Black Book - Insurrection (PUBLISHED)

[bluntblade]

Where should I start with The Drowned?

 

Edit: making a start on their elites.

[simison]

Oh, well, I was going to suggest the fluff chapter. Start at the origins part.

[MikhalLeNoir]

I think stsrting with the organisation and units descriptio. Is far less dangerous than to meddle with hesh fluff.

[bluntblade]

That was pretty much my intent, Mikhal

[simison]

That works.

[MikhalLeNoir]

Yeah, I thought your approach was wise and wanted to back you here.

[bluntblade]

Had a thought for what could kick off the daemonic incursion aboard the Dragon:

 

+++++

 

Nibaasiniiwi drew his hand back, and hesitated for a second. Then he sheathed the claws. The Stalker gazed back at him, eyes dull with resignation, and Nibaasiniiwi snarled anew. “Did you truly imagine a null could hide in the Sea of Souls? Icarion took leave of his wits when he set you to this task.”

 

A bitter, bloody-toothed grim broke out on the Grave Stalkers’ face. “He knew better you could imagine. After all, who else but the soulless could bring the ship to anchor once the Warp has scoured you all from the ship?”

 

With the last word, an explosion shook the hall. Horror filled Nibaasiniiwi as he realised where it came from. “Get troops to the bridge and the Navigator!” he roared into the vox net. “Do not kill the traitor Astartes if you can avoid it - cripple them, but don't kill them.” Then he pulled his enfeebled enemy towards him, eyes boring into the black pools of the Grave Stalker's irises. “Stay of execution, traitor. You might just be useful.”

 

He looked down and drew the dagger out of his gut, wincing as he slowly dragged it free. A risky plot, but he'd been lucky. No damage to any vital organs, nothing dangerous leaking inside him. He willed it to heal all the same, knowing that there wouldn't be time before whatever was coming next. Then the Geller Field faltered, and bloodshed came to the Dragon of Autumn as never before.

[simison]

Update: I've sent the Harbingers' Legion Org chapter to both Grifft and Athrawes. Barring an unexpected rejection, the Harbingers are now 2/3rds through their fluff.

[bluntblade]

Does any fluff need writing for particular Harbingers units? I'm gonna take a day out durig the week and just try and sort out my tablet

[simison]

I'm on my phone so I can't verify, but I don't think any of the fluff for the units have been done.

[bluntblade]

OK. Once I have sorted my device situation, I'll get cracking on that

[Sigismund229]

I'm starting to retype the campaigns fluff section of Insurrection in accordance with simison's wish to make them Parts rather than chapters and I couldn't remember whether we had a bit introducing the Day of Revelation before launching into the campaigns so I typed one of 850 or so words

 

The Day of Revelation

 

For decades Icarion had hidden his intent, waiting patiently as he built his strength, winning the allegiance of those brothers who would eventually join him in his rebellion gradually, in some cases building their trust in him for years before telling them of his intentions and requesting their allegiance. By the same token, the purging of those legions who had sworn their allegiance to him was a slow process, with the loyalty of every legionnaire being carefully assessed. Those who were deemed to value their loyalty to the Emperor and Imperium more highly than their loyalty to their primarch would meet with tragic accidents upon the battlefields of the Great Crusade. Thousands, tens of thousands in some legions, would be dropped into enemy defences whose strength had been “underestimated” by their scouts, or their brothers would encounter fierce opposition when trying to relieve them and in some cases, where a single marine from a squad was judged unreliable, the legionnaire in question would be tragically separated from his squad in the chaos of battle and overwhelmed by the enemy. Such are the perils of war and these “tragedies” provided excellent cover for the purging of loyalist elements in those legions loyal to the Stormborn, for losses incurred in such ways did not arouse suspicion as a wholesale massacre of loyalist elements would do, gradual and seemingly random as they were.

