinion, battle-brother who must be restrained in this manner- not just handed a scourge and told to whip himself bloody- is better off dead, both for himself, and for the Chapter, as there will be no chance the shame will drive the punished one to the Chaos gods' embrace.

Was more thinking the chains was there to prevent the marine to reflex protect himself or lash out at his brothers. It’s not some kind of punishment, you have the marine telling his brothers, or serfs, to beat him up.

[Bjorn Firewalker]

 

 

being chained so you can't move and used as a punchbag,

This MAY work as punishment that shames the punished one, i.e., "We chain you because we do not trust you to punish yourself, as a loyal Blood Wraith should." But in my opinion, battle-brother who must be restrained in this manner- not just handed a scourge and told to whip himself bloody- is better off dead, both for himself, and for the Chapter, as there will be no chance the shame will drive the punished one to the Chaos gods' embrace.

Was more thinking the chains was there to prevent the marine to reflex protect himself or lash out at his brothers. It’s not some kind of punishment, you have the marine telling his brothers, or serfs, to beat him up.

If you overemphasize such masochistic behavior, you risk reducing the Blood Wraiths to what Nick Kyme apparently reduced the Salamanders to: Mega-masochists just one whiplash away from throwing themselves at Slaanesh's feet.

 

Writing an IA can be as difficult as fighting an actual battle. Overcommit to an element- say, use of pain gloves for reasons other penance for actual sins, to the point the usage seems recreational- and you can destroy your own reputation the way a general destroys his own army if he leads it into a trap. Fail to commit- say, not mentioning how Marines take responsibility for their own mistakes, after you write of the Marines' "great sense of responsibility,"- and your own reputation will be destroyed the way a general's will be if he ignores signs of an imminent enemy attack. We must reach the balancing point within the "grimdark" characteristic of Warhammer 40,000, which is somewhere between the "noblebright" characteristic of Gene Roddenberry's Star Trek, and the "grimderp" that 4chan likes to mock.

Edited April 22, 2021 by Bjorn Firewalker

[Bloodwraith]

 

Gamiel, on 22 Apr 2021 - 10:12 PM, said:

http://bolterandchainsword.com//public/style_images/carbon_red/snapback.png

If you overemphasize such masochistic behavior, you risk reducing the Blood Wraiths to what Nick Kyme apparently reduced the Salamanders to: Mega-masochists just one whiplash away from throwing themselves at Slaanesh's feet.

 

Bjorn Firewalker, on 21 Apr 2021 - 6:53 PM, said:http://bolterandchainsword.com//public/style_images/carbon_red/snapback.png

 

Quote

being chained so you can't move and used as a punchbag,

This MAY work as punishment that shames the punished one, i.e., "We chain you because we do not trust you to punish yourself, as a loyal Blood Wraith should." But in my opinion, battle-brother who must be restrained in this manner- not just handed a scourge and told to whip himself bloody- is better off dead, both for himself, and for the Chapter, as there will be no chance the shame will drive the punished one to the Chaos gods' embrace.

Was more thinking the chains was there to prevent the marine to reflex protect himself or lash out at his brothers. It’s not some kind of punishment, you have the marine telling his brothers, or serfs, to beat him up.

 

Writing an IA can be as difficult as fighting an actual battle. Overcommit to an element- say, use of pain gloves for reasons other penance for actual sins, to the point the usage seems recreational- and you can destroy your own reputation the way a general destroys his own army if he leads it into a trap. Fail to commit- say, not mentioning how Marines take responsibility for their own mistakes, after you write of the Marines' "great sense of responsibility,"- and your own reputation will be destroyed the way a general's will be if he ignores signs of an imminent enemy attack. We must reach the balancing point within the "grimdark" characteristic of Warhammer 40,000, which is somewhere between the "noblebright" characteristic of Gene Roddenberry's Star Trek, and the "grimderp" that 4chan likes to mock.

I like the idea of the marks of shame. But i will likely not go so masochistic with it. These guys are dark and pushing the edge but they are not BSM kind of masochists. Shame for them would also have nothing to do with beating or killing a serf, it would have more to do with a failure in battle or brining a disgrace to their house by losing an honor duel with another house.

[Bloodwraith]

More lore added.

[Bjorn Firewalker]

More lore added.

It will help if you inform us what the additional lore is,

maybe include it in a quote box, to identify it and to distinguish it from the rest of the text, like so,

for those following this IA.

Conversation between Kaine and Barbal:

White letters are invisible against the white background that is this website's default display setting, in its Mobile Version (for smartphones and other mobile devices).

Each house is a company plus in size and has its own Demi Fleet.

Why use the term "demi fleet" instead of "flotilla" or "squadron"? And why capitalize the words?

 

Nitpicks:

[O]ver the last 5000 years, [these people] have built civilizations that mirror those on Carpathia.

Rewrote the sentence "These people over the last 5000 years, have built civilizations that mirror those on Carpathia," to be less awkward.

However, the challenged can also call for this duel to the death[,] [w]hen a challenger’s accusations are so demeaning that simple first blood is not enough to sate the insult they have been given.

Merged the two sentences.

The unofficial 10th House is the Honor Guard and the tithe of 10 marines from each house to serve in the Carrion Lord[']s personal strike force.

Added an apostrophe.

Age of Apostay: During the [A]ge of [A]postay the Blood Wraiths took no side on the internal struggles within the Imperium.

Capitalized "Age of Apostasy," and corrected the spelling.

The Blood Hunt - During this time the chapter focused all of its efforts into hunting down and destroying[ ]"The Risen"[,] a Night [L]ords Warband that had raided one of their vessels and stole some of their gene-seed.

