IA: Space Sharks

[Colrouphobic]

More SS is good.

I always liked the Space Sharks... nice to see some surfacing info bouncing about...

[Mr Daren]

Hi! I've been a lurker on this forum for quite some time now and finally decided to surface after reading this thread :P

 

I am currentley working om my own DIY but have considered to ditch that idea and build an SS force instead after reading about this version of the Space Sharks. However I felt that I should just ad a few of my thoughts on the SS (which isn't much :P ).

 

So, on to the point. I really like everything about the SS so far but feel that their aquatic equipment and close relation with the AM should be toned down abit. I think that the SS aquatic tactics and equipment should be some minor adjustments to their equipment that they invented themselfs to better match their tactics and combat doctrine, I'm thinking something like the Raptors did with their breathing apparatus rather than them testing it for the AM. The heavy AM involvment with the SS makes them deviate more from their personalty in my eyes and makes them look more like the Mentors which I think doesn't fit with the overall theme that this topic has on the SS.

 

So there you have my thoughts, hope it helps and I'm looking forward to see how the finished product looks like :) :D

[Commissar Molotov]

Hi! I've been a lurker on this forum for quite some time now and finally decided to surface after reading this thread :P

 

I am currentley working om my own DIY but have considered to ditch that idea and build an SS force instead after reading about this version of the Space Sharks. However I felt that I should just ad a few of my thoughts on the SS (which isn't much :P ).

 

So, on to the point. I really like everything about the SS so far but feel that their aquatic equipment and close relation with the AM should be toned down abit. I think that the SS aquatic tactics and equipment should be some minor adjustments to their equipment that they invented themselfs to better match their tactics and combat doctrine, I'm thinking something like the Raptors did with their breathing apparatus rather than them testing it for the AM. The heavy AM involvment with the SS makes them deviate more from their personalty in my eyes and makes them look more like the Mentors which I think doesn't fit with the overall theme that this topic has on the SS.

 

So there you have my thoughts, hope it helps and I'm looking forward to see how the finished product looks like :) :D

 

I think you're reading Tiberius's previous draft from two years ago. If you were to look at my version, on this page, you'll see that the Adeptus Mechanicus aren't mentioned.

 

Still, thanks for your interest!

 

 

-----------

 

In other news, this is the extract I was talking about two posts ago, taken from the Dark Heresy rulebook:

 

Man is a superstitious creature, and rightly so, for the universe is filled with beings that seem bent on his destruction. A surprising number of cultures believe that a person needs a selection of different names for different purposes. Many have a common or 'use' name which is for everyday purposes. These are often debased terms, worn down with use into short, strong-sounding names. In contrast, a personal name with soft and pleasant connotations might be used with family and friends. Some cultures have a secret or 'true' name which is believed to hold considerable power over a person. These names are said to be consumed hsould a person foolishly make some form of pact with a daemonic entity.

 

My concept was that the Tribesmen of Tethys have 'use' names, Gothic names which the majority of the Imperium would use. Within the Chapter, however, they use their real names. For example, my Captain (the Sixth) is Lanakila, who uses the name Linnaeus when dealing with other organisations in the Imperium.

[Tyrannicide]

Has the Space Sharks founding or gene-seed stock ever been mentioned in a source before? If so I’m curious, if not Imperial Fists seems like a likely candidate for the predecessor chapter.

 

I would like to know how the Sharks ‘caused’ the disaster, if you could delve deeper into it. Love how the Sharks discard the original populace to the main continent, then let the Tethyians roam about. I do like the confliction between the ‘Mordriana’ populace and the ‘Tethyian’ people, sends a new twist that I haven’t seen before from you. Tattoos and idols are definitely a plus with the Sharks, it seems a little compulsory. I think the sharks (the ocean inhabitant ones) could be developed a little more, perhaps give them a nickname, that the Space Sharks refer to them as. The concept of marines ‘selecting’ a new name upon entering the chapter and then using their tribal name, when dealing with themselves is very cool. The Librarians using teeth for casting and such is definitely a unique aspect, that adds to a small focus on them. Or at least keeping the spot light on them is nice, since those Castigators would disagree. :cuss

 

I don’t know if it was a typo, or if it was meant to be, but the Sharks have eight battle companies? :tu: Do the Sharks own any battle barges?

 

Their tactics seem pretty repetitive with the majority of other chapters out there. Not a bad thing at all though. Boarding actions seem accurate, since they most likely became adept at this during the Badab war.

 

The gene seed is solid.

 

Hopefully some of the questions open up new doors and I look forward to more on these guys. :cuss

[Commissar Molotov]

EDITED - Look below!

[Octavulg]

forget the fate of the Steel Cobras, a Chapter whose worship of the Emperor as an animal totem led to their recent excommunication.

 

Really? This is an important little IA detail which should be more widely publicised, if true...

[Sigismund Himself]

Yep, the chapter is currently hiding in a deep ocean or gas planet somewhere (can't remember which). Only an assault by another full chapter would be enough to dislodge them from their fortifications. Can't remember the source, unfortunately.

[Commissar Molotov]

It's taken from Index Astartes: Renegades:

 

It is known that some renegades have established bases upon worlds hostile to human life, worlds on which only a Space Marine, with his enhanced physiology, could hope to survive. The Steel Cobras - a chapter whose worship of the Emperor as an animal totem prompted a puritanical crusade against them led by a particularly bombastic Cardinal - are known to have established a base of operations deep beneath the ammonia seas of Tukaroe VII. Although the Imperium are aware of the renegades' existence, nothing short of an invasion by an entire Space Marine chapter is considered likely to dislodge them from their fortified seabed bunkers. The only other option is Exterminatus, a fate that may still befall Tukaroe VII should the Adeptus Astartes refuse to assault their wayward kin.

[Commissar Molotov]

EDITED - Check the next page.

[Tyrannicide]

So in the time that the Space Sharks were ‘crusading’ in the Segmentum Pacificus, what was the Chapter’s name? You mention they were seeking for a planet to provide hospitality, which would one day give them their name, yet this whole time before this event, they were named something differently. Maybe making a temporary name for the Chapter, in this period, would be a good idea. Not trying to be a dick, but it seems a little misleading. :rolleyes:

 

When the Sharks land on Tethys, their dealing with tribes that I assume are pre-black powder? All the names the Tethyian people have for the different assorted things, gives a sense of the people’s standpoint in the article, I like it. After Tethys is destroyed, a Chapter Master approaches the chapter, and makes it known, that they will be traveling to a different world. Who’s the Chapter Master, I wouldn’t think it would be Peleus, as it’s been over eight thousand years since the chapter was first created.

