IA: Guardians of Midas

[Conn Eremon]

Origins
“Following him is a lesson in futility. His is a war fought on an entirely different level, too fast for the likes of us to participate. But that is fine. He leaves more than enough behind him for the rest of us.” –- attrib. Batukhan

The known history of the Guardians begins sometime in the 33rd Millennium, when the Chapter was ordered to the Midas Cluster, far to the Galactic North. This is not, however, when the Chapter was Founded, though very few scraps of information remain from the period before their coming to the Midas Cluster. What little is known of this fuzzy period in the Guardians' past is that the Inquisition had a heightened awareness of the Chapter, with Inquisitorial agents and decrees a constant presence in the initial centuries of the Guardians' arrival. Many in the Chapter look toward their genetic flaw with progenoid gland production as the cause for their paranoid attentions. What little remains of the Guardians' existence prior to the 33rd Millennium are vague, providing little facts. Fragment writings attributed to what is believed to be one Batukhan, the Guardians' potential founding Chapter Master, detail his rise to command a Brotherhood of the White Scars Legion prior to the formation of Chapters, making the Guardians a potential 2nd or 3rd Founding. Whatever the history of the Chapter in that mythical age, the Midas Cluster proved a powerful influence, virtually recreating the Guardians in its image.

The Midas Cluster had resisted the scouting forces of the Imperium at the tail end of the Great Crusade. With the horrific aftermath of the Heresy, the Imperium's attention turned inward. For millennia, the Midas Cluster had remained aloof, distant from the greater Imperium. Tasked by the Inquisition, the Guardians were sent wholesale into the Midas Cluster to take it for the Imperium. Though the fleet-based Chapter was a power unto themselves, capable of toppling whole worlds with the boom of their guns and the tread of their boots, the Midas Cluster resisted them at every turn. Wild xeno of breeds unknown, worlds and dangers missed or overlooked by ancient Imperial cartographers, and small bands of human colonies that wanted little to do with the Imperium. The Midas Cluster was rife with them and it proved a heady challenge the Guardians came close to failing. The battle that would have ended the Guardians' struggles was in the Archaegosian System, in orbit over its large, arid third world, whose derelict hives harbored a small but self-sustaining human population. The Eldar, whose presence in the Cluster had been a thorn in the Guardians' side, committed themselves to battle fully against the Chapter fleet. Their Craftworld, formidable in spite of its smaller size to some of the more well-known Craftworlds that have plagued the Imperium, entered the foray itself, turning a pitched battle into what nearly became an open rout. Though the Chapter lost a majority of its ships, it was their habit of taking considerable risks that ended up saving the Chapter. Rather than retreating, or burning alongside their own ships, the Guardians launched a full boarding assault against the Craftworld. Though the death toll was high for Marine and Eldar alike, the frantic battle concluded with the Craftworld's burning plummet onto Archaegos Tertiary.

Though in considerably poor shape, the Guardians succeeded in breaking the backs of their greatest enemy within the Midas Cluster, allowing them time to recuperate their losses and consolidate their winnings within the Cluster. Some in the Chapter believe that the proliferation of their flaw began in this period, when the Chapter took chances with their recruitment programs to rebuild lost Companies. Though the continuing conquest of the Midas Cluster continued at a slower pace, it was declared secured in the Emperor's name four centuries after their arrival. However, the Midas Cluster has never been made truly compliant, and the Guardians, now the Guardians of Midas, have dedicated their efforts for millennia to holding the Cluster intact from xenos and traitors alike. Though they remain a fleet-based Chapter, the destruction of so many ships has forced them to utilize multiple Chapter Keeps scattered across the Cluster on the Six, human worlds the Chapter claims the majority of its recruits. Though many of the Guardians' Brotherhoods have ventured beyond the Cluster to take part in grander Imperial Crusades, the Guardians of Midas have largely dedicated their efforts to the immense Cluster and remained isolated.

