IA: The Stonebound

[Heru]

Okay one problem I still see (yes I'll keep harping on it).

 

If the Rift Lords were powerful enough to completely whipe out the Stonebound's parent chapter .... how exactly did a single battlebage full of Stonebound defeat them? I know the Imperial Navy got their ships, but that still left alot of bad marines on the surface for your Stonebound to fight. I really don't see a much smaller force winning when a full chapter could not.

 

Otherwise excellent work.

 

The Red Sabres could have given them a run for their money. It was a siege, after all.

I believe Ace explained in the Rift Lords' thread that the siege was at the end of an extended period of picking off the Red Sabre forces.

[Ace Debonair]

Okay one problem I still see (yes I'll keep harping on it).

 

If the Rift Lords were powerful enough to completely whipe out the Stonebound's parent chapter .... how exactly did a single battlebage full of Stonebound defeat them? I know the Imperial Navy got their ships, but that still left alot of bad marines on the surface for your Stonebound to fight. I really don't see a much smaller force winning when a full chapter could not.

 

Otherwise excellent work.

 

The Red Sabres could have given them a run for their money. It was a siege, after all.

I believe Ace explained in the Rift Lords' thread that the siege was at the end of an extended period of picking off the Red Sabre forces.

 

Well remembered, Heru. :)

I'll also mention it briefly in the Stonebound writeup to avoid confusion, though.

 

I'll start working on these guys again soon, but more real life stuff is looming large and needs dealing with first.

You know, that old chestnut.

[Ace Debonair]

Ugh, I hate double-posting.

 

At least I've got something to show for it this time - an early version of my 'History' section. It's not just all-talk-no-work from me this month. :P

 

It's just shy of 900 words long, which is very probably too long.

I suspect it's also not very good, but I'm darn sure it won't get any better without the help of the Liber and it's explosive demolition critiquing.

 

So, for anyone who's interested, here's what I've got up to now.

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History:

The Stonebound were created as part of the Sixth Founding, born from the geneseed of the great Jaghatai Khan via his children the Red Sabres.

 

Created with the mission to counteract the growing threat of the Ork presence in the Segmentum Pacificus, the Stonebound quickly made a name for themselves on countless battlefields, striking wherever the xeno menace reared it's ugly head. However, this came at a price - with each battle came further injury or death to the Chapter's marines, slowly dwindling the number of active battle brothers.

 

The Chapter travelled in search of a homeworld, to replenish the losses sustained by this campaign. Eventually, they found a suitable location in the form of Kagara, a planet nestled almost on the very borders with the Segmenta Tempestus and Solar. The humans dwelling on the planet made capable recruits, contending both with inter-clan wars and the inhospitable terrain of the planet.

 

The Stonebound began work on their Fortress Monastery, located deep underground, and took in their first generation of recruits with minimal casualties. At this time, the veterans from the Red Sabres who had formed the training Cadre for the fledgling Stonebound, left to return to their homeworld of Throka, declaring the Stonebound a true and worthy successor to the Khan as they did so.

 

Now under the leadership of Chapter Master Jorn Rockhammer, the Stonebound set out to cleanse the area of Ork presence. Initially, the Chapter was highly successful, taking back swathes of Imperial space from the clutches of the Xenos. Easily surviving clashes with Orks and even the elusive Eldar only served to make the Stonebound bolder, taking back system after system. On conquered planets where worthy recruits could be found, the Stonebound would build underground recruitment camps - an echo of their proud Fortress on Kagara - and visit every thirty years or so to claim any worthy aspirants.

 

Grim news would come from an unexpected quarter, however - a message from the Red Sabres urgently requesting aid, stating that Throka was under attack. The Stonebound reacted immediately, sending the Battle Barge Arn and three whole companies of Stonebound to reinforce their mentors. What they found shook the Stonebound - their mentors lay slain, the once-proud Red Fortress torn down to make a crude sign praising the Gods of Chaos.

 

The ones responsible - a warband named the Rift Lords - bore the righteous brunt of the Stonebound's wrath, and the few that escaped the carnage became the focus for the vengeful Stonebound's attention - almost the entirety of the Chapter was dispatched to search out the cowardly traitors that had murdered their parent Chapter.

 

With this mission of vengeance occupying much of the Stonebound's acitivites, there was almost nothing to stop the Orks and Eldar attacking the Imperial planets once liberated by the Stonebound. World after world fell to the xenos, and with each loss the Chapter's reputation was blackened further and further by local Imperial forces. Eventually, massed Imperial forces, backed by Inquisitor Tylus Vachs, took back a number of these worlds, re-purposing them as recruitment worlds for the Imperial Guard.

 

When the Stonebound finally gave up on pursuing the Rift Lords, who seemed to have vanished, they were astonished at how much had changed. All of the worlds the Stonebound had once recruited from had either fallen to the Xenos, or been 'reclaimed' by Inquisitor Vachs, who forbade the Stonebound from returning to the worlds, accusing them of working to build their own empire.