 

 

In addition, the Stormborn’s legions suddenly found themselves to be prioritised for re-equipment by the Mechanicum. Where legions who the Stormborn had foreseen that he would be unable to sway were left to make do with what equipment they had, those who had sworn their allegiance to the Stormborn were lavishly equipped with the newest patterns of armour and ammunition. Having foreseen that the war to topple his father would be long, drawn out and bloody, the Stormborn had even gone so far as to secure the loyalty of many important manufactory and mining worlds, especially in the region around the Maelstrom where the power of the Lightning Bearers far outweighed the power of Terra, to ensure that these supplies, the lifeblood of any legion at war, would continue to be readily available to his legions after they seceded from the Golden Throne.

 

 

Only once all these preparations had been made did the Stormborn begin to put into actions his plans for the opening phase of his war against the Emperor. He planned to weaken and potentially, in some cases, annihilate the legions who he had seen no chance of swaying to his cause in a series of ambushes where his legions would possess the advantages of surprise and numerical superiority.

 

 

Of these battles on what we now know as the Day of Revelation(not in fact a single day but many different battles fought on different days due to the vagaries of warp travel), there are three which stand out as significant: the Battle of Kataii, the battle in Untara’s oceans and the Madrigal Purge. To any acquainted with the history of the Insurrection, the first two are obvious in their importance: one saw the first, and regrettably not the last, death of a primarch in the Insurrection, another the crippling of the XIX^th legion and, more importantly, its primarch.

 

 

However, some may question my focus upon the Madrigal Purge. Compared to the other battles of the Day of Revelation, it was a small engagement and not one in which the Insurrectionists primary goal was the annihilation of their foes. Even more unusually, no primarchs took an active role in the Madrigal Purge. However, the battle over Madrigal is important to look at, not for the legionaries lost in the cold void nor the advantages gained by either side, for those were few, but instead for the ideals espoused by the Insurrectionists in the void over Madrigal.

 

 

It is easy to view the Insurrection as the attempt of a demented madman to seize power from the Emperor. However, to do so minimises the true tragedy of the Insurrection for, at the beginning at least, both sides fought with noble motives. History has since branded the Insurrectionists oathbreakers, bloodthirsty berserkers and religious zealots and while for some of the legions who pinned their banners to the Insurrectionist cause this is an accurate depiction, many were noble men who made the wrong decision for the right reasons. This is the true tragedy of the Insurrection: neither side was wrong and both sides shed the blood they shed for the right reasons, in the beginning at least and to write a history of the Insurrection that said otherwise would be to hide the truth of the matter. This is not what I intend to do and it is for this reason that I cast such light on the Madrigal Purge.

 

Some say that the Day of Revelation was the day all hope died. I deny this, for as long as the astartes fight there is hope. However, some say that loyalty cannot be true until it is tested in fire. The Day of Revelation was the greatest fire the galaxy has ever known. 

[bluntblade]

I'd keep things like "greatest X the Galaxy has ever known" to a strict minimum, as a rule.

 

Perhaps a better way to put it would be to have the speaker say that loyalty had indeed been tempered by the fires of the Great Crusade, and they had never imagined anything would surpass that test.

[Sigismund229]

First chapter of the new Death of the Bear in part form


The legion to suffer the most on the Day of Revelation would be the brave sons of Huron, Daer'dd's Iron Bears. The most technologically capable of the legions, Icarion had foreseen that if he did not eliminate them on the Day of Revelation, they could provide a crucial stumbling block on his road to Terra. While not enough to tip the balance fully in favour of the Emperor, they could make the war a fine balancing act between advancing on Terra and needing to guard his northern flank. Icarion had no wish to play this balancing act and so, the Iron Bears and their Primarch had to be eliminated.

