The Castigators

[Tyrannicide]

That image of the implant induction phases is from Index Astartes I, is it not? :(

[Guest Mordray]

I honestly have no idea... I'd imagine so but it was years ago and I only stumbled onto it in an old zip archive of files from an old computer of mine only a couple of weeks ago.

[brother varen]

i believe that image is from Rouge trader days. I think it was in white dwarf #98 or somewhere closeto it.

[Commissar Molotov]

It may have been, but it was also included in the Rites of Initiation article, which was in IA1. We can take those ages to be "optimal". Obviously if the article says "10-12 years" and a Space Marine apothecary implanted them into a boy who was twelve years and one day it wouldn't necessarily fail, but the closer to that optimal band, the greater the chances of the implant taking, and the greater the chance of surviving to become a Space Marine. Whilst there is room for some leeway (certainly not enough for, say, twenty-year olds, I think) the Castigators would be loath to take such chances with the gene-seed.

 

EDIT: For those who might not've noticed, I've posted an update in the Two's Companies thread: Varen will probably be interested in the eviscerator. :cuss You can see it here.

[Ferrata]

Just removed a couple of references to an old site we don't like much around here. Even if it has been hit by the GW legal team.

[Commissar Molotov]

Heh. Well, fair enough.

 

The rites of initiation article can be found here:

 

Page 1

 

Page 2

 

Page 3

 

Page 4

 

I'd say personally that it really ought to be the definitive baseline our assumptions are centred around, unless the newest Space Marine Codex specifically contradicts it. I don't have it with me so I can't say either way.

[Marshal Rohr]

Due in no small part to Ferrus' help, we have come to a working conclusion for the campaign

 

• The Campaign takes place over 8 years
  

  
  

• Years 1-2: Fought by the Imperial Guard on the worlds colonized by the Adamark and the old
  Xenos
  homeworlds and colonies

  
  

  
  

• Year 3: The 4th company of the Arctic Lions arrive to support the main invasion of the Adamark system. The Lions traditional Astartes Tactics are soundly defeated by the Adamark.

  
  

  
  

• Year 4: The Arctic Lions are worn down over time by the superior technology and numbers of the Adamark. They eventually call for any nearby Astartes to aid.

  
  

  
  

• Year 5: Arctic Lions are soudnly defeated attempting in attack main production facility. The Castigators send a small detachment from the Third and Tenth Companies, under Veteran Sergeant Tarandas of the Third Company. The Arctic Lions return to their Homeworld to repel an Ork invasion. During their initial action against the Adamark, the Castigators are present for a full fledged counter assault where they witness the horrifying power of the Adamark military. Luckily they remain largely unscathed but he IG takes a beating. Veteran Sergeant Tarandas calls for more aid and submits a full tactical analysis combined with the reports from Veteran Sergeant Meridius of the 10th Company.

  
  

  
  

• Year 6: Full Castigators Strike Force arrives led by Captain Sirius and Seconded by Captain Tigris. The Castigators fight a ground war against the Adamark, using the lessons learned by the Lions to keep the losses relatively light.

  
  

  
  

• Year 7: A massive continental invasion gives the Imperials the upper hand and they prepare for their assault on the main production facility, the heart of the Adamark empire. Sergeant Meridius leads an infiltration team inside and discovers that it is the redoubt for the Adamark leaders (
  Xenos
  and Humans)

  
  

  
  

• Year 8: Every Imperial soldier participates in the attack on the facility. The 8th Company leads the Astartes Assault with a massive Airborne drop alongside the Imperial Guard Airborne Regiments. The Third Company links up with the 8th and they proceed to cleanse the facility. Captain Sirius and Captain Tigris, along with their company veterans, and the 1st Company detachment lead the attack on the Adamark command bunker. Here they massacre the leaders and find the root of the Adamark Rebellion.

