IT: Brotherhood of Eternity (formerly Angels of Light)

[Ace Debonair]

Quick heads-up;

 

Partway through the IT you start talking about a character called Deus who isn't introduced until much further down.

 

I realise this is still a work in progress, but I just thought I'd point that out. :P

[Cpt_Reaper]

Since my Angels of Shadow IA has hit a bit of a brick wall, I have decided to re-start work on my Chaos force. Chances are I will be doing a 100% re-write, so I'd just like to write down my goals I'd like to achieve. Some of the fluff will, and I know this is touchy, justify certain units. What this means is pointing out why Dark Eldar Mandrakes are my summoned lessor daemons or why my Dark Eldar "Master of Blades" is a Chaos Marine.

 

Primary Goals:

- Made up of both former Angels of Shadow and Iron Warriors (perhaps Steel Brethren)

- Mercurial in nature ( work forfor money, slaves, gear etc)

- "Allied" with Dark Eldar Kabal. Frequently exchange units between forces

- Explain how warband formed

- Flesh out the leaders of the warband (An Iron Warrior, A Fallen Angel of Shadow, the leader of a Sorcerer Coven gifted from Ahriman's Renegades

- Detail the corruption of the former Angels of Shadow

[Cpt_Reaper]

Ok. In one of my famous random brain spasms, I have come up with an interesting idea. While reading The Siege of Vraks Pt3 I was looking over the Chaos Reaver when inspiration hit me like a drunk Bloodthirster after his favourite Blood Bowl team lost the Grand Finale by 1 point.

 

You see, who exactly leads my Warband has always eluded me. It went from Sulln himself, to the newcomer Dumah (my Abaddon counts-as) to even Deus the Warsmith. The resident Daemon Prince chooses to eschew leadership in favour for simply killing, corrupting and the odd bit of stamp collecting. Why would a Daemon Prince do this? Greater Daemons rarely (if ever lead mortal armies. What would be strong enough to say no? Cue drunken-Bloodthirster-punch! A possessed Reaver Titan!

I now ask my fellow Liberites, could a Possessed Reaver take command over a warband?

[Chapter Master Ignis Domus]

I...I...I...I...I'm just in shock. I've never even started to hear so such a thing. Ummm...Purify it?

 

I would say, yes, it could happen, with sufficient explanation and vocal ability. It's the whole strong rule weak, but take to an insane extreme. I might downgrade to a Warhound, because titans are really big, but otherwise it seems viable. Naturally, I demand a picture of this in model form.

[Cpt_Reaper]

That is not the reaction I expected. Anger, indifference, even mockery...but to stun one such as yourself? I must have done well.

Downgrading might be a better move, but I rather like the shape of the Reaver, with it's face rather than that of a dog like the warhound. Maybe I could go the retro-reaver way and instead of a back mounted weapon have a large flag. While I cannot afford a actual Reaver, I do have the resources to scratch build one. Either way, it appears I have a lot of work to do.

[Brother-Sergeant Bohemond]

thats.....really thinking outside the box. I would say theres no reason as to why it cannot be the leader, other than its not classic. But still, thats pretty sweet. Possibly, though, there should be a number 2 whose more of the 'face' of the Warband and speaks for the Titan? someone to do the delicate stuff which a Titan just cannot do?

 

Probably not a sorcerer, but a Lord of some kind will do. (sorcerers are too sneaky for the likes of Titans :lol:)

[Cpt_Reaper]

The intention is for Dumah to be the "Face" of the Warband. The Titan rarely meets with anyone, or even goes to the battlefield. It takes a special occasion for that to happen, but he is always there, always plotting, always leading from behind the curtain.

[Cpt_Reaper]

So anyone with a DiY Chaos warband who would like to be recognised as an ally of the Angels of Light could you please post a link to your article? These guys are mercenaries after all. Well I guess allies isn't the term...valued customers?

[Cpt_Reaper]

So I have yet to work out the new coding but for those of you who are able to read it, feel free to tear the article a new one. I am aware the origins section is far too long and will be cutting it down from Epic Saga© to Short Film©

[Lord-Captain Cepinari]

An interesting idea, however while it's been established in canon that Titans are self-aware machines, it's also been established that a Titan's state of mind is somewhat different then that of a human being.  I believe it has been stated that a Titan that overrides it's crew's control over it pretty much always just goes on a rampage wherever it happens to be, a Titan becoming a shadowy schemer is a little harder to swallow.