Home World
“There! They are retreating through their portal. Get the damned ready; we won’t have much time before they close it behind them.” -- Ruin Lord Stanko Alfonz

The Guardians do not maintain a fortress-monastery upon any one world. Mostly fleet-bound, the Guardians instead utilize Chapter Keeps as recruitment centers, the only land holdings the Chapter maintains. Scattered across six worlds, often referred to collectively as the Six, each Keep serves as the base of operations for a Brotherhood, providing that Brotherhood with an identity unique to the rest of the Chapter. Shalya, where humans locked in primitive tribal cultures hunt across immense salt flats to take down native megafauna and pray to the Eagle-father, the local stand-in for the Emperor. The watery world of Marrune, with its singular, almost ring-shaped continent, where roaming, ocean-floor hives mined the mineral-rich waters. The poisoned world of Geddonia, whose human population is forced to live underground following an apocalyptic attack by Orks. The war-torn world of Navaroik, a land of two kingdoms that are rarely at peace with each other. The moon of Loi, in orbit over Keiran, whose wildlife mirrors that of the planet below, but who have evolved in ways to classify it as a deathworld. The over-sized dry rock of Archaegos, whose landscape is littered with the bright emerald ruins of an ancient war.

Each world, though unique to each other, is home to the golden Rocs. Birds of prey large enough to prey upon man, they are not native to these worlds, or to the Midas Cluster. They were brought into the Cluster by the Guardians themselves, and it is believed that they are native to the venerable home world of their Primarch, Choggoris. Legends kept by the Guardians depict Jaghatai Khan, while still young, catching a young Roc, who became a companion to the demi-god, giving the great Khan his nickname among his tribal people, the Warhawk. The Rocs are integral to the Chapter's recruitment trials, and many Guardians wear large red-gold feathers as fetishes upon their armor and weapons.

Combat Doctrine
“Let them move closer, we’ll strike from below like the manticore serpent, our fangs no less envenomed.“ -– Sergeant Yuto Jian, Brotherhood of the Moon

The Guardians are at heart a White Scar Successor Chapter, their love for speed undiminished by time and isolation. Prevalent across the Chapter is a predilection towards tactics that bring combat to a quick close, often seeking to go against odds and take perhaps unnecessary risks. Their approach to the Eldar and the Webway being the perfect example of this demeanor. For most within the Chapter, this is the thrill of the hunt, the heavily competitive interaction between Brotherhoods. For others, this is deliberately intended to cull those who bear the sin of corruption within them.

Each Brotherhood embodies their home world not just in culture but in tactics as well. The Brotherhood of the Sea is adept at limiting the destruction of their warrior ways, making of them a scalpel that cuts only where intended; a tactic made necessary by the hive gangs of Marrune, who can ill afford a stray shot penetrating the hull of their underwater vessels. The Brotherhood of the Blood are the most competitive of the Chapter, even within their own Brotherhood, as rivalries created upon Navaroik have resisted all attempts to remove by indoctrination.

Organisation
“Your competitive nature has served you well, Sea-Brother. It has seen you rise in the ranks of our Brotherhood, but it will not see you join the Brothers of the Hawk. Your rivalries would have no place there. Learn to let it go, or accept your place among us as permanent.” -- Chaplain Kia Iona, Brotherhood of the Sea

Due to genetic mutations, the Guardians, in their own eyes, have never operated at full strength, having nearly two companies' worth of ostracized Marines at any one time. Within the proper Chapter, the Guardians are perhaps more Codex compliant than their White Scar forbearers. Veterans of the six Brotherhoods are collected within the First Brotherhood, the Brotherhood of the Hawk. Though each Brotherhood is responsible for the recruitment programs upon their chosen worlds, the recruits are gathered into a Scout Company, which has never been given a Brotherhood name for it is a temporary station. Once a recruit has become a full-fledged Marine, he is returned to the Brotherhood of his home world, where he will remain until death or advancement into the Brotherhood of the Hawk. Here Codex divergence returns, as each Brotherhood is a self-sustaining Battle-Company wokse make-up is theirs to decide. The Brotherhood of the Land prefers short-range, decisive firepower over long-range guns, fielding more flamers than other Brotherhoods, tactics that were most useful to in the packed quarters of the underground hives of Geddonia. The Brotherhood of the Moon, perhaps reminiscent of their short lives on Keiran Loi, are markedly self-sufficient, under perpetual desire to conserve energy and supplies for when needed most.