  
  

[Donkey Kong]

Those are all fine points, now are you going to expand on the larger or more important battles? Also, it's a little unclear to me, but do the Arctic Lions stick around to the end of the campaign, or do they pull out? How many planets are in the Adamark system? What xenos are aiding the humans?

 

I think you've got the big picture down.

[Ferrus Manus]

Those are all fine points, now are you going to expand on the larger or more important battles? Also, it's a little unclear to me, but do the Arctic Lions stick around to the end of the campaign, or do they pull out? How many planets are in the Adamark system? What xenos are aiding the humans?

Yes, we will mostly likely expand on the larger battles. The Lions leave due to the imminent invasion of their homeworld. We're not sure how many planets are in the Adamark system, as far as I know.

 

As for the xenos, I don't think we've pinned down a specific race yet, we (me and M2C were discussing possibly using a DIY xenos race, maybe.)

[Marshal Rohr]

Well, the Semester is over and only a few more finals to go so I though it has been a long time without a post and I figured

I would stick so AEG paddles to this thread and revive it (if only weakly at first). Every piece of my Castigators is built save a few Sternguard and the final Sirius conversion. These boys will be primed this weekend and ready for painting by Monday if all goes well.

 

Here is the overview with pictures of each one up before sunday (I swear).

 

Sirius

 

Dreadnaught 'Godslayer'

 

Terminator Squad Turias

 

Sternguard Squad Tacitus

Rhino 'Wrath'

 

Tactical Squad Meridius

Rhino 'Loyalty'

 

Tactical Squad Deiad

 

Tactical Squad Solemnas

Rhino 'Honor'

 

Assault Squad Aspernus

 

Devastator Squad Asturias

[Tyrannicide]

Well I'm looking forward to seeing the third company represented on the table top. I'm eager to see photos of all the models. :jaw:

[Commissar Molotov]

I'm very keen to see the progress on your Castigators! <_<

[Marshal Rohr]

As promised here they are. To do are the Sternguard (not enough box clips) and Sirius, as well as basing all the models, unfortunately I am out of glue...

1st Squad, the 'Torchbearers'

1st Sqaud is led by Veteran Sergeant Meridius, a former Veteran Sergeant in the 10th Company, has led his squad to much honor and glory in his relativly short time with the 'Lightbringers'. The greatest achievement to date of the 'Torchbearers' was won in a battle against foul Chaos renegades. The 'Torchbearers' held the line against an overwhelming Ork assault while Captain Sirius was able to evacuate the last of the populace of Calis V, a mining outpost on the borders of the Howling Stars.

2nd Squad, the 'Sentinels'

2nd Squad is led by Veteran Sergeant Deiad, the heart and soul of the 'Lightbringers'. Known for his humor and wit, Deiad is something of an oddity in the Castigators. His idiosyncrasies may bring outsiders to doubt his abilities, but the 'Lightbringers' know that if Captain Sirius need a job done correctly, the honor will fall upon the second squad.

3rd Squad, the 'Illuminators'

The 'Illuminators' are have won the most combat honors of any other squad in the Third Company, due to the leadership of VEteran sergeant Solemnas. Solemnas is a fighter without peer, the greatest swordsmen in the entirety of the third. Captain Sirius has forwarded his name to Master Quintilius for possible candidacy for Company Captain or one of the Chapter's Honor Guard.

7th Squad, the 'Eagle's Claws'

The 'Eagle's Claws' are the sword of the 'Lightbringers'. Captain Sirius uses the 7th Squad as a quick reaction force, able to respond to quickly changing battlefield conditions. Veteran Sergeant Asprenus takes great pride in his position of honor in the company, this is passed on to his squad members who too share the pride of being Captain Sirius ace in the hole. Torquatus of the 8th considers himself worthy of the honors bestowed on Veteran Sergeant Asprenus and this has led to a rivalry between the 7th and 8th squads.