 

It could be that the Titan itself isn't the one in charge, rather a Greater Daemon that's possessing it is running things while the Titan acts as a host body for it.

[Omega Striker]

Hooray!  A ressurection from the depths!  Now my Void Dragons can have friends!

 

*looks at IT*

 

Hooray!  Now my Void Dragons can have enemies!

 

Well, let's review.

 

[table=THE BROTHERHOOD OF
ETERNITY]

 

http://i785.photobucket.com/albums/yy138/angels_of_shadow_captain/Angels%20of%20Light/AngelofLight.jpg

Commentary on the design:

Well, you outline how this is a Chaos Warband, but then you only post one pic.  Normally, the warband is made of many different parts, so maybe think about putting this not at the top, but maybe down below where you outline the different parts?    

 

WARBAND NAME: .............. Brotherhood of Eternity

 

FOUNDING: ..................XXXX [M.XXXX]

 

HOME WORLD: ............. N/A (The Maelstrom)

 

BASE OF OPERATIONS: ........ Fortress “Dimmu Borgir”

 

GENE-SEED (PREDECESSOR): ...various

 

“Religion. Honour. Duty. I don't give a damn about these things unless I am paid to. Speaking of which, that Malcador looks nice...” Warsmith Deus to an unknown employer.

 

Origins

 

The story of the Brotherhood of Eternity is a long and bloody one, filled with murder, violence, blasphemy and fire. Highly sought after as mercenaries due to a hard earned reputation of seldom failing an assigned mission, under the command of the enigmatic Iron Lord, the Brotherhood of Eternity are a force not to be underestimated, boasting all manner of engines of war from the ancient to the arcane. 

 

When engaging their services one must be wary, for while the Brotherhood will fight for your cause they may have been employed by the enemy and will have agents working behind the lines to weaken the defences they seek to protect. Indeed, more than once have they left as victors with reward in hands only for the enemy to smash into a compound or fortress and slaughter all within. Of course this ends up with the Brotherhood being rewarded for their hard work.

 

The forming of the Brotherhood was a stroke of chance, a result of the crossing of paths of some of the greatest and most feared Astartes ever to walk the Eightfold Path. It began with Sulln Avitus, former Master of the Angels of Shadow 8^th Company and his remaining warriors coming to blows with a warband of Iron Warriors under the command of Warsmith Deus while travelling through the Maelstrom. While Deus had superior numbers and firepower, he was ill prepared for such mobile foes as Assault Marines and soon his warmachines began to fail against lightning raids and melta charges.

 

It appeared that Sulln and his men had the advantage, but appearances are all to deceiving. Numbers dwindling and with no way to resupply save for what they stole Sulln's forces began to fail, repelled by defenders or slain outright. Deus himself had lost much, and his own lack of experienced assault specialists had caused many an issue. Sensing a chance to increase his power, the Warsmith offered a truce to the renegade; Sulln would be put in charge of Deus' assault units and receive supplies and equipment and in return Deus would be the master of the warband propper, the mastermind giving purpose. Left with little choice Sulln agreed, soon forgetting any dreams of leadership and just glad to be killing again, leading his newly dubbed Angels of Light raptors in glorious slaughter.

 

From there the fledgling warband left the Maelstrom and headed north-east to the Eye of Terror seeking friends, foes and fame. It was upon Medrengard that the two Astartes met an ancient warrior wearing terminator armour in the colours of the Steel Brethren, Dumah.

 

Dumah informed the pair that his master had been watching them for some time, and under advisement from his psykers Dumah was instructed to bring them to his base of operations, the Frozen Citadel. They were to submit to Dumah's master, taking the name of his forces and following his will but were otherwise free to lead their own in the way they best saw fit. Of
course Deus was infuriated by this challenge and immediately struck at Dumah. His attack was blocked by the blade of another terminator, the flash of a teleport beam filling the vast hall they had met in. Dozens of terminators appeared, and even more troops filled into the hall. Deus and Sulln were, for the moment, prisoners of Dumah and hisBrotherhood of Eternity.

