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A Tale of Twenty Writers


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Ok. Where should i put this bit at?:

 

 

The planet, whose number was Four Sixteen, the sixteenth world to be conquered by the Fourth Legion, was a place of mountain ranges and large oceans. Most of the cities were within the mountains, while the largest three cities were on islands in the ocean. They had withstood the coming of the Old Night and the terrible Warp storms that had ravaged the system. When the Iron Warriors came across Four Sixteen, the planet’s warships met them, armed and ready for war, not realizing they were aiming their guns at their own long lost brothers. When negotiations began, the people of Four Sixteen refused to be drawn into the Imperium and ordered the Iron Warriors to leave. That is when the war began for Four Sixteen. Slowly, the mountain cities were taken under control of the Iron Warriors. Then, they turned their attention to the three oceanic cities and they took control of two out of the three. The third, which the populace called Galmothia, was a fortress. Located at the heart of the island, with walls as tall as an Imperial Titan and as thick as Land Raider armor plating, it was the perfect test of the Iron Warriors siege specialty.

 

 

 

Also, whats a good name for a Iron Warriors battle barge besides Cold Vengeance?

Ok. Where should i put this bit at?:

 

 

The planet, whose number was Four Sixteen, the sixteenth world to be conquered by the Fourth Legion, was a place of mountain ranges and large oceans. Most of the cities were within the mountains, while the largest three cities were on islands in the ocean. They had withstood the coming of the Old Night and the terrible Warp storms that had ravaged the system. When the Iron Warriors came across Four Sixteen, the planet’s warships met them, armed and ready for war, not realizing they were aiming their guns at their own long lost brothers. When negotiations began, the people of Four Sixteen refused to be drawn into the Imperium and ordered the Iron Warriors to leave. That is when the war began for Four Sixteen. Slowly, the mountain cities were taken under control of the Iron Warriors. Then, they turned their attention to the three oceanic cities and they took control of two out of the three. The third, which the populace called Galmothia, was a fortress. Located at the heart of the island, with walls as tall as an Imperial Titan and as thick as Land Raider armor plating, it was the perfect test of the Iron Warriors siege specialty.

 

Hmm. Presumably right at the start, I'd say. Although I cannot say for sure as I have no other text to frame a reference from.

 

Also, whats a good name for a Iron Warriors battle barge besides Cold Vengeance?

 

Iron Scion?

Ah fudgsicles!

 

I nearly have my story done but reading back over it now I realize I have put way too much emphasis on a different Legion and left my original character without much in depth traits and alienated from the reader.

8,000 words written and I have just now realized I'm going to have to cut out huge portions of it and modify the existing parts or start over again >:[

 

Damn it.

Ah fudgsicles!

 

I nearly have my story done but reading back over it now I realize I have put way too much emphasis on a different Legion and left my original character without much in depth traits and alienated from the reader.

8,000 words written and I have just now realized I'm going to have to cut out huge portions of it and modify the existing parts or start over again >:[

 

Damn it.

 

:cuss

Man, that sucks. You have my sympathy, brother.

Alrighty then. These two pieces were written before I had started my second chapter but ended up on the editing floor as they simply did not fit in the narrative I had created. The first (brief) excerpt had been superseded by another version of events (after consulting Onyxius on a related passage), whereas the second simply never fitted in - it simply happened to not gel with the rest of the text. Anyhoo, enjoy. :P

 

 

 

Snippet the first:

 

There was a roar and Arek’s head disappeared in a ball of plasma, his body thunderously crashing backward onto the decking.

 

Solun twisted his head to see his saviour. It was Agostini, the Astropath, a smoking plasma pistol trembling in her hands. The Sergeant gestured for her to come closer but her fear made her hesitant.

 

 

 

And snippet the second:

 

The cell was just an officers quarters, stripped out and left bare. Inside Solun found a World Eater, bereft of his armour and tied with cargo chains to a support column. He was red with dried blood from the interrogation and from combat injuries – his remaining eye glowered at the Fists in the room with him and his mohican was matted from the astartes vital fluid that had coated it from a gash on the scalp. Blood caking the yellow fingers of his gauntlets, Sergeant Apropos turned to his senior.

 

“What have you learned, Sergeant?”

 

Apropos drew himself up to his full height as he acknowledged his new leader. “Not a lot, I am afraid. We know his name, his company and his contempt for us. There is little else I can get from him.”

 

“What is his name?”

 

“He’s called Red Tarkain, Solun.”

 

“Tarkain the Red.” Came the hoarse correction from the World Eater.

 

“I see.” The other Imperial Fists there - Foven, Cerion and Ben-Ezra – watched the World Eater, wary for any slip of the chains. Solun leaned toward the World Eater, conspiratorially speaking into his ear. “Tell me, cousin. Tell me why you forsake the Throne.”

 

The World Eater looked into the Sergeant’s eyes and grinned, bloodily. “My betters believe you must die. So shall it be.”

 

“Really?” Came the sceptic reply.

 

“I have revelled in the challenge your men gave me. Their blood marked my battle-plate, just as yours will mark someone else’s when we come for you.”

Solun turned away from the legionnaire, “You commit treason to the Throne, for the sake of bloodlust? There is still a galaxy of horrors out there and you decide to turn on humanity?!” The terminator spun back to the immobile astartes. “Why?”

 

Tarkain grinned even wider, and spat at his interrogator’s feet. “Kill me while you can, Fist, I fear not the crimson path.” No-one moved. Ben-Ezra coughed. “KILL ME!”

 

Solun held out his hand to Apropos, who handed him his scrimshaw blade. Looking to the steel and then back to the World Eater, Solun thought of denying the World Eater his wish. There were more pressing matters, however, than wasting time with a traitor. The blade found the neck with practised ease, loosing dark, rich arterial blood into the air of the room from the deep gash. He let the World Eater bleed to death.

 

 

Remember, those were both not finalised. Any mistakes in there, if there are any, would have been polished out in the final draft (I hope). :P

Hit a bit of a problem. Decided to finish off my story only to find the file corrupted, so I went to by back up and that only had 3k of words not around 10k. I am slightly irritated to say the least, so I am not going to make the date and it will probably take me a week and a bit to re-write what I have lost. So :P .

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