9th Squad, the 'Hammers of Dawn'

The 'Hammers of Dawn' are commanded by the silent Veteran Sergeant Asturias. Asturias goes about his work with grim efficiency, taking little pleasure in slaying the enemy, his only reward is serving the Chapter. This attitude has chafed some of the brothers under his command, but more than one of the 'Hammers of Dawn' owe their lives to Asturias and his dogged resilience.

Dreadnaught 'Godslayer'

Terminator Squad Turias

Rhino's 'Wrath', 'Loyalty', and 'Honor'

[Commissar Molotov]

Neat! Looking forward to seeing these finished. ;) Be sure to keep us updated!

[Tyrannicide]

I really like your conversion of Sergeant Solemnas, he looks cool. It's great to see these characters come to life and while I picture many of the third differently then you, it's great to see these guys on the tabletop! ;)

[Argon]

Nice job on the minis Marshal. I like what you've done with the AoBR marines. Godkiller looks like someone I'd hate to mess with.

 

Also, quick question: Would any of the Castigators have any buisiness around the Maelstrom? I'd kinda like to include them in my DIY Renegades' fluff.

[Commissar Molotov]

Hey.

 

Today marks five years to the day that the Castigators first graced the halls of the Liber Astartes. I don't recognise a lot of the names in the Liber these days - and so I imagine that few will remember, and a great many of you won't have any idea who the Castigators are! With the pervasive warp-storms around the Howling Stars clearing for a while, I thought it time to try to revamp the Castigators' article. In certain ways, it's a little lacking, so I wanted to tackle one of the areas that's always been my biggest bugbear - the Homeworld section.

 

Here's the "original version" - the version that you'd see in the Librarium:

 

Homeworld

U

pon the tenth anniversary of the Chapter's founding, the Castigators found the small world of Losanco Secundus. The planet was a celestial anomaly; one of only a handful in the Imperium known to have a 'tidally locked' orbit. The time the planet took to rotate on its axis and the time it took to orbit the system's star were exactly the same. This odd circumstance meant that one half of the planet was shrouded in perpetual darkness whilst the other basked in permanent light and debilitating radiation. The planet should never have sustained life. And yet it did.

 

It appeared that millennia ago, an Imperial vessel had crashed onto Losanco. The descendents of those few survivors clung to the barely habitable dark-side, surviving on the last remnants of the failing technology, subjected to the intense cold. Many of the planet's highest peaks were swathed in ice. Life was an unending struggle against the elements for survival, a struggle that ensured only the strongest could survive. Food was scarce, grown by dim moonlight in areas where streams of warm air reached the dark-side.

 

By contrast, those few cursed individuals that existed in the eternal day were mutated almost beyond recognition. Losancan legends suggested to the dark-siders that one day the Emperor would appear, bringing light and tranquillity to its troubled people and transforming the planet into a verdant paradise. The legends continued to state that He would only appear when the planet was 'deserving' - when it was freed from the blight of mutants and witches.

 

The dark-siders had grown to blame the mutants for their predicament, learning to fear and hate the mutants with what had become an almost instinctual loathing for imperfection and disease. Babies showing even the most minor of malformations were hurriedly and quietly killed by their own mothers or families, such was the stigma of giving birth to a mutant offspring. This hatred of mutation extended beyond the physical form - those children that displayed burgeoning psychic abilities were killed in public ceremonies of devotion to the Emperor. Small bands of brave and pious individuals would often lead expeditions to the bright-side to try to eradicate the mutants' blasphemous scourge from the planet's surface. Although these primitive individuals had no concept of radiation, they knew that should they spend too long on the bright side, they would weaken and die. Only the hardiest (some would say most fool-hardy) undertook such missions.

 

This dichotomy between light and dark struck a chord in Baraquiel's soul. Their eternal fight against corruption convinced him that they could serve as a potential source of future Castigators. He ordered a series of rigorous tests to confirm their genetic purity and then began the construction of a base upon the planet's moon.