 

Upon being brought to the Frozen Citadel, a star fortress of unknown origin and ancient beyond reckoning, the benefits of the bargain were laid bare before the pair. Deus would be granted command over the warmachines, daemon-engines and the main body of troops, while Sulln would be given command of the Raptors, Warp Talons and daemons sworn to the
mysterious Iron Lord, Aeternam Bellator. Dumah and his Chosen Terminators would remain as right hand to Bellator, enforcers of his will and deliverers of rewards and punishments.

 

Okay, that was a nice bit of exposition.  One thing that jumped out at me was the names.  You drop a bunch of names in them there words.  I had a hard time keeping them straight.  You may want to include a "Persons of Note" section with a little blurb about your characters at the top, and then do the biography down underneath like you have.  The breakdown of leadership is nice, each person has their sphere of skill, and the Titan Lord Guy (which is an awesome idea, btw)  keeps an eye over everything.  Be sure to point out that each of these captains had a source, but then include how they got into the Brotherhood of Eternity and why they stay.  You've kind of sort of done that, but be sure to start with the top and work down, as you make your Warsmith and your Fallen the heroes of your warband, while substantially less is about their bosses.  Remember, if you want to do fiction, we have a sub-forum for that now.  This is for information and the basic character.  How do your captains as outlined above work together?  Well?  Poorly? Also, do they fight as a whole combined arms effort most of the time, or do they break into smaller warbands with specialties more often?

 

 

Notable Brethren of Eternity:

 

Aeternam Bellator, The King Slayer, The Iron Lord:

 

Once a Warsmith of the Iron Warriors Legion who fancied a Reaver Titan as his chariot of war, the being known as Aeternam Bellator is truly a living god, an unholy amalgamation of man and machine born of the Warp. Instead of a plasma reactor there beats a great heart of flesh and metal, within the head of the Titan resides a pulsating brain crackling with bio-electric charge. Armed with an enormous lightning claw and kai gun, on the rare occasion that Bellator takes to the field of battle he is truly a sight to behold.

 

Dumah, Hand of Eternity, Lord of the Frozen Citadel:

 

Right hand of Aeternam. Face of the Warband and deliverer of gifts and punishment.

 

While he wears the colours of the Steel Brethren, Dumah is actually of the Thousand Sons and is a potent sorcerer and deadly fighter, his skills as a Captain remaining as keen as ever. In his right hand Dumah wields the Canis Vitae, a blade he forged from the solidified blood of the first Space Wolf he slew in the burning of Prospero. His left hand is encased in
the lightning claw called the Hand of Eternity, tipped with barbed fingers and through which Dumah can cast arcs of violet lightning, the claw enhancing his psychic powers. His face is always hidden behind a faceplate, some within the warband suggesting his has no face or body for that matter, his armour being filled with ethereal fire.

 

Sulln Avitus, Angel of Light, The Fallen:

 

Sulln Avitus, Master of Light

"Come my Angels! Let us show these Imperial puppets that Chaos has broken our mortal limits!"

Since leaving the Angels of Shadow centuries ago, Sulln has changed to the point of being nearly unrecognisable from his former self. His pale skin is tinged with unnatural colour, his eyes are orbs of soul crushing blackness and his body has been warped by exposure to the Sea of Souls. Having long since fused with his armour many changes have taken hold; the
ornamental wings of his jump-pack have become living tissue and membrane, his bones and muscle showing on his armour and his blood burns with unquenchable fire. He slays his foes with a wicked axe, the haft of which is formed from the spine of the first Inquisitor to hunt him down.

 

Tristan Severus, Angel of Flame, The Architect: 

 

Tristan was quite possible the reason for Sulln's descent into Chaos, himself having fallen decades before the civil war that tore up his Chapter. Always whispering, always plotting, Tristan made sure to hide his taint from everyone, removing himself from the company of other psykers, avoiding Chaplains and never looking his peers in the eye. Strangely even though he reaches into the Warp for his power his body remains unchanged, and his armour is still very much a separate entity. Tristan chooses to still wear his psychic hood as a sort of failsafe
should he delve too deeply into the Warp, but with each successful cast of increasingly complex spells the hood slowly breaks down.

 

Warsmith Deus, : Ex Iron Warrior/Steel Brethren.