Muster over Kataii
The most infamous battle of the Day of Revelation, the battle between the Iron Bears and their erstwhile allies, the Godslayers and Grave Stalkers, would take place over the world of Kataii. To understand why such a pivotal battle was fought over such a seemingly insignificant system capital, it is necessary to understand the progress of the Great Crusade's northern offensive. For nearly two decades prior to the Day of Revelation, three legions, the Iron Bears, Berserkers of Uran and Grave Stalkers, had been pushing northwards and into the Ghoul Stars. The fighting here had been hard and the legions had suffered heavy losses, both in men and material, yet still this brutal front was one of the slowest of the Great Crusade to move forwards. Therefore, upon the Day of Revelation, unlike in some theatres of the Great Crusade, the fighting was far from over, with some tacticians estimating that it could be as much as another two decades before the Ghoul Stars could be declared conquered.

This was the reason for the Iron Bear' presence over Kataii. The bulk of the VI^th legion was deployed to the Ghoul Stars and had recently completed an extermination of the Orks of the Kayvas belt, a collection of nearly 40 worlds. However, as previously stated there was still a great deal of fighting to be done in the Ghoul Stars and it was for this reason that the VI^th were gathered above and on Kataii in such numbers, near 130,000 legionaries. Over Kataii they were mustering their strength and resupplying in preparation for their next task, a campaign into the Angel's Horns, a desolate and by all accounts deadly area of space, estimated to last in the region of four years.

It was also supposedly for this reason that the Godslayers and Grave Stalkers were joining the Iron Bears' muster over Kataii. While the campaign into the Angel's Horns was vital for the progress of the Imperium's northern campaign, it would leave the Imperium's central thrust into the Ghoul Stars undermanned. Therefore, while their true purpose was treachery, the Godslayers and Grave Stalkers arrived with the stated purpose of resupplying before parting ways with the Iron Bears to continue the central offensive into the Ghoul Stars.

When the Godslayers and Grave Stalkers arrived in system, the Iron Bears were arrayed in a standard Imperial resupply anchorage pattern, with their largest vessels anchored in Kataii's void port directly above the docks on the world itself. Strike cruisers and smaller battle barges were anchored around the largest vessels in tight knit formation to allow easy travel between vessels while the very smallest ships were positioned in picket squadrons on the outskirts of Kataii's gravitational field. It was these smallest ships that would first encounter the Godslayers and Grave Stalkers. However, rather than lance fire and boarding torpedoes, the only things the vessels of the Iron Bears pickets and Insurrectionist fleet exchanged were vox hails, both formal and well natured jibes between legions, the latter largely between the Iron Bears and Godslayers, with the Grave Stalkers remaining reserved and formal.

Let to pass by the picket squadrons, the Insurrectionist fleet sailed on through the void towards the main body of the Iron Bears fleet, forewarned of the incoming fleet by their pickets. It was then, as the Insurrectionist fleet's vanguard was moving into orbit above Kataii and the fleet's main body was just an hour or so away from joining the Iron Bears in orbit above Kataii, that the Primarchs of the three legions met via hololith for an on the spot strategic conference, a thinly veiled opportunity for Daer'dd to talk to Koschei, a brother he had not seen in decades.

During this meeting, Daer'dd unwittingly gave his two brothers much strategic information that would prove useful when making last minute alterations to their battle plans. Amidst an exchange of pleasantries, Daer'dd revealed that only 100,000 of his Iron Bears were actually with him over and on Kataii. The remaining 30,000 had been scattered when the VI^th legion arrived in system and had been arriving in a trickle over the past days, although the furthest out with whom the main force of Iron Bears had made contact were still four days out.

Of more immediate use, through their brother Koschei and K'awil discovered that nearly 6000 Iron Bears were not in orbit at all. Instead, they were on Kataii itself, amidst the world's docks, overseeing the transfer of supplies into orbit, by no means a glorious task but a necessary one and one that would shield them from the initial onslaught in the void and give them time to prepare for an assault. While the outcome of such an assault was indisputable, the Insurrectionists could take heavy losses executing it. So, to avoid such an assault, eight brotherhoods of the Godslayers deployed to Kataii's docks, ready to open fire on the Iron Bears as soon as they received the signal. As the Godslayers deployed among the sprawling gantries, warehouses, cranes and docking stations, a force of 150 Grave Stalkers deployed to the main structure of the docks, the vox relay centre.