 

The Losancans saw the Castigators' actions and came to see them as terrible angels, ferocious emissaries of a God-Emperor that watches over ceaselessly to ensure they carry out their divine task - the purification of their homeworld. The Castigators are fully aware of the native legends, and have even fostered them simply because they help promote hatred of the mutants. Those children amongst the bands that travel to the light-side to fight the mutants are secretly observed by the Castigators' Chaplains. If one is found worthy, the Chaplain will approach the warband and take the child to become one of His angels.

 

The Fortress-Monastery of the Castigators, known as the Sanctuary, is buried deep within the moon of Losanco Secundus. It is here that all the records of the Castigators' actions are kept, where the trophies won by the chapter are stored, and where the marines of the chapter train. A large part of the fortress-monastery is given over to places of worship; indeed, each company maintains an extensive chapel. These massive structures provide both a place of worship and a record of war. Campaign banners and company standards drape the walls; the armour and accoutrements of long-dead heroes remain displayed to inspire the living. Many of the chapels hold the spoils of war. It is here that every marine whose body has been recovered has been laid to rest. These sacred crypts are also where the Dreadnoughts of the chapter are allowed to rest; remaining alongside their dead comrades until the chapter calls them into service.

 

Here's the draft that I've been fiddling with for the past few days:

 

Homeworld

A

t the height of their xenocidal campaigns against the alien Ryssith, the Castigators' fleet entered a tumultuous and unstable region known as the 'Howling Stars'. The Stars were an area of perennial eddies and whirls in the Immaterium. Accurately forecasting these currents was a task only the most skilled of Navigators could undertake. In places, the skin of reality had been stretched to breaking point by these unnatural forces; roiling warp storms had burst forth to destroy vessels whole and hamper travel still further. It was here that they found the small and unassuming world labelled on the fleet's star-charts as Losanco Secundus.

 

The planet was perhaps most notable for its 'tidally locked' orbit, which meant the time it took to rotate on its axis and the time it took to orbit its star were exactly the same. This peculiarity resulted in one half of the planet being shrouded in perpetual darkness whilst the other basked in permanent light and debilitating radiation. It should never have sustained life - and yet it did. The Castigators had been drawn to the world by a flickering distress signal, picked up by chance by the fleet's augurs. It appeared that millennia ago, an Imperial vessel had crashed onto Losanco's surface. The descendents of the survivors clung to a thin strip of land between the light and dark sides, an area of perpetual twilight known as the Terminator. Though arid and inhospitable, it was the only area on the planet where life could survive.

 

The plight of the Losancans was dramatic and precarious; they were caught between light and dark, between mutation and freezing doom. Settlements had been scattered across the terminator, fortified towns built mainly from scrap metal recovered from the ruined hulk of their vessel. These established enclaves of human existence were defended by armed militias and sustained by the slowly degrading technologies.

 

The wastelands were also inhabited by bands of scavengers and reavers. Many were mutated as a result of the radiation - some almost beyond recognition. Highly aggressive, Losancan legends suggested to the inhabitants that one day the Emperor would appear, bringing light and tranquillity to its troubled people and transforming the planet into a verdant paradise. The legends continued that He would only appear when the planet was 'deserving' - which was taken to mean when it was freed from the blight of the 'impure'.

 

The dark-siders had grown to blame the mutants for their predicament, learning to fear and hate the mutants with what had become an almost instinctual loathing for imperfection and disease. Babies showing even the most minor of malformations were hurriedly and quietly killed by their own mothers or families, such was the stigma of giving birth to a mutant offspring. This hatred of mutation extended beyond the physical form - those children that displayed burgeoning psychic abilities were killed in public ceremonies of devotion to the Emperor.

