Nature vs. Nurture, the What If? edition

[Aqui]

Aquilanus: I have no earthly idea what your Alpharius and Omegon are called. Is there any chance you can change their names for something the simple people like me can understand?

I tried to get Google translate to say what those words aloud so I could approximate spelling them in English, but after 30 attempts to work it out I gave up. I really need to get my hearing checked as it's getting worse

Either that or I could ask Captain Semper In any case, I was trying too hard to be clever.

It didn't work.

Edit:

I've asked the good Captain, so hopefully something more understandable will be inbound soon!

[Kol Saresk]

What language is it? It look like konei greek. If it is, I have a little book that can help spell it with English letters.

[Aqui]

What language is it?

Greek. I used Googles translate site for the words "Beginning" and "End" for Alpharius and Omegon's alternate names, as I wasn't sure they would have had them on Olympia.

[Kol Saresk]

αρχή looks like it comes out as "Archi"(think Archie)

 

κατάληξη comes out as "Katalixi"(think Cat-a-lick-see) I think. My book is for Konei Greek, not Classical Greek. Not much difference, but there just might be enough.

[Aqui]

αρχή looks like it comes out as "Archi"(think Archie)

κατάληξη comes out as "Katalixi"(think Cat-a-lick-see) I think. My book is for Konei Greek, not Classical Greek. Not much difference, but there just might be enough.

Thanks

I'll see what Captain Semper comes up with and see if I need to change the names (I might just make up something that means beginning and end if the words sound wrong)

[Kol Saresk]

Sure thing

[Ace Debonair]

Right. Third time is the charm, they say.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

"You learn. Then you adapt. That's how you win. Some lessons are harsher than others." Fulgrim pointed at his bionic leg and gave a wry smile. "But what matters is that you damn well learn from them when they come along." ~ Fulgrim Dragonslayer addressing his Legion at Terra.

Landing in the side of a mountain on the Planet Medusa, the pod's impact caused more than the arrival of a Primarch. It awoke a great bio-mechanical beast. The creature erputed from the mountainside and within hours had destroyed one of the great clan-caravans that travelled Medusa's surface. The boy, horrified, gave chase, but only arrived in time to survey the carnage.One dying man called the beast Asirnoth the Silver Wyrm, and the boy swore to destroy it. The dying man smiled, and said ancient legends spoke of a Dragonslayer who would fell the beast.

The boy-Primarch would grow at a rate well beyond that of a normal human. He travelled the planet alone, studying the great beast for any sign of a weakness and warning off clans from crossing its' path. They came to call him Fulgrim, after the dragonslayer of ancient myth. In time, Fulgrim felt he had found a weakness in the creature - a miniscule gap in the armour beneath it's throat. Returning to both his incubation pod and the destroyed mining hauler Fulgrim was able to fashion a spear with which to slay the beast.

Fulgrim's plan was simple. He attacked the beast while it slumbered, perched atop a great mountain. Using his superhuman strength and quickness, he managed to strike the beast in the throat several times, but to no avail. The battle raged on, and Fulgrim grew weary. Asirnoth perhaps sensed this, and threw itself into a frenzied attack that Fulgrim could not guard against. The Silver Wyrm pressed the Primarch against a rock, crushing his left leg utterly. As it reared back to strike a killing blow, Fulgrim, in desperation, threw himself into the depths of a narrow crevasse.

When Fulgrim came to, he found himself in the care of one of the clans. His destroyed leg had been severed, the wound cleaned and dressed. Fulgrim was furious at his failure to slay the Wyrm. He grew pensive and dour, with nothing to do but watch the people of the clans, and how their mechanical devices worked. Of particular interest to him were the mechanical pressure-lifts used to secure livestock for travel. Eventually, he approached the clan's smithy, and commandeered the forge. From burnished steel Fulgrim fashioned a mechanical facsimile of a leg, and underwent the painful surgeries required to attach it in place of his lost limb. It used the technology from the pressure-lifts and was armoured in the fashion of the great mining haulers, and with it attached, another change came over Fulgrim, his former vitality and sense of urgency restored.

