simison Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 No worries, glad the section fit in with your vision so well. That just leaves AO to give me his take on Alexos' section. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlphariusOmegon108 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 sounds about perfect really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simison Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 Found no errors in Apotheosis. Glad to hear it, AO. I can move forward with the Prosecution itself. The first question I have is where should it be? We could do Nikea, but a whim struck me to place it on Baal. Given the large impact mutation has had on its ecosystem/population, I thought it'd make for a more fitting setting. Still, I'm open to other opinions on this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlphariusOmegon108 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Baal sounds like a great choice, or maybe even Meduson/medusa? With the large metal beasts and stuff living there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slips Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Medusa seems more like something for the Admech/Knights to fight over. Baal seems more likely since its a Radioactive Planet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelborn Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Yeah, medusa could be a potential targer for loyal and dark mechanicum after hearing some rumors concerning a living steal beast. I like it that we will use the canon Legion homeworlds as most of them have so much potential. Caliban could be another place to face the forces of chaos. Watchers in the dark = little chaos priests by the way: What about the cabal and the perpetuals? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demus Ragnok Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I think we ruled out the cabal and all the associated silliness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simison Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 Yeah, while the Eldar and the other galactic races will try to influence the Insurrection, the Cabal never achieve the level of impact as they do in the canon-verse. With no Alpharius/Omegon, they never gain much traction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raktra Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Doesn't Baal have a huge natural amphitheatre that could be jazzed up anyway? Could even reinforce the argument - "look at this wonder that nature has produced, do we dare to think we know more than she?" or somesuch. Thank God we're not doing the Cabal. I genuinely would've had one of my mutants :cussing eat them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slips Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Could have been used as an Ultimate Irony that Pionus Trident's a memeber of the Cabal only to have the "Wraithing" process be made possible due to their intervention. But yeah, glad we aren't using them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelborn Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Ok, if that is the case, I'm reassured. :) Just wanted to walk on the safe side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simison Posted December 1, 2015 Author Share Posted December 1, 2015 (edited) Also, since no one has offered any criticism, I'll assume the new outline is what we're working off of. Which means the Drowned & the Scions are cleared to join this thread. I'll update the first post later tonight. While, I'm at it, I'll go ahead and throw a roll call out there. Who's still free to help out and who'd like an extra boost? Edited December 1, 2015 by simison Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slips Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Ok then. Time to try and figure something out ahahahaha ^_^; Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demus Ragnok Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 I have a lot of free time right now Simison. I'm working on some narrative stuff but if you need anything specific just message me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simison Posted December 2, 2015 Author Share Posted December 2, 2015 Demus, give it a day to see if any of the legion writers need any help. If no one asks, I'd like it if you could get some red sections written out. One that needs to be done is the BotL-verse's Primarch List. (Grifft, in the original book, the lost legions are completely blacked out, but here I'd like only a strikethrough since we do know the names of our lost legions.) Other than the Primarch list, feel free to pitch ideas. Red Sections are typically background material emphasizing a particular aspect of the universe. They can be standard expository (like the rest of the chapter), narratives (like Hesh's piece), or quotes (Betrayal has the last part of the Emperor's Warmaster speech at Ullanor). And, this goes for anyone else not on legion duty. Actually, I want to extend this invitation to the non-legion writers. In the History chapter, we have mentions of Mechanicum and other Imperial forces (Talonair, Kelborn), along with the War Council (Thorn). It could be a good opportunity to write a blurb about the other powers and emphasize some of the differences between us and the canon-verse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raktra Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 I'll probably need help tidying my stuff up after the fact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelborn Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 To be honest, I'm fully booked with work and family. I'm already a bit behind with my own stuff. But I think I can write a red page about the separated human colonies and what happened their during the Age of Strife, including the Knights. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skalpynock Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 The obvious thing would be to set it on a world called Vizenko, but that would be too easy. Plus I'm liking Baal as a symbol. Which means finding a new reason for that name. Given the origin of that name, it's suitable for a Warbringer. Now, whom? Well I've got a little idea. As I have not posted anywhere yet, the IX legion contains two Orders, which sit in the same place as Lodges or the Brotherhoods of the Iron Warriors. One of these is made of champions, and irrelevant here. The other, the Asklepians, are what matters here. A consortium of Legion apothecaries, human gene-wrights, and members of the Ordo Biologis, and act to study every single detail of the Warbringer, Warriors of Peace, and Thousand Sons gene-seed. They also got hold on samples of other legions, for comparison purposes and risk assertion (at first; obviously when the II and XI go missing they begin deeper works, culminating in the prototype "True Legion" by the latter years of the Insurrection). There, Vizenko could be a prominent member of the Asklepians, possibly the Atrifos (highest ranking member of the brotherhood, acting as a sort of equerry to Darzalas), who went overboards or bragged a little too much, enough to warrant being judged as much as his primarch. Think Ahriman. It is him who tells the Imperium just how far the Ninth has gone, genuinely believing he's defending a noble cause when in fact, he's just pulling his legion further from the Emperor's favour. After the Prosecution, he is stripped of rank, forced to bear the Bar Sinister and black right arm of wayward sons, and lost to the galaxy, to a fate unknown. Hesh Kadesh and Doctor Perils 2 Back to top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doctor Perils Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 I definitely always envisioned vizenko as one man/marine, and probably a primus medicae of the legion. I like these asklepians too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simison Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 I like that idea, Skal, but may I offer a small addition? While it is Vizenko overtly under trial, his lawyer is Kozja, and it is him who the Emperor is truly judging throughout the trial. Skalpynock 1 Back to top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slips Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 (edited) ....We're going to have a Phoenix Wright scene with Primachs and the Big E instead of the usual cast? Count me in. OBJECTION! Defiling the human genome goes against all the precepts of the Great Crusade and Imperial Truth, Your Honor! Edited December 4, 2015 by Slipstreams MikhalLeNoir and simison 2 Back to top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simison Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 Found no issues with Apotheosis. The Council of Terra: 1st paragraph, 5th sentence - "...Terra would attend to the state matters..." (Delete 'the') 2nd paragraph, 3rd sentence - "...Primarchs were outraged to by this act..." (Delete 'to') The Canker of Doubt: No issues. Conspiracy: 1st paragraph, 14th sentence - "...sensing K'awil's loneliness soothed offered a salve..." (Delete 'soothed') 1st paragraph, 15th sentence - "...hardest and worst, [even though] throughout the Great Crusade..." (I recommend adding those two words, otherwise the sentence reads awkwardly.) With that, I've found nothing else that needs improvement and, once corrected, give it my stamp of approval. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikhalLeNoir Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 ....We're going to have a Phoenix Wright scene with Primachs and the Big E instead of the usual cast? Count me in. OBJECTION! Defiling the human genome goes against all the precepts of the Great Crusade and Imperial Truth, Your Honor! And now I have a boot to the head scene in my mind Nomus Sardauk 1 Back to top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slips Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 My work here is done! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grifftofer Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Found no issues with Apotheosis. The Council of Terra: 1st paragraph, 5th sentence - "...Terra would attend to the state matters..." (Delete 'the') 2nd paragraph, 3rd sentence - "...Primarchs were outraged to by this act..." (Delete 'to') The Canker of Doubt: No issues. Conspiracy: 1st paragraph, 14th sentence - "...sensing K'awil's loneliness soothed offered a salve..." (Delete 'soothed') 1st paragraph, 15th sentence - "...hardest and worst, [even though] throughout the Great Crusade..." (I recommend adding those two words, otherwise the sentence reads awkwardly.) With that, I've found nothing else that needs improvement and, once corrected, give it my stamp of approval. I've been working through the corrections as they've been posted, so I'm now up to date unless anyone has found something we've missed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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