 

Whilst the militias tend to the settlements, keeping them safe against the depredation of the mutant scavengers, a somewhat rarer breed of brave and pious warriors take it upon themselves to eradicate the mutants' blasphemous scourge from the planet's surface. A loose brotherhood, these roving bands of Mutant Hunters are not tied to any particular settlement. Instead they roam the wastelands, stopping at towns to resupply, to pray at the Emperor's shrine and to barter for goods. Sand-scarred, hard bitten, the Hunters evoke fear and respect in equal measure. Hardened by their lives, they command their parties with a steady hand and a commanding voice that rises above the harsh winds of the endless desert. As they rest, they will be joined by new recruits, hungry for vengeance and retribution. Some will be survivors of mutant raids or of destroyed settlements. Some may have simply had a religious awakening, a sense that something must be done. Young an impressionable children revere these rugged warriors for the terrible sacrifices they have made in giving up their lives and venturing into the deserts.

 

Losanco's potent symbolism struck a chord in Baraquiel's soul. The dichotomy between light and dark and the survivors' struggle against corruption convinced him that they could serve as a potential source of future Castigators. He ordered a series of rigorous tests to confirm their genetic purity. Once he received the results, the Chapter began construction of a Fortress-Monastery buried deep within the moon of Losanco Secundus. Through their interactions with the local populace, the Losancans came to see them as grim emissaries of a God-Emperor that had turned His face away from an impure galaxy, leaving His finest warriors to oversee His domains. The Castigators are fully aware of the native legends and have even fostered them to promote hatred of the mutant.

 

As the hunters go about their work, they are observed by the Chaplains of the Castigators. These ebon-armoured giants will on occasion approach the parties. Any youths travelling with the Hunting Parties will be carefully appraised for their suitability to join the Astartes. The Chaplains will provide the party with weaponry and basic equipment that can be traded or used to make their lives that bit easier. In return, those children that meet the Chaplains' stringent standards will be taken. These new recruits are then begin the next phase of their lives. The Castigators' Fortress-Moon, known as Sanctuary, hangs heavy in the sky. Its pitted surface is studded with arched gunports, the squat shapes of lance-batteries and other defences. It holds the legacy of the Chapter's millennia-long history. It is here where the records of the Chapters' actions are kept, where the trophies won by the Chapter are stored, and where its Marines train.

 

A large part of the fortress is given over to places of worship; indeed, each Company maintains its own extensive Chaptel. These massive structures provide both a place of worship and a record of war. Campaign banners and Company standards drape the walls; the armour and accoutrements of long-dead heroes remain displayed so as to inspire the living. Many of the chapels hold the spoils of war. Every marine whose body has been recovered is laid to rest within the Chapels' crypts. These sacred tombs are also where the Dreadnoughts of the Chapter are allowed to rest; remaining alongside their dead comrades until the chapter calls them into service.

 

This goes some way towards expressing some of the ideas I'd originally had for the Castigators, and for some of the themes that I wanted to convey. The homeworld has been altered to be somewhat more plausible, with people living on the tenuous boundary between light and dark, rather than huddling in the frozen wastes of the dark side. I've tried to turn up the "post-apocalyptic" aspect of the Losancan world; "Techno-barbarian" might be a fitting term, Somewhat like the Imperium in microcosm, you have a superstitious people clinging to the decaying legacy of their forebears, trying to endure in an inhospitable and dangerous environment against those determined to tear them down.

 

I hope you find this interesting - you can read the 'homeworld' section as part of the article on the first page. And if you're coming to this Chapter for the first time, I hope you find it an interesting read! :huh:

 

 

- Mol.

[Heru]

Just after Sigismund Himself brings up your name in another topic, you reappear from the depths of the Warp. :huh:

[Shinzaren]

Brings up your name in reference to fear, no less. You reappearance is.... terrifying....

[Donkey Kong]

You're too modest for your own good, Mol! I think the Castigators have the best IA in the Liber, they're my personal favorite at least ^_^ .

 

The planet was perhaps most notable for its 'tidally locked' orbit, which meant the time it took to rotate on its axis and the time it took to orbit its star were exactly the same. This peculiarity resulted in one half of the planet being shrouded in perpetual darkness whilst the other basked in permanent light and debilitating radiation.