Fulgrim had underestimated his enemy and overestimated his own ability. "Never again", he vowed. Fulgrim once again departed from the clan, spear in hand, and spent all his time studying Asirnoth, training himself, and planning for the next battle. Inspiration struck one day with the realisation the Wyrm stayed away from the rivers of magma that coursed between the mountains. Fulgrim laid his plan carefully. This time there would be no limping away - the battle would end in death for one or the other.

When Fulgrim struck this time, he made sure to lure Asirnoth down the mountains, fighting a planned retreat the whole way. On the shores of the magma river Fulgrim knew his plan could work - the great monster was exhibiting characteristics of fear. With a roar and a bound, the Primarch leapt on the Wyrm's neck, driving his spear home with everything he had. It was enough to gain purchase, and with a final, great effort, Fulgrim levered Asirnoth sideways, off the ledge and into the flowing magma, holding the beast there at spearpoint.

When the clans would next see Fulgrim, he would return with his head held high. His spear was transformed from it's humble steel and ceramite beginnings, coated in a purest silver that shone even in the dull, fitful lights of the mining haulers. The clans cheered and held great feasts in celebration of his victory, and the name Fulgrim Dragonslayer would once more go down in Medusa's legends.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Phew, that took some coming up with.

I'll expand on this later if it strikes anyone's interest this time.

Aquilanus: Ah, I gotcha. Just making sure they weren't Orus and Borus of the Ouroboros Legion.

EDIT;

Typos. Grr.

[Aqui]

Aquilanus: Ah, I gotcha. Just making sure they weren't Orus and Borus of the Ouroboros Legion.

I wouldn't be that obvious!

(Otherwise I would have called them "Our Rob" and "Our Ross" [internet cookie for the first Frater to correctly guess where that's from ])

Kol - Captain Semper agrees with you, although he has suggested an alternative word. I'll edit my post, read everything that everyone else has done and give feedback after I've had the strongest Coffee possible and had something to eat

[Kol Saresk]

Fair enough. Maybe dump Archie but keep Katalixis? It is a cool name after all.

[Ace Debonair]

Aquilanus:

It's not a vague reference to Bob Ross, is it?

...Kinda wanna make him into a Primarch now. "...And now we'll just deepstrike that happy little dreadnought over here, and that'll be our little secret weapon. And we'll just brush this resistance gently aside with a nice little bit of heavy bolter support..."

[Conn Eremon]

Carnage in its purest form blanketed the cratered and burning landscape. There, Legionaries were consumed in a fire that purged their trench. There, a Legionary grabs a rock with which to brain the one pinning him. Everywhere brother slew brother in a shower of blood and dirt, to the sounds of fury and pain. Like an eye of calm in the midst of a storm, two demi-gods stood, staring at each other with naked aggression.

 

"Huey," says one.

 

"Dewey," says the other.

 

"We meet again," the former replies.

 

"For the last time," the latter states with all the finality of the End.

[Kol Saresk]

But what about Louie?

Oh. My. God. They're triplets!

[Aqui]

Fair enough. Maybe dump Archie but keep Katalixis? It is a cool name after all.

Captain Semper suggested Telos in replacement of Katalixis (due to the context), but like you, I quite like Katalixis

I'll find an alternative to Archi(e) though

Aquilanus:

It's not a vague reference to Bob Ross, is it?

