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You know you're an Iron Hand when...


Bjorn Firewalker
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When you swear to limit yourself to 1,000 Astartes, but you insist the bionics mean you count in fractions.

 

Good idea.

 

"What do you mean, our numbers are over Codex-mandated limits? Each of the Reserve Companies' Iron Hands count as 0.875 of a Marine, because of their augmetic arms, so a Reserve Company with 114 Iron Hands counts as one with 100 Marines- rounding down! Each of the Battle Companies' Iron Hands count as 0.750 of a Marine, because they each have two augmetic limbs, so a Battle Company with 133 Iron Hands still counts as one with 100 Marines- again, rounding down! Each of the Veteran Companies' Iron Hands count as 0.500 of a Marine- by that time in service, combat wounds will have forced an Iron Hand to replace all four limbs, meaning a Veteran Company with 200 Iron Hands still counts as one with 100 Marines! Including our Headquarters Company- whose members have augmetic internal organs in addition to limbs, meaning they each count as 0.250 of a Marine- a Chapter with 1641 Iron Hands still counts as one with 1000 Marines, and is thus Codex compliant!"

 

"Even if I accept that excuse, your Chapter is still 1788 Marines above the Codex-mandated limit."

 

"To account for the four crewmen manning each Company's Command Land Raider, the two crewmen manning each of our 128 Razorback transports- together, the tanks transport half of each Company- the four crewmen manning each of the 74 Thunderhawk Transporters transporting those tanks from our warships to the battlefield, the three crewmen manning each of our 64 Stormraven gunships- they transport the other half of each Company- and the crews of our warships. You didn't think we walked all the way from Medusa to battlefields on different planets, did you?"

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  • 4 weeks later...

When you assemble and paint an HQ unit, you demonstrate your devotion to Ferrus Manus' ideals and your faith in the Emperor Omnissiah, by spending three times as much time and money.

 

What do you spend the money on? Three separate models, which you'll combine into one (or two): A Chaplain model, for the Iron Father's armor and skull helm (and crozius, if you judge the weapon effective against the Imperium's enemies); a Techmarine, for the Iron Father's servo-arms (you may reuse the now servo-armless model as a regular Marine, demonstrating his devotion to the Machine God by improving his power armor to levels unreachable to the faithless); and the dismembered, disemboweled, decapitated corpse of an enemy of the Imperium, to demonstrate the fate of all who oppose the wills of Manus and the Emperor Omnissiah.

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  • 2 weeks later...

When you assemble and paint an HQ unit, you demonstrate your devotion to Ferrus Manus' ideals and your faith in the Emperor Omnissiah, by spending three times as much time and money.

 

What do you spend the money on? Three separate models, which you'll combine into one (or two): A Chaplain model, for the Iron Father's armor and skull helm (and crozius, if you judge the weapon effective against the Imperium's enemies); a Techmarine, for the Iron Father's servo-arms (you may reuse the now servo-armless model as a regular Marine, demonstrating his devotion to the Machine God by improving his power armor to levels unreachable to the faithless); and the dismembered, disemboweled, decapitated corpse of an enemy of the Imperium, to demonstrate the fate of all who oppose the wills of Manus and the Emperor Omnissiah.

 

This basically sums up all of my hobby. 3 or more times as many models and bitz bought to create one marine. Worth it

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Instead of letting your battle-brothers suffer for having inferior armor, artillery, and air support, you spend a fortune to

 

1) Buy autoloader-equipped Leman Russ Demolisher tanks instead of Vindicators. (The autoloader means the tank can now accommodate Astartes- even Primaris- in place of mere mortals.) Ferrus Manus' sons deserve battle tanks- with guns in rotating turrets capable of 360° traverse, and fire-on-the-move capabilities- not "assault guns" better suited for DEFENSIVE operations instead of the OFFENSIVE operations the Emperor designed us for.

 

2) Shoehorn a quad heavy bolter and a Vanquisher battle cannon into a Stormraven gunship's nose, and repeat the process until you have a full squadron of "super strafers." (See the B-25H bomber and its forward-firing armament.)

 

3) Buy multiple Stormtalon kits, but assemble no Stormtalon gunships. Why? Because you need their wings and engines, which you'll attach to your Repulsors, creating "drop pods" that remain mobile after touching down on a planet. What use are arms and armor, if they are not right where your battle-brothers need them?

 

4) Attach a Stormhawk interceptor's wings to pivot points under an Imperial Knight's pauldrons, allowing the wings to retract as needed; the Stormhawk's engines to the Knight's back, to serve as a scaled up jump pack; the Infernum halo-launcher to the Knight's carapace, to defend him from those too cowardly to face the Knight in close combat; and the Stormhawk's weapons to the Knight's forearms, to create scaled up combi-weapons; and repeat the process until you have a full squad of "Space Knights" capable of accompanying your battle-brothers in "deep striking" enemy positions from orbit. What use are allies, if they cannot be right where your battle-brothers need them?

Edited by Bjorn Firewalker
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  • 3 weeks later...

When you simply ignore the Table named "Codex Chapter Advances" when spending XP for your DeathWatch RPG Iron Hand Character.

 

:p

 

Why isn't there a Table on Clan Company advances ?! I mean, really...

The rulebook doesn't let you use the table for AdMech Tech-priest advances?
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When you simply ignore the Table named "Codex Chapter Advances" when spending XP for your DeathWatch RPG Iron Hand Character.

:p

Why isn't there a Table on Clan Company advances ?! I mean, really...

The rulebook doesn't let you use the table for AdMech Tech-priest advances?