Meanwhile, the Godslayers and Grave Stalkers fleets had moved into high anchor alongside the unsuspecting Iron Bears. Some Godslayers elements had even boarded Iron Bears vessels under the guise of wishing to re-establish the friendships forged when the Iron Bears and Godslayers had last campaigned together. However, unbeknownst to the Iron Bears, the Godslayers and Grave Stalkers had arrived over Kataii not only prepared for but expecting to fight there. As the final adjustments were made to their formation, weapons batteries were powered up, boarding pods loaded into torpedo tubes and the legionaries of the VIII^th and XV^th legions checked their weapons and armour a final time.

[Sigismund229]

Minus the name of a bear to be killed, the second chapter

 

Betrayal

The first shots of betrayal were fired by the plasma pistol of one Sergeant Ivan Vladislavich, a member of the Godslayers 6^th brotherhood, on board the Iron Bears strike cruiser Heart of Iron. Three shots, fired in quick succession, into the chest and neck of Captain (), who would go down in history as the first legion casualty of the battle of Kataii. With the surrounding Iron Bears still reeling from the shock of a legionary opening fire upon another legionary, the other members of Squad Vladislavich began to open fire, shooting the Iron Bears through their exposed heads and necks, often multiple times to ensure the kill. Once the legionaries on board the Heart of Iron were dealt with, the Godslayers moved to the bridge, seizing control of the strike cruiser and killing any of the mortal crew who resisted, turning the strike cruiser’s guns on the rest of the Iron Bears fleet.

 

All across the void above Kataii and on board other Iron Bears ships, the same scene was being repeated, Godslayers and Grave Stalkers turning on the Iron Bears as if some secret signal the Iron Bears hadn’t heard had passed over the vox. The vessels of the Iron Bears fleet, brought into close proximity to Godslayers and Grave Stalkers vessels by the pattern in which the Insurrectionists had anchored their fleet, were raked with fire from lance batteries and was met with only sporadic retaliatory fire, with most Iron Bears ship captains being too shocked to effectively respond. To add to the confusion, many of the Iron Bears vessels on which parties of Godslayers had been on board, now began to also turn their guns on the rest of the VI^th legion fleet.

 

In these opening minutes of the attack, it is likely that tens of thousands died. The Iron Bears had been caught unawares, with their shields down and none of their crew in battle positions. The only exceptions to this were the picket squadrons, removed from the main body of the fleet and so out of the way of the main betrayal. However, like every other ship in the Iron Bears fleet, their vox was now flooded with the sounds of ship and astartes captains requesting orders, answers or simply shouting as loud as they could into the vox to the Godslayers and Grave Stalkers to cease fire but, above all, dying as the Insurrectionists slaughtered them without mercy.

 

On the bridge of the Iron Bears flagship, the monolithic Dragon of Autumn, Daer’dd could only watch and listen in horror. He tried to establish contact with his brothers, whose flagships were opening fire with every weapon they had on the Dragon of Autumn, yet K’awil gave no response and, while contact was established with Koschei, the only response the primarch of the Godslayers gave was to say “I’m sorry brother” before breaking contact again.

 

As his horror turned to anger, Daer’dd passed an order across the vox, over the screams of dying ships, that his legion was to fight back with every weapon at their disposal and any who could were to escape and regroup over Huron. As for Daer’dd himself, he took command of the Totem Guard on board the Dragon of Autumn and began to fight back against the legionaries of the VIII^th and XV^th who had boarded the ship, leaving the void war to his shipmistress Lotara Sarrin who engaged the flagships of the Insurrectionists with all the ferocity for which she was renowned.

