A techmarine's tale

[NemFX]

I'm working on the next chapter. Sorry I take awhile writing, I just want it to be good and geeky and funny enough so that it doesn't get boring to read :lol:

 

In the next chapter..

 

Some people get blown up!

 

and.. there might be some dialogue or something. But mostly it's a space battle. Star Trek style, if it helps to imagine it better.

 

 

Story should probably be up this weekend if I can finish it today. Just have to get some personal crap taken care of today if I can first.

[NemFX]

P.S. I totally meant THIS weekend, not last weekend.

 

.. Maybe I meant next weekend.

 

 

.. No. This weekend. I'll finish the last bit tonight and get it typed up. It should either be online tonight or tomorrow morning.

 

 

Remember, there are lots of geeky refferences to things, so keep an eye out!

[NemFX]

Chapter Six:

 

It was obvious to even the most skeptical xenophobes that the Eldar wanted nothing to do with the small Imperial envoy. Their sleek craft gave the small pair of Imperial ships a wide berth before opening fire on the smaller ships.

 

"It appears that they have their own agenda with their fowl bretherin, but that does not mean they are allies. The Eldar are fickle, so keep your guard up." Maximus warned the other captain.

 

"Then let us curry their favour." The impetuous captain shouted orders for his ship to come about. The Dark Eldar craft were already engaging their cousins so the small Imperial ship was mostly ignored as it flew under the bellies of the twisted craft, firing all the while. Firey explosions and rent metal followed, not destroying or seriously damaging any of the ships, but carefully removing large portions of each ships engineering section. With each ship attacked, the formation started to slow.

 

Without their speed, Eldar craft, especially Dark Eldar craft loose most of their intimidation, and become easier prey. The comm was still on and the whoops of joy at each successful hit were heard aboard Maximus's ship, until one of the enemy ships peeled out of formation and unleashed a fury on the smaller ships prow. Cutting through the armour instantly, the ship hung dead in space for a moment then exploded.

 

Eldar pulse lances decimated two of the five ships as they flew ever closer to each other. The Dark Eldar corsair that had destroyed the Thunder Child now advanced on Maximus's ship; it's sleek but angry shape moving faster, hoping to ram the starboard side.

 

Brother Lothar quipped up "I have a cunning plan!" Maximus knew this would be worth hearing, despite the chill that Lothar's smile gave him.

 

 

+++++

 

 

Two of the Eldar shadow class ships flew alongside one of the remaining corsairs and fired torpedoes into it until it was destroyed.

 

The third shadow tried to engage the other corsair in formation but it managed to reactivate it's cloaking field before being attacked.

 

The corsair closing in on Maximus's ship managed to dodge the Imperial ship's main weaponry and was rapidly approaching until suddenly three of the huge cargo bay doors on the starboard side slid open.

 

Two dreadnaughts and about a hundred and thirty marines unleashed a storm of bullets, missiles, and a couple of lazcannons which seared a great portion of the corsair's port side. A series of small explosions slowed the ship long enough

for the main gun to lock on and destroy it for good.

 

The Eldar ships consolodated before the lead ship hailed Maximus's. It wasn't clear how they could communicate, but somehow the Infinity Circuit and the Imperial communications array allowed for visual communication.

 

The bridge of the Eldar ship was now on the moderately sized Imperial viewscreen.

 

"Greetings. We thank you for your assistance against our fallen cousins." The Eldar quickly rose from his chair and moved closer to the screen.

 

"We thank you for yours," Maximus replied, "To whom am I addressing?"

 

The purple robed Eldar seemed taken aback that his reputation hadn't preceded him. He removed his helmet revealing a surprisingly tanned young Eldar face (though Eldar rarely look their age) surrounded by dark curls.

 

"You may address me as prince Rain." Maximus appreciated him removing his helmet for two reasons; now he could see the Eldar as just another captain, plus now he didn't have to try and filter out the stupid synthesizer thing that the Eldar were fond of. "and you are?"

 

"Captain Maximus of the Ultramarines."

 

"Well met prince Maximus." If the Eldar's translation technology was malfunctioning, they did not notice. "What was the name of that valiant ship that assisted us?"

 

"The Thunder Child."

 

"Make a note in our logs about the Thunder Child, and how it's heart was peirced by our foul cousins. May you and your crew fare well."

 

The three shadow class ships charged their engines and prepared to jump into the warp. Two of the ships made it into the webway, but the lead ship, through astronomical chance collided head on with the cloaked corsair.

 

'It appears our new friends need our help." Quintus said, already leaving the bridge.

[Brother Cambrius]

Very good, I must see more soon! ;)

 

Did you get the Thunder Child bit from War of the Worlds? Maybe you should have the Dark Eldar cry out "ULLA!" As they attack something/someone.

 

I shall now put away the bolt pistol that was pointing at your skull and I'll just take out a rubber truncheon to make sure you continue working. :)

 

Keep up the good work NemFX,

 

Cambrius

[NemFX]

Yes, my stories are full of geeky refferences.

 

The next chapter will be hard to hammer out, but then the next few chapters after that are already done (it's kinda a side story, involving the Fighting Tigers of Veda) so itll go off on a specific squad of 5 assault marines for a couple of chapters, then i'll go back to the regular story.

[Brother Cambrius]

OK then. WRITE! WRITE I SAY! *cracks whip* ;)

 

You must put Star Trek references in there for it to be a truly geeky referenced story. Can I suggest putting in "You cannot change the laws of physics captain!" Or maybe have the Eldar talking about things that are "Illogical." :)

 

Let me know when the work is complete.

 

Cambrius

[NemFX]

There already is at least one Star Trek refference already in the story.