While I thought of it as more off hand joke.... the idea with AdMech advances is neat. Those are mostly in Dark Heresy and Rogue Trader and thus you do not get access to those in the DW core rules....but it is a good jumping off point to develop some more Techpriest-y advances. Thanks for the idea!

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When you wish there was a way to mix the Head of the Gorgon and Armoured Breaktrough rites of war to have fast, self repairing preds as troops

You know you're an Iron Hand when you decide to kitbash Onager dunecrawlers to feature Marine tank commanders, Marine weapons, and Marine Chapter symbols- you have a copy of Codex: Adeptus Mechanicus so you can better integrate the forces of the Iron Hands with their closest ally, you know the Onager has self-repair capabilities- all so you can mix the Head of the Gorgon and Armoured Breaktrough rites of war, and have fast, self-repairing Predator equivalents as troops.

 

Incidentally, has anyone tried shoehorning an Iron Hands tank commander, pintel-mounted heavy bolter with the Cognis fire control system, and Skyspear missile launcher into the Onager frame?

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That combination of systems has no basis in STC records. Please report to the nearest Iron Father for castigation and servitorization.

You know you're an Iron Hand when your response to this is, "What are you, another slave to Guilliman's Codex? We are sons of MANUS, not that cowardly sloth who sat on his posterior and brooded, delaying the moment he sent reinforcements to aid the Emperor, until it was too late to save Him on Terra. The research and development of new and improved weapons are battles like any other, requiring us to take risks- and we must take these risks if we are to triumph over enemies of the Imperium! Now will you approve the installation of a counter-recoil mechanism meant to increase this twin heavy bolter's rate-of-fire, or will you volunteer to aid in its test firing?"

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I'd argue that the Chapter's relationship with the Mechanicus means they're more likely to respond with "That's tech-heresy, and heretics burn."

 

Aversion to non-STC designs isn't a function of the Codex, it's a function of Mechanicus beliefs.

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  • 3 weeks later...

You watch 'Alita: Battle Angel', and think, "I need to learn how to encase my body in superheated plasma, to increase the lethality of my close combat attacks and to deter enemy close combat attacks." You then encase your body in electromagnets to safely control and conduct superheated plasma around it- and equip yourself with a fusion reactor to produce plasma and to power the electromagnets.

 

Fulgrim and his degenerate sons will BURN, even as you beat them to death (and shoot them, if your skills in controlling plasma is sufficient to let you accurately project it).

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You and the Master of the Forge have serious debates over the effectiveness and efficiency of arming Terminators with thunder hammers whose shafts incorporate lascannon barrels (so they may retaliate against enemies who cowardly shoot at them, instead of engaging in close combat), versus thunder hammers whose heads incorporate rocket engines (to increase the force of their blows).

You know how to swim in full armor- not that it adds much weight, considering your body received extensive augmentation. So while lesser men wear swim briefs to showcase how impressive their physiques are as they swim, you wear a full suit of Cataphractii pattern Tactical Dreadnought Armor to do the same. Yes, you're physically strong enough to swim while wearing a full suit of Cataphractii pattern Tactical Dreadnought Armor- it's just like sailing a scaled down version of a "wet navy's" battleships.

Edited by Bjorn Firewalker
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  • 1 month later...

After watching The Terminator, you resolve to be a Terminator internally as well as externally (wearing Tactical Dreadnought armor).

 

Cue extensive augmentation in which every bone is sheathed in hyperalloy, if not outright replaced, giving you the ability to survive blows that would put an end to lesser Terminators (those who aren't sons of Ferrus Manus).

Edited by Bjorn Firewalker
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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...
When you buy a Space Marine Infantry model, you always buy a Necron model at the same time, so you can transplant the undeserving xeno's living metal arms to Manus' son, allowing the latter to ascend closer to the Primarch's condition. The now dismembered Necron will then serve as a base decoration for the Iron Hands veteran- the latter raising a lance with the xeno impaled upon it, or grinding the Necron's face beneath his boot- to demonstrate what happens to xenos who commit the sin of existing in Man's galaxy. Edited by Bjorn Firewalker
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  • 5 weeks later...
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You "restrain" enemies you must capture alive for interrogation, by amputating their possibly augmetic limbs, so they cannot flee or fight back. Hey, it's what competent enemies will do to you; if they don't like it, they shouldn't be your enemies.

 

The enemy has flesh-and-blood limbs? Good thing you have a combi-melta-flamer, and am able to cauterize the stumps so your captive won't bleed to death before he faces the Emperor's judgment.

 

The enemy has a heart attack from the shock of having his limbs amputated and then getting burned alive? Good thing you have a taser attachment on your augmetic left hand (it is so useful in close combat), with a defibrillator setting so you can revive Imperial allies (or captives trying to escape justice by dying).

 

Wake up, little heretek. The Magos and I have some... questions we want you to answer.

Edited by Bjorn Firewalker
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  • 2 weeks later...

When non-Iron Hands insist you should "Set weapons output up to eleven," you laugh and point to the "20" on your weapons' selector switch.

 

Setting it to "20" will instantly destroy the weapon- along with the hand holding it- but the losses will be a small price to pay to defeat the enemy. You have a dozen replacement augmetics in your personal armory, ready to replace what you'll sacrifice to achieve victory, anyways.

Edited by Bjorn Firewalker
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When you fantasize about dating a machine spirit. (Yes? No? Still trying to understand the Iron Hands)

Iron Hands don't waste time fantasizing. They perform simulations to test the feasibility of their goals; once that's confirmed, they act to advance these goals.

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