The ostracized, who have committed the sin of impurity, are gathered into over-sized squads called the Hunters. They are not part of any Brotherhood, but are attached to them and serve as shock troops, the first in and last out. As quality gear is left to the Chapter proper, the Hunters are often ill-equipped and suffer horrendous attrition rates. Only when the Eldar are encountered, whether the space-faring xenos or their darker or more primitive kin, is the true intent of the Hunter squads revealed. They are tasked with entering the domains of the Eldar, of any type, whether it is a portal into the Webway, a Craftworld, an Exodite World or Commoragh itself. They are given only one order, come back with the Khan or not at all. Only then would their corruption be erased, their purity proven. With single-minded abandon, many Hunter squads have disappeared into such covens, never to return.

Beliefs
“In the air, we breathe thunder. In our chests, it rumbles loud. Salt is in our veins. The ground upon which it spills is nourished by it. Thunder is our father, the salt our mother. For both, we live. For both, we fight. For both, we die.” -- Skyseer Antinanco Who Was Born Whole

The Guardians have great pride in their heritage, most especially linked to their Primarch, Jaghatai Khan. This pride is linked to the vast importance they place upon genetic purity, at odds with their own prevalent mutation, leading to the segregation of afflicted Marines. As the Khan is the focus of their beliefs, his absence is a sorely felt hole within them, aching to be filled once more by their gene-father's return. Early in the Guardians' history, during the wars to conquer the Midas Cluster for the Imperium, the Chapter found fleeting clues that their Primogenitor may have been present in ages past, as ever on the leading edge of the Imperium's advance. The possibility of finding the Khan is too great for the Guardians to ignore, and many of their plans and actions are dedicated to his retrieval. For the impure, only by such a discovery could see the stain of their existence purified. As ever, the home worlds of the Guardians have a profound impact on their attendant Brotherhoods. The Brotherhood of Ruin are most of all dedicated to their lord father's return, while the Brotherhood of the Sky share in the more esoteric beliefs of their home world, with an occult attraction to the number three.

Gene-seed
“This is all we have left of our father, our blood. It is what connects us to him, what elevates us beyond what we were. Our blood is everything. There is no price too high to pay to protect it and keep it pure.“ –- Ramapravin Ottama, Apothecary attached to the Brotherhood of the Blood

The Guardians of Midas are of the White Scars genetic stock, with all that entails. Though the Chapter places great importance on genetic purity, with an active Apothecarion that keeps close tabs on their gene-seed banks, it is a permanent shame upon them that they have been plagued with a singular mutation. In the process of maturing, a Space Marine produces two sets of progenoid glands, effectively assuring the survival of the Chapter by allowing for the production of two Marines for every one. Among the Guardians of Midas, for every five recruits reaching this genetic maturity, only four produce the second set of progenoid glands. This leaves twenty percent only capable of producing the first set.

Though this mutation has not kept them on the radar of the Inquisition or the Adeptus Mechanicus as tithes have been collected, nor has it impeded their ability to make war in the Emperor and the Warhawk's name, it is enough for the Guardians to look upon those so afflicted as imperfect and corrupted. Though their progenoid glands are removed, the Apothecaries keep careful track to ensure that they are never used for future implantations. They are kept aside for when the Imperium requests its often long overdue tithes. Though this practice is intended to restrict the mutation and prevent it from spreading to healthier gene-seed, it has wholly failed to eradicate it.

The Chapter views the Brothers of the Eagle as paragons of virtuosity and purity. Their Terminator suits are kept fastidiously pristine in-between battles, their hammer blows elegant and sudden.

Battle-cry
"Death is in our eyes, fire in our blood!" -- Battle-cry of the Brotherhood of the Land

http://i.imgur.com/KxVzoRz.jpg

Edited December 24, 2014 by Conn Eremon

[Olis]

A rich tale so far, brother. It could do with some formatting to make it less 'wall o' text'-y, though.  Also, not a huge fan of the colour accents on each different company/brotherhood. My suggestion is to dispense with those accents and, instead, provide a helmet stripe of the corresponding colour. Perhaps that might have a better effect. :)

[Wargasm40k]

Very well done.  I love the different brotherhoods within your chapter, makes it very unique.  Bravo!

