Nacho Wolf Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 Very nice! I like the idea of marines being wary of grey nights, but not afraid of them as such, you pulled it of magnificently Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Apostle Thirst Posted February 7, 2011 Author Share Posted February 7, 2011 I reread my last update and didn't like it. I did some minor editing, particularily near the end, and I believe it has improved. I need an Editor... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calgar101 Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 I am confused as to why Daemon Hunters would be guarding a Black ship... Waste of their skills and not what they were created for at all. Sisters of Silence existed Pre-Heresy and I'd logically assume they'd continue to exist to this day. Due to the nature of the Black Ships (null fields etc) it would be pretty hard for any daemon to materialise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Apostle Thirst Posted February 7, 2011 Author Share Posted February 7, 2011 I am confused as to why Daemon Hunters would be guarding a Black ship... Waste of their skills and not what they were created for at all. Sisters of Silence existed Pre-Heresy and I'd logically assume they'd continue to exist to this day. Due to the nature of the Black Ships (null fields etc) it would be pretty hard for any daemon to materialise. 'looks at the large amount of psykers onboard, and considers how fond the Inquisition is of exceptions, accidents, and second chances' Well... With the Sisters of Silence, again, I hadn't read anything post-heresy, plus they have very low numbers + very high demand = not enough to spare guarding every single Black Ship, for those without it, we have the Grey Knights. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calgar101 Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 So all the resources and effort of creating the Grey Knights to combat Daemons, from lowly Bloodletters to Blood Thirsters and Angron are going to be wasted on board Black ships on the off chance of something going wrong? They have psi-shields to protect against rouge psykers and "Only those with the strength of mind to withstand the constant soul-numbing despair that permeates the Blackship may crew it, so mentally traumatic is such duty." Granted this is information taken of Lexi but it is info none the less. I do not think an organisation as useful as the Sisters of Silence would be abolished after the Heresy.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Apostle Thirst Posted February 7, 2011 Author Share Posted February 7, 2011 So all the resources and effort of creating the Grey Knights to combat Daemons, from lowly Bloodletters to Blood Thirsters and Angron are going to be wasted on board Black ships on the off chance of something going wrong? They have psi-shields to protect against rouge psykers and "Only those with the strength of mind to withstand the constant soul-numbing despair that permeates the Blackship may crew it, so mentally traumatic is such duty." Granted this is information taken of Lexi but it is info none the less. I do not think an organisation as useful as the Sisters of Silence would be abolished after the Heresy.... Not abolished, simply they have incredibly low numbers, and as such they can't do all the stuff the Inquisition needs them to. That includes not being on all the Black Ships. So, if you were an Inquisitor, Radical or Puritan, wouldn't you request a few Grey Knights on board, just in case? That's what they are there for, after all. Besides... as the author, it made sense, and the short story benefits from it. If you really want to continue the discussion, kindly start a thread in the Amicus, so the story doesn't get derailed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dominicus Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Dark Apostle ThirstBesides... as the author, it made sense, and the short story benefits from it. If you really want to continue the discussion, kindly start a thread in the Amicus, so the story doesn't get derailed. I agree. This story is very good so far, and I am in desperate need of more reading material. So, on that note... THE INQUISITION COMMANDS THEE TO WRITE MORE, OR FACE THE WRATH OF THE EMPEROR'S HOLY ORDOS! And if you do not write more, I will be forced to mark you as a heretic. :P :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GooseDaMoose Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 And to be fair Calgar we don't know how powerful these psykers are. They might be like the most intense psykers EVAr from planet Psyk-a-lot, which have a high rate of getting-possessed-by-uber-powerful-daemons-syndrome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Sisters of Battle can be found aboard Black Ships, as featured in Faith and Fire. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ace Debonair Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 THE INQUISITION COMMANDS THEE TO WRITE MORE, OR FACE THE WRATH OF THE EMPEROR'S HOLY ORDOS! And if you do not write more, I will be forced to mark you as a heretic. ^_^ :P You do realise you'd be charging a Dark Apostle with heresy, right? ^_^ I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be quite the impactful condemnation it is on Loyalists. Anyway. Story seems pretty solid so far. Wondering of the second Grey Knight squad will prove to be more of a thorn in the Wraith's side, though. I second CJJ's vote for some Sisters of Battle being on board. Could make for an awesome 'oh crap' moment. ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I second CJJ's vote for some Sisters of Battle being on board. Could make for an awesome 'oh crap' moment. ;) Less a vote, more "trying to be useful.." :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ace Debonair Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I second CJJ's vote for some Sisters of Battle being on board. Could make for an awesome 'oh crap' moment. :D Less a vote, more "trying to be useful.." :) Fair point. But 'I second CJJ's trying to be useful for some Sisters of Battle being on board' both looks and sounds ridiculous, you must admit. :D EDIT: I think we all know what the purpose of this edit was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Apostle Thirst Posted February 10, 2011 Author Share Posted February 10, 2011 THE INQUISITION COMMANDS THEE TO WRITE MORE, OR FACE THE WRATH OF THE EMPEROR\'S HOLY ORDOS! And if you do not write more, I will be forced to mark you as a heretic. ;) ;) You do realise you\'d be charging a Dark Apostle with heresy, right? ;) I\'m pretty sure it wouldn\'t be quite the impactful condemnation it is on Loyalists. Anyway. Story seems pretty solid so far. Wondering of the second Grey Knight squad will prove to be more of a thorn in the Wraith\'s side, though. I second CJJ\'s vote for some Sisters of Battle being on board. Could make for an awesome \'oh crap\' moment. :lol: What Ace said, on heresy... in fact... Seriously, though, the support is appreciated, didn\'t realise I was that good ^_^ I don\'t remeber if I\'ve said this before, but having positive feedback like this inspires me to write more, because that means you like it, and that means it\'s worth writing. I must be getting sentimental... But that's ok, it provides a balance to this board. Hmmmm, on the Grey Knights. I tried to make them powerful - it took the combined firepower of at least twenty bolters firing on full auto (twice) to put them down and they still managed to cause casaulties because Comniar was forced to resort to a delaying tactic - but yeah, I did feel that they were slightly weak. I\'m debating on whether the next squad will be guarding the inquisitor or not. On SOB - heh. This gave me the mental image of... Comniar hurried forward. Kill the inquisitor and the ship would be the Wraiths of Darkness\'s. The Summoner turned the final corner, only to find several meltaguns and flamers held in the hands of some very angry Sisters of Battle. The cannoness threw a cup of something in Comniar\'s face. His last thought was \"That smells like prome-\" .. But sadly after the main forces guarding the ship (the Grey Knights) are gone, it\'ll be an almost clear road to the Inquisitor... What happens then... Happens then ;) Juan - I had read Faith and Fire myself, but I didn\'t feel that a couple of squads on a Black Ship would pose nearly as much of a threat to Comniar\'s force as Grey Knights would, otherwise I would have done Sisters instead. Goose - Exactly what I was thinking, thanks :tu: Any updates on the Sons of Malice? No, wait, I\'ll check myself, that\'s always nice to do :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dosjetka Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 EDIT:I think we all know what the purpose of this edit was. Do remind us again, please B) Ludovic Edit: Any more scribbles any time soon, scribe? :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dominicus Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 THE INQUISITION COMMANDS THEE TO WRITE MORE, OR FACE THE WRATH OF THE EMPEROR'S HOLY ORDOS! And if you do not write more, I will be forced to mark you as a heretic. ;) ;) You do realise you'd be charging a Dark Apostle with heresy, right? :o Ah...you see, I posted that very late at night, half-asleep, and not paying attention to names, but good on you for calling me out on that. :) :lol: Back to the story: great job, keep it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Apostle Thirst Posted February 11, 2011 Author Share Posted February 11, 2011 Quick question, should I copy all of my updates onto post 1? And yes, I'm working on an update, before you ask <_< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Juan - I had read Faith and Fire myself, but I didn't feel that a couple of squads on a Black Ship would pose nearly as much of a threat to Comniar's force as Grey Knights would, otherwise I would have done Sisters instead. You do realise that the Sororitas can go head to head with Astartes and win right? Bear in mind as well that only Veteran Sisters get Black Ship asssignments. Obviously it's your choice, but using the Grey Knights because of artistic license is - pardon any unintended harshness - stupid simply because it isn't true to the background. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Apostle Thirst Posted February 11, 2011 Author Share Posted February 11, 2011 Juan - I had read Faith and Fire myself, but I didn't feel that a couple of squads on a Black Ship would pose nearly as much of a threat to Comniar's force as Grey Knights would, otherwise I would have done Sisters instead. You do realise that the Sororitas can go head to head with Astartes and win right? Bear in mind as well that only Veteran Sisters get Black Ship asssignments. Obviously it's your choice, but using the Grey Knights because of artistic license is - pardon any unintended harshness - stupid simply because it isn't true to the background. As you say, however, it was necessary because Sororitas don't pose nearly as much of a threat. They are mortals, and have mortal reflexes and limitations. Grey Knights are not only Astartes, they can generally beat the crap out of much larger forces of Astartes, and are universally feared because of it. It requires only minor reasoning to explain their presence, and it makes the situation that much more dramatic because of it. It also gave me an oppurtunity to present Comniar's level-headedness, and by extension, that of the Wraiths of Darkness. Not to mention explaining what Deathless initially means. All of this, and a little more, would have been much more difficult to have done with Sororitas, when I could have used a little reasoning to use Grey Knights. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Apostle Thirst Posted February 13, 2011 Author Share Posted February 13, 2011 Alright, update time! Although, I again ask, should I post my updates onto the first post as well? EDIT : one of the criticisms was against resurecting dead characters, so I've edited that, and instead added a character for new readers. ------------------ "Deck four, Summoner. Nearest lift... here" A glowing mark appeared on Comniar's HUD. He looked at the situation on this part of deck three. Arkvi should suffice for now, unless another threat came up. Elsoun would have to come with him. Comniar quickly scanned the units on deck four. Yes, thought Comniar, Onrath was there. "Summoner Onrath." "I am not a Summoner anymore, Comniar. You are, now that Grather is dead." Comniar grinned as he signalled for Elsoun to return to their previous location. Onrath could always do that. Might have something to do with his ability to manipulate others, but then, his partial teacher - when he was in control of himself - had never manipulated Comniar, at least as far as he knew. "I find you are still my master." Onrath snorted on the vox. This surprised Comniar, considering his injuries. "I was merely your teacher, you didn't listen to half my commands, even if you were one of my best students." Comniar heard the sound of a flamer in the background. "Excuse me for a moment, Summoner." Comniar said nothing. Onrath would expect nothing less, and Comniar had learned to pay attention to the situation after one very dangerous lesson. Squads Trion, Doutuk, and Mrinthra were on deck four, with Mrinthra within the immediate vicinity of Grather. They were a veteran assault squad, the typical entourage of Onrath. Not ideal for combatting the even more elite Grey Knights, although they would be useful for clearing a path to the inquisitor. A combined assault would have to be necessary, and Comniar had already lost more men then he expected. "Pathetic humans. It is tiring to fight these mortals, but it makes the mission less difficult." Onrath had apparently cleared the latest counterassault, quicker than Comniar had expected. Comniar considered his reply for a moment as he reached the lift. "You may like the orders I have for you then. There is a squad of Grey Knights approximately 1500 yards from your position, closing fast. You are to counterassault them," the Summoner ordered, "and task two of Mrinthra to killing their Justicar." "Better their lives lost than mine?" Comniar somehow wasn't suprised by this deduction. "As you command, Summoner." Over the vox Comniar heard Onrath shouting an order to Mrinthra's swordsman and champion. Their best. Comniar paused to think for a moment as the lift stopped, but decided he had made the better choice. Onrath was too valuable, both as commander and as a warrior, to risk losing. Comniar would have made the same decision if he had hated the former Summoner. The lift doors opened. and the Summoner saw that he was still 900 yards away from Onrath, while the Grey Knights were only 300 - and their terminatour armour would only slow them down so much. Comniar started sprinting, giving a few final orders over the vox for the squads on the other decks to advance. Here the greatest resistance would either crumble or succeed, but the Wraiths had to make the most advantage of the time gained in the combat. 700 yards. 500. 375, then - "Engaging the Grey Knights, Summoner." 200 now, a short distance for an astartes. Comniar and command's survivors would attack the Grey Knights to the rear. 100. 50, and Comniar turned the final corner. The first sight Comniar saw was the sorcerour shooting past him. The second thing he saw was Onrath, his resonant vox grilles snarling with anger, his power fist pinning a Grey Knight to the wall even as he fired a strombolter ineffectively against Onrath's armoured hull. His third was Mrinthra being slaughtered by the other Grey Knights. "Command! For Onrath, charge!