Skirax Posted June 14, 2010 Author Share Posted June 14, 2010 Cheers Simoleo, wish some others would post ^_^ No pressure guys ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astartes88 Posted June 15, 2010 Share Posted June 15, 2010 i want the full chapter right meow!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skirax Posted June 15, 2010 Author Share Posted June 15, 2010 Well, I'm working on it, it will probably come in parts to keep you interested, but not too many parts so that it gets repetitve (Soap Opera's *cough*) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skirax Posted June 15, 2010 Author Share Posted June 15, 2010 Chapter Ten; The Three Hundred. Soundtrack. ++Planet Wide Transmission++ This is Lord Castellan Creed. Citizens of the Emperor, of Cadia, hear me now. Above the planet of the Cadian Gate stands the most powerful and largest Chaos Warfleet to ever enter Imperial space. The fleet is battering the space defenses, and a system wide retreat has been called. The Astartes detachment that held of the World Eaters at Arx has been called to the defense of the Cadian Gate. But fear not, loyal servants of the beneficent Emperor! As we speak, Astartes reinforcements of the Imperial Fists are making the greatest of haste to rally the Cadian defenders. Every man shall do his part. System wide conscription has begun. Every civilian shall return to their designated hab-block. May the Emperor watch over us. ++Transmission Ends++ ******************** The Wolf King of Fenris stood amid his Chosen Warriors, the Cadian Gate’s almighty arch roaring above him. Attached to a wall that spanned a continent, the Gate was the only breach. Beyond it was the barracks and command centres that had stood for a hundred centuries, and produced over a thousand billion outstanding warriors that fought in the Emperor’s service. Atop the huge wall stood thousands of Imperial Guardsman, their faces resolute and stoic, unreadable but for the occasional twitch. It was understandable. Russ himself had given the speech on how this would be the most glorious day of their lives. And the last. His words had been met with a stunned silence, but the heroism of the Scions of Cadia won out, and the entire assembled defence resigned themselves to the fate that awaited them. Russ stood with his Wolf Guard around him, their weapons crackling with the bound energy of the Storm, streaks of lightning dancing about the blades and scorching the earth before the Terminator clad Warriors. Russ turned to his soldier with pride in his heart at the assembled 300 Terminator strong army. The first one hundred and fifty were his own chosen Wolf Guard; the other one hundred and fifty an assemblage of Thunder Hammer and Storm Shield armed Imperial Fists. Arriving just the day before, Dorn and his sons had already begun fortifying the Citadel to rival the defences of Terra itself. Russ’ chest had swollen in pride as the Astartes worked hand in hand with the Imperial Guard in an attempt to create a fortress strong enough to hold out until Cadia had been fully evacuated. Dorn himself had wanted to stay with his men, and had raged and ranted long after Russ had beaten him down in an argument over who would stay and fight with the assembled warriors, code-named the ‘Spartan’ Defence Force. ‘Men!’ roared Russ, holding his arms high. His cry was met with cheers of glory and battle-lust, but he motioned for them to quiet down. When they had, he spoke again. ‘Above us, the Arch Traitor assembles his forces to assault our mighty defences! But he shall not pass by without a toll of blood. I do not doubt that you are men enough for the job!’ His speech was met with more cries, this time of pride and inspiration. As Russ was about to speak, he felt the earth beneath him rumble and groan. ‘Earthquake!’ cried a soldier on the walls. ‘No...’ said Russ, a cold smile twisting his lips. ‘Battle-formations,’ smiled Arjac Rockfist. ******************************* On the other side of the planet, a small strike for of Sternguard veterans sent by Dorn stacked a wall of bodies high to mend a breach in the wall. A man approached the veterans from the shadows, and the Sergeant turned to him. He was twisted with disease and mutation, and the Sergeant held his sword out, the end of the blade touching the bottom of his chin. ‘Stay where you are, monster!’ spat the Sergeant, and the men of his squad bristled. ‘Please, I beg of you to seek my council!’ said the man, and Sergeant Hespirides lowered his sword. The man walked forward, and beckoned to a pot that he was holding in his bag. It was small, and made of wrought iron. The Sergeant recognised it as a Guardsman’s helmet. ‘I see the future, for I am blessed by the Emperor with a gift,’ said the man quietly, fumbling with a canteen of water. ‘I have seen what shall happen, and I came to bring news of it. I have seen the descent of the Arch Traitor’s forces, and the death that they shall bring with them. ‘By noon today, you will be dead men,’ spoke the man, and Hespirides whipped his blade out once more, and the rest of his squad took aim down the sights of their weapons. Hespirides lopped the man’s arm of at the top of the elbow, and the helmet crashed to the ground, the water within spilling onto the floor. ‘Please! I am just saying what I have seen!’ suddenly, the man began to convulse, and his eyes glazed over, his mouth twisting into a gaping hole of jagged teeth and a licking tongue. When the transformed beast spoke, wisps of the Great Ocean spiralled out of his blood-soaked lips. ‘By today, your corpses will rot beneath mounds of rubble, and my Master will rage forward to Terra unimpeded. The threat you pose is nothing.’ ‘Tell your master that you face free men here, not slaves.’ The thing laughed. ‘No... not slaves. Your women will be slaves. Your sons, your daughters, your elders, but not you. By this time tonight, you will be dead men. Our artillery will block out the sun.’ Hespirides smiled. ‘Then we will fight in the shade,’ before removing the beasts head. ************************** Before the assembled Astartes stood a good ten thousand men, icons of the Gods of Chaos atop their banners and upon their chests. A lone figure on a steed of pure evil rode to the front of the Chaos Warriors. ‘Loyalists, lay down your weapons!’ roared the figure. A soft whizzing sped through the air, and a huge spear of crackling energy flew through the air. With a great thud that knocked the champion from his steed, the spear embedded itself in the Champion’s chest. ‘Traitors!’ roared Russ, and as one the Spartans lowered their shields and activated their weapons. ‘Come and get them!’ With roars of hatred and blood-letting, the horde of traitors poured forth. To be continued.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calgar101 Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 Very Good and creates awesome imagery but i would've thought there'd be more Wolf Guard than that and wheres the rest of the Wolves? :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skirax Posted June 18, 2010 Author Share Posted June 18, 2010 The rest of the Wolves shall become apparent. As for the Wolf Guard assembled, it's mostly Grimnar's Company, the rest are of others (Such as Krom Dragongaze's). Thank you very much for the comment! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skirax Posted June 18, 2010 Author Share Posted June 18, 2010 Preview of Chapter Eleven; The Beast of Cadia The Spartans locked shields, the oncoming horde shaking the very earth upon which they stood. Russ allowed himself to fall back into the rows of Wolf Guard, his weapons lacking the necessary Hammer and Shield comination to be in the first rank. Instead, he stood amongst his men, inspiring them to greatness with but his presence. 'Remember this day men!' he roared above the clammer, 'For it will be yours, for all of time!' He growled, baring his fangs, and giving voice to a bestial roar. As he did so, the Wolf Guard joined his howls, and many of the front row of the traitors cried out in horror, turning to run from the terrifying warrior before them. As a wave would crash down upon a rock, the tides of traitors descended upon the anvil of the Spartans. Each warrior dug his heal in, their shields locked to form a wall in such a way that nothing could get through. They allowed the traitors to push them furthr back into the walls, but only by a few inches. Arjac began to laugh, the first rank joining him in his roar of mirth. One warrior, Irin the Butcher, roared at the heretics, 'Is that the best you can do?' before laughing harder to the jeers of his comrades. Then there was a crash of iron shod feet on earth. A clammer of metal on metal as the shields were drawn back. An thousand cracks of skulls as the hammers swung in great arcs. Men were sent spiralling into the air from the great blows of the ancient weapons, and Arjac took steps forward into the horde, his hammer in hand and his shield battering down his foes as he stalked forwards. Suddenly a great beast was beside him, ripping the traitors to shreds as they attempted to fall back from the unmoveable walking bunkers of the Terminators. He held them high above his head in bundles, their squirming forms giving him much enjoyment before he tore them in two. He howled into the darkening skies, a cry of unbelievable volume and ferocity. He was unlike a man, but an elemental force, given form. He raged amid the routing infantry, a bloody swathe following wherever he trod. It was then that Arjac realised who this was, this physical embodiment of the Space Wolves genetic curse itself. It was Russ. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nacho Wolf Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 Love it, if any one could be leonidas it'd have to be russ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skirax Posted June 19, 2010 Author Share Posted June 19, 2010 Thanks Nacho, I used to struggle writing for the Wolves, can I pull it off now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calgar101 Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 Good writing but well all i can think of is Spartans in space and thats now what the Wolves are(not even Vikings in space neither)...It doesn't feel right to me, sorry Skirax ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skirax Posted June 19, 2010 Author Share Posted June 19, 2010 But... bu-bu-bu-but no! Open your mind! Let the imagination of a lonely boy flood your very being. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hibberyjoo Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 It would have been nice not to see 300 plagiarised so much... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skirax Posted June 20, 2010 Author Share Posted June 20, 2010 I'm using the timeline of the story as a schematic, and adding that 40k twist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sons of Horus Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 it's creative and yet lacks creativity at the same time. maybe if you didn't copy too much from 300. sorry brother :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skirax Posted June 21, 2010 Author Share Posted June 21, 2010 Well, I'm going to re-write it now. I'm sorry for 'plaguerising' the 300 movie, but I'll leave some stuff in there to make you understand the referances. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calgar101 Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 Remember it also doesn't 'fit' the space Wolves(well any Chapter/Legions) tactics really to make a shield wall. Good writing skirax but it doesn't fit in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raptor1199 Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 you cant even do that formation aka phalanx with storm shields, they simply are too small this enemy (you dont actually tell what imperials are fighting) manages to push back about 300 terminators :) this "cadian gate" part is just silly, the gate is area in space not some random breach in wall also stenguard part is strange you changed it wrongly from 300 into yours in 300 they say that their ARROWS, not bows that block the sun now you prob see whats wrong in yours and anyway when in the warp did the russ come back? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skirax Posted June 21, 2010 Author Share Posted June 21, 2010 Stupid double post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skirax Posted June 21, 2010 Author Share Posted June 21, 2010 Have you been following my threads? If you haven't, links are in the sig. I'm re-writing it at the moment, so the ammendments will be up soon. But as for your breach comment, did you not read the Dorn had helped fortify the wall which spanned a continent on the planet which, by the way, is the Cadian gate. I realise that to form a shield wall is nearly impossible, but I'm fixing that. I changed it wrongly from 300? I made it more like 40k, so if I get told off for not plaguerising 300, then what the heck? Sorry for what seems like a rant, but c'mon guys, it's just fiction! That's the point of fiction, to imagine things that aren't possible, that are stupid-sounding and that are strange and gimicky. If someone can honestly say, when they saw Star Wars Ep. 5, didn't go, 'Oh, like I didn't see THAT coming(?)' to the whole, I am your father part, then I'll eat my shoes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calgar101 Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 The film 300 is crap, so by plaguerising(which you're not, just having it as your inspiration) you're lowering your standards. The '300' never happened; it was a force of 7000 odd Greeks(well separate armies from separate city stataes) that fought and held of the Persian army. The '300' bit comes from when the Spartans and a force of 1000 others remained to allow the rest of the Greek force time to retreat as the Persians had found a way around... anyways i digress. Some times in films/books things are cliched and yes 40k is fictions but that scene whilst awesome and very inspiring just doesn't fit, sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skirax Posted June 21, 2010 Author Share Posted June 21, 2010 Ok, so that one chapter was bad. I'll leave it, but with it, I shall leave behind the 300 feel of things. From now on, it shall be 40k with an odd hint of 300 reference, not following the story though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raptor1199 Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 may i ask why horus or suroh has problem to pass one wall with army that is coming from space? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skirax Posted June 22, 2010 Author Share Posted June 22, 2010 It's not that he has trouble, but he wants to get them out of the way. If you're asking that question, then why didn't Xerxes take his huge legions round to Southern Greece when he saw the Greeks defending the northen reaches? It's not a matter of, 'Oh, I can by-pass them so let's leave them be.' If that happened, then Suroh still has to bring supply fleets and reinforcements from the EoT, and he just leaves the Gate uncaptured, his second and successor waves are going to be ambushed and slaughtered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antique_nova Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Hey raptor, how about having large storm shields then? hmmm, no one said that they had to be small. And Skirax, i knew i wrote a pretty vile chapter, but i never ever expected you to follow that...... The daemons wrapped themselves around her, their breasts brushing softly against her skin. She wanted to turn and run, but a deep lust within her made her stay where she was, enjoying the depraved actions of the daemons before her. One began to softly caress the other’s lips with her own, and another slowly draped her long tongue across another’s bosom. Yuck.....XD, thank the gods that you weren't as descriptive as i was when you wrote that chapter. Anyway, i agree that you need to re-write the chapter as their is something that doesn't feel right like guardsmen being able to push back the terminators ever slightly, i mean the terminators could hold them stance in a horse stances and 20 heretical guardsmen could move the guy or even nudge him. You could produce some surprising element to the fight with terminators jumping from a high hill or cliff that the heretics are passing through :lol:. But as usual, you put out good stuff to read ;). Write on my friend and i may get a chance to see it soon. Or in a couple of months. Last reply out of 2 of the day since i left on the 21st. man that's a long time........i expect several adrenaline built chapters when i return! EDIT: Xerxes didn't come from the south as he would risk the storm of the sea that would have destroyed more than just a 1/4 of his force. He also knew that he was superior on land to the greeks due to the size of his army, than he was in the sea, so that's why he walked to greeks :P. His over confidence proved to be his un-doing. thanks antique_nova thanks antique_nova Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skirax Posted June 23, 2010 Author Share Posted June 23, 2010 Thanks AN, nice bit of a confidence boost there :D I'll be leaving this chapter as it is, but writing out the 300 references etc. in the next chapter. You could produce some surprising element to the fight with terminators jumping from a high hill or cliff that the heretics are passing throughIt's like you can read my mind almost! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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