You know you're an Imperial Guardsman when...

[librisrouge]

So many other forums have threads like this and I figure its our turn. Hell, if it counts as having zeal to march into battle wearing a tank, what kind of zeal must we guardsmen have.

 

Now, onto the show.

 

You know you're an Imperial Guardsmen when...

 

...some smart aleck teenager mouths off to you and you honestly think to yourself, "What this calls for is an artillery strike."

...when you're playing a video game featuring guns and the best feature of the game to you is the ability to affix bayonets.     ~Happens way to often to be healthy~

...when you drive by a tank every day and have to resist the erg to grab your sword, mount the machine, and shout "For the Emperor! Advance!" knowing full well that others will look at you like you're crazy (and not entirely caring.)

 

Join on in folks. The waters fine!

[Urael]

...being considered "Expendable" is taken as a compliment.

...your answer to fixing the lawn mower is "Call a tech priest".

...you watch a scorpion being dragged into a fire ant mound and think to yourself, "Take That, Carnifex!"

[Argun]

...when you start thinking that all your problems can be solved by a carefully placed artillery strike...

...you begin calling your personal vehicle your Chimera/Russ...

[Obscura]

That this is all the inspiration you need to make a new Command Squad for your regiment.

 

http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s59/NRJS7953/Commander_zpsf13569dc.jpg

[*Furyou Miko]

You're hesitant to use your torch (flashlight) in case you've got the power set too high and blow something up.

[No Foes Remain]

...When playing RTS games you no longer care about how many troops you loose as long as the enemy dies. "Send in the next wave!"

 

...when you drive by a tank every day and have to resist the erg to grab your sword, mount the machine, and shout "For the Emperor! Advance!" knowing full well that others will look at you like you're crazy (and not entirely caring.)

Guilty of this in World of Tanks. A lot.

[*Furyou Miko]

When you're playing an Apocalypse mod on Dawn of War and realise that yes, setting the rally point in the enemy base and just putting your basic infantry squad on overwatch production will win you the game eventually against the CPU.

[Doghouse]

You are surprised when you when you make a saving throw.

 

Any marine player really needs to try guard at least once, you'll soon appreciate the t4 and 3+ saving throws a lot more.

[Epistaxis]

... you buy your 3 year old 4 buckets of green army men because he needs more than one troops choice.

[Urael]

...you realize that "Clogg their weapons with our dead" is a viable strategy.

...you fear your "Morale Officer" more than that four armed bug that just ate Gary's tank.

...you suddenly realize the "Infantryman's uplifting primer" they gave you is more resilient than the armor they gave you.

...your answer to visiting in-laws is "Fix Bayonets!"

...you realize that you weren't issued krak grenades, because they cost more than you do.

[Cap'm Heckus]

... when you refer to your wife's black winter jacket as her "commissar's coat... under your breath of course. (HQ)

...when your wife (the commissar) sends your six yearold son upstairs alone to check on a scary noise. (Troops)

...when you use a laser pointer to make your cats attack your wife's rear while she trying to plug something in. (Fast Attack, although that might be more of a Tau tactic)

...when you think a large math textbook hurled from a long distance is an appropriate response to a small spider in the bathtub. (Heavy Support)

[WarriorFish]

You laugh when another player says "I've got a lot of models in my army".

You get confused when someone mentions having enough of something.

 

[librisrouge]

...you see a deal for IG on ebay and think "hmmm..." even though you've never been able to field all the men you have...but...someday.

[scatmandoo]

...you see a deal for IG on ebay and think "hmmm..." even though you've never been able to field all the men you have...but...someday.

this is just too true.

[scatmandoo]

Whenever a guardsman actually kills someone with lasgun fire and you sing "blinded by the light......"

 

Whenever you curse giving the expensive weapons to the veterans including the ccs, who then procede to ignore orders, overheat and die, and generally waste needed firepower such as lascannons. This happens every turn and every game.

 

No matter how many games and turns are played you will never get 3 hits with a vendetta even with the re-rolls.

 

Always rolling the warlord trait that gives a bonus to charging.

[Epistaxis]

Whenever a guardsman actually kills someone with lasgun fire and you sing "blinded by the light......"

 

Whenever you curse giving the expensive weapons to the veterans including the ccs, who then procede to ignore orders, overheat and die, and generally waste needed firepower such as lascannons. This happens every turn and every game.

 

No matter how many games and turns are played you will never get 3 hits with a vendetta even with the re-rolls.

 

Always rolling the warlord trait that gives a bonus to charging.

 

I embrace this like a fat kid embraces cake! It might just be because I'm a Black Templar at heart... but I love the look on my opponents face when I say "DAMN THE OVER WATCH!!! FIX BAYONETS!!!" 

[RolandTHTG]

... you know in the depths of your heart that whispering "lasguns..." as your opponent rolled his terminator saves is why he failed half of them.
... you are perfectly happy taking 3:1 casualties in close combat, because you brought 31 guys and he only brought a rhino's worth.

... you've run penal legion because "well, I had these extra models, and some orange paint..."

 

 

 

Always rolling the warlord trait that gives a bonus to charging.

 

I embrace this like a fat kid embraces cake! It might just be because
I'm a Black Templar at heart... but I love the look on my opponents
face when I say "DAMN THE OVER WATCH!!! FIX BAYONETS!!!"

 

That is the best, and the reason I always run Stracken. "Your guardsmen get HOW MANY attacks back!?"

[Idlem]

Whenever you hear Flight of the Valkyries you assume someone made their reserve roll.

[KhorneHunter57x]

...when a Tau player starts to complain about how long your shooting phases take.

[The Yak]

When considering names for your first child you throw in Mkoll and hope your wife thinks its one of those trendy new names that are all the rage these days.

[*Furyou Miko]

>< Mkoll is awesome, but his name always makes me think of Home Alone.

 

... when your infamous list tailor opponent looks at your army and asks in confusion, "Where are the tanks?"

[WarriorFish]

When your opponent panics as your entire army advances across the board, because "Guard just stand and shoot"...

 

... when your infamous list tailor opponent looks at your army and asks in confusion, "Where are the tanks?"

Their delicious tears can sustain the regiment for days!

[No Foes Remain]

When playing World of Tanks (kind of addicted to that game) you wish you could have a guy in the cupola of the tank with a sword so when about to ram someone you can yell over the mic "Drive me closer, I want to hit them with my sword!".

[Uprising]

You know your a guard player when the only solution that come to mind is to send in more tanks.  This almost always works except for an answer on a test 

[Urael]

....when you decide to give that Punisher a hull mounted heavy bolter, sponsor heavy bolters, a heavy stubber, and a hunter killer middle, just to see the look on your opponent's face when you roll nine pounds of dice for one tank.

....when you secretly wish to install truck nuts on your Baneblade.