 

The Stonebound's surprise was tangible. While they had sought only to avenge their noble predecessors, Inquisitor Vachs labelled them as 'dangerously obsessed', and warned them away from their former recruiting grounds with threats of vast penitent crusades and other punishments.

 

Furthermore, rather than being allowed to spearhead operations to take back the worlds they had once liberated, Vachs managed to convince a group of fellow Inquisitors to pass a mandate limiting the Stonebound's operations on these planets limited to reinforcing Imperial Guard regiments 'when neccessary'.

 

Bitterly, the Stonebound retreated to Kagara, which mercifully remained untouched by the wider galaxy. The Chapter felt betrayed - as though they had been punished for seeking to avenge the honour of their parent Chapter.

 

The feeling of resentment within the Stonebound grew with every battle they took part in - as often as not being summarily dismissed by their fellow Imperial forces as soon as the battle's conclusion. They quickly became distrustful of any outsiders, and kept to themselves as much as possible.

 

To this day, the Stonebound are ferociously isolationist - all but banning outsiders from setting foot on Kagara. They will still work with any Imperial force that asks for their aid, but make sure to stay distant from them, often communicating only amongst themselves in Kagaran.

 

The Stonebound are not without allies, however; often sensing kindred spirits in other Astartes Chapters with a sense of pride and honour. Even some Imperial Guard regiments have earned grudging respect from the Stonebound. As with many things, whilst there are a number of Inquisitors who are wary and distrusting of the Stonebound, others are more carefully neutral, or even outspoken in their favour.

 

The Chapter's relationship with the Adeptus Mechanicus has also remained cordial, due largely to the Stonebound placing great worth on the maintenance and reverence of their weapons and armour, something in part adapted from Kagaran society.

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...And that's all I've got for now.

I'm rubbish at C&C-ing my own work, so I'm sure there's faults in there.

 

So, if anyone can tell me where the mistakes, pointless waffle and rubbish are, I'd be much obliged. :P

As always, all opinions, criticisms, points of view, ideas, considerations, discussions, mockery and thoughts are more than welcome. :D

[Donkey Kong]

So, if anyone can tell me where the mistakes, pointless waffle and rubbish are, I'd be much obliged. ^_^

As always, all opinions, criticisms, points of view, ideas, considerations, discussions, mockery and thoughts are more than welcome. ;)

 

I'd love to.

 

Some overall points before I get into specifics:

- Spelling and grammar (including some Games Workshop terms, ie: Gene-seed, not geneseed)

- The wording is a little odd at points

 

You've also raised a few more questions from me:

At what point did the Chapter take on the name Stonebound? More importantly, at what point did the doctrine and outlook change? I don't see White Scars recruiting from "slow and steady" tribes or willingly building their fortress underground.

 

You're probably getting sick of me asking this one, but I'll do it anyway:

 

At this time, the veterans from the Red Sabres who had formed the training Cadre for the fledgling Stonebound, left to return to their homeworld of Throka, declaring the Stonebound a true and worthy successor to the Khan as they did so.

 

Why? What reason is there for the training cadre to leave? If you can't give one, then they shouldn't. It doesn't change anything, so why make this point at all?

 

Eventually, massed Imperial forces, backed by Inquisitor Tylus Vachs, took back a number of these worlds, re-purposing them as recruitment worlds for the Imperial Guard.

 

Would the worlds necessarily be claimed for that single purpose? There aren't other resources that Vachs can use as an excuse? Inquisitors are crafty. His motives may be to keep the Stonebound from building an empire, but his methods should not be as obvious. Raising the tithe? Inviting colonists through connected political sources? Modernizing the worlds? He shouldn't bluntly accuse the Stonebound either.

 

Overall it's not terrible, although I don't see it fitting anywhere in an IA since it's so large it covers almost every section.

[Shinzaren]

Why? What reason is there for the training cadre to leave? If you can't give one, then they shouldn't. It doesn't change anything, so why make this point at all?

Instead of Why? Perhaps think of it as: Why Not? There's nothing that says the training cadre is anything more than a loan in the first place, so the idea that they left after their job was done isn't entirely implausible. Perhaps the Red Sabres needed the guys back because they just suffered a wicked battle? Getting your own brothers back is faster and easier than training new one?

[Ace Debonair]

Some overall points before I get into specifics:

- Spelling and grammar (including some Games Workshop terms, ie: Gene-seed, not geneseed)

- The wording is a little odd at points

Oops. Well, this is what comes of not bothering with a spell-checker. (I don't have Word, and forgot that online ones exist. B) )

Odd wording and Ace Debonair are probably synonymous by now, but I'll take a look later and see if anything stands out as needing a change.