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nacho Wolf Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 Very good, but I dont think you should post them all in post 1, I just feel as though it gets abit confusing, but thats just my prteference, other might think differently Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dosjetka Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 I agree for leaving the story as it is. :) Good work, looking forward to the next update :) Ludovic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Apostle Thirst Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 EDIT - like the above update's edit, this was a fix the issue of a character ressurection, along with a few other minor edits. ------------ A dreadnought, a charge from a depleted command squad, an insane sorceror, and a few scattered survivors. 9 - now 8 - Grey Knights. The odds were poor. There was only one thing that would balance those odds. "Command! Remove their limbs!" The shout held no quaver, despite the all too human fear entering Comniar. If this failed, the Wraiths of Darkness would be crippled. But there was nothing Comniar could do except make sure it didn't. 50 meters passed by very quickly. Not quickly enough for Mrinthra to be saved. But their sacrifice ensured it was too quick for the Grey Knights. Four blades ground down on exposed soft armour, behind the knees of the Grey Knights. Two missed, the Grey Knights moving at the last second. One was absorbed by the terminator armour as the owning Grey Knight turned to face the charge. Comniar's sword was deflected by the only one quick enough to form a quick enough counter-response - the Justicar. The deflection turned into a blow, and the Summoner barely ducked under the thunderhammer swinging over his head. Comniar attempted a stab while the Justicar was bringing his thunderhammer to a halt, but the psychic shield of the Grey Knight turned it aside. It did not deflect Onraths's seismic hammer launching him over the heads of the combatants. "Command - retreat" Comniar growled. With the Justicar and his threat to Onrath gone, the Wraiths had enough casualties as it was. The command squad did as they ordered, the reacting Grey Knights having already cut down two more. Bolters were taken from their maglocks following a quick command by the Summoner. He ordered them not to fire, however - Onrath would like to finish the surviving Grey Knights himself. Let the sorcerour do as he wanted, Onrath had had bad clients before. The slaughter was not quick. Comniar didn't expect it to be, knowing Onrath - he liked to toy with his victims, and no victims were as challenging to toy with as Grey Knights. The Summoner did not care, as the Inquisition would not receive reinforcements, and it allowed him to command the larger battle. The battle elsewhere went well, with the mortal crewmen counterattacking and largely failing to do any damage. Casualties were light - the Summoner's own squad had more dead than any other. A total of nineteen casualties for the mission. For a vindicator. The price would need to be raised, or the Black Ship would be destroyed, and the Wraiths would gain with their reputation. Someone else might attempt to trick the Wraiths after that, and they would have to be put down as well. The cycle would continue for a long time. Comniar wondered how many millenia it would be before the Wraiths finally earnt their own immunity to attack. Comniar shook his head as he realised his mind was drifting. The last Grey Knight was being rotated in Onrath's seismic hammer. The sorcerour was touching the ground again, moving nearer to the command squad as he did so. In thirty minutes, the Summoner estimated, the rest of the ship would be his, save for the command room. "Librarian?" The reply was immediate. "Yes?" "Confirm Life-Eater controls inoperable." A short pause followed. "Confirmed." Onrath laughed over the vox. Of course he had been listening to the vox traffic coming from Comniar, and had probably geussed the same thing Comniar had. The Summoner merely sighed. Elsanur wouldn't need a reminder for the next time he failed, but this time was too close. Comniar didn't even start thinking about it. The last Grey Knight finally fell to the floor. The sorceror stood beside Comniar again, in fully composed once more. Onrath was ready to advance. "Elsoun, secure marked location." A rune blinked confirmation. "Onrath, command, advance to the Inquisitior." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GooseDaMoose Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Very cool stuff again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Apostle Thirst Posted March 2, 2011 Author Share Posted March 2, 2011 Hey, guys, sorry it's been long time no update. I'm waiting for an in-depth critique to come back, and as soon as that does I'll update it, promise :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Apostle Thirst Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 The editor sent the E-mail back to me with the edits :) I can't see the file until I get onto a good computer, but as soon as I do I'll update this again... Until I do, thanks for looking, Thirst Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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