 

The Mantis Warriors homeworld is known as ‘Mordriana’ over on Lexicanum and Wiki, I’m not sure if this is GW cannon, maybe you would know, but if so it should be included in final the IA. As said before, tattoos and shark tooth necklaces are almost a requirement in the chapter. Why do the Sharks have a larger amount of Dreadnoughts, than the ‘normal’ chapter? In review, good read thus far, and I look forward to anything closer to the ‘finished’ product, although that’s sort of a commodity with you isn’t it? :lol:

[Commissar Molotov]

Quick response:

 

- The idea is that the Chapter wasn't named until Peleus found Tethys. They hadn't been crusading for a long time, though. Peleus has to have named the Space Sharks after the Tethyian Sharks, otherwise it's a ridiculous coincidence for him to have named the Chapter and then found Tethys. The obvious answer is to say "Before he became Chapter Master of teh Sharks, and whilst he was still an Imperial Fist, he visited Tethys, and returned there when given the Chapter." I don't want to go with that. My only other idea that I could use would be that he named them after consulting the Emperor's Tarot and being given the image of a Shark. Still, it strays into extreme coincidence. I somewhat like the idea of Peleus determining that the Chapter has to 'earn' a name, and as such the Chapter isn't named straightaway.

 

- The Tribes of Tethys are pre-blackpowder, yes. The Chapter Master that decides to relocate the Tethyian people hasn't been named, as yet - that's partly because I haven't detailed that part of the article yet.

 

- I tried looking for a name for the Mantis Warriors' homeworld, but found nothing when I checked Lexicanium and the assorted sites. As such, I'm inclined to believe it's just a non-canon reference someone put up. If their world is called Mordriana, then there's no problem - I simply have a name for the planet before the Sharks rename it Tethys Secundus.

 

- The idea Tiberius portrayed to me was that whilst the Tethyian people were in suspended animation, the Sharks were unable to recruit. As such, the Chapter was reduced drastically in size, and were forced to utilise Dreadnoughts in order to keep their greatest heroes alive in their hour of need.

[Vash113]

Well there is some fluff both for and against Chapters having to earn a name when first instituted, so having the Chapter earn the name Space Sharks on Tethys isn't bad at all.

[Commissar Molotov]

Whilst I'm aware that Insignium Astartes provides fluff mentioning how the Chapter Master draws up his name and heraldry at the founding, I figure I can get away with it. It mentions that the Codex Astartes provides the Master with a list of approved naming elements and forbids the use of certain names (which I've always assumed included names that were close to those of the traitor legions.)

[Cpt_Tiberius]

First off I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to provide us feedback, I greatly appreciate it. I also want to thank Mol. who has graciously agreed to help me finish this project. I am not that good of a writer. :yes:

 

 

So in the time that the Space Sharks were ‘crusading’ in the Segmentum Pacificus, what was the Chapter’s name? You mention they were seeking for a planet to provide hospitality, which would one day give them their name, yet this whole time before this event, they were named something differently. Maybe making a temporary name for the Chapter, in this period, would be a good idea. Not trying to be a dick, but it seems a little misleading.

 

It is unknown by what name they were called during this time. It has been lost to history, and really isn't relevant to the IA. I personally think most chapters start out like this as many are named for things/customs/animals from their homeworlds and they obviously can't have been called that prior to their choosing the place.

 

If it helps, we can say that either they were founded to meet an immediate threat and were shipped out before they could name them, or that Peleus felt that they had to earn their name.

 

 

As for the name of the Mantis Warrior's Homeworld. I have purposely never included it as I was not aware of it ever being mentioned before.

 

Thanks again!.

 

-T.

[Tyrannicide]

If it helps, we can say that either they were founded to meet an immediate threat and were shipped out before they could name them, or that Peleus felt that they had to earn their name.

I like the second idea better. Breaking their backs in the sun, earning the name. :)

[Octavulg]

Granted command of a newly-founding Chapter,

 

Founded

 

Southern Fringes still knew not the Emperor's light.

 

Either "did not" or "knew nothing of".

 

The Shamans of Tethys were credits with supernatural powers which were said to be the gift of Monatoa. (Expand)

 

Would this lead to beliefs like those of the Space Wolves with the Rune Priests?

 

It could get especially interesting when they have to leave Tethys - taking a limited number of totems and such with them.

 

The striking dichotomy between the brutality of the Astartes at war and their deep compassion for the Tethyian people is stark.

 

Stark and striking are, IMO, redundant here.

 

This superiority was perhaps most famously demonstrated during the Badab War, against the forces of the Mantis Warriors. Expand!

 

Last I checked, the Mantis Warriors were also Astartes - what makes the Space Sharks so much better than them at boarding actions?

 

* * *

 

Looks good. You do need to finish it, though. :huh:

 

Also, you're at about 3300 words. As you may recall, official GW IAs tend to about 4500. Size isn't yet an issue, but you should be careful.

[Vash113]

The Mantis Warriors are astartes yes but no fluff really exists to show their strengths or weaknesses, pre-badab uprising they appear to have been a pretty much vanilla codex chapter. If the Space Sharks are more experienced at close in fighting throughout the corridors of a ship then it would give them an edge in a boarding combat against the Mantis Warriors.

 

While the Mantis Warriors obviously participated in the pirating attacks against the Imperium during the Badab Uprising it's not certain if that was a speciality or situational necessity. After all the Lamentors were forced into submission by the Minotaurs in fleet and boarding actions if I recall correctly, from that same conflict.

 

It's a very good IA as is, some points could use expanding but not overly so, you don't want to get too long winded about certain things. So far I think the IA is doing it's job just fine, the artwork really helps too, the IA gives the Space Sharks a unique look and feel and an interresting background that sounds like it fits just fine into the 40k background. Good job so far, I look forward to seeing what's expanded/added next ;).

[Octavulg]

The Mantis Warriors are astartes yes but no fluff really exists to show their strengths or weaknesses, pre-badab uprising they appear to have been a pretty much vanilla codex chapter. If the Space Sharks are more experienced at close in fighting throughout the corridors of a ship then it would give them an edge in a boarding combat against the Mantis Warriors.

 

Yes, but the way the relevant paragraph is written kind of implies the Space Sharks are good at boarding simply because they're marines.

 

After all the Lamentors were forced into submission by the Minotaurs in fleet and boarding actions if I recall correctly, from that same conflict.

 

Yup. And the Minotaurs beat the Lamenters because the Minotaurs are bloodthirsty lunatics. ;)

[Commissar Molotov]

Yes, but the way the relevant paragraph is written kind of implies the Space Sharks are good at boarding simply because they're marines.