 

Metatron, The Eternal: Daemon Prince of Tzeentch. History is vague at best. Advisor to Dumah, "friend" to Sulln. Has powers of foresight.

The Warband

 

Brief bit on how each Lord is assigned a group within the warband, both using their talents in the greatest capacity and splitting up power to prevent internal power struggles.

 

Chosen

 

Raptor Cult

 

Siege/tech Specialists

 

Daemonancers/sorcerers

 

Now I know this isn't done, but I will review the parts that you do have done and give some ideas for the empty parts too.  Like I said before, we need a little version of this up top if you are going to sling around some fiction.  Nothing as long as this, maybe just 10 words per character.  Also, pick a word limit for each person based on their rank in the warband.  The boss can have 500, the captains of the various efforts 300, and then notable troops get 150 or something.  Working withing that frame will help you define your people, and then you can go and fiction them.  One of the reasons that you need to define your characters first is because you fall into the trap of defining your favorite parts really well, and skimping on the other parts, which is what you did above.  Deus and Sullin get a lot of the light, and the others fall by the wayside, even though those two are underlings or captains in this host.  The boss?  Just generic vagueness.  The IT is a chance to look at your characters through an omnipotent lens, so talk about some secrets or something that makes them different.  Every chaos worshipper wants to have power and be in charge, but most are bunk at leadership.  Maybe Sullin just likes killing and can't coordinate his band out of a paper bag.  Deus can build awesome machines, but keeping his men organized and morale high escapes him.  Talk about these things, not about power struggles.  Every IT on this board is going to have power struggles in it.  BLAAAAAAAAAAAND!  Change it up, talk about strengths and weaknesses.  One of the things that makes warbands exciting to write is how each of the captains of specific parts would be almost comical failures on their own, but as a warband they are terrifying and effective.  Write about this.

 

 

Allies

 

As mercenaries, the Steel Brotherhood do not fight for a creed or person, simply the highest bidder. More than once have they found themselves fighting for one warlord only to turn their weapons on their employer after receiving a better offer. Xenos, Human, Astartes or Daemon; As long as the price is right their service is for all. Such past allies have included:

 

The Kabal of the Twin Blades:

 

A Dark Eldar Kabal known for is similarly mercurial behaviour, as well as a tendency to work for opposing factions to increase their payment opportunities. Led by Archon Dûrion Rincavornon, the Kabal has on more than one occasion leant some of their forces to the Brotherhood, and vice versa. Indeed, on one occasion while hiding within his fortress, an Imperial Governor found the lights to his quarters were cut when the main power generator was taken out. Within moments Mandrakes had infiltrated the room, slaughtering the Governor and his bodyguards in the blackness. By the time the back up power brought light to his quarters and security forces could open the reinforced door there was nobody left alive. The head of the Governor had been taken, proof of the assassination. Both the Kabal and the Brotherhood were rewarded with a large amount of slaves for their services.

 

The Iron Gods
pirates:

 

Talek Varn and his Iron Gods pirates are considered valued customers to the Brotherhood of Eternity. The piratical raiders have employed the services of the Brotherhood on several occasions, Deus and Varn even forming a mutual respect that in lesser, more stable men might be called friendship.

 

This could be good, but as it is now, it just takes away from what you have above.  Either make them parts of the warband, or drop them.  The point of a warband is to have a lot of diverse elements.  Even if they are fringe elements that are given a lot of freedom, if they ultimately answer to Titan McPossesion, then they can be part of your warband.  Otherwise, give them the spiky boot.

 

I tried my hand at fixing some of the formatting, but my success was not total.  Try and clean it up some more when you repost.

[Cpt_Reaper]

An interesting idea, however while it's been established in canon that Titans are self-aware machines, it's also been established that a Titan's state of mind is somewhat different then that of a human being.  I believe it has been stated that a Titan that overrides it's crew's control over it pretty much always just goes on a rampage wherever it happens to be, a Titan becoming a shadowy schemer is a little harder to swallow.

 

It could be that the Titan itself isn't the one in charge, rather a Greater Daemon that's possessing it is running things while the Titan acts as a host body for it.