 

You've also raised a few more questions from me:

At what point did the Chapter take on the name Stonebound? More importantly, at what point did the doctrine and outlook change? I don't see White Scars recruiting from "slow and steady" tribes or willingly building their fortress underground.

 

When were they named? Probably when they were creted. Brown armour, resembling the more common types of stone found on Throka, led to 'ho ho, it's like we're wearing stone' jokes from the training cadre, then someone puts a more serious spin on it, and BAM. Catchy, awesome name. :P

 

I'd put it in the IA, except it's kind of a pointless detail. ;)

 

As for the shift in doctrines - that will be covered more in the Homeworld section. It's basically: things change once the Stonebound are left to their own devices once the Red Sabres guys leave, and the underground Fortress is built underground to keep it out of the season-long-blizzard that is Kagaran winter.

 

You're probably getting sick of me asking this one, but I'll do it anyway:

 

At this time, the veterans from the Red Sabres who had formed the training Cadre for the fledgling Stonebound, left to return to their homeworld of Throka, declaring the Stonebound a true and worthy successor to the Khan as they did so.

 

Why? What reason is there for the training cadre to leave? If you can't give one, then they shouldn't. It doesn't change anything, so why make this point at all?

 

Yeah, there's a reason. Now when the Red Sabres are killed after the Rift Lords' campaign, that means the people who taught the Stonebound are all gone. The Stonebound are the only notable legacy of the Red Sabres, and are driven to seek vengeance against the despicable sorts who, to the Stonebound, have slain their parent.

 

Eventually, massed Imperial forces, backed by Inquisitor Tylus Vachs, took back a number of these worlds, re-purposing them as recruitment worlds for the Imperial Guard.

 

Would the worlds necessarily be claimed for that single purpose? There aren't other resources that Vachs can use as an excuse? Inquisitors are crafty. His motives may be to keep the Stonebound from building an empire, but his methods should not be as obvious. Raising the tithe? Inviting colonists through connected political sources? Modernizing the worlds? He shouldn't bluntly accuse the Stonebound either.

 

I never was good with Inquisitors, and I admit I suspected that would be the weakest part.

I'll try and play up the subtlety as soon as a suitable way of doing so strikes me. :P

 

Overall it's not terrible, although I don't see it fitting anywhere in an IA since it's so large it covers almost every section.

 

I might split it into Origins & Recent History.

 

And surely the History section should tell most of the story, anyway? :P

 

 

Why? What reason is there for the training cadre to leave? If you can't give one, then they shouldn't. It doesn't change anything, so why make this point at all?

Instead of Why? Perhaps think of it as: Why Not? There's nothing that says the training cadre is anything more than a loan in the first place, so the idea that they left after their job was done isn't entirely implausible. Perhaps the Red Sabres needed the guys back because they just suffered a wicked battle? Getting your own brothers back is faster and easier than training new one?

 

There's also nothing that says they always stick around by default, as far as I'm aware.

If there is, then I'm sure I'll be corrected soon enough.

 

 

EDIT:

Typos. Again.

[Shinzaren]

I agree completely Ace haha. I think we are agreeing to the point of disagreement ;)

[Ace Debonair]

I agree completely Ace haha. I think we are agreeing to the point of disagreement :P

 

Agree completely with what?

 

The typos? :huh:

The fact my name is proably synonymous with odd wordings? :)

[Shinzaren]

I was agreeing with the idea that the training cadre wasn't required to stick around. Although, perhaps I am now confused as well... :D

[Dosjetka]

I'm going to kicked in the face for bringing this back up from the depths of the Liber, but I was wondering how things were getting on with these chaps and if you were still thinking of finishing them? *fingers crossed*

 

Ludovic

 

Edit: Ack, just realised that I could have sent a PM... I need some sleep :)

[Ace Debonair]

I'm going to kicked in the face for bringing this back up from the depths of the Liber, but I was wondering how things were getting on with these chaps and if you were still thinking of finishing them? *fingers crossed*

 

Ludovic

 

Edit: Ack, just realised that I could have sent a PM... I need some sleep :)

 

*Blows dust off the IA*

 

Oh, these guys again. :lol:

I've got kind of a lot going on at the moment, so I'm not working on them right now.

 

Starting from the next draft I'm planning on ditching the Red Sabres entirely, so I'd need to revise the Rift Lords quite a lot as well.

I don't have the patience for that just yet, so I'm shelving it until I feel like a challenge. ;)

[Dosjetka]

Would you mind passing me the notes you have for your Red Sabres? I wouldn't mind building up the Chapter upon what you have already decided :D And I quite liked the small sidebar "The Red Fortress" and I've never done a "dead" Chapter before, so I would relish in taking up that challenge. Oh, and trying to finish an IA would be good too :P

 

And I know that I already have another IA, but that one is more emotionally charged and it's a bit more difficult to work on constantly, so another project would be good as I could rotate around.