[Conn Eremon]

Unfortunate side-effect of writing it up on the PC, copying the file to a smartphone, opening it with some free app, and copy/pasting it onto the mobile site.

 

And of being too lazy to put the spacing back. :p

 

As for the color scheme, I have to admit that if it's not one I can recreate through the Dawn of War games, it isn't one that occurs to me when I develop it.

 

However, I have never been pleased with the look of the colored trim, so I will swap to a helmet stripe later and see how that looks.

 

Edit: Hope the reformat was an improvement.

Edited November 10, 2013 by Cormac Airt

[Hrvat]

I approve of Eternaly-famous Nobly-brave

 

Edited November 11, 2013 by Hrvat

[Conn Eremon]

Heh. Thanks for all the high praise!

 

Here's the revised Marine images, in no particular order:

 

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/sm/bpe=ff6432&bpj=ff6432&bp=ff6432&bpc=ffc637&hdt=ff6432&hdm=ff6432&hdl=ff6432&ey=ffc637&er=ff6432&pi=423b35&nk=ff6432&ch=ff6432&eg=ffc637&sk=ffc637&abs=ff6432&bt=FF6432&cod=ff6432&ull=ff6432&lk=ff6432&lll=ff6432&lft=ff6432&url=ff6432&rk=ff6432&lrl=ff6432&rft=ff6432&slt=ff6432&sli=ffc637&srt=ff6432&sri=ffc637&ula=ff6432&lel=ff6432&lla=ff6432&lw=ff6432&lh=ff6432&ura=ff6432&rel=ff6432&rla=ff6432&rw=ff6432&rh=ff6432&bg=FFFFFF&rb=423b35&gr=423b35&wg=true&hs=191919&mk6=true&hse=191919&aq=true&mk7=333333/spacemarine.jpg

 

http://i.imgur.com/ct7lUmQ.jpg

 

http://i.imgur.com/3lL0H70.jpg

 

http://i.imgur.com/lGROf7A.jpg

 

http://i.imgur.com/fkqA54c.jpg

 

http://i.imgur.com/FENnW3n.jpg

 

http://i.imgur.com/igzszvQ.jpg

[Conn Eremon]

Now that I am looking at it, I think I will swap the brown for the black.

 

Brown is just too hard to see on that helm, and I don't want a differently colored helm. The brown was the Moon's color, the shade of light that Loi gives off down on Keiran. The black was the First Brotherhood, a remnant of their inception as the Grief Company, because they be bawlin' about Khagan still.

 

I'll give the black to the Moon, for I don't know, the blackness from where it shines or something. The First Brotherhood will go stripe-less. Perhaps to show that their former Brotherhood allegiances are no longer as important as the Chapter itself. Or something.

[Ace Debonair]

Alrighty.

I'm pretty sure you know how us salty old veterans in the Liber do things by now.

 

So, without meaning to cause any offence or create more work for you, there's a couple of points I'd like to bring up.

 

 

First, the geneseed 'curse'.

You talk about it pretty much all the way through the article and make it sound like a much bigger deal than it eventually turns out to be. Some kind of mention of it's nature early on might help, if only so readers can get a clearer picture of the Chapter before the final section.

 

Second, there's a lot of talk about how the Midas Cluster has shaped and changed the Chapter, but then there's nothing illustrating what these changes were. What traits did the Midas Cluster inspire in the Chapter, and what did they do differently before arriving there?

 

 

Don't get me wrong, though, I'm digging the Chapter. They remind me a little of my Red Lords, only as White Scars and with much cooler quotes.

Hopefully my nitpicking serves a useful function and helps you make the Guardians of Midas even cooler.

[Conn Eremon]

Hm. Well, those are two points I had hoped were illustrated and clear in the article already. I'll say what my intentions were, and ask for any tips on making it better show through.

 

One,

It is a huge deal. To the Chapter. A minor mutation otherwise, that the rest of the Imperium overlooks with no problem. I keep bringing it up that they have this huge flaw that defines them and shames them, about how much their Primarch means to them, about how much purity matters. It is meant to be an over-exaggeration on the Chapter's part, that the reader "gets" later on. I suppose I could reverse the order and make the revelation first, but not sure how to do so. The details belong in the Gene-seed, which is normally at the tail end of the article.