 

Well my idea behind that is the unnamed Iron Warrior forced it to submit to his will, but over time he merged with the machine like the pilot does with a heldrake. I'm not sure at this stage but I was thinking of having several consciousnesses in his big ol' head with the Warsmith being the driving force. An easier way to put it is the Reaver is the warsmith, the titan's AI is his conscience, his little voice in his head. 

 

Hooray!  A ressurection from the depths!  Now my Void Dragons can have friends!

 

*looks at IT*

 

Hooray!  Now my Void Dragons can have enemies!

 

Well, let's review.

 

[table=THE BROTHERHOOD OF

ETERNITY]

 

http://i785.photobucket.com/albums/yy138/angels_of_shadow_captain/Angels%20of%20Light/AngelofLight.jpg

Commentary on the design:

Well, you outline how this is a Chaos Warband, but then you only post one pic.  Normally, the warband is made of many different parts, so maybe think about putting this not at the top, but maybe down below where you outline the different parts?    

 

I agree with you here. What you see is the Angels of Light colours from way back when they were the only members of the warband. i will eventually include the colours of the other two factions (Deus' Iron Warriors and Dumah's Chosen Eternity Brethren)

 

 

WARBAND NAME: .............. Brotherhood of Eternity

 

FOUNDING: ..................XXXX [M.XXXX]

 

HOME WORLD: ............. N/A (The Maelstrom)

 

BASE OF OPERATIONS: ........ Fortress “Dimmu Borgir”

 

GENE-SEED (PREDECESSOR): ...various

 

“Religion. Honour. Duty. I don't give a damn about these things unless I am paid to. Speaking of which, that Malcador looks nice...” Warsmith Deus to an unknown employer.

 

Origins

 

The story of the Brotherhood of Eternity is a long and bloody one, filled with murder, violence, blasphemy and fire. Highly sought after as mercenaries due to a hard earned reputation of seldom failing an assigned mission, under the command of the enigmatic Iron Lord, the Brotherhood of Eternity are a force not to be underestimated, boasting all manner of engines of war from the ancient to the arcane. 

 

When engaging their services one must be wary, for while the Brotherhood will fight for your cause they may have been employed by the enemy and will have agents working behind the lines to weaken the defences they seek to protect. Indeed, more than once have they left as victors with reward in hands only for the enemy to smash into a compound or fortress and slaughter all within. Of course this ends up with the Brotherhood being rewarded for their hard work.

 

The forming of the Brotherhood was a stroke of chance, a result of the crossing of paths of some of the greatest and most feared Astartes ever to walk the Eightfold Path. It began with Sulln Avitus, former Master of the Angels of Shadow 8^th Company and his remaining warriors coming to blows with a warband of Iron Warriors under the command of Warsmith Deus while travelling through the Maelstrom. While Deus had superior numbers and firepower, he was ill prepared for such mobile foes as Assault Marines and soon his warmachines began to fail against lightning raids and melta charges.

 

It appeared that Sulln and his men had the advantage, but appearances are all to deceiving. Numbers dwindling and with no way to resupply save for what they stole Sulln's forces began to fail, repelled by defenders or slain outright. Deus himself had lost much, and his own lack of experienced assault specialists had caused many an issue. Sensing a chance to increase his power, the Warsmith offered a truce to the renegade; Sulln would be put in charge of Deus' assault units and receive supplies and equipment and in return Deus would be the master of the warband propper, the mastermind giving purpose. Left with little choice Sulln agreed, soon forgetting any dreams of leadership and just glad to be killing again, leading his newly dubbed Angels of Light raptors in glorious slaughter.

 

From there the fledgling warband left the Maelstrom and headed north-east to the Eye of Terror seeking friends, foes and fame. It was upon Medrengard that the two Astartes met an ancient warrior wearing terminator armour in the colours of the Steel Brethren, Dumah.

 

Dumah informed the pair that his master had been watching them for some time, and under advisement from his psykers Dumah was instructed to bring them to his base of operations, the Frozen Citadel. They were to submit to Dumah's master, taking the name of his forces and following his will but were otherwise free to lead their own in the way they best saw fit. Of

course Deus was infuriated by this challenge and immediately struck at Dumah. His attack was blocked by the blade of another terminator, the flash of a teleport beam filling the vast hall they had met in. Dozens of terminators appeared, and even more troops filled into the hall. Deus and Sulln were, for the moment, prisoners of Dumah and hisBrotherhood of Eternity.