 

Where before it had been a slaughter, with the primarch’s order given, battle was truly joined in the void above Kataii. Recovering from the initial shock of the ambush, the Iron Bears fleet began to fight back with some semblance of organization and strategy. Dozens of vessels, their names too numerous to list here, sacrificed themselves in desperate rear guard actions, allowing other Iron Bears ships to disengage, regroup and fight back as ad hoc squadrons. While the Iron Bears continued to fall in numbers never before seen by the Legions Astartes, they no longer died quietly and forgotten as those who perished in the opening minutes of the ambush had. The first recorded ship kill made by the VI^th legion was the Grave Stalkers light cruiser Hidden Shadow, its engines destroyed by fire from the Dragon of Autumn in the 62^nd minute of the battle of Kataii.

 

The Iron Bears complements of many doomed vessels, rather than staying to die with the ship, launched themselves at Insurrectionist ships in an attempt to board them. While many thousands of these boarding pods were destroyed, hundreds more slammed into their targets. Fuelled by their fury at the betrayal of the Godslayers and Grave Stalkers, these Iron Bears who succeeded in boarding Insurrectionist vessels wrought butchery of a thousand to one against the mortal crew until they were themselves brought down by legionaries of the VIII^th or XV^th.

 

One notable instance of such a boarding action is that fought by Sergeant Enoch Awanjish and the 63 other Iron Bears who were on board the Iron Soul. Surrounded by four Godslayer ships, the Iron Soul was dying, bleeding its life out into the void and so the Iron Bears launched themselves at the Godslayers battle barge Absolute Brotherhood. 21 of them reached the ship and when they did, they fought their way onto the bridge which Enoch Awanjish smashed his way into using his thunder hammer. While they were eventually all brought down, they inflicted casualties of 57% on the mortal members of the bridge crew and 26 Godslayers.

 

Already, hundreds of ships carcasses drifted gutted through the void, the bodies of their crew freezing when exposed to the cold of space and yet still the battle in the heavens over Kataii continued.

[simison]

Regarding the first part/post, four notes.

 

One: "...some cases, annihilate[d] the legions..." Should be 'annihilate'.

 

Two: "...themselves to be [priorities] for re-equipment..." Should be 'prioritised'

 

Three: "...attle of Kataii..." Specific battles are capitalised. You wouldn't capitalise "...the battle in Untara's oceans..." because that is not the specific title of that battle, merely referencing location. 

 

Four: I'm 50-50 on the 'greatest fire ever known'. This is being written from a mortal's perspective on Humanity and wouldn't be privy to the Eldar creating Slaanesh or any of the truly ancient wars. So, I think it can be defended though do keep it in moderation overall.

 

Regardless, I greatly appreciate this Sig. It's help keeping the project moving forward and getting Book 1 closer to completion. I also love this specific Part, it's really well written and does an excellent job of building up to the Day of Revelation. The explanation for including the Madrigal Purge was brilliant, an issue I had never considered. Thank you!

[simison]

First chapter of the new Death of the Bear in part form

 

 

 Godslayers deployed amomg the sprawling gantries, warehouses, cranes and docking stations

 

 

Part/Post 2...

 

"...[P]rimarch had to be eliminated."

 

"...reason for the Iro[n] Bear['] presence..."

 

"...extermination of the [O]rks of the..."

 

"...outskirts of Kataii's [gravity?] field."

 

"...that the [P]rimarchs of the three legions...]

 

"...Godslayers deployed amo[n]g the sprawling..."

 

I like the level of detail and how the ambush wasn't simply sprung as soon as the traitors entered into orbit. 