 

To be fair, that's partly because said paragraph isn't finished. ;) I'll be expanding it as soon as I can.

[Darrell]

It's been a while since I've had the opportunity to be online and, while I have quite a bit to catch up on, I wanted to go ahead and comment on the Space Sharks since their IA has come back. Sharks are one of my favorite animals (I always look forward to Shark Week on the Discovery Channel), so I've looked through the new article for them as well as the suggestions offered. As I've done before, I took some notes and these are what I wrote down as I went. I want to go ahead and acknowledge that I know it's an unfinished article and really only the skeleton forming up, so I'm aware there's still a lot of work to be done. Still, I did note a few areas where I look forward to seeing elaboration in the future. That all said, here's my notes:

 

I know it's just flavor description, but I don't think it's necessary to call Tethys an "insignificant" world. It may be small and of little note to the rest of the Imperium, but there is obviously some potential there if a Chapter of the Astartes is willing to claim it as their own! I'd stay away from words like "insignificant" and just refer to the world as being small and not really heard of.

 

I was originally concerned about the presence of the Emperor as an animal totem, but the article later dispersed those concerns as it touched on the fate of the Steel Cobras. I do think it's cool that the Tethyians worshipped the sharks--I believe most civilizations and communities based on a shore region have worshipped sharks wherever they were present. They are extremely effective predators and fewer sights can enthrall me more than watching a Great White breach the water while taking a kill.

 

It might be a good idea to elaborate more on why Peleus chose Tethys as a homeworld. What exactly made this world and its inhabitants so different, so striking, that an experienced Space Marine would want to see a Chapter develop on the planet? I'm sure he's seen plenty of worlds with tough populations and ferocious animals. As I took that note down, I thought it might be auspicious to have a shark visible to the Chapter as they speak to the Tethyians; perhaps breaching the water or surfacing enough that a large fin slices visibly through the water. However, I also realize that you don't want to milk the "Emperor's blessing" too much. Some kind of elaboration would certainly be welcome, though.

 

Perhaps slightly more description on the failed attempt to destroy the oncoming asteroid and the rushed evacuation attempt.

 

Speaking of the evacuation attempt, how many Tethyians were they able to save? What kind of problems did the Space Sharks have in trying to accommodate so many mortals on their ships? I would think that Astartes vessels would only be able to, ideally, cryo-stabilize about one thousand individuals. While the people were frozen, did the Sharks attempt to thaw any out as a few replacement recruits or was it deemed too risky to gamble with the Tethyians' lives? Obviously any recruitment would be very limited, but if numbers were growing dangerously low I could see it being considered. Enough mortals to maintain a viable population is obviously a concern.

 

I believe Tiberius' original article had a Librarian receiving an omen of some sort that the Badab War would be their chance to earn a homeworld. I really liked that and part of me hates to see it go. However, again, I recognize you don't want to be abusing the appearance of omens and whatnot.

 

How did the Space Sharks manage to keep their native flora and fauna alive during the voyage? Obviously the Astartes are not known for being particularly skilled gardeners nor zookeepers. Cryostasis is a possibility, but that means fewer mortals can be evacuated as well as the problem of freezing a large shark versus freezing a mortal. In addition, you need to have enough animals to sustain a viable population. I'm probably overanalyzing the issue, but it's something I wanted to note, though I know real environmental issues don't have much place in the grim darkness of the far future. It is one of the most appealing aspects of the Space Sharks, though, so making this difficult on them adds more character in several ways by showing how they deal with these problems.

 

I love that the Astartes immediately relocate, then almost completely ignore, the population of Tethys Secundus. I know how much you love your delicious irony, Mol, and that certainly fits the description well. It's a nice, immediate contrast of the Space Sharks dual nature. They've just risked a lot to relocate mortals, plants and animals to find new life somewhere else. Then, once they land, they are cruel and unforgiving to what they find. It's very gothic and very fitting.

 

The article says that when the marines aren't fighting, they spend most of their time on the planet. What do they do while they're there? Presumably they've rebuilt, or are building, a fortress monastery of their own. If that's the case, do they spend most of their time there? If they don't have a monastery, what do they spend their time doing? What a man does in his free time can say a lot about his character, so it would be a way to inject some more character into the Chapter.

 

How have the Tethians adopted to this new world? Are they grateful to the Space Sharks, or do they resent being taken from their homes? Have tribal boundaries persisted, or has their new environment forced different tribes to work together as one force to stay alive? If only a small number could be saved, it would be disastrous for them to start murdering each other again once the stasis tubes pop open.

 

I like the true name concept. It has a distinct, feral feel that I love. I think the translation of Tiberius' name could be made a bit smoother, though. Maybe something like "Strength from the ocean depths" instead of "Strength of the depths of the ocean". It's a minor suggestion, though, and the meaning works fine as it is now.

 

Like another poster above me, I'm curious about why the Space Sharks have so many Dreadnoughts. I can understand their lack of recruitment forcing the Astartes to rely more on Dreadnoughts, or use them in battle more, but actually having more than most Chapters would mean they had more sarcophagi than most Chapters. Did Mars grant them a larger number to use after the exodus? As of now, it sounds more like they would utilize Dreadnoughts more often than other Chapters, and would have had a larger number of candidates for those metal tombs, rather than just having more Dreadnoughts to use.

 

The biggest change I've noticed is the Space Sharks are no longer focused on water combat. I think that was a big change for the better, as I think that the Space Marines are really too scarce a resource to specialize in a particular environment. With something like the Imperial Guard, there are so many regiments that you can have specialists in deserts or jungles and they can be called around as necessary without much issue. Astartes, on the other hand, are extremely rare and I doubt they would have the pleasure to really specialize in one theater of war. They might enjoy fighting in water, or sand, or magma or whatever but they're in huge demand all over the galaxy and odds are they'll spend far more time fighting in strange environments than familiar ones. Tiberius and yourself, though, have done a great job in maintaining the shark inspirations without the water combat so I think the Space Sharks come out stronger for the experience.

 

The markings section has some cool ideas in it. It did leave me with a couple of questions, though. For instance, did the Space Sharks have to cut back on their hunting once the initial fauna transplantation was complete? I'd imagine that, after working so hard to keep the animals alive, they wouldn't be eager to start cutting into them right away. This would essentially mean that, for over two hundred years, many warriors would become veterans without ever being able to hunt for shark teeth trophies. Perhaps a name could be given to this particularly dark time, where the Chapter may have felt cut off in some way from Monatoa?