 

Upon being brought to the Frozen Citadel, a star fortress of unknown origin and ancient beyond reckoning, the benefits of the bargain were laid bare before the pair. Deus would be granted command over the warmachines, daemon-engines and the main body of troops, while Sulln would be given command of the Raptors, Warp Talons and daemons sworn to the

mysterious Iron Lord, Aeternam Bellator. Dumah and his Chosen Terminators would remain as right hand to Bellator, enforcers of his will and deliverers of rewards and punishments.

 

Okay, that was a nice bit of exposition.  One thing that jumped out at me was the names.  You drop a bunch of names in them there words.  I had a hard time keeping them straight.  You may want to include a "Persons of Note" section with a little blurb about your characters at the top, and then do the biography down underneath like you have.  The breakdown of leadership is nice, each person has their sphere of skill, and the Titan Lord Guy (which is an awesome idea, btw)  keeps an eye over everything.  Be sure to point out that each of these captains had a source, but then include how they got into the Brotherhood of Eternity and why they stay.  You've kind of sort of done that, but be sure to start with the top and work down, as you make your Warsmith and your Fallen the heroes of your warband, while substantially less is about their bosses.  Remember, if you want to do fiction, we have a sub-forum for that now.  This is for information and the basic character.  How do your captains as outlined above work together?  Well?  Poorly? Also, do they fight as a whole combined arms effort most of the time, or do they break into smaller warbands with specialties more often?

 

So a bit of a rearrange is in order. I didn't even notice it had appeared that way. I sort of just added new characters as I developed them and didn't think about how much I developed them.

Perhaps I should write up an origins story for my warband so I don't lose all the information while still cutting down on the size of this article. Cheers.

 

 

Notable Brethren of Eternity:

 

Aeternam Bellator, The King Slayer, The Iron Lord:

 

Once a Warsmith of the Iron Warriors Legion who fancied a Reaver Titan as his chariot of war, the being known as Aeternam Bellator is truly a living god, an unholy amalgamation of man and machine born of the Warp. Instead of a plasma reactor there beats a great heart of flesh and metal, within the head of the Titan resides a pulsating brain crackling with bio-electric charge. Armed with an enormous lightning claw and kai gun, on the rare occasion that Bellator takes to the field of battle he is truly a sight to behold.

 

Dumah, Hand of Eternity, Lord of the Frozen Citadel:

 

Right hand of Aeternam. Face of the Warband and deliverer of gifts and punishment.

 

While he wears the colours of the Steel Brethren, Dumah is actually of the Thousand Sons and is a potent sorcerer and deadly fighter, his skills as a Captain remaining as keen as ever. In his right hand Dumah wields the Canis Vitae, a blade he forged from the solidified blood of the first Space Wolf he slew in the burning of Prospero. His left hand is encased in

the lightning claw called the Hand of Eternity, tipped with barbed fingers and through which Dumah can cast arcs of violet lightning, the claw enhancing his psychic powers. His face is always hidden behind a faceplate, some within the warband suggesting his has no face or body for that matter, his armour being filled with ethereal fire.

 

Sulln Avitus, Angel of Light, The Fallen:

 

Sulln Avitus, Master of Light

"Come my Angels! Let us show these Imperial puppets that Chaos has broken our mortal limits!"

Since leaving the Angels of Shadow centuries ago, Sulln has changed to the point of being nearly unrecognisable from his former self. His pale skin is tinged with unnatural colour, his eyes are orbs of soul crushing blackness and his body has been warped by exposure to the Sea of Souls. Having long since fused with his armour many changes have taken hold; the

ornamental wings of his jump-pack have become living tissue and membrane, his bones and muscle showing on his armour and his blood burns with unquenchable fire. He slays his foes with a wicked axe, the haft of which is formed from the spine of the first Inquisitor to hunt him down.