[Sigismund229]

Thanks sim. Going to edit in those corrections now

 

Next chapter

 

Rains of Iron

The first sign that anyone on the surface of Kataii was given of the betrayal taking place in orbit was when it began to rain metal. As the Iron Bears fleet was ripped apart in orbit, the shattered and twisted metal from the carcasses of those ships that were destroyed lower in orbit began to fall down to Kataii's surface. Some smashed into the cities of Kataii, killing hundreds of thousands if not millions, others into Kataii's mountains. However, the vast majority of these ships carcasses came crashing down onto Kataii's port. This early sign of betrayal was an indiscriminate killer, smashing apart or incinerating the bodies of Godslayers, Iron Bears and dock workers all alike. However, the Godslayers had known to take cover in the storage chambers underground beneath the docks. The Iron Bears had not and so they were caught out in the open, crushed and incinerated by the hundred. Like their brothers in orbit, they began to roar out requests for orders into the vox, screaming their lungs out simply to be heard over the din of crashing ships and the screams of the humans burned by the heat of the ships yet far enough away to survive their impact. However, no matter how loudly the Iron Bears roared into the vox, they received no answer save for deathly silence for their requests never even reached the ears of their primarch in orbit nor even their commanders if their commanders were in another sector of the docks. 

This lack of ability to communicate was due to one of the earliest actions on the ground. While eight brotherhood of Godslayers had been deployed to the docks to engage and destroy the Iron Bears on the ground, only a small force of Grave Stalkers, most from the XV^th's destroyer cadre, had joined them. Unlike the Godslayers, the Grave Stalkers had a very specific task: seize the vox relay centre and destroy it without word reaching the Iron Bears. It is a credit to the skill of the Grave Stalkers who carried out this action that so little is known about it. Later analysis of dead Imperial Army troopers and workers at the vox relay centre reveals that they were killed in one of two ways: either with a knife through the backs of their head into their brain or by having their necks broken. Not a single gunshot wound was found, presumably as even a silenced round attracts attention whereas by the time the knife wounds and broken necks were noticed it would be too late. Moving silently through the centre, the Grave Stalkers seem to have spread out with the majority seeming to have focused on ensuring no survivors who could discover and inform their superiors of the destruction of the vital machinery within the relay centre. Only a small team seem to have continued on to the heart of the relay centre and destroying several parts of the vast network of circuits and broadcasters needed for the relay centre to function before taking cover for when the ships' carcasses began to fall. 

In the confusion caused by the lack of any long range vox communication, the individual groups of Iron Bears were forced to act on individual instinct. Where other legions' first instinct would be to find themselves cover, the Iron Bears first thought was not of themselves. Instead, it was of the humans whose unprotected skin was being burned by the heated metal thrown up by the crashing ship parts. Many Iron Bears' immediate reaction was to carry as many of these people as they could, in their arms and on their backs, to shelter. How many Iron Bears were crushed by falling debris having left shelter to carry humans to safety when they could have taken cover and lived to fight? We shall never know. What is certain is that many thousands of dock workers were saved by the heroism of these legionaries. 

The fighting on the ground that followed this initial rain of death was even more chaotic than that in the heavans above Kataii. Certainly, the coordination of the traitor legions that had served them so well in the early stages of the battle vanished. Some emerged from cover too early, rising up to the surface to find the metal rain still falling and suffering heavy losses for their misjudgement. Others emerged too late to find that the battle was in full swing, the element of surprise lost. 

However, those who emerged as the initial wave of falling ships was beginning to slacken found the Iron Bears in dissarray, their vox all but useless and many of them blinded by the burning fragments of metal that raged around them like a sandstorm, having neglected to wear their helmets and lost in the initial chaos. In addition, the Insurrectionists still had the advantage of surprise. The Iron Bears had no idea of what was transpiring in orbit. The Insurrectionists did. Having full access to their helm's vision filters, fully armed and in some cases supported by dreadnoughts the Insurrectionists began to sweep through Kataii's dock complex, butchering any Iron Bears they came across. 