 

Also, I noticed that you said Peleus ordered the Chapter would have to earn a name. Did he feel similarly about the armor? Did he choose gray as just a sort of bland, temporary color which then stuck when they found the sharks on their new homeworld? Or maybe ceramite is gray when it hasn't been painted and they never painted their armor, only to find it unnecessary on Tethys.

 

The solid black eyes are nice, cosmetic touch. I believe Tiberius originally had the Sharks use a practice of filing their teeth into points. Is that practice going to stay, or has it been changed?

 

I like the article so far. There's a lot of potential and I don't think any of the changes have taken anything away from the Chapter. Again, I particularly like seperating them from the water-centered combat styles and allowing the shark inspiration to come out in other ways. Besides, there are few things as frightening as sharks who can walk on land! It's good to see them being worked on again. I see you've continued to hone your IA-making skills, Mol. ;) I look forward to reading more about the Space Sharks in the future.

[Cpt_Tiberius]

Hey Darrell, good to hear from you again. You bring up alot of good points and I will speak with Mol before the next revision is posted. I did want to touch on a few of your questions:

 

1. Why so many Dreads? - It's not that they really have that many more than other chapters, it's that they had to rely on them more during their exodus as there fighting strength was being depleted and they could not recruit new members. It's similiar to the way Iyanden eldar have to use more wraith constructs to bolster there army.

 

Now that they are recruiting again things are slowly going back to "normal"

 

2. Water Combat - This idea is still very much there, just has not been fleshed out yet. Combat specialization is not unheard of in Astartes, and it doesn't mean that they are not capable in other theatres of war. We will delve into this more when we work on the combat doctrine.

 

3. Population/flora/fauna transport - During the exodus the Sharks could not recruit as the tethyians were in cryo-stasis. The Tethyians do not know that they were ever on a starship. They think that they were "magically" transported to a new world by the gods. As for the transportation, you are right that marines are not the best at this. They were forced to make oaths and compacts with the Adeptus Mechanicus & Biologis to facilitate the removal which will surely come back to haunt them later. As for the transportation of animals/plants, both living specimens as well as egg/seed stock was taken so that they could carry more.

 

Hope that clarifies a few things.

 

-T.

[Commissar Molotov]

I think you're a little rusty, Darrell. :) Although you bring up a few very salient points, I disagree with you on others.

 

-> I think it's perfectly fine to call Tethys insignificant. My dictionary says 'insignificant' is 'unimportant' or 'too small to be important'. Tethys is both. The idea is that unless the Tarot had guided them there, Peleus would never have set foot upon Tethys. It escaped his notice. It didn't matter - and then it did. The 'homeworld' section goes on to describe why it was significant to Peleus - and I hope to do so even further.

 

-> The 'Emperor as anthropromorphic Shark deity' was Tiberius's idea. I revised to say that depictions of the Emperor vary from Human to Shark, and made sure to mention the Steel Cobras. Now, the Steel Cobras were hounded by a particularly bombastic Ecclesiarchal Cardinal - not even an Inquisitor - which to me suggest that they must not have had many allies, which is why I've said that the Sharks' actions in the Badab War have gained them a lot of influential allies. Few will forget the relentless rage with which they assaulted the Mantis Warriors.

 

-> Your assertion that Tethys/Peleus need to be elaborated further is noted, but I'm certainly not a fan of the 'auspicious omen' - the 'auspicious omen' was the Emperor's Tarot.

 

Perhaps slightly more description on the failed attempt to destroy the oncoming asteroid and the rushed evacuation attempt.

 

You'll note that's not even been written in a proper prose style - the latter half of the 'homeworld' section is still in note form.

 

->Equally, the evacuation hasn't been detailed, but the actual mechanics of 'how did they freeze sharks?' is a complete irrelevance for the article. I'm not writing a novel about the destruction of Tethys - I'm spending two or three paragraphs on it. It's like asking how Corax created the monstrosities of the weregeld. Useful information to sate your curiosity, sure, but ultimately not important. What matters is that the sharks were transported. They were kept alive, and they are ravaging the ecosystem of Tethys Secundus.

 

I love that the Astartes immediately relocate, then almost completely ignore, the population of Tethys Secundus. I know how much you love your delicious irony, Mol, and that certainly fits the description well. It's a nice, immediate contrast of the Space Sharks dual nature. They've just risked a lot to relocate mortals, plants and animals to find new life somewhere else. Then, once they land, they are cruel and unforgiving to what they find. It's very gothic and very fitting.

 

Thanks. :huh: Most of that is Tiberius, actually, but I hope to expand upon it.

 

-> With regards to the Marines spending time on the planet, the idea was partly it's to do with being close to nature/their planet, which means a great deal to them. Tiberius mentioned before that they use a giant submersible space ship as a fortress-monastery, but I'm not a huge fan of the idea. I'm not sure about them having too much of a Salamanders-esque affinity with the tribes, because Tiberius mentioned that the Sharks are keen not to disrupt the tribes - though the tribes do recognise the Sharks as the Sons of Monatoa, so...

 

-> The Tethyians are fine with their new world. Life might, perhaps, be slightly harder, but they accept that the Sons of Monatoa have moved them to a new world (the stars are different) for whatever reasons (Montaoa Wills It, probably.) They wouldn't know about the asteroid and the devastation/destruction of Tethys. The tribes still stay separate - that's how it has always been, since the oldest Tethyians can remember.

 

-> I'll look into Tae Biiroush's name, but I'd obviously need to talk to Tiberius about that.

 

-> With regards to aquatic combat, that's somewhat of a thorny issue between Tiberius and I. We came to a compromise on MSN that the Sharks have an affinity with water, which enables them to utilise it in a way that few Space Marine Chapters do. Much of their equipment is altered to operate underwater if required. Perhaps the Sharks have even contributed some of their ideas on aquatic combat to the Codex Astartes. But I said to Tiberius that when defending a city or the like, they wouldn't need to be underwater. They should have tricks up their sleeve to utilise water if the strategic option presents itself. They shouldn't be rushing to jump into the water all the time no matter what.

 

-> About colour schemes; old fluff had it that the Grey Knights were grey because their armour was unpainted. Who knows. Oh, and teeth-filing might be a ritualistic practice which has its place in the Chapter, but I wouldn't say everyone has to do it.

 

Still, good feedback. Thanks. :)

[Darrell]

Rust is a good possibility. I could practically hear the creaking while I typed.