[Brother Cambrius]

Oh yeah, I didn't notice that one. Is his nickname "Bones?" ;)

 

I think I might have killed off this thread with the Trekkie references... :)

 

Cambrius

[NemFX]

Nah, see, it's the summer. Which means that everybody will read this, but nobody will comment because they are pretending they aren't nerds, and actually have lives :)

[Brother Cambrius]

Haha! We all try to lie to ourselves about who we are. But I'm one of a small few that embraces the geekiness and rolls in it's comic-book filth. :)

 

I wonder what other references will be put in there in the future? Maybe an Alien reference of "Welcome to space, where no-one can hear you scream!" from a Dark Eldar?

 

Cambrius

[NemFX]

How about you see what refferences are already in the story?

[NemFX]

Oldie but a goodie:

 

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/42988645/

 

Forgot about that one. Kev'ver and Maximus (in his second of three incarnates)

 

Drawn with pencil, painted with a sewing needle. Because I'm that hardcore.

[buzz_navy]

love the story so far and like the art work eagerly awaiting the next installment

[Captain Marcus (V.2)]

Hey, miss me? ...Y'know, ol' Captain Marcus, writer of the Fall of Haven, inventor of the Knights of Lost Haven chapter, etc. etc. I lost my old account, (well actually I forgot my password, but whatever...) and after a long absence I came back. Why? I recently played Dawn of War again and it piqued my interest in WH40k yet again, and I have an itch to write again (though this time it will be at least decent... God the crap that I wrote before was bad) and it will have nothing to do with any of the terrible things I came up with.

 

Great story, great references, great everything. Hope to read more soon.

[NemFX]

Aw, but I wanted to hear about zombies!

[Captain Marcus (V.2)]

Oh well...

 

I think I'm just going to tell the story of multiple people in one battle. One, behemoth, brutal, bloody battle, but one battle nonetheless.

[StratoKhan]

I read your story, and I think it's not bad in a tongue in cheek kind of way. You write in a way that makes it easy to read. Pretty good.

 

The tone isn't what I'd expect from a 40k setting, but I think that you manage that without being obvious about it, so it still works.

 

There are a few spelling mistakes that feeding the story into a word processor might not catch, like spelling 'foul' as 'fowl' for example. But apart from that, not bad.

 

Nah, see, it's the summer. Which means that everybody will read this, but nobody will comment because they are pretending they aren't nerds, and actually have lives :teehee:

 

Summer? This... Is... ENGLAND!!!

 

We have no summer here. It's forbidden. =)

 

Until a few days ago, that would have been true unfortunately. What the hell. Some people get heatwaves, we got flooding. Well, not where I lived thank god.

[Brother Cambrius]

Summer? This... Is... ENGLAND!!!

 

We have no summer here. It's forbidden. =)

 

Until a few days ago, that would have been true unfortunately. What the hell. Some people get heatwaves, we got flooding. Well, not where I lived thank god.

 

What do you mean it's forbidden in England? It's Wales where all of the rain stays, Especially around Sennybridge as any Army/TA soldiier will tell you. :unsure:

 

Remember the Biblical story of it raining 40 days and 40 nights? That was a normal Summer for us! This year's even wetter!

 

I really liked the artwork NemFX. Any idea when the next part of the story will emerge from the depths of your mind?

 

Cambrius

[NemFX]

Sometime between the time when my mom stops complaining and I stop hitting her with a toaster.

 

 

.. Seriously though, probably Friday. I've been cleaning and sorting and generally trying to get some stuff organized to sell. For refference, my room is about the size of a walk in closet, and I could probably furnish a whole house with what I have in there.

 

.. Stupid being poor thing.

 

 

BUT you guys get to see my titan pilot sometime before the next chapter. Just need to finish him.

[chavic]

I like the story, a lot. Its funny and easy to read and I definitely am looking forward to more chapters.

 

Some mistakes I noticed:

 

In Chapter 5: if sound can't reach the ship in space, neither can the shock wave. There is no air to transfer the wave, and sound is basically tiny shock waves.

 

In Chapter 6: "To whom am I addressing?" needs to be "Whom am I addressing?"

[NemFX]

I said it was a Star Trek styled fight. In Star Trek, if your close enough to something, the force wave still affects you as though there was air to conduct it. As for the speaking thing, no that's right.

 

 

You fail at critism! :)

[chavic]

Damn! But I enjoy criticizing so much!

[Divergent Reality]

just blame it on the loose nebula they are flying within. not enough gas to interrupt visuals and sensors, but enough to transmit force and put a drag on the engines.

[Grand Master SFDRF]

nice work, must leave quickly to change the TV off the annoying kids show.

[NemFX]

A logical explination on how the shockwave effect would work in reality:

 

The explosions aboard each of the Dark Eldar ships causes air to escape into the vaccum. Then the bigger explosions happen.

 

Thus, I logically win again. *does the Vulkan hand symbol, then quickly flips y'all off*

 

 

 

Anyways, this is how it's gonna go: I've finished writing the next chapter. And the one after that. And the one after that. Then I started the one after that.

 

 

.. So you all better leave me lots of nice comments once I type chapter seven up tomorrow. It'll be your usual Warhammer style action. So, you know, in case anyone was getting bored of the sort of comedy I'm writing (unintentionally funny, whatever..) then you'll get a little action and then the story will branch off for two chapters into a side story, then I'll write part of this story in with it for chapter 10 or 11. I haven't decided yet. But you will probably like it.

 

 

.. Even if the end part of the action scene is kinda hard to understand. If I really have to, I'll illustrate with lego people or something.