 

But what I want to keep is the core idea of a Chapter so intent upon its connection to their lost Primarch that even this minor deviation from his genetic legacy is met with unparalleled horror and revulsion.

 

Two,

Alright, I had meant to show that by detailing the identities of the Brotherhoods and making sure each one got a quote. The things that make them unique are products of their home worlds. How their worlds influenced their beliefs, tactics, and the varied naming themes.The things that remain constant across the Chapter might be that which was present prior to their coming.

 

The very home worlds themselves are aspects of the changes Midas wrought upon them, out of necessity. Other things include discovery of evidence of their Primarch, followed by obsessive searches and an unhealthy adulation.

 

Once again, I'm setting forth what I was attempting to convey in the hopes that someone will help me show it better (or perhaps tell me my intentions are dumb, try again), not debate your two points there, Ace. Your attempts at nitpicking away to better the Guardians is much appreciated.

[Conn Eremon]

For the heck of it, here's what I have written for each home world. Not too fond of it, and it has no place in the full article, but here it is.

 

 

The Hive world of Marrune is a sapphire jewel hanging in space. The vast majority of its surface is covered in one great ocean. Only one landmass stabs above the waves, that of a large ring. Appearing thin only from space, the narrow strip of land encircles another great mass of water. There is only one land, one ocean, and one sea, simply referred to as the Ocean, the Land, and the Sea. The land is used to ferry resources mined from the planet up to the massive carrier ships in space. The actual mining occurs upon the Ocean's floor. Great bubble domes, each encompassing an entire Hive, roam the ocean floor and inhale innumerable tonnages of Ocean water. The water goes through a sifter that picks out minerals, which are then separated and sorted by menial workers. Within the Sea, there are no mining operations. Rumors abound as to the reason; either the Sea has been mined clean or the Seafloor is far too deep to allow for mining. Outside of the heavily fortified and walled ports that dot the Land, is untamed wilderness. Typical of any hive, Marrune has its fair share of gangers. Those rounded up and captured are released beyond these walls to fend for themselves, often against such terrible predators as the golden Rocs. Marrunic Marines form the Brotherhood of the Sea, and wear blue trim in honour of its waters.

 

The Hive World of Archaegos is almost Marrune's opposite. It never had much in the way of oceans, but what water it had was mostly boiled away during an orbital battle between the Adeptus Astartes forces and the hated Eldar. Having cornered one of their craftworlds in-system, it was systematically destroyed, at the cost of nearly an entire battlefleet. The craftworld, losing the fight, crashed into Archaegos, preceded by countless other vessels. Despite this catastrophic event, many of the world's hives survived, as did many of the Eldar inhabitants. What followed was a brutal extermination war. The Guardians Chapter sent one of its Brotherhoods to commit a decisive strike to demolish the remaining structure of the Craftworld and destroy the heart precious to the xenos. While waging this battle, the Marines were impressed by the world's denizens and their desperate, but effective defense of their hives. When the Guardians presence within the Midas Cluster was consolidated, Archaegos was selected as the recruitment world for the Brotherhood that had fought upon its rocky soil. A nest of Rocs was transported to Archaegos, where they were placed within the heart of the dead Battlebarge, the Eagle’s Wrath, former fortress-monastery to the Guardians. The denizens of Archaegos remember the days when the Adeptus Astartes visited war upon their world with honor. Many of its youths, Hive ganger hopefuls, venture out into the ruins seeking relics of their passing for their symbolic value. Those few to catch the eyes of the resident Seekers and fulfill the Chapter's required trials are taken for recruitment. Archaegosian Marines form the Brotherhood of Ruin, and wear green trim in remembrance of its ruins.