 

Tiberius:

 

I understand about the Dreadnoughts. I thought that more Dreadnoughts meant they physically had more of them as opposed to using them more often. I could perfectly understand the Space Sharks relying on their entombed brethren more and more as their numbers dwindled, but I was confused on how they got all the extra sarcophagi.

 

Your point is well taken about using seeds and eggs to transport the animals. I was tired at the time and kept thinking something along the terms of Noah's Ark, with the Space Sharks herding animals onto their battle barge. Using the eggs and seeds makes far more sense, though obviously adds difficulty in a few areas (Planting and whatnot on Secundus).

 

Mol:

 

My initial thought was only that insignificant was too harsh of a word. Certainly, though, the idea of a barely useful world being shot into the status of an Astartes homeworld is an appealing one. Like all of my comments, it's only tossing out suggestions that might lead to more ideas.

 

About the auspicious omen, I can certainly understand not wanting to go that route. Like I said in my comments, it was just throwing out an idea with the knowledge that it's probably not a good idea in the end.

 

I know most of the article is just written in noted format, I just wanted to say where I looked forward to reading the elaborations. I know how extensive your articles are and I expect that everything worth noting will be noted.

 

You're right about not needing to detail how everything got there, and it's just an example of me getting caught up in the details. I just thought it was something to consider, but certainly the important part is that, however they did it, they did it and now are dealing with the consequences. And just because you're not writing a novel about it now doesn't mean you won't ever write one! :woot:

 

I didn't really imagine them being as close to the Tethians as the Salamanders are. I was just looking to find out exactly what they were doing if it wasn't hanging out in the monastery (Which I assumed it was) or visiting with the Tethians themselves. I think exploring their fondness for their world is a good idea and will make for good depth to the Chapter's overall character.

 

I had asked about the Tethians' handling of the situation, again, because I was caught up in details like how they're maintaining a viable population while also continuing to war against other tribes. In the end though, as you said with the animals, it doesn't really matter how they ended up where they are. I also didn't know that the Tethians weren't aware of ever being transported, which I think is a nice touch and avoids a lot of those needless questions. Nothing like being instantly teleported to safehood by the gods! In the IA, I had thought that the Chapter Master spoke with the tribes and told them what was happening, but obviously I misunderstood whatever it was I read.

 

As I said before, the name itself is perfectly fine the way it is now. My suggestion was only a slightly smoother alternative that really doesn't make any big difference in the end.

 

I'm not sure who holds which points of contention, but I agree that the Sharks' water combat should play a relatively secondary role. Having jump packs that can also function underwater and whatnot is fine, but as I recall, originally they had their landspeeders and whatnot going underwater as well. I think fighting in the water would be more of a relatively rare chance to be one with Monatoa, rather than the main focus of the Chapter as it once was. Certainly, though, knowing how to fight in water would be a lot of help in zero-g environments, which might explain why they're so adept at boarding actions. Blow the artificial gravity on an enemy ship, then storm it and gracefully slaughter the clumsy occupants as they fight to gain their bearings. Contributing some notes on their experiences with water combat would be a fair statement. However, overall I think the Chapter is healthier without needing the specialty in shore assaults and whatnot.

 

I didn't know that about the Grey Knights, but it makes sense. Again, I probably just got caught in the details. It was just another consideration I was throwing out there for you and Tiberius to look at.

 

I'm glad I was able to be of some help, despite all the rust and kinks. Been a long time since I've done any kind of reviewing, but it felt good to delve back into the process.

[Commissar Molotov]

Sharks Draft III: Expect fairly rapid edits.

 

Sharks of the Spaceway

 

INDEX ASTARTES: SPACE SHARKS

 

Origins

M

any of the Chapters of the Adeptus Astartes adopt the name of a particularly ferocious beast, mythical or real, in the hopes of imbuing their warriors with similar attributes. Such is the case with the Space Sharks, a Chapter of the Fifth Founding. The Chapter has gained many glories, participating in campaigns such as the Alvatine Suppression and the Egammonon Revolt. It is, however, their participation in the Badab War for which they are best known.

 

The Chapter is known to have descended from the Imperial Fists of Rogal Dorn; the first Master of the newly-created Chapter was a Captain of the Imperial Fists by the name of Peleus. Records drawn from the Librarium of the Space Sharks tell many tales of Peleus. A dutiful and pious warrior, drawn from the massive hives of Necromunda, Peleus had garnered great honours, both for himself and for his Chapter.

 

Granted command of a newly-founding Chapter, Peleus was tasked with reinforcing defences in the Segmentum Pacificus. Even a millennia after the Horus Heresy, great tracts of the Southern Fringes still knew not the Emperor's light. Peleus and his warriors fought boldly in defence of the Emperor, but the battles took their toll and soon they required new recruits. It became increasingly obvious to Peleus that the Chapter would have to seek out a refuge. The Chapter's Librarians consulted the Imperial Tarot and determined that a small, insignificant planet would provide the Chapter with its identity, heraldry and name. Peleus decreed that they would travel to the world the Emperor had chosen for them.

 

Its name was Tethys.

 

Homeworld

O

nce the fleet arrived at Tethys, Peleus began to appreciate why he had been directed to such a world. A man born in the Hives of Necromunda can toil for his entire life beneath a steel sky without ever seeing the sun. Since his elevation, Peleus had seen many sights of wonder in the Emperor's service. But all paled before the natural beauty of Tethys. Tethys had been classified by the Imperium as a deathworld; fully eight-tenths of the surface was covered in water, whilst the population spread itself over the island chains covering the rest of the world. These inhabitants had been forced back into primitivism after being cut of from the majority of the Imperium, and had adapted to life on an aquatic planet. The many tribes had an almost symbiotic relationship with the ocean; they made their clothes from the skins of semi-aquatic marine mammals, their tools from the teeth of predators and the majority of their diet from extensive fishing. The oceans played host to particularly large sharks, vicious marine predators that posed a great threat to the Humans. The Tribes of Tethys had even come to worship the Emperor as Monatoa, a ferocious Shark deity.

 

The Tribes were led by Chieftains, known as Kalani. The Chiefs were not born to the position, but were elected by their peers. Skilled warriors, experts at interpreting the tempestuous seas, the Kalani would lead their Tribe into combat to occupy fishing territories and the meagre tracts of land. Yet even the Chieftains would yield to the wisdom of Tribal Shamans. The Shamans of Tethys were credits with supernatural powers which were said to be the gift of Monatoa. (Expand)

 

http://i189.photobucket.com/albums/z121/mnesimache/Sharks/ss-vetmarine.jpg

Space Sharks Veteran

Confronted by Peleus and his warriors, massively broad men clad in burnished battle-plate and armed with the weapons of war, the Tribes greeted them as 'Keiki', a Tethyian word that meant 'Children'. Whilst such an epithet might have seemed out of place for the Astartes, it was a great honour indeed. The Tethyians considered them the Children of Monatoa, powerful fighters that had no rival. The Tethyian word Keiki was also applied to the Tethyian sharks. Taking his inspiration from these mighty creatures, Peleus named his Chapter the Space Sharks. Rigorous genetic testing revealed that the tribes would make admirable recruits for the Chapter. And so Tethys became the homeworld of the Space Sharks.