...Kinda wanna make him into a Primarch now. "...And now we'll just deepstrike that happy little dreadnought over here, and that'll be our little secret weapon. And we'll just brush this resistance gently aside with a nice little bit of heavy bolter support...":P

No, but I won't disrupt the topic further with that

I'm just going over everything now (and at 13 pages and accelerating, it'll take a while to properly read through and appreciate teh awesome! [it's a deliberate mistake Ace ]), so I might leave my opinions on a couple and do a proper review on Thursday (day off)

[Adra'Melek]

Pek'Lenc 'The Charred Man' Lord of the Drakes

Primarch of the XIV Legiones Astartes - Drake Guard
(Mortarion - Nocturne)

They say he was born of the fire, spawned in a lava pool like a salamander. They say he was born of a fire drake and learnt walk like a man. They say many things but one thing is true. He survived. He survived where no man could, should, survive. But he is more than a man. He is the Charred Man

Nocturne, a world ravaged by the erratic Prometheus, who periodically tries to tear the planet asunder . During a periapsis of this devastating astral dance an object crash to Nocturne's surface, lost amongst the beginning chaos. Once the dust and ash had cleared an incubation pod was revealed, with a pale infant released to the raging heat. A human infant would a died within seconds...but this was no human child. He survived long enough for his skin to burn, his cries echoed and lost within the cries of the planet. He shared Nocturne's pain, if for a moment. But the child did not die. The charred skin slew from a his frame, renewed by living tissue. But this also burnt, charred and flaked away in a seemingly never ending cycle of burning, healing and pain. How he survived this ordeal and following Ash Winter is not known but survive he did. However he was forever changed , forged by the heat, radiation and high gravitation field. His skin was thickened to protect from the damage of the heat and radiation, appearing like charred flesh. His unique biology had adapted to cope with extraordinary internal temperatures forced upon him, enabling him to store and use this energy as sustenance.

How long he hunted alone on the Death World is not known, but when he first came across humans he had fashioned weapons and armour from the corpses of slain Fire Drakes. His first encounter with a human was a man being attacked by a pack of Salamanders. The charred man roared a challenge to the pack, driving them away and claiming the prey for himself. However as he approached the cowering human he realised some kinship with it. The man studied the mortal and listened to its strange calls. As the man ran away the wanderer followed until he came across a strange collection of rocks, that did not look like they were forged by Nocturne. There were a handful of other humans in this settlement. At that moment whooping cries were heard and strange flying steed flashed over a ridge. The humans in the settles all fled and hide from these new visitors. All expect one man. He stood still at the chaos around him. The strangers chased the flying humans, playing with their pray, taunting them, hurting them until getting bored and capturing them. Soon all that was left was the one stationary man and of the strange flying steeds. The hunters circled their prey inflicting painful minor injuries to the stoic human. Suddenly as one of the steeds go too close the man sprang into action swinging the hammer he had kept loosely at his side. Unable to dart out of the way the stranger was knocked out of the air and the man laughed as he crushed its skull, knowing that his life would be ended by the other hunter. At this point the charred man roared and charged to the mans aid. Hurling one of his Draketooth spears he impelled the remaining humanoids. On approach he noticed these strangers were similar to the humans he had seen, but leaner with harsher features. He reached down and grasped the creature by it's skull, crushing it in his grasp. Turning he found the man regarding him. He said some words which the charred man did not understand. The saved stranger pointed to his chest and said "O'Njen". He then pointed at the charred man, clearly asking for his name but he didn't have one. Eventually, he pointed and said "Pek'Lenc".

Eventually the others from the settlement emerged and regarding the charred man with awe. Eventually his exceptional mind began to piece together the language of these humans and he was able to converse with them. The settlements of Nocturne were commonly raided by the Eldar and most inhabitants hid in fear. A punishment for serious criminals, murders mainly, was to exclude them from the sanctuary to sate the aliens' desire for hunt and prey. O'Njen had murdered his brother in a fit of rage and left to his fate. Pek'Lenc rasped that from then on the punishment was to be given to him and Nocturne and not the aliens. With that he left and took O'Njen with him to the lava fields. He made O'Njen to spend 3 Terra months living in the lava fields, in the unbearable heat. As he had proven against the alien attack his physical and mental fortitude was great and he emerged after the 3 months, weak and burnt but alive. Reborn and forged in fire. The first of the Drake Guard. Pek'Lenc gave him weapons and armour and they returned to the settlement.