 

The third Hive World, Geddonia, is an almost barren wasteland across its three major continents. Spoiled rotten after a major Ork Waaagh! millennia past, the planet ceased to be the garden world that it once was. Afterwards, the Mechanicum moved in to begin processing the planet's natural pockets of promethium. Due to the caustic nature of the planet's surface, it is discouraged to ever venture out onto it. However, connecting the numerous Hives across the world is an intricate and complicated set of tunnels. Only the largest, commercially useful tunnels are ever utilized and mapped, but the total network is seemingly infinite. Many Hive gangers and other disreputables make their home in these tunnels, keeping just far enough to avoid the Arbites but close enough to avoid getting lost forever, though it still occurs frequently. A legend exists upon this planet, that a small piece of the world's original paradise was kept preserved in a cavern massive enough to purportedly support millions. Within this cave rests an angel of the God-Emperor and his servants, and whose feathers could grant anyone a place of favor in the God-Emperor's eyes. Geddonian Marines comprise the Brotherhood of the Land, and wear violet trim after their home's polluted skies.

 

The large planet of Shalya consists of six habitable continents, occupied by humanity stuck in a perpetual tribal state. The Feral World is temperate, and is comprised by as many different climates as Terra herself was in the ancient past, with the exception of extensive saltflats that dominate entire regions all across the continents. The greater gravity creates a tough breed of humans who roam the plains of the world in search of prey. Their greatest enemies on this world are the Rocs. Unlike the Guardians' other worlds, the Rocs on Shalya are not exclusive to one small area, but instead are spread across the large globe. The humans of Shalya both fear and revere these great winged beasts. Many are the youths who overcome their fears of the birds and hunt their nests. It is believed that those who are able to pluck one of the long flight feathers from a living adult Roc are taken by the great Eagle Father, believed to sire the Rocs, to serve as his warriors. The legend is as true as it can be, as the Eagle Father is a local name for the God-Emperor. The Brotherhood of the Sky is made from Shalyan Marines who wear white trim in imitation of their world and its long strips of saltplains.

 

Navaroik is a planet whose landmass is nearly entirely covered in great jungles. Almost hidden by the foliage are strings of cleared ground where great stone buttresses and towers compose gigantic stone bastions within which the greater majority of the planet's population resides. The world has three continents, two larger and one smaller. The smaller is uninhabited by humans, but gets frequent human travel as a stepping-stone between the greater continents. The populations are divided amongst dozens of religious militant orders who rule by divine right issued from the order of Seekers who reside in this world and make their presence known. Their armies are locked in constant worldwide warfare over the rights to the smaller island continent between them. The small land, dominated by a tall, wide shield mountain, is where the world's population of Rocs live and the Seekers reside. Whichever force is capable of holding its shores and water has the only avenue to the Rocs, and therefore aspirants from this world come from the most successful militaries of that time. Navaroiki Marines are made into the Brotherhood of the Blood, and wear red trim out of respect to those whose blood they spilt to reach their station.

 

The last world of the Guardians is another jungle planet, though much more of it is burned away than on Navaroik. The civilized world of Keiran is unique in many ways, both to the Imperium and to the Guardians. The planet produces next to nothing in terms of resources for the Imperium as a whole. The planet produces only what it itself needs and is not a drain upon the Imperium either. As such, the planet, while fully aware of the Imperium and its low status within it, has a large amount of individual freedom not afforded many planets. However, as the world does not receive supplies from offworld, they are always in danger of over-crowding. The large population of Keiran is often too much for the world’s resources to bear. The other unique feature about them is that they have no legends of their own related to the Guardians as the other planets do. Indeed, the Rocs necessary for admission to the Chapter do not even live on the planet itself, but upon its habitable but inhospitable moon. Dangerous enough to be declared a Death World had it been its own planet, Keiran’s moon, Loi, is the means in which the government of Keiran alleviates the pressure of its over-sized population. Lies spoken of a paradise above, with many settlements where humanity can thrive, are spread amongst the common people. Chosen by lottery, entire communities are uprooted and hauled to Loi, at times on a yearly basis. Though actual attempts at settling Loi have been made, no such colony has ever survived more than a handful generations. In spite of the failure rates, Keiran sends so many so often that the moon of Loi is rarely without human life upon it. The Keiran Loi Marines form the Brotherhood of the Moon, and wear black in recognition of the falsehoods prevalent in their home world.

[Ace Debonair]

Hm. Well, those are two points I had hoped were illustrated and clear in the article already. I'll say what my intentions were, and ask for any tips on making it better show through.