Monatoa and the Deep Ones

Whatever their differences, all the tribes of Tethys tell the tale of Monatoa. It is said that when Humans first came to Tethys, they were entirely unaware that the planet was already inhabited. These creatures were aquatic, said to live in the deepest trenches of the Tethyian oceans. Great tentacle-like feelers clustered what passed for their faces, which sat atop grotesque, scaly bodies. Their limbs ended in prodigious claws, and they were said to possess an insatiable hunger for human flesh. The two societies inevitably came into conflict, and the humans were almost annihilated in a short but brutal war.

 

It was then that Monatoa came to the Tethyian people. Alone, He went alone to fight the enemy, slaying their debased God. Without the evil power of their deity, the Deep Ones were driven back and utterly exterminated, ensuring the dominion of Humanity over Tethys.

 

The legend of Monatoa has perplexed Imperial scholars; The tale itself has been passed down in stories by the Tethyian tribes; as such the events may have been corrupted, or, indeed, may have no real basis in truth. Whilst it has been suggested that the tale of a Monatoa is a corruption of real events involving the Emperor, no historical account exists of the Emperor ever visiting Tethys during the Great Crusade, and it has proven problematic to discern a time where such a battle could have been fought. Faced with such problems, events have been made to link a number of the Primarchs (both loyal and traitor) with the story; these have all proven futile.

 

It is even possible that 'Monatoa' was a particularly skilled colonist, a colonist attributed with greater and greater feats through the millennia. The truth will likely never be known.

Tethys served as the homeworld of the Space Sharks for over eight thousand years, until 781.M41.

 

-> Tethys was struck by a disaster which the Space Sharks could not prevent (and, in fact, inadvertantly caused). A rogue planetoid was hurtling towards Tethys. The Sharks attempted to destroy it, but it shattered into many smaller pieces, each as lethal. The Sharks decided to evacuate the planet, knowing that they had failed to save their homeworld and consigned the Tethyian people to an existence trapped in the metal confines of a Space Ship.

 

-> Inhabitants placed in suspended animation. Chapter Master approached them and told them they would be travelling to a new world.

 

For two hundred years the Chapter searched for a suitable world. Unable to recruit, their numbers dwindled dangerously.

 

-> The Sharks participated in the Badab War after the Mantis Warriors attacked a fellow Chapter of Astartes. The Sharks had campaigned with the Mantis Warriors and considered them worthy comrades. They Sharks were stung by the betrayal of the Mantis Warriors. Entered the Badab War determined to bring the rebellious Chapters to heel.

 

-> Awarded the homeworld of the Mantis Warriors for their participation in the Badab War. Transplanted the survivors and samples of flora and fauna. The world was renamed Tethys Secundus. The Fortress-Monastery of the Mantis Warriors was razed to the ground and the original populace were displaced.

 

- Tethys Secundus is the third planet in a system of five, and is the only one capable of supporting life. Dominated by water, but not to the extent of Tethys. The original population has been displaced to the planet's largest continent, and have been forbidden (on pain of death) from contacting the Tethyian populace. After this forcible relocation, the Space Sharks have taken an indifferent stance towards the original population. Their only interaction is to forcibly punish any infraction of their edict. They would never consider them as a recruiting population.

 

-> Life for the Tethyians has returned to much as it was before the exodus. Feral tribes utilising natural resources and existing as hunters and gatherers. The tribes tend to stick to their islands and their traditional fishing grounds. Large stone idols warn curious islanders away from potential contact with the native population.

 

-> The Sharks are attempting to recapture the lost world of Tethys, but are in danger of devastating their second homeworld as the native flora and fauna of Tethys battles for survival against the ecosystem of Tethys Secundus.

 

-> When not at war, the Sharks spend much of their time on their homeworld. Not Salamander-esque, the Sharks attempt not to disrupt the Tethyian people too much, aside from recruiting. The people accept them as the Children of Monatoa. 'Keiki' - word that refers to the Space Sharks and the Sharks of the Ocean.

 

Beliefs

N

aturally, after many millennia recruiting from Tethys, the Space Sharks have absorbed a great deal of the culture and belief system of the Tethyian tribesmen. Foremost among these beliefs is the representation of the Emperor as Monatoa, the 'Great Hunter'. Indeed, the Space Sharks will occasionally refer to themselves as the 'Children of Monatoa', thankful that in His wisdom, He has seen fit to imbue them with some measure of the preternatural skill of the hunter. Representations of Monatoa vary dramatically, both among the Tethyian tribes and the Sharks themselves. Sometimes He is shown in a style that would not be out of place in any Ecclesiarchal cathedral; a figure clearly recognisable as the Emperor, imbued with characteristics inherent among Sharks, such as skill, strength and speed. However, Monatoa is often represented by animalistic totems of an anthropromorphic Shark deity. Such a representation is worrisome indeed; few can forget the fate of the Steel Cobras, a Chapter whose worship of the Emperor as an animal totem led to their recent excommunication. The Sharks have, thus far, escaped such a fate and their participation in the Badab War has gained them many prominent allies.

http://i189.photobucket.com/albums/z121/mnesimache/Sharks/Space_Shark.jpg

Space Sharks Veteran Sergeant, Third Company

This dual represention of Monatoa, as the beneficent Human and the unforgiving Shark, can be reflected in the Space Sharks, also. The Sharks consider themselves bound to the Tethyian people, and such a belief is valid; After all, the Tethyian tribes provide the Chapter with excellent recruits and a deeply-valued identity. The Space Marines cannot exist without the cultures they recruit from. One need only consider the extreme lengths the Chapter went to in order to safeguard the Tethyian tribes during their exodus to realise how the importance placed upon them. The striking dichotomy between the brutality of the Astartes at war and their deep compassion for the Tethyian people is stark.