Perversely, it was the chaos of the ground war's opening moments that saved the Iron Bears. Amidst the confusion, many units had splintered into a thousand pieces as their members saved those humans they could and sought cover for their charges. Thus when the Insurrectionists emerged from cover, the large units of Iron Bears were nowhere to be found, only small groups. 

In addition, many Iron Bears, when the deluge of falling ships eased, concluded that they were under attack by an external threat. Therefore, they decided that those Legiones Astartes elements on the ground needed to regroup and try to reestablish contact with the fleet or, failing in that, prepare for a ground invasion. There were two locations these Iron Bears moved towards to regroup: the docks' space port or the vox relay centre, with most making their towards whichever was closest. On their way, some of these survivors ran into their Insurrectionist counterparts, through these encounters discovering their treachery. 

Those Iron Bears who reached the space port found a grim tale awaiting them. Those who had arrived before them had established contact with the fleet, more specifically the Dragon of Autumn, still intact and the only ship whose own vox amplifiers were powerful enough and intact enough to be contacted. The Dragon of Autumn was giving as good as it got but was only barely in one piece and it was among the most undamaged ships left in the Iron Bears fleet. Dozens of ships had been downed in the opening moments of the betrayal. Seeing that no help could be expected from orbit, the Iron Bears began to prepare the space ports defences for a task they had never been designed for: an assault by another legion. 

By contrast, those Iron Bears who made it to the vox relay centre found only war. When they had believed it safe to do so, the Grave Stalkers emerged from the bunkers beneath the vox relay station to find the Iron Bears who had taken cover there. As a result, a battle had broken out among the ferrocrete and adamantium corridoors of the relay centre between the two forces. In many cases the fighting between the two sides was bloody and fought at close quarters, the VI^th legion's tomahawks against the XV^th's flaying knives.

[simison]

Minus the name of a bear to be killed, the second chapter

 

"...attle of Kataii..."

 

"...[P]rimarch of the Godslayers..."

 

"...[P]rimarch's order given..."

 

"...made by the VI^th [L]egion..."

 

"[Fueled] by their fury..."

[Sigismund229]

 

 

 

 

Minus the name of a bear to be killed, the second chapter

"...attle of Kataii..."

 

"...[P]rimarch of the Godslayers..."

 

"...[P]rimarch's order given..."

 

"...made by the VI^th [L]egion..."

 

"[Fueled] by their fury..."

Well that's embaressing...

[foamy248]

...Well that's [embarrassing]...

[Sigismund229]

...Well that's [embarrassing]...

:cuss

[simison]

Thanks sim. Going to edit in those corrections now

 

"...killing hundreds [of] thousands if not..."

 

"...betrayal was an [indiscriminate] killer..."

 

"...the bodies of Godslayers, Iron Bears, and dock workers alike..."

 

"...screams of the human burned..."

 

"Where other legions['] first instinct..."

 

"...killed in [one] of two ways..."

 

"...being burned by the [heated] metal..." No error, recommended change to avoid repeating 'burn'.

 

"Many Iron Bears['] immediate reaction was[, rather than to seek cover,] to carry..." Repeat from previous sentence.

 

"...ran into their Insurrectionist [counterparts], through these..."

[bluntblade]

How much detail do we want on the Warp passage of the Dragon of Autumn?

 

For the next two weeks, I should be in a position to write a decent amount of stuff. Where do we stand with Underwater Madness?

[Sigismund229]

How much detail do we want on the Warp passage of the Dragon of Autumn?

I'm not sure. I imagine what has already been written would suffice. It all depends on how much you feel is missing from it

 

@blunt: I actually feel it might be more productive for your efforts to go towards rewriting the Madrigal Purge. I remember there being problems with Underwater Madness that Hesh went MIA before we could right. So for the moment the Madrigal Purge is the next most complete.

 

If you could make a start on rewriting that over the next two weeks it would be fantastic. Meanwhile, once I've finished the Death of the Bear I'll raise Underwater Madness with Slips&Hesh and try to iron out its problems.