 

One,

It is a huge deal. To the Chapter. A minor mutation otherwise, that the rest of the Imperium overlooks with no problem. I keep bringing it up that they have this huge flaw that defines them and shames them, about how much their Primarch means to them, about how much purity matters. It is meant to be an over-exaggeration on the Chapter's part, that the reader "gets" later on. I suppose I could reverse the order and make the revelation first, but not sure how to do so. The details belong in the Gene-seed, which is normally at the tail end of the article.

 

But what I want to keep is the core idea of a Chapter so intent upon its connection to their lost Primarch that even this minor deviation from his genetic legacy is met with unparalleled horror and revulsion.

 

There just needs to be a quick mention of what the flaw most likely is earlier on in the article.

I'd type up an example but I'm tired (as always) and ill, so my brain isn't functioning at 100%.

 

 

Two,

Alright, I had meant to show that by detailing the identities of the Brotherhoods and making sure each one got a quote. The things that make them unique are products of their home worlds. How their worlds influenced their beliefs, tactics, and the varied naming themes.The things that remain constant across the Chapter might be that which was present prior to their coming.

 

The very home worlds themselves are aspects of the changes Midas wrought upon them, out of necessity. Other things include discovery of evidence of their Primarch, followed by obsessive searches and an unhealthy adulation.

 

Once again, I'm setting forth what I was attempting to convey in the hopes that someone will help me show it better (or perhaps tell me my intentions are dumb, try again), not debate your two points there, Ace. Your attempts at nitpicking away to better the Guardians is much appreciated.

 

Ah, that's what I mean. There's stuff in the IA like the underlined section, but no real expansion on what those influences are.

You don't need a definitive list, but give some examples somewhere, something like 'the Brotherhood of the Sea habitually use Thunderhawks to deploy in favour of drop pods unless the circumstances truly merit their use'.

 

OK, that was a random and clumsy example but darn it, I'm not well.

[Conn Eremon]

I'll try to insert something about the flaw.

 

I provided five examples. One such, "The Brotherhood of the Abyss is adept at limiting the destruction of their warrior ways, making of them a scalpel that cuts only where intended; a tactic made necessary by the hive gangs of Marrune, who can ill afford a stray shot penetrating the hull of their underwater vessels." is very close to the example you gave, I think.

 

What do they do wrong, or not enough of?

[Ace Debonair]

On re-reading, I just found all five of those examples.

I'm quite pleased that I spotted them all, but bloody annoyed at myself for not spotting them first time round.

 

There's a lesson here, brothers. Never C&C while you're ill, unless you're pretty sure it'll cure you or you don't mind looking like a darn fool.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a wall to interface with.

[Conn Eremon]

Well, it made me add three more to the Combat Doctrine and Gene-Seed sections, and I added more detail to the initial introduction of a flaw, which I have also made singular all instances of where I made it plural.

 

Has it improved?

[Shinzaren]

Their gene-seed issue seems relatively minor, in the grand scheme of bad mutations. You don't have six inch long fangs, or a blood craze, or bony spikes coming out of your elbows, so I think you're doing okay. However, you do make mention of their battles with the Eldar, and their hunt for Jaghatai Khan. I think you should expand on this, as this is what the defining thing to your chapter is. Without something to really separate them, I don't quite understand what they do exactly. I know they have cool brotherhoods and different clans based on worlds, and that is really interesting, but it doesn't tell me what they do. Who they are. What defines them as a chapter. If they are hurtling defective marines in the Webway to hunt down their primarch, that is cool. That is unique. That is awesome. Let's see more of that. I want to see more of that aspect, as it is the unique thing that makes the Guardians of Midas who they are. 

[Ace Debonair]

That's definitely better, Cormac.

What you've added doesn't go into un-needed detail, but does give you some insight into the nature of the Chapter's 'curse'. Good stuff!

[Conn Eremon]

Unnecessary detail was something I was concerned about for this IA, which is why I made a lot of things vague. It just seemed to fit them better as I wrote it, for better or worse.

 

It does appear that I went a little too far into that. Ace's criticism led me to provide more examples of Midas' influence on the Chapter and to elaborate earlier in the nature of their blown out of proportion flaw, much to the article's benefit.

