calgar101 Posted January 31, 2010 Author Share Posted January 31, 2010 Nah can't really, ah well the Blood Angels will come in soon... or do we have the fight between Russ and Angron next? Damn *whips cracked* get back to writing comes a voice in the shadows... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calgar101 Posted January 31, 2010 Author Share Posted January 31, 2010 The scout force approached a ridge, the sun beat down heavily. There was no vegetation for miles; it was just an endless sea of sand. “Why would they build Hive cities here” He mused to himself. “Sir, look in the sky ahead, four piranha’s flying this way” a scout reported. “Brother Scout Jero, Brother Scout Ageon, can you get a fixed lock onto them with your missile launchers?” Telion asked over the comms bead. “Negative” they replied in unison. “Damn. Every one get under your camo cloaks, disguise your self as best you can” he ordered. The Piranha’s flew directly over their position and then flew out in a wide arc and back to the Tau base. The Tau base was quite a large complex. It was surrounded by a large rockcrete wall, and every so often were towers with fire warriors in them acting as sentries. Then there were rows, upon rows of white tents. At the centre of the complex was a building made out of a white material, it was unlike Imperial designs which were monolithic. This building was of a sleek and sophisticated design. Various landing pads dotted the complex each had numerous Piranha craft upon them. Numerous Devilfish and Hammer head tanks were parked up inside the Tau base; Water Caste members could be seen servicing them. Telion smiled, battle would soon follow. “Aun’Sha, I cannot establish contact with the Kor’Vattra” a Water caste member said anxiously. “Do not worry, it is probably atmospheric interference” the Ethereal calmly replied. “Try again in a few hours”. “My Lord, we have found their base of operations. What are your orders now?” Telion asked Roboute over the comms-net, hoping he could lead a surgical strike in to the Tau base. “Sit tight my son, we will be launching an full on frontal armoured assault there soon” Guilliman responded. Telion smiled, the armoured might of the Ultramarines was soon about to crush the pathetic Xenos. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astartes88 Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 whew the tau are in for some pain cause now big papa smurf is in town. lol im sorry had to do it but seriously thou courage and honor for the ultramarines in this fight! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angels_Blade Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 I'm still enjoying it don't worry but you seriously need to address the spelling and fluff issues. Thunderhammers pre-date lightning claws and were a favoured weapon during the unification wars. The drop pods fire death wind missiles not death wing. and they are anti personnel not anti tank. You could cover that by haveing the tanks torn apart by assault cannon fire though. Keep it up, despite these issues (and in the grand scheme they are minor) it still a great concept. It's strange, I don't believe any of this makes sense, The story should not mwork for me and yet i find myself checking back every morning to see if you've written about my legion! Cheers AB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calgar101 Posted February 1, 2010 Author Share Posted February 1, 2010 Thanks astartes, yes the Tau are going to have a serious can of whoop ass opened on them ;) Angels_Blade, thanks for highlighting those issues for me; i do not think thunder hammers were around pre-heresy if they were why do the current chaos legions lack them? Oh did i put death wing? ooops. At that close range i reckon they could penetrate the Tau tank armour :) Well thanks for your comments, as ever i will keep writing and aim to improve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walter Payton Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 TOTAM HOSTIS IMPERATOR, INTEREO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calgar101 Posted February 1, 2010 Author Share Posted February 1, 2010 Thanks Brother Captain Alecto... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skirax Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 That makes no sense in English, but maybe you have a knowledge of Imperial Gothic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calgar101 Posted February 1, 2010 Author Share Posted February 1, 2010 TOTAM AN ENEMY OF THE STATE Commander in chief , TO PERISH. That doesn't make much sense? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walter Payton Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 Sigh at people who cant use Latin ALL ENEMIES OF THE EMPEROR, DIE! On a more serious note. I am McLovin' it so far, but I have to ask; Is this going anywhere? Will there be a story beyond what I have said above? I don't really care if there isn't, as I am even now having multiple nerdgasms, but I was just wondering. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skirax Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 Wow, I'd love to speak Latin... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walter Payton Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 I would not be as so brash as to claim to be able to speak it, but I can passably use it. I am studying it at my local Schola Progenium, and it is actually quite easy if well taught. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calgar101 Posted February 1, 2010 Author Share Posted February 1, 2010 Maybe online translators are more crap than i thought. Well i have various idea's to where this is leading but we'll see :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calgar101 Posted February 4, 2010 Author Share Posted February 4, 2010 I lack the motivation to of added, also i do not feel i can justifiably portray the Primarchs. ;) ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walter Payton Posted February 4, 2010 Share Posted February 4, 2010 Be strong! You can portray the primarchs! Don't let anyone tell you you can't, because they are wrong! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calgar101 Posted February 4, 2010 Author Share Posted February 4, 2010 Ha, thanks for the support. I'm going to tie up the lose end of the Ultrmarines bit the move on i think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calgar101 Posted February 4, 2010 Author Share Posted February 4, 2010 Telion looked out across the sand swept plains. Plumes of dust and smoke rose rapidly into the air. A sea of Adamantium filled his super-human vision. . Ancient rhino armoured troop carriers sped up the side of the flanks; carrying a mighty army of Space Marines. Vast amounts of Predators, Whirl Winds and Vindicators drove onwards their hulls glinting in the midday Sun., their deadly weapons all sought to kill the Tau. At the fore front of this impressive sight was the Mighty fortress like Land Raiders. The sight of so many tanks pleased Telion and filled his chest with pride. He could literally fill the tanks machine spirits begging to come into contact with the Tau. He chuckled at the thought that the Machine Spirits wishes would be granted soon enough. Not since the days of the Great Crusade had such an n impressive display of Space Marine tanks been gathered. Even as the first Vengeance missiles struck the Tau’s base Telion and his scout force ran down the sandy slope. Thunder Hawk gunship streaked over head Hell strike missile slammed into the ground ripping apart Tau and their tanks like paper. Cries of “For the Emperor!” and “Courage and Honour!” filled the air and vox-net. Once again the Ultramarines brought battle to their foes; it would be a long and bloody day for the Tau. Not a huge add, but wraps up the Tau/Ultramarine conflict allowing me to move on :) Now who to do next, I have 3 ideas just which one to pick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antique_nova Posted February 4, 2010 Share Posted February 4, 2010 well number them and then pick my number. which is 2 ^^. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calgar101 Posted February 4, 2010 Author Share Posted February 4, 2010 Haha i could do but still not sure which one to do... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skirax Posted February 4, 2010 Share Posted February 4, 2010 Asign each one a number on a D3, then roll to see; pray that the luck of Russ is with you, and you come up with one that you can write well :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calgar101 Posted February 4, 2010 Author Share Posted February 4, 2010 I think i will sit down and view each of the three ideas and see which would be the easiest and most fun to write and would be a good read for my readers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KEEPER Posted February 4, 2010 Share Posted February 4, 2010 Aside from the minor spelling and grammatical issues it's a fun read. But I find it hard to believe that the various chapters would so readily cast aside their colors and standards and take up that of their founding legion. I understand that their Primarch is back, but perhaps the various chapters would hold onto their identity, and specialty. All while still following their Primarchs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calgar101 Posted February 4, 2010 Author Share Posted February 4, 2010 Yeah not very good at the whole grammar thing. Well i think you under estimate their loalty to their Primarchs i believe that they'd readily swap their colours if their Primarch commanded them to do so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KEEPER Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 Yeah not very good at the whole grammar thing. Well i think you under estimate their loalty to their Primarchs i believe that they'd readily swap their colours if their Primarch commanded them to do so. I wouldn't think otherwise. But seeing how they've had ten thousand years to become independent and different in their own ways I don't see that transition being an easy one. What is to become of all these chapters home worlds and responsibilities now that they've reunited with their legions? Anyway keep it up, I enjoy reading you story bro! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calgar101 Posted February 5, 2010 Author Share Posted February 5, 2010 Marines followed their Primarhs to hell and back, they disobeyed their Emperor and everything they fought for, even when all hope was lost they still fought on because their Primarchs asked them too; i think painting their armour a new colour wouldn't be too much of an ask. They'd be too caught up in the euphoria of the moment to actually care :) As for their planets well im not gonna go deeply in to that as it wont add to the story but heres what happens; Still remain Space Marine home worlds, their sole purpose is for recruitment and to manufacture equipment for their Legion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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