Removed the redundant "a" in front of "The", added a comma, spelled "Night Lords" as two words.

Edited April 23, 2021 by Bjorn Firewalker

[Bloodwraith]

@ Bjorn Firewalker, as always thank you for your input. Changes have been made.

[Bjorn Firewalker]

Geneseed: (Original) Blood Angels (Current) Chimeric

I think it best to write this as "Blood Angels (officially), chimeric (rumored)", and have the Chapter conceal the chimeric nature of its gene-seed from all but its Chapter Master and its senior Apothecaries.

The Dhampirs are all champions in their own rights and normally some of the fiercest and most cunning warriors of the Chapter. Each member forgoes their previous existence and pledges their life to the service of the Carrion Lord. Dhampirs stay in service until their death and are no longer considered for any other position in the Chapter. While a single Dhampir may be charged with leading a battle force they do not hold any permanent command positions.

It is believed that in their origins the nine lords would use some form of democratic selection to choose the Carrion Lord. But now each house can nominate a brother and it does not have to be a help a brother from their own house. Nor does it have to be lord of the house is nominated brothers fighting ritual battle royal not too many to be to the death, but it happens sometimes. And the winner becomes the Carrion Lord. This can also be used as a complex power move between the houses.

 

Example: Say two houses are feuding, upon the death of the current incarnation of Lazarus Kaine, one house in the future nominates the others lord as or champion. For the new position of Carrion Lord hoping they will lose or die in the conflict or at worst become the next “vessel” of Lazarus Kaine and as all before him lose their conscious connection to whom they were.

Why not simply have the Dhampirs choose Kaine's next incarnation from their own ranks? Replace "But now each house can nominate a brother and it does not have to be a help a brother from their own house," with the requirement the Houses must instantly provide a replacement for a Dhampir who fell in battle, meaning the Dhampirs are like the historical Immortals. And if a Captain doesn't realize getting rid of a "troublemaker" by nominating him to the Dhampirs, will backfire... well, that's not Kaine's problem.

 

And say Moreth established the Dhampirs when he ascended to the rank of Chapter Master, to preserve the secret of Kaine's immortality.

 

And more nitpicking, with my emphasis:

The chimeric nature of their [g]ene[-]see[d].

Gene-seed is misspelled as "Genesee", and unnecessarily capitalized.

Edited April 23, 2021 by Bjorn Firewalker

[Bloodwraith]

@Bjorn Firewalker i like that, it is smother and makes more sense. I will make edits tomorrow. Painting right now...lol

[Bloodwraith]

@Bjorn Firewalker i made the recommended changes.

[Bjorn Firewalker]

By the way, how are the moons made inhabitable? With archeotech force field generators to contain the atmosphere that archeotech climate control devices create? (Increasing a moon's gravity so it can maintain an atmosphere, may end up pulling the moon towards the planet it orbits, or have other unpredictable but likely disastrous consequences.) Repair and maintenance of such archeotech will require close relations with the AdMech, which may then justify shenanigans like the Marines using weapons traditionally reserved for the Skitarii, or Land Raiders with Earthshaker cannons shoehorned in their hulls and other "specialized variants."

[Bloodwraith]

I was taking a page out of star wars, the forest moon of Endor. Carpathia is a massive planet. The 5 moons that are habitable are naturally occurring.

[Bjorn Firewalker]

I was taking a page out of star wars, the forest moon of Endor. Carpathia is a massive planet. The 5 moons that are habitable are naturally occurring.

Endor orbits a gas giant. Gas giants are NOT naturally human habitats. Was archeotech- human or otherwise (Aeldari, Necron, Old Ones, etc.)- responsible for creating a hard shell that humans can then live on, around the gas giant?

Edited April 23, 2021 by Bjorn Firewalker

[Bloodwraith]

Yes but does science forbid that habitable moons orbit a habitable world?

[Gamiel]

Yes but does science forbid that habitable moons orbit a habitable world?

In 40k? No. See Baal and its moons.

[Bjorn Firewalker]

Yes but does science forbid that habitable moons orbit a habitable world?

NATURAL science does, the way it forbids humans breathing underwater. Technology allows humans to circumvent such limitations, via snorkels and scuba gear; likewise, archeotech will allow habitable moons to orbit a habitable planet.

 

Just be prepared to answer some questions. You can even turn them to your benefit- close relations with the AdMech, whose Tech-priests will KILL for just a glance at such archeotech, or give your Marines better killing instruments (weapons) in payment.

[Gamiel]

 Shame for them would also have nothing to do with beating or killing a serf, 

It's more about the marine showing himself losing control by doing the act than the act in itself. 

 

 

Yes but does science forbid that habitable moons orbit a habitable world?

NATURAL science does, the way it forbids humans breathing underwater. Technology allows humans to circumvent such limitations, via snorkels and scuba gear; likewise, archeotech will allow habitable moons to orbit a habitable planet.

 

Just be prepared to answer some questions. You can even turn them to your benefit- close relations with the AdMech, whose Tech-priests will KILL for just a glance at such archeotech, or give your Marines better killing instruments (weapons) in payment.

 

Or it could just be a cause of "we found them with breathable atmosphere, what do you mean that's unusual?" followed by "no, you may not begin researching our moons", which is maybe followed by "they are cursed you know, last group that tried researching them winded up dead. Sad story, really should have keep away."

 

 

 

I was taking a page out of star wars, the forest moon of Endor. Carpathia is a massive planet. The 5 moons that are habitable are naturally occurring.

What kind of people do the moons have, since I guess that are a bit different than the people down below