 

Anyway, hope to see some of your stuff soon and good luck with RL!

 

Ludovic

[Ace Debonair]

Would you mind passing me the notes you have for your Red Sabres? I wouldn't mind building up the Chapter upon what you have already decided ;) And I quite liked the small sidebar "The Red Fortress" and I've never done a "dead" Chapter before, so I would relish in taking up that challenge. Oh, and trying to finish an IA would be good too ;)

 

And I know that I already have another IA, but that one is more emotionally charged and it's a bit more difficult to work on constantly, so another project would be good as I could rotate around.

 

Anyway, hope to see some of your stuff soon and good luck with RL!

 

Ludovic

 

Uh, I don't actually have any notes on the Red Sabres. That's one of the reasons I'm dropping them. :P

 

The other, equally pertinent reason is that they've really added nothing but problems since day one of this project, it's just taken me this long to see it. :D

 

 

Without meaning to offend, even if someone else takes up the Red Sabres, I'm not including them in any form in this IA next time. The name's up for grabs though, so take it and run with it if you like it. ;)

[Dosjetka]

Uh, I don't actually have any notes on the Red Sabres. That's one of the reasons I'm dropping them. :P

 

The other, equally pertinent reason is that they've really added nothing but problems since day one of this project, it's just taken me this long to see it. :)

 

Without meaning to offend, even if someone else takes up the Red Sabres, I'm not including them in any form in this IA next time. The name's up for grabs though, so take it and run with it if you like it. ;)

Aha. I see ;) Well, maybe I'll just pinch the name, use what I have seen in the Rift Lord's IA and whizz something up!

 

And don't worry, I wasn't really expecting them to be featured anywhere ;)

 

Ludovic

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

The other, equally pertinent reason is that they've really added nothing but problems since day one of this project, it's just taken me this long to see it. :)

 

I know just what you mean.

 

I also just realized that it's 1am and I have to be up in four hours and I got distracted reading these last few pages. Oh good, more I can blame on Ace!

 

:P

[Captain Juan Juarez]

More Stonebound.. The Panda Gods demand it!

[Ace Debonair]

More Stonebound.. The Panda Gods demand it!

 

The Panda Gods can frankly get stuffed. ^_^

 

I'm not working on the Stonebound now. - I didn't even revive the topic!

[Captain Juan Juarez]

I didn't even revive the topic!

 

This is not the point! They are by far - in my opinion - your best Chapter.

[Aqui]

I didn't even revive the topic!

 

This is not the point! They are by far - in my opinion - your best Chapter.

 

Plus, you do realise that your hated enemy, the Typo, uses uncompleted IA's to lurk....gathering strength, waiting for the day to jump out and take over a post.

 

It's your duty to ensure this does not happen! :) ;)

[Reyner]

It would be good to see these guys come back to life. But since real life is taking its toll focus on your Steel Dragons ;)

[Lysimachus]

They are by far - in my opinion - your best Chapter.

 

+1

 

Although the Red Lords are a close second.

[Octavulg]

Indeed. More Space Marine Dwarfs, less faffing about.

[Dosjetka]

I'm not working on the Stonebound now. - I didn't even revive the topic!

Oh, so it's my fault again, is it? :tu:

 

On a more serious note, do whatever you want to, but as others have said, I really enjoy reading about the Stonebound and I eagerly await the day of their completing ;)

 

Ludovic

[Ace Debonair]

I honestly don't know what to say.

 

I'm genuinely surprised anyone thinks this is my best Chapter, because they are by far my least favourite out of the ones I've done.

 

I mean, I really, really, appreciate the heck out of all the encouragement, but look at it from my perspective.

 

This Chapter is a failed experiment. Most of the ideas that I've had that went into any detail were pretty terrible, and most of the stuff that's in the outline in post #1 isn't even my own ideas any more.

Hell, most of the ideas that are mine that are in that outline is the stuff I want to take out for being rubbish. It wound up at the point where I got tired of having ideas for this Chapter because I simply couldn't seem to get any of them really right.

 

In short, it's been a two-year exercise in constructing the perfect headache.

Even thinking about getting stuck into this again before I've worked out exactly what I want is making my brain hurt like it's being punched by a thousand rampaging Liberites.

 

I realise this sounds as narky as hell (for me, at least) but I have precisely sod all intent on working on the Stonebound until I'm ready to do so and actually hungry for the challenge, rather than heartily sick of it.

 

So as much as it pains me to let everyone down, that's exactly what I'm going to do.

Sorry chaps, no Stonebound this time.

[Octavulg]

I'll beat you with a stick, boy.

 

More seriously: knowing exactly what you want is for incompetents. Knowing vaguely what you want and making up the rest as you go/ripping it off is how success happens.