 

The Librarians of the Space Sharks are deeply respected, said to be able to read the future through discerning the meaning of omens and portents. All Sharks are told the tale of Peleus, and how a portent brought him to Tethys. A deep respect is held among the Brethren for the Librarians of the Chapter, able to the glimpse the unknowable secrets of Monatoa through the skeins of the Immaterium. Rather than utilising the traditional Imperial Tarot, the Librarians of the Chapter are known to carry a pouch of Shark's teeth. Each set of teeth has been passed down from Librarian to Librarian. The oldest set is held by the Chapter's Chief Librarian, and has been in the Chapter's possession since Peleus and his warriors first arrived on Tethys. Each tooth is marked with a traditional Tethyian pictogram upon one side. Each image has a profound meaning, and the Librarians will cast the teeth, the orientation and proximity of one tooth to another providing the Caster with great insights into the course of action the Chapter must take. None among the Sharks would be foolish enough to question the most skilled of the Casters.

 

Such primitive (though powerful) beliefs have penetrated the Chapter entirely. The Tethyian people believe that a person's real (or 'true') name is a valuable commodity that must be vigilantly safeguarded. Knowledge of a person's true name grants you considerable power over them; it would be possible to sell a Tethyian's soul to the Dark Gods of Chaos if their true name was known. As a result, the people of Tethys adopt names that can be used for everyday purposes. Ordinarily, only a Tethyian's closest family will ever known his true name. It is considered an incredible honour to be told a Tethyian's true name; it means that he has judged you and believes you will protect his greatest secret.

 

This practice has been adopted by the Space Sharks; given that they are confronted by the multitudinous threats assailing the Imperium in this dark millennium, it is only natural that they should wish to protect themselves in every way possible. A warrior of the Space Sharks will use his true Tethyian name among his Battle-Brothers; after all, the warriors of the Chapter are bound by blood, and hold no secrets from each other. However, when initiated into the Chapter, the neophyte will adopt an Imperial name that he can use with communicating with those outside the Chapter. For example, the great Captain Tiberius was born Tae Biiroush, a name that means "the strength of the depths of the ocean".

 

Strength is something important to the Space Sharks. Warriors will regularly undergo strenuous tests of skill and strength in order to prove themselves worthy of Monatoa's gift and the respect of their brethren. Diving into the depths of the Tethyian oceans for extended periods of time is common, whilst all Space Sharks are required to hunt and kill a Tethyian Shark in order to progress to the rank of Veteran. As a result, many Veterans carry necklaces and charms that incorporate the teeth of these mighty beasts so that they might be imbued with the blessings of Monatoa. Equally, many of the Chapter acquire large tattoos that cover large portions of their body. An ancient Tethyian practice, the tattoos are intended to make a warrior appear more threatening, but also to express his rage and sorrow. Invariably, older warriors will have more tattoos than younger ones, as his fellows die. In the aftermath of the devastation of Tethys, tattooing became an almost mandatory as the Chapter sought a physical expression of their grief.

 

The Space Sharks believe that as the Children of Monatoa, it is their duty to defend the Imperium; Indeed, to do so is to protect Monatoa Himself. Such a deep and profound belief can help scholars understand the incandescent rage the Sharks nursed during the Badab War. That any Chapter of the Astartes should consider themselves above the word of Monatoa is unthinkable. Whilst the High Lords of Terra have forgiven the Mantis Warriors, Lamenters and Executioners, the Sharks of Tethys cannot brook such flagrant and heretical disregard for the Emperor. They see no distinction between the 'misguided' Mantis Warriors and the Astral Claws of Lufgt Huron.

 

When not in War, the Sharks are deeply fascinated with exploration and discovery. They have voluntarily joined many Rogue Trader expeditions over the course of their history. Within their extensive Librarium, the Sharks are said to have one of the largest collections of star-charts in the Imperium, outside of the great Merchant Houses. The source of this fascination is unknown, though some say it stems from the people of Tethys standing beneath a starry sky, wishing to be one with Monatoa.

 

Organisation

A

lthough the Space Sharks could be considered a 'Codex-Adherent' Chapter, such a term is perhaps only applied in the broadest of senses. The Chapter maintains ten Companies of Marines, though upon even the most cursory of examinations, the differences between the Sharks and a more orthodox Chapter become apparent. Whilst the First Company consists of the Chapter's veterans and the Tenth Company hosts the Chapter's newest recruits, the other eight Companies would all be considered Battle-Companies, comprising a mix of various squad designations.

http://i189.photobucket.com/albums/z121/mnesimache/Sharks/spaceshark-stealth.jpg

A Child of Monatoa

The Chapter's ten Captains are each hardened warriors. They are all very different individuals, and differences of opinion are commonplace. The Captain's duty is, after all, to coordinate his Company's actions and to orchestrate their victories in the manner that he deems best. As such, each of the Battle-Companies can be considered as seperate organisations, shaped around the preferences of the current Captain. This organisation means that the Sharks are capable of meeting a wide variety of threats. However, the lack of any traditional Reserve means that many of the Battle-Companies are smaller than their counterparts in other Chapters, due to casualties sustained. Often, a Space Shark deployment will consist of multiple Battle-Companies, with attached support from the First and Tenth Companies.

 

 

What happens when two Captains want a particularly promising recruit due to rise above the Tenth Company?

NOTE: Pride for Company and Captain.

 

 

-> Fleet comprised mainly of Strike Cruisers and smaller vessels.

-> Large numbers of dreadnoughts.

 

Combat Doctrine

T

he Space Sharks are as vicious in war as their aquatic namesakes. Though the Chapter pays due homage to the Codex Astartes, and respects Roboute Guilliman for his efforts, the Space Sharks favour the traditional Tethyian ways of war, focusing upon swift and decisive attacks that hit home with ferocious force. For the Astartes, this has translated into a particular style of warfare that is brutal, direct and uncompromising. Typically, the forces of the Sharks will probe the enemy forces for a weak point. Once the enemy weakness is identified and the path to victory is revealed, the bulk of the force will attack directly, focusing their forces in order to bring a quick death to the enemy. The execution of this tactic can vary widely depending on the preferences of the Captain (or Captains) involved and the forces at their disposal. Typically, the forward elements that probe the enemy will consist of Tenth Company scouts or a fast attack element. Lightning-fast attacks by highly mobile forces can presage the arrival of a far deadlier force. It is not uncommon for the Sharks to deploy via a drop pod assault directly into the fray.

 

The Space Sharks have an understandable affinity for water, coming from a planet with few large land-masses. This has lead them to consider the aquatic in a way that few Chapters do. Much of their equipment is altered to operate underwater, if necessary, and the Chapter has been recorded carrying out daring amphibious assaults, attacking from an unexpected quarter so as to utterly devastate their enemies. The Commanders of the Space Sharks have even prepared a number of treatises on aquatic warfare, treatises that have been included within the hallowed Codex Astartes.