 

This section of the paragraph seems a little too much like an "Astronomy For Dummies" lesson. If I were to change it:

 

The planet was peculiar, caught in a tidally locked orbit, with half of the planet being shrouded in perpetual darkness whilst the other basked in permanent light and debilitating radiation.

 

an area of perpetual twilight known as the Terminator.

 

The name for the land seems to be somewhat ironic. The only somewhat hospitable territory on the world is called the Terminator :huh: ?

 

scrap metal recovered from the ruined hulk of their vessel.

 

I'd change hulk to hull. It makes more sense given the context.

 

those children that displayed burgeoning psychic abilities were killed in public ceremonies of devotion to the Emperor.

 

I'd criticize word choice here. If it's a ceremony, it should be an execution, not just any random killing.

 

they command their parties with a steady hand and a commanding voice

 

command repetition. I'd change the first command to lead.

 

Given the radiation that the bands would suffer when lingering in the light side of the world, wouldn't it be better to clarify that even the hunters make quick raids so as to avoid being caught out in the sun for too long? Unless, of course, you're changing that.

 

The Chaplains will provide the party with weaponry and basic equipment that can be traded or used to make their lives that bit easier. In return, those children that meet the Chaplains' stringent standards will be taken. These new recruits are then begin the next phase of their lives.

 

"The party" is another repetition, I would replace "the party" with "them", since it's made clear who they are in the previous sentence.

"Are then begin" seems to be a little broken, I'd just adjust the last sentence a little, perhaps integrating it into the former:

 

The Chaplains provide them with weaponry and basic equipment that can be bartered or used to make their lives that bit easier. In return, those children that meet the Chaplains' stringent standards will be taken to begin the next phase of their lives.

 

If I were to add anything it would be the idea of local shamans and traveling priests that raise the distant towns into small raids on the mutants. Maybe having some of these travelers actually be some of the Castigator neophytes who learn by iterating to the people and maybe even fighting alongside them.

 

I would also raise the question as to how the mutants organize themselves, perhaps living in fear of the raiders that come from the dark horizon. The Castigators could listen to these when first looking at the world, perhaps assuming that life would be in the sun where it thrives everywhere else. It would be kind of funny to see the Castigators investigate there, only to fight and have their investigation driven into the darkness where they find their recruitment pool.

 

It should also be clarified that the Castigators only let the mutants live so that the local legends can go on, simply to make it clear that they have thought this through and through, and aren't making an exception to their hate.

 

I know it's kind of random but I imagine the Losancan mutants to be like Migsula's Twists: http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts...390/233990.page (Finished pictures on that page 14 and progress starting on page 4).

[Brother Argent]

By the Emperor, he's returned... The end times have truly come...

 

Uh, good to see you back Mol. You probably don't remember me but you have been basically one of the main inspirations for me around here. Your Castigators are probably one of the best articles in the Libarium. But I doubt your back to get smothered in praise so I'll have a look at your changes soon and see what I can come up with.

[RagingGriffon]

These new recruits are then begin the next phase of their lives

 

small typo.

 

Great stuff. Good to see you back! It is truly the end of times <_<

[Heru]

Brings up your name in reference to fear, no less. You reappearance is.... terrifying....

Yeah I don't see what is so scary about ol' Molly... a bit annoying at times, but scary? <_<

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Well KHK got here first and I'll be damned if he hasn't gone and made me feel redundant. :D

 

Also I'm more than a little surprised to see Mol grace these halls again, here I was thinking you were gone for good.

 

A large part of the fortress is given over to places of worship; indeed, each Company maintains its own extensive Chaptel.

 

Shouldn't that be Chapel? I love typos. ;)

 

These massive structures provide both a place of worship and a record of war. Campaign banners and Company standards drape the walls; the armour and accoutrements of long-dead heroes remain displayed so as to inspire the living.

 

I'm probably picking on something that isn't too important here but don't the Castigators pass down equipment through the generations of the chapter to equally worthy individuals? Most chapters, as far as I know re-use all of their equipment unless it is totally unrecoverable.

 

You'd probably touch on this aspect in other areas but I was just curious as to whether they simply use the artifacts as they are needed and then hang them back up, simply because the need would be constant given the life of the Space Marine in general.

 

their xenocidal campaigns against the alien Ryssith

 

I may be one of the few remaining people in the Liber who know who the Ryssith are, but are you going to elaborate on the one-word reference in the IA already? Even if a simple expansion of just what the Ryssith are might be nice as they were a very cool creation in the first place. Perhaps I'm being blind but I can't see any other mention of them in the IA even though they committed to a campaign against them enough to warrant it being xenocidal, which just about the entire Imperium is already when considering xenos.

 

Simply put, it seems like a jump from one unconnected piece to another from the Origins - which mention nothing of these campaigns - to the Homeworld section which seems like it's rounding out an earlier mention of them.

 

 

I must ask; is this simply a reworking of a single section or the entire IA itself?

[Marshal Rohr]

The dark-siders had grown to blame the mutants for their predicament, learning to fear and hate the mutants with what had become an almost instinctual loathing for imperfection and disease. Babies showing even the most minor of malformations were hurriedly and quietly killed by their own mothers or families, such was the stigma of giving birth to a mutant offspring. This hatred of mutation extended beyond the physical form - those children that displayed burgeoning psychic abilities were killed in public ceremonies of devotion to the Emperor.

 

Did you mean to leave dark-siders the same? It was the same in both drafts, though I have no clue what you would call someone who lives in the Terminator.

 

Whilst the militias tend to the settlements, keeping them safe against the depredation of the mutant scavengers, a somewhat rarer breed of brave and pious warriors take it upon themselves to eradicate the mutants' blasphemous scourge from the planet's surface. A loose brotherhood, these roving bands of Mutant Hunters are not tied to any particular settlement. Instead they roam the wastelands, stopping at towns to resupply, to pray at the Emperor's shrine and to barter for goods. Sand-scarred, hard bitten, the Hunters evoke fear and respect in equal measure. Hardened by their lives, they command their parties with a steady hand and a commanding voice that rises above the harsh winds of the endless desert. As they rest, they will be joined by new recruits, hungry for vengeance and retribution. Some will be survivors of mutant raids or of destroyed settlements. Some may have simply had a religious awakening, a sense that something must be done. Young an impressionable children revere these rugged warriors for the terrible sacrifices they have made in giving up their lives and venturing into the deserts.

 

No complaints here, this is just great. I have read it several ties now and it leaves me awestruck everytime. I can picture in my head a group of the hardest men to ever walk the earth walking into a saloon covered in sand, weapons at the low ready. Just awesome, man.

 

A large part of the fortress is given over to places of worship; indeed, each Company maintains its own extensive Chaptel. These massive structures provide both a place of worship and a record of war. Campaign banners and Company standards drape the walls; the armour and accoutrements of long-dead heroes remain displayed so as to inspire the living. Many of the chapels hold the spoils of war. Every marine whose body has been recovered is laid to rest within the Chapels' crypts. These sacred tombs are also where the Dreadnoughts of the Chapter are allowed to rest; remaining alongside their dead comrades until the chapter calls them into service

 

 

Overall the revisions are great, I like the newer direction. The living in the twilight seems more logical to me, something like living in Alaska when its daylight for months at a time.

 

Your descriptions are great, and you can really 'see' the natives, not just comprehend how they look.

 

My one thing is, though it reads well, and much better than most to come through, it doesn't read as smoothly as the rest of your IA. I know this is just because of its draft stage though and no fault of your writing ability, so I am looking forward to your final version.

 

Gah! I hate that my models are back on the mainland!