 

Tristan Severus, Angel of Flame, The Architect: 

 

Tristan was quite possible the reason for Sulln's descent into Chaos, himself having fallen decades before the civil war that tore up his Chapter. Always whispering, always plotting, Tristan made sure to hide his taint from everyone, removing himself from the company of other psykers, avoiding Chaplains and never looking his peers in the eye. Strangely even though he reaches into the Warp for his power his body remains unchanged, and his armour is still very much a separate entity. Tristan chooses to still wear his psychic hood as a sort of failsafe

should he delve too deeply into the Warp, but with each successful cast of increasingly complex spells the hood slowly breaks down.

 

Warsmith Deus, : Ex Iron Warrior/Steel Brethren.

 

Metatron, The Eternal: Daemon Prince of Tzeentch. History is vague at best. Advisor to Dumah, "friend" to Sulln. Has powers of foresight.

The Warband

 

Brief bit on how each Lord is assigned a group within the warband, both using their talents in the greatest capacity and splitting up power to prevent internal power struggles.

 

Chosen

 

Raptor Cult

 

Siege/tech Specialists

 

Daemonancers/sorcerers

Now I know this isn't done, but I will review the parts that you do have done and give some ideas for the empty parts too.  Like I said before, we need a little version of this up top if you are going to sling around some fiction.  Nothing as long as this, maybe just 10 words per character.  Also, pick a word limit for each person based on their rank in the warband.  The boss can have 500, the captains of the various efforts 300, and then notable troops get 150 or something.  Working withing that frame will help you define your people, and then you can go and fiction them.  One of the reasons that you need to define your characters first is because you fall into the trap of defining your favorite parts really well, and skimping on the other parts, which is what you did above.  Deus and Sullin get a lot of the light, and the others fall by the wayside, even though those two are underlings or captains in this host.  The boss?  Just generic vagueness.  The IT is a chance to look at your characters through an omnipotent lens, so talk about some secrets or something that makes them different.  Every chaos worshipper wants to have power and be in charge, but most are bunk at leadership.  Maybe Sullin just likes killing and can't coordinate his band out of a paper bag.  Deus can build awesome machines, but keeping his men organized and morale high escapes him.  Talk about these things, not about power struggles.  Every IT on this board is going to have power struggles in it.  BLAAAAAAAAAAAND!  Change it up, talk about strengths and weaknesses.  One of the things that makes warbands exciting to write is how each of the captains of specific parts would be almost comical failures on their own, but as a warband they are terrifying and effective.  Write about this.

 

Consider all of this added to my "to do" list. Once again i didn't stop to refine the characters after i wrote them in.

 

 

Allies

 

As mercenaries, the Steel Brotherhood do not fight for a creed or person, simply the highest bidder. More than once have they found themselves fighting for one warlord only to turn their weapons on their employer after receiving a better offer. Xenos, Human, Astartes or Daemon; As long as the price is right their service is for all. Such past allies have included:

 

The Kabal of the Twin Blades:

 

A Dark Eldar Kabal known for is similarly mercurial behaviour, as well as a tendency to work for opposing factions to increase their payment opportunities. Led by Archon Dûrion Rincavornon, the Kabal has on more than one occasion leant some of their forces to the Brotherhood, and vice versa. Indeed, on one occasion while hiding within his fortress, an Imperial Governor found the lights to his quarters were cut when the main power generator was taken out. Within moments Mandrakes had infiltrated the room, slaughtering the Governor and his bodyguards in the blackness. By the time the back up power brought light to his quarters and security forces could open the reinforced door there was nobody left alive. The head of the Governor had been taken, proof of the assassination. Both the Kabal and the Brotherhood were rewarded with a large amount of slaves for their services.

 

The Iron Gods

pirates:

 

Talek Varn and his Iron Gods pirates are considered valued customers to the Brotherhood of Eternity. The piratical raiders have employed the services of the Brotherhood on several occasions, Deus and Varn even forming a mutual respect that in lesser, more stable men might be called friendship.

 

This could be good, but as it is now, it just takes away from what you have above.  Either make them parts of the warband, or drop them.  The point of a warband is to have a lot of diverse elements.  Even if they are fringe elements that are given a lot of freedom, if they ultimately answer to Titan McPossesion, then they can be part of your warband.  Otherwise, give them the spiky boot.

 

I tried my hand at fixing some of the formatting, but my success was not total.  Try and clean it up some more when you repost.

 

Would it be better to just write a list of "clients" with no info on each other than a name? Or drop it entirely for now?