As word spread all serious criminals were given to the Charred Man. Many died but those that survived were reborn, previous deeds washed away, and became part of the defenders of Nocturne. The master smiths forged them greater armaments and the next time the Eldar attacked they were met with the fury of Pec'Lenc and his Drake Guard. Eventually the defenders were strong enough to ward off all attacks and free from the incessant raids Nocturne prospered like never before. It was at this time the Emperor found his lost son and regarded his damaged child with pity, knowing the agony of his rebirth on Nocturne. Pek'Lenc responded "Don't pity me father. I am born of the flame. Forged in fire. No, your pity is not needed for me. Save for my enemies".

Well, there we go. A few little points. Peklenc is a Slavic god of fire and justice. He was fair but severe and offered them a chance of retribution. Ognjen is apparently a Slavic name meaning Fire. But I like the idea of Mortarian's capability for endurance being put in an oven. Same with the Death Guard. Just a tough but toughened by fire rather than poison. Anyway, that's my best effort. Not much of a writer as I said (I'm a physicist) but it's all good fun.

[Saa]

I've ravenously digested all fourteen pages of this and thus far I have loved Macraggian Angron, Chemosian Perturabo and Leman Goldenbeard.

 

This thread has inspired me to write a Nostroman Lorgar. A figure that enforces religious salvation upon a godless society upon pain of mutilation and death. A deterrent to the heathens of the world. His ideals reaffirmed by the arrival of the 'divine' Emperor. And his fall from grace so tragic for himself and his legion in the face of the Imperial Truth.

 

If you will indulge me, I need twenty four hours.....

 

*For our sins, we live in a world of perpetual night. Only the Golden One can illuminate our darkness - Lorgar Aurelian*

 

Edit - Lorgar quote

 

Saa

 

....or something like that

[Wade Garrett]

Was that a Mortarion based on Joshua Graham?

[Adra'Melek]

I loved the twins gang warfare but couldn't resist this one.

 

Mithras (and Montius)

Primarch of the XX Legiones Astartes - The Legion

 

The Twins crashed in the forests of Macrragge. They were found by a Shepard and taken in to be raised as his children by him and his wife, a Lupa (pr prostitute). Named Romulus and Remus quickly became apparent these were no ordinary children as they developed mentally and physically at an astonishing rate.  This was a great time of change on Macragge. The Consul Gallan murdered his co-Consul Konor after declaring him insane due to hallucinations of a Golden figure. Gallan soon came to hear of the remarkable twins within his realm and he feared them. First he tried to have them killed but their physical prowess was too great. Instead he set his spies to find out as much as they could on them. Once his plan was set he brought them to him and declared them his descendants via a daughter that was impregnated by a god and then became lost in the forest (in truth she was killed and dumped in the forest after she fell in love with a slave). To tie the young Primarchs to him he gifted them land to found a city. This set the brothers against each other as the argued over the details. Finally Mithras won by pointing out the auguries indicated it should be his city and Mithria was founded. Montius embittered by the decision mocked his brother and the city at every opportunity. Legand has it that Montius released an enraged bull into the construction area. However, Mithras quickly overcome the bull, grasping in by the nostrils he gutted the animal, thanking his brother for the sacrifice.  Once the main wall had been completed Montius boosted he could overcome the walls with ease. At these he ran at the walls in quickly reach the top. At this Mithras was enraged and great battle followed, eventually Mithras succeeded and held his brother's severed head in his hand. Shocked an horrified by what he had done he felt into the woods, only returning after several days. Mithras became cold or forbad any utterance of his brother, his death leaving a shadow on his soul for the rest of his days. Soon say he has been overheard conversing with his dead brother.