 

During their lengthy history, the Space Sharks have gained a reputation for their proficiency in ship-to-ship boarding actions. In the narrow confines of a starship's corridors, the superiority of the Adeptus Astartes is self-evident, and their lack of numbers is entirely irrelevant. Their brutal assaults have claimed many victories. It is interesting to note that their experience of learning how to fight in the waters of Tethys are of great use in zero-gravity environments. On occasions, the Sharks have destroyed artificial gravity-generators aboard their target ships, storming it with ease whilst the occupants struggle to overcome their disorientation.

 

The Space Sharks maintain an extensive fleet of small vessels; indeed, the Chapter only maintains a single Battle-Barge, the PLACEHOLDER NAME HERE, preferring instead to swarm larger, more ponderous craft before disgorging boarding torpedoes and Thunderhawk gun-ships. Their skill at boarding was perhaps most famously demonstrated during the Badab War, where the Sharks conducted many vicious attacks against the Mantis Warriors' fleet.

 

Markings

O

nce inducted into the Chapter, the Space Sharks don grey armour, a colour that honours both the giant creatures that populate their homeworld and the Great Hunter, Monatoa. The Sharks' Chapter badge is a simplistic tribal depiction of Monatoa, displaying to their enemies that they bear the blessing their God. In certain records, the Sharks have been noted as displaying a different Chapter symbol, that of a swimming shark with a star upon its back. Some scholars have disputed the veracity of these records, claiming that they are a fabrication. Others have suggested that the Space Sharks adopted this altered symbol during their exodus from Tethys. The star upon the Shark's back could well be a representation of the burden they carried - their responsibility to find a new home for the inhabitants of Tethys. This alternate Chapter badge has not been sighted since the Sharks reclaimed Tethys Secundus, though it is conceivable that some Sharks may have adopted the symbol, as the devastation of Tethys and the exodus has deeply marked them.

 

It should be noted that Captains of the Space Sharks are given leave to alter their markings as needed to confuse enemy attempts to gather information as to disposition and strength. However, common markings can be discerned by determined scholars. The right pauldron of the Sharks' armour will typically display squad markings. It should be noted that the Sharks adhere to orthodox markings as proscribed in the Codex Astartes. This adherence is not strict, however; the Sharks display company affilitation with a number upon their right kneepad.

 

All Space Sharks adorn their helmet with a Blood-Stripe running down their face. This was once a veteran marking for the Chapter, but during the exodus from Tethys, the Chapter was so depleted that Veterans were the vast majority of the Chapter. The Blood-Stripe commemorates the bloody path that the Chapter followed to win its new homeworld. Veterans can be distinguished by the shark tooth totems they wear as badges of honour; they have also been noted to paint a marking known as the 'blood maw' upon their left kneepad to mark themselves as Veterans of the First Company. The Space Sharks have been noted to paint shark-mouth markings on their vehicles in order to imbue them with the blessing of Monatoa and unnerve enemy forces.

 

Geneseed

A

depts of the Adeptus Biologicus would perhaps consider the Tethyian people to be abhumans, though their minor mutations fall well within acceptable limits. The average Tethyian stands taller than a typical Human, with broader shoulders and slightly larger hands and feet. Whilst this is the case, the Brothers of the Space Sharks are, for the most part, indistinguishable from other Astartes warriors. It has been noted, however, that the irises of the Space Sharks' eyes are enlarged, and entirely black. Such an unnerving sight has been speculated to derive from a minor mutation in the occulobe, though it has been suggested that the interaction between the Tethyian gene-pool and the gene-seed of Rogal Dorn has had an unexpected side-effect - the Adeptus Mechanicus have been unable to replicate this mutation with gene-seed taken from the Space Sharks' tithes. As successors of the Imperial Fists, the Sharks are known to lack the Betcher's Gland and the Sus-An Membrane.

 

-----

 

Nomenclature of the Space Sharks

Table I

Chapter Master	[/td]	Caracharius
Master of Sanctity	Ali'ikai	Antiquus
Chief Librarian
1st Company Captain	Peloq	Pelagus
2nd Company Captain	Manatos	Drusian
3rd Company Captain	Tae Biiroush	Tiberius
4th Company Captain		Cyriacus, Watcher of the Tide
5th Company Captain	Kalasa	Clasiarus
6th Company Captain	Lanakila	Linnaeus
7th Company Captain		Isurus
8th Company Captain
9th Company Captain
10th Company Captain

[Octavulg]

The Chapter has gained many glories,

 

Traditionally, isn't it "much glory"?

 

The Tribes were led by Chieftains, known as Kalani. The Chiefs were not born to the position, but were elected by their peers. Skilled warriors, experts at interpreting the tempestuous seas, the Kalani would lead their Tribe into combat to occupy fishing territories and the meagre tracts of land. Yet even the Chieftains would yield to the wisdom of Tribal Shamans. The Shamans of Tethys were credits with supernatural powers which were said to be the gift of Monatoa. (Expand)

 

Personally, I'm not sure you need to expand this bit. If you already have the ideas, go for it, but otherwise it seems pretty solid. This is an IA, not a novel.

 

Whilst such an epithet might have seemed out of place for the Astartes, it was a great honour indeed.

 

Epithet carries an overtone of insult. Thus, I think you might want to choose another word, or the sentence becomes rather contradictory.

 

Faced with such problems, events have been made to link a number of the Primarchs (both loyal and traitor) with the story; these have all proven futile.

 

I think you mean efforts, not events.

 

- Tethys Secundus is the third planet in a system of five, and is the only one capable of supporting life. Dominated by water, but not to the extent of Tethys. The original population has been displaced to the planet's largest continent, and have been forbidden (on pain of death) from contacting the Tethyian populace. After this forcible relocation, the Space Sharks have taken an indifferent stance towards the original population. Their only interaction is to forcibly punish any infraction of their edict. They would never consider them as a recruiting population.

 

What was the original population like? How have they taken this?

 

For example, the great Captain Tiberius was born Tae Biiroush, a name that means "the strength of the depths of the ocean".

 

If that's his true name, why the hell would he tell some IA chronicler? :)

 

If not, carry on. :D

 

In the aftermath of the devastation of Tethys, tattooing became an almost mandatory as the Chapter sought a physical expression of their grief.

 

What about the younger warriors, who never knew Tethys? Extra tattoos, for sorrow over that, or fewer since they don't know what they've lost?

 

* * *

 

Like the last one, tis very good. Though the shark stuff is getting a little bit heavy. Just a little, mind.