 

So it's likely that elaborating further on the nature and use of the Hunter squads would also be beneficial, but I am honestly loath to do so.

 

At least in the article proper. I had an idea for a young Marine that clearly shows exceptional talent for leadership, but whose first and last command is leading fellow sullied into a portal. Maybe I could make it a sidebar?

[Olis]

Unnecessary detail was something I was concerned about for this IA, which is why I made a lot of things vague. It just seemed to fit them better as I wrote it, for better or worse.

 

Clarity and brevity are the two watch words for any burgeoning IA article. By all means don't be vague but try not to be overly wordy. ;) 

 

At least in the article proper. I had an idea for a young Marine that clearly shows exceptional talent for leadership, but whose first and last command is leading fellow sullied into a portal. Maybe I could make it a sidebar?

 

Sidebars are good for flavour text but don't look so hot when there's too much exposition in them and they wind up far longer (in screen size) than one or two paragraphs. If it's more of a mini-story, then I would think an additional text outside of the main article would be best. :)

[Conn Eremon]

I don't know, in some cases I like vague. While one shouldn't use it as a crutch (and heck if I know if I have or not), it is one of those things that gives 40k its charm, I think. It may not be a great feature in 'good' writing, but certainly has its place in an IA.

 

As for the sidebar, one to two paragraphs was all I was considering. Sort of like an internal monologue listing his various successes, strengths and, in some aspects superiority, leading up to an abrupt conclusion where it's revealed his current status and mission. I'm imagining a young Marine with a lot of promise, bowing his head in silent contemplation of his life up to this point, while he waits for the word to lead his men into a portal.

 

The point of it is to show that the Chapter is literally wasting its Marines in this manner. The Chapter has a very real flaw, but the irony of their situation is that it is their reaction to their perceived flaw that is the true flaw. The Chapter has an effective fighting force of 80% a Codex Chapter at its optimum, because it has at any one time two entire Companies worth of Marines whose sole purpose is to die in the search for their Primarch. Which isn't exactly all disadvantage all the time, that said. You send such a force into the heart of the enemy, you may lose all you send in but it has a tendency to be very damaging to said heart of enemy. Hm. I'll expand on this at the end.

 

It'd be my first 'sidebar,' so I'm not sure how to go about it.

 

I want it to be brief, the kind you can slim

down to be no wider than this sentence,

but not so tall as to dominate the entire

"page" that includes this sidebar.

 

And I don't want it to be a deep look into the mind of a Hunter (alternatively, I'd considered Seeker ever since I changed my Iron Crusaders DIY to the Iron Hunters). The Marine is not the point of the sidebar. The point of the sidebar is to provide more insight on how the Chapter handles these impure brothers. The heavy prejudice and poor handling of Marines who suffer the same deep-seated need to be pure, to remain the unsullied sons of the father they have never stopped looking for. One of its tragedies is that these Marines view themselves much the same as the others. That they willingly throw themselves into a short life of blood and confusion from whence there is no escape (at least, not since I decided they won't be using the Blood Angels' Codex [for the Death Company] and therefore would not need a counts-as Mephiston returned from the Webway, but that was all exercises of the mind anyways since I won't ever be fielding an army).

 

But this is all theoretical, as all I really have of the sidebar is that kernel of a thought. If and when I do get around to it, I'll probably message Olisredan and Ace with it first for a round of nitpicking and hacking before posting it. :)

 

Back to what I said I'd expand on at the end. While writing that, it came to me that I could use a Notable Battles section to provide the same impact that the sidebar could. Depict at least one battle in which the Hunter/Seekers are utilized in this manner, preferably by having that element be particularly eventful and influential to the over-all campaign. Slip that in among one or two others that highlight the differences between Brotherhoods and perhaps provide more on their Brotherhood of Veterans and Terminator elite. I'm actually starting to like this idea better than the sidebar, though perhaps the sidebar could provide a tragic companion to the battle.

 

I wrote a small bit of backstory for Antinanco Who Was Born Whole, for another board member's Deathwatch force, whose quote I stole for the article. Since that member's project fell through in an abandonment of 40k in favor of 30k, I could steal the rest of it and make them elements of a battle, instead of starting from scratch.