 

The status of Mithria grew and expanded, Mithras gaining in power and forming a great army, a legion. The army was disciplined and hardened against the mountain tribes. Gallan sat on his thrown in fear of being deposed by the young lord. Eventually, haunted by his own guilt over the slaying of Konor and fear of karmic retribution he threw himself from the tallest tower.   Mithras was given control of Macragge and the planet entered an new golden age of development. Mithras was a disciplined and harsh master, some of his humanity lost to fratricide.  When the Emperor arrived he asked Mithras "What of your brother?" Mithras went cold in shame and fury and answered "I have no brother".

 

Or something like that. I was listening to an 'In Our Time' on Remulus and Remus the other day and there are some tails of Remus living on, which could be pretty cool as a guy in the shadows as another spin on it. But I thought Roman Macragge and Twin Primarchs? It's got to be done (although I prefer the gangs)

Was that a Mortarion based on Joshua Graham?

Kind of. I certainly thought of that when doing it. I was considering the Burned Man but didn't want to copy too directly (even if it sounds better)

[Ace Debonair]

You changed the names of the twins partway through your tale there, Thunor's Hammer. Also I'm a little unclear why climbing a wall would provoke a man to kill his own flesh and blood, but that might just be me.

[Adra'Melek]

Yeah, not really happy with the names (that's Alpha Legion for you :)).

The wall thing was in the original legend was supposedly the reason for Romulus killing Remus/having him killed. I think it was 'jumped' the wall which didn't make much sense either.

[Ace Debonair]

Yeah, not really happy with the names (that's Alpha Legion for you ).

The wall thing was in the original legend was supposedly the reason for Romulus killing Remus/having him killed. I think it was 'jumped' the wall which didn't make much sense either.

If there's something about the legend you don't like, though, this is your chance to change it in your story.

It's better then just copy/pasting old stories into 30K anyway, right?

-=-=-=-=-=-=

So... Anyone got any opinions on the new Fulgrim the Dragonslayer? If he sucks, is bland or otherwise is missing something, tell me so I can go back and make amends.

[Conn Eremon]

Romulus built a wall to define his city's borders. Remus mocked it by crossing over it, essentially saying it, and therefore the city, was ephemeral and worthless.  Romulus killed Remus because damn, dude, they were raised by wolves.

 

Personally, I like the idea of it being a "accident" better. One of the twins' commanders happens to be in the pay of Gallan, and was given the order for a little construction mishap to happen. The Twins, their relationship solid enough to stand their own brand of mocking play, walk around the immense outer wall that fell under one's purview. The other, joking about its frailty, proves it by scampering to the top of the wall with a speed no mortal man could match. However, at some point towards the top, the wall, poorly mortared, begins to come loose. As the extra weight of the posthuman on the top causes tension, the wall quite literally crumbles. It is the brother on the ground, shouting warnings to his twin upon the wall, who is killed in the avalanche of monumental stone. The other, investigating the accident, discovers that it had been deliberately set up to fall. The commander to blame is found, and quickly made to talk. It is said that the spear that was shoved through Consul Gallan's breast still bore the commander's head skewered along its shaft.

 

Edit: @Kol: Needs more lightning bearer. :p If you read that in Christopher Walken's voice, it'll take the sting out of it.

[Adra'Melek]

Yeah, you see this is why I'm a rubbish writer. I don't have a feel for a good story, I like reading them but not creating. I'm an idea thief. It was the same with art. I could copy things (I remember drawing a picture of the Striking Scorpion Phoenix Lord out of Eldar Codex (during 2nd edition) but it was pure copy, not a fresh look.

 

Ace, I'll have a look at the Dragonslayer (and make of a copy of it somewhere else :))

[Ace Debonair]

Tread carefully, dude, my Fulgrim might be pretty sub-par. He's still the best Fulgrim we've got but only because nobody else has had a bash at him yet.

[Conn Eremon]

He's still the best Fulgrim we've got but only because nobody else has had a bash at him yet.

Challenge accepted.

[Ace Debonair]

He's still the best Fulgrim we've got but only because nobody else has had a bash at him yet.

Challenge accepted.

... Crap.

Had